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The Office Quotes (NBC) | Season 5 - Customer Survey

The Office Season 5 Quotes - Customer Survey

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  • Conference Room (26 Comments)
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65
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[in the conference room with two phones on the table]
Michael Scott: Now Jim is going to be the client, Dwight you are going to have to sell to him without being [reading Dwight's performance review] aggressive, hostile or difficult. Let's go!
Dwight Schrute: Alright. Fine. [picks up phone] Brring, bring.
Jim Halpert: [picks up] Hello?
Dwight Schrute: Hello this is Dwight Schrute from the Dunder Mifflin Paper Company.
Jim Halpert: Well that's great because I need paper.
Dwight Schrute: Excellent then you are in luck because we a limited time offer only on everything!
Jim Halpert: Wow this is my lucky day.
Michael Scott: [whispering to Dwight] Ask him his name.
Dwight Schrute: What is your name, sir?
Jim Halpert: I am Bill Butlicker.
Dwight Schrute: Really, that's your real name?
Jim Halpert: How dare you? My family built this country by the way!
Michael Scott: Be respectful, Dwight. Please.
Dwight Schrute: Yes, Michael.
Jim Halpert: Could you hold on one second that's my other line. Hello? [laughing] Yeah I'm just on the phone with this stupid salesman. He's so dumb. Probably just gonna keep him on the line forever and not buy anything.
Michael Scott: [after Dwight looks over at him] It's up to you to change his mind.
Jim Halpert: Sorry that was a.. family emergency.
Dwight Schrute: Oh no, what's wrong.
Jim Halpert: You know what? That's private.
Michael Scott: Boundaries, Dwight! Come on!
Dwight Schrute: I'm sorry Mr. Butlicker. As I was saying, we are having--
Jim Halpert: I'm sorry you're going to have to speak up a little bit louder I'm hard of hearing.
Michael Scott: He's hard of-- He's an old man.
Dwight Schrute: As I was saying, right now--
Jim Halpert: You're gonna have talk louder.
Dwight Schrute: Ok. Our prices have never been lower--
Jim Halpert: Son you have to talk louder.
Dwight Schrute: Never been lower!--
Jim Halpert: LOUDER, SON!
Dwight Schrute: BUTLICKER! OUR PRICES HAVE NEVER BEEN LOWER!--
Michael Scott: Stop it! [whispering] That is totally inappropriate! You never yell at the client! You never yell at the client.
Jim Halpert: Now you listen to me, sir.
Michael Scott: Here we go.
Jim Halpert: The three words I would describe you as is aggressive, hostile and definitely difficult! I'm irate right now!
Dwight Schrute: Mr. Butlicker!-- I have to put you on with my boss.
Michael Scott: Hello this is Michael Scott, regional manager.
Jim Halpert: Well this is William M. Butlicker.
Michael Scott: Hello Mr. Butlicker, how may we help you?
Jim Halpert: Michael I like the sound of your voice. You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to buy one million dollars worth of paper products today.
Michael Scott: [covering mic] See how it's done? Thank you very much sir I don't think you'll regret it.
Dwight Schrute: You are the master!
Jim Halpert: There is one condition, Michael. You have to fire the salesman that treated me so terribly.
Dwight Schrute: Don't do it Michael.
Michael Scott: It's a million dollar sale...
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Kelly: Dwight get out of my nook!
Pam Beesly: That's what she said! That's what she said! That's what she said!
Jim Halpert: [pause as he looks at the camera] Nice one.
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[Jim has Pam on the phone through his bluetooth device in his ear]
Michael Scott: Jimbo, let's do this thaang.
Jim Halpert: That is me. Wish me luck.
Dwight Schrute: No way.
Pam Beesly: [in Jim's ear] Good luck.
Jim Halpert: Thanks.
Dwight Schrute: I didn't say anything.
Pam Beesly: [in Jim's ear] I love you.
Jim Halpert: I love you too.
Dwight Schrute: What do you think I am saying to you!?
Jim Halpert: I'm not talking to you.
Dwight Schrute: [cut to talking head] I've caught Jim talking to himself several times today. What a loser. [to camera] Get a friend, loser.
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Pam Beesly: [in Jim's ear over bluetooth] Ooh, cute shoes online.
Jim Halpert: How many shoes do you need?
Dwight Schrute: I donno. Two? Maybe three if one wears out. How many shoes do you need?
Jim Halpert: I'm not talking to you.
Dwight Schrute: Who are you talking to?
Jim Halpert: Pam.
Dwight Schrute: She's not here, Jim!
Jim Halpert: No, she's not.
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Jim Halpert: So, as it turns out, I may not have done so hot on my customer reviews this year.
Pam Beesly: Maybe it's because you spent the whole year flirting with the receptionist.
Jim Halpert: Little bit. Worth it.
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Jim Halpert: Those reports affect our bonuses, which is kind of great for me, because you wouldn't know from looking at her, but Pam's a gold digger.
Pam Beesly: [over Jim's bluetooth] Hey, New York ain't free! Get back to work!
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Pam Beesly: [over bluetooth, referring to Dwight] Describe him exactly. What color mustard is his shirt? Yellow or Dijon?
Jim Halpert: It is more a spicy brown actually.
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Michael Scott: If I were joking you would be laughing. Do you look like you're laughing?
Dwight Schrute: Impossible to say, I can't see myself.
Michael Scott: You're not.
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[deleted scene]
Dwight Schrute: It's good to be paranoid. People need to be more paranoid. Case in point, JFK. If I had been JFK, I would've seen all three gunmen. I would've pulled out my concealed Luger and fired first. Man in book depository, boom! Grassy knoll, boom! Fake Jakie, boom! Then is shoot myslef, so I don't change history and create a paradox, boom! But right at the last minute I twist out of the way of the bullet. Nice try, history. Better luck next year.
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Darryl: I was there and that dude is not engaged [referring to Michael]. I'm not a big believer in therapy, but I'd go into my own pocket to cover his copay.
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Andy: Big idea. Double wedding. Me, Angela, you, Holly.
Michael Scott: No, we would never do that, and if we did it would be with Jim and Pam.
Jim Halpert: Yeah, we'd never do that.
Michael Scott: Yeah, so there you go.
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Jim Halpert: Do you have any reason to believe Kelly would be mad at me?
Ryan: Oh I don't play the politics game anymore, Jim. Can I tell you something? I played it full on in New York. I played it high-stakes. For keeps. Made it to the top. But look what it cost. Can I tell you what else I learned? [sips out of his mug]
Jim Halpert: Wait, that's, pretty weird.
Ryan: What?
Jim Halpert: Well Andy has a mug just like that.
Ryan: Oh yeah, Kelly gave them out as party favors. Remember? You got one.
Jim Halpert: No. What party?
Ryan: Her America's Got Talent Finale party over the summer. That's crazy it was packed. I thought everyone was there. You were there, I remember you being there.
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Dwight Schrute: Who stands to benefit from our downfall?
Jim Halpert: The Mob? Maybe NASA?
Dwight Schrute: Could be the mob. But then Dunder Mifflin would need to be a front for money laundering and there is little evidence of that.
Jim Halpert: Is there some evidence of that?
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Andy: I found the best "tentist" on the East coast. He personally tented Giuliani's first and third weddings. And I got him. [pumping fist] I got him!
[cuts back to Andy on the phone]
Andy: Would you be able to do the same design but with walls of gray. And the top of it's gray too? Fabulous.
26 Comments in the Conference Room
Quotes from  Michael Scott  Dwight Schrute  Creed Bratton  Pam  Random Quotes from All Seasons

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