The Office Season 5 Quotes - Customer Survey
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| [in the conference room with two phones on the table] | |
| Michael Scott: | Now Jim is going to be the client, Dwight you are going to have to sell to him without being [reading Dwight's performance review] aggressive, hostile or difficult. Let's go! |
| Dwight Schrute: | Alright. Fine. [picks up phone] Brring, bring. |
| Jim Halpert: | [picks up] Hello? |
| Dwight Schrute: | Hello this is Dwight Schrute from the Dunder Mifflin Paper Company. |
| Jim Halpert: | Well that's great because I need paper. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Excellent then you are in luck because we a limited time offer only on everything! |
| Jim Halpert: | Wow this is my lucky day. |
| Michael Scott: | [whispering to Dwight] Ask him his name. |
| Dwight Schrute: | What is your name, sir? |
| Jim Halpert: | I am Bill Butlicker. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Really, that's your real name? |
| Jim Halpert: | How dare you? My family built this country by the way! |
| Michael Scott: | Be respectful, Dwight. Please. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Yes, Michael. |
| Jim Halpert: | Could you hold on one second that's my other line. Hello? [laughing] Yeah I'm just on the phone with this stupid salesman. He's so dumb. Probably just gonna keep him on the line forever and not buy anything. |
| Michael Scott: | [after Dwight looks over at him] It's up to you to change his mind. |
| Jim Halpert: | Sorry that was a.. family emergency. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Oh no, what's wrong. |
| Jim Halpert: | You know what? That's private. |
| Michael Scott: | Boundaries, Dwight! Come on! |
| Dwight Schrute: | I'm sorry Mr. Butlicker. As I was saying, we are having-- |
| Jim Halpert: | I'm sorry you're going to have to speak up a little bit louder I'm hard of hearing. |
| Michael Scott: | He's hard of-- He's an old man. |
| Dwight Schrute: | As I was saying, right now-- |
| Jim Halpert: | You're gonna have talk louder. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Ok. Our prices have never been lower-- |
| Jim Halpert: | Son you have to talk louder. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Never been lower!-- |
| Jim Halpert: | LOUDER, SON! |
| Dwight Schrute: | BUTLICKER! OUR PRICES HAVE NEVER BEEN LOWER!-- |
| Michael Scott: | Stop it! [whispering] That is totally inappropriate! You never yell at the client! You never yell at the client. |
| Jim Halpert: | Now you listen to me, sir. |
| Michael Scott: | Here we go. |
| Jim Halpert: | The three words I would describe you as is aggressive, hostile and definitely difficult! I'm irate right now! |
| Dwight Schrute: | Mr. Butlicker!-- I have to put you on with my boss. |
| Michael Scott: | Hello this is Michael Scott, regional manager. |
| Jim Halpert: | Well this is William M. Butlicker. |
| Michael Scott: | Hello Mr. Butlicker, how may we help you? |
| Jim Halpert: | Michael I like the sound of your voice. You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to buy one million dollars worth of paper products today. |
| Michael Scott: | [covering mic] See how it's done? Thank you very much sir I don't think you'll regret it. |
| Dwight Schrute: | You are the master! |
| Jim Halpert: | There is one condition, Michael. You have to fire the salesman that treated me so terribly. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Don't do it Michael. |
| Michael Scott: | It's a million dollar sale... |
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| Kelly: | Dwight get out of my nook! |
| Pam Beesly: | That's what she said! That's what she said! That's what she said! |
| Jim Halpert: | [pause as he looks at the camera] Nice one. |
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| [Jim has Pam on the phone through his bluetooth device in his ear] | |
| Michael Scott: | Jimbo, let's do this thaang. |
| Jim Halpert: | That is me. Wish me luck. |
| Dwight Schrute: | No way. |
| Pam Beesly: | [in Jim's ear] Good luck. |
| Jim Halpert: | Thanks. |
| Dwight Schrute: | I didn't say anything. |
| Pam Beesly: | [in Jim's ear] I love you. |
| Jim Halpert: | I love you too. |
| Dwight Schrute: | What do you think I am saying to you!? |
| Jim Halpert: | I'm not talking to you. |
| Dwight Schrute: | [cut to talking head] I've caught Jim talking to himself several times today. What a loser. [to camera] Get a friend, loser. |
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| Jim Halpert: | So, as it turns out, I may not have done so hot on my customer reviews this year. |
| Pam Beesly: | Maybe it's because you spent the whole year flirting with the receptionist. |
| Jim Halpert: | Little bit. Worth it. |
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| Pam Beesly: | [in Jim's ear over bluetooth] Ooh, cute shoes online. |
| Jim Halpert: | How many shoes do you need? |
| Dwight Schrute: | I donno. Two? Maybe three if one wears out. How many shoes do you need? |
| Jim Halpert: | I'm not talking to you. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Who are you talking to? |
| Jim Halpert: | Pam. |
| Dwight Schrute: | She's not here, Jim! |
| Jim Halpert: | No, she's not. |
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| Jim Halpert: | Those reports affect our bonuses, which is kind of great for me, because you wouldn't know from looking at her, but Pam's a gold digger. |
| Pam Beesly: | [over Jim's bluetooth] Hey, New York ain't free! Get back to work! |
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| Pam Beesly: | [over bluetooth, referring to Dwight] Describe him exactly. What color mustard is his shirt? Yellow or Dijon? |
| Jim Halpert: | It is more a spicy brown actually. |
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| Michael Scott: | If I were joking you would be laughing. Do you look like you're laughing? |
| Dwight Schrute: | Impossible to say, I can't see myself. |
| Michael Scott: | You're not. |
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| Darryl: | I was there and that dude is not engaged [referring to Michael]. I'm not a big believer in therapy, but I'd go into my own pocket to cover his copay. |
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| Andy: | Big idea. Double wedding. Me, Angela, you, Holly. |
| Michael Scott: | No, we would never do that, and if we did it would be with Jim and Pam. |
| Jim Halpert: | Yeah, we'd never do that. |
| Michael Scott: | Yeah, so there you go. |
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| Jim Halpert: | Do you have any reason to believe Kelly would be mad at me? |
| Ryan: | Oh I don't play the politics game anymore, Jim. Can I tell you something? I played it full on in New York. I played it high-stakes. For keeps. Made it to the top. But look what it cost. Can I tell you what else I learned? [sips out of his mug] |
| Jim Halpert: | Wait, that's, pretty weird. |
| Ryan: | What? |
| Jim Halpert: | Well Andy has a mug just like that. |
| Ryan: | Oh yeah, Kelly gave them out as party favors. Remember? You got one. |
| Jim Halpert: | No. What party? |
| Ryan: | Her America's Got Talent Finale party over the summer. That's crazy it was packed. I thought everyone was there. You were there, I remember you being there. |
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| Dwight Schrute: | Who stands to benefit from our downfall? |
| Jim Halpert: | The Mob? Maybe NASA? |
| Dwight Schrute: | Could be the mob. But then Dunder Mifflin would need to be a front for money laundering and there is little evidence of that. |
| Jim Halpert: | Is there some evidence of that? |
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| [deleted scene] | |
| Dwight Schrute: | It's good to be paranoid. People need to be more paranoid. Case in point, JFK. If I had been JFK, I would've seen all three gunmen. I would've pulled out my concealed Luger and fired first. Man in book depository, boom! Grassy knoll, boom! Fake Jakie, boom! Then is shoot myslef, so I don't change history and create a paradox, boom! But right at the last minute I twist out of the way of the bullet. Nice try, history. Better luck next year. |
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| Andy: | I found the best "tentist" on the East coast. He personally tented Giuliani's first and third weddings. And I got him. [pumping fist] I got him! |
| [cuts back to Andy on the phone] | |
| Andy: | Would you be able to do the same design but with walls of gray. And the top of it's gray too? Fabulous. |
