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Darryl: Tell me your story Heeday.
[in broken English, with subtitles] In Japan, heart surgeon. Number one. Steady hand. One day, yakuza boss need new heart. I do operation. But, mistake! Yakuza boss die. Yakuza very mad. I hide in fishing boat, come to America. No English, no food, no money. Darryl give me job. Now I have house, American car, and new woman. Darryl save life. My big secret: I kill yakuza boss on purpose. I good surgeon. The best!
Michael Scott: Hi I'm Date Mike. Nice to meet me. How do you like your eggs in the morning.
Jim Halpert: I gotta tell you this baby is amazing. She, gets me out of everything... And I--and I love her. I also love her very much.
Oscar: You know what we haven't done in a while? Happy hour... Upstairs, the warehouse, everybody just going out for a drink.
Darryl: Has that ever happened?... ever?
Oscar: Didn't we? I think we did.
Darryl: You want me to invite Matt?
Oscar: Yeah, the, uh the whole gang. Matt included.
Darryl: Look just be straight with me man. You can be gay with Matt just, be straight with me.
Dwight Shrute: Angela versus Isabelle. Height, advantage Isabelle. Birthing hips, advantage Isabelle. Remaining childbearing years, advantage Isabelle. Legal obligation, advantage Angela.
[Pam sees Kevin for the first time since going on maternity leave]
Pam Beesly: Kevin!
Pam Beesly: Yay! How are you!
Kevin: Oh I missed you so much!
Pam Beesly: Aww!
Kevin: Yeahhhhhh! Wahhhhhh! Wahhhhhhhhhh!
[Jim and Pam walk away] Wahhhhhhhhh!
[cut to interview]
Kevin: Well when a new mom, hears a baby cry, her you-know-whats fill up with you-know-what? And then her shirt gets... you know.
[giggles to himself] That would be funny!
Dwight Shrute: Hey monkey how you doin'? Listen can I talk to you for a second?
[sighs] You know, I've been thinking. We had a good run. We really did. But you don't need to worry about this whole contract thing anymore.
Angela: It's no worry.
Dwight Shrute: It's just that we both-- we want different things. You know, I want a big family...
Angela: I could see enjoying that.
Dwight Shrute: N--n--n--no. I want a big family. Tall. Thick. A bigg-- physically, a big family.
Phyllis: Yeah! I love going to the bars with Bob. I wear a tend to wear something low cut, get men to flirt with me... And Bob beats them up.
Andy: We just have to throw everyone off the scent, a little. So... follow my lead.
[finds a seat next to a stranger] I don't normally do this but--
Andy: Just sit down next to a beautiful woman and just start talking to myself to confuse other people?
[to a random man] Hey Big Boy. [rubs his leg] Do you like it when I do that?
[Andy spits out his drink] What are you doing!
Erin: What we said to do.
Andy: We didn't say we were gonna like, start groping strangers!
Erin: I was flirting with a man!
Andy: Get in here.
[pushed Erin into a photo booth] Where did you learn to talk like that?
Erin: Movies? I donno.
Andy: What movie! Black Snake Moan?
[loudly] Erin! I need you to fax this and get me a confirmation prompto. [quietly] Are you going later?
Erin: Sure, if you are.
[loudly] Talk to me like that again and I'll cut your face off.
Dwight Shrute: Well well well.
[chuckling] If it isn't Isabelle. What's a girl like you doing in a place like this.
Isabelle: A girl like me is why a guy like you comes to a place like this.
Dwight Shrute: Ooh. I love repartee.
Isabelle: Do you?
Dwight Shrute: Usually means there's a battle scene coming.
Pam's friend: I am an ESL teacher.
Michael Scott: Really? See, I didn't think you could teach that. I thought that was something you were born with. What am I thinking right now.
Pam's friend: Are you thinking that I said ESP?
Michael Scott: Yes. Ah I feel like an idiot. Awesome.
Jim Halpert: Do you wanna just make a run for it?
Pam Beesly: Maybe.
[Kevin walks by and starts screaming into Pam's chest]
Wahhhhhhhh! Wahhhhh! Mammyyyyy!
[walks away defeated]
Jim Halpert: What is happening.
Andy: Hey Boss Man, bunch of us are going to get some drinks you in?
[brief pause] Ladies and gentlemen it is quitting time!
Andy: I'm sorry I meant later.
Michael Scott: Ok. Yes.
Andy: For happy hour?
Michael Scott: Sure, no, I got that.
[entering a bar for happy hour]
Michael Scott: Ohh, wow. I cannot believe this is happening. It's everything I dreamed. Ohh my God!
Jim Halpert: Easy.
Michael Scott: It's not a birthday, it's not a good-bye party--
Jim Halpert: Oh hey, Pam and I are gonna go play pool with one of her friends. And we need a fourth.
Michael Scott: Sucks to be youu!
[pause] Would you like to be our fourth.
Michael Scott: That would be sublime.
[changing out of his trunk] Well. Apparently, Michael Scott, is on a date. And that, that my friend, [puts on a beret] changes everything.
Michael Scott: I would say I kind of have an unfair advantage because I watch reality dating shows like a hawk. And I learn. I absorb information, from the strategies of winners. And the losers! Actually I probably learn more from the losers.
Jim Halpert: Wow, maybe we should tell her, he's not normally like this.
Pam Beesly: Maybe it should come from a man?
Jim Halpert: Maybe it should come from a note! With flowers. Tomorrow.
Michael Scott: Hey! You embarrassed my friends in front of me and I'm gonna need you to go back over to the table and apologize.
Manager: Then I am sorry... That I didn't kick you out!
Michael Scott: I am here with my employees. I am here on a date.
[waving across the bar] Hello!
Manager: Well, uh, I'm the manager here, sir--
Michael Scott: Well it just so happens that I'm a manager too. And the way I manage people is that I touch their hearts. And souls, with humor, with love. And maybe a dash of razzle dazzle! And I don't see that from you.
Manager: Is that how you do it?
Michael Scott: Yes it is. I am writing a book about it.
Manager: Really, how much have you written.
Michael Scott: I've written all of it.
[pause] In my head. If you're really interested, it is called Somehow I Manage, and it is going to be a picture of me on the cover, shrugging, with my sleeves rolled up.
Manager: Huh. Have you read Lee Iacocca's? It's a classic.
Michael Scott: Read it? Own it! But no, I have not read it.
Manager: Dude! Tonight. You're not gonna wanna put it down, it's gonna make you wanna go out and buy a Chrysler tomorrow.
Michael Scott: I own a Chrysler.
Manager: Shut up.
Michael Scott: No you shut up.
Manager: What's your drink?
Michael Scott: Grenadine...
[after Michael returns to the bar]
Jim Halpert: Everything ok?
Pam Halpert: Why are you wearing a hat now?
Isabelle: You are amazing at this. How did you get so good?
Dwight Shrute: Whacking moles! Jump on the head! Whack!
Dwight Shrute: Say it with me!
Dwight Shrute: Extend the fingers more.
[in front of the arcade game]
Andy: Wow. Can you imagine what people would say if they saw us dancing together.
Erin: Oh I know.
Andy: They'd be like, "What's up with those twoo!"
Erin: "Hey guys get a bedroom already!"
Andy: "Did we miss the wedding!"
Andy: Um I got it! I'll do this, and you play the racing game and then we'll switch.
[pause] Yes. Ok. Yeah that's smart.
Andy: No drama, ok.
Darryl: Hey man. Put together a pretty fun night for everybody. Saw you talking to Heeday. Did you hear that dude's life story? It's, amazing, right?
Oscar: I couldn't understand a word he said.
Darryl: Let me tell you something Oscar. Matt's an OK dude, but he's a dummy. You guys got nothing in common.
Oscar: You're right. I should count myself lucky.
Matt: Hey what's up?
Oscar: There he is! H-h-h-hey!
Matt: Anyone up for some hoops?
Oscar: Sure! Hoops!
Matt: Let's do it!
[chatting at a bar] So, the guy shows me the deck he's built. And I'm like I'll call this a deck if it'll make you happy but this is just a porch without a roof.