Jim Halpert Quotes From The Office
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| [at Jim and Dwight's desks] | |
| Michael Scott: | Well? |
| Dwight Schrute: | Not yet. |
| Jim Halpert: | When? |
| Andy: | When what? [Michael clears his throat] When what? |
| Michael Scott: | You know this can't go on. |
| Andy: | What can't go on? |
| Michael Scott: | We have to put an end to this. [nods Dwight and Jim into his office] |
| Andy: | [as they're walking away] It seems like, you guys should.. be hearing what I'm saying. |
| [Michael's office door closes] |
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| Andy: | So, Tunes, you still gonna buy your old man's place? |
| Jim Halpert: | Yeah, I am. Wait. How do you know that I didn't tell you that. |
| Andy: | Uhhh. No, I was just walking by your desk, saw some email. [points to his eyes] I got peepers of an eagle. |
| Jim Halpert: | That's really not cool. [Andy makes a bird noise] |
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| Jim Halpert: | He obviously forgot to get me something, and then he went in his closet and dug out this little number [holds up way-too-short sleeves] and then threw it in a bag. |
| Creed Bratton: | [cut to Creed's talking head] Yep. That's exactly what happened. |
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| Michael Scott: | You know I made out with Jan? |
| Jim Halpert: | Yeah. |
| Michael Scott: | Yep. |
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| Jim Halpert: | So as it turns out, unless you're a young child or a prison inmate, you don't need anyone supervising you. People just come in and do their work on their schedule. Imagine that. People like us allowed to sell paper. Unsupervised. And yet, somehow it works. It must be because the stakes are so high. |
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| Dwight Shrute: | Ah, that baby is just discovering the whole wide world right now. |
| Jim Halpert: | It's pretty amazing. |
| Dwight Shrute: | What up is, what down is, who mom is. Who dad is. It must be tough being here with all that going on. |
| Jim Halpert: | Oh it's tough being here for a lot of reasons. |
| Dwight Shrute: | I mean, you're here at work, the baby thinks that the refrigerator is its father. |
| Jim Halpert: | Is that what happened to you? |
| Dwight Shrute: | [seriously] I'll tell you what happened to me. I didn't see my father for the first two years of my life. I thought my mother was my father, and my wet nurse was my mother. |
| Jim Halpert: | Well that's a common mistake. |
| Dwight Shrute: | Turned out fine for me. But Mose. Same story... Different. Ending. |
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| Pam Beesly: | The Beets Motel. |
| Jim Halpert: | The Beets Motel. That is- Wow. |
| Pam Beesly: | Thank you. |
| Jim Halpert: | Borscht Hotel. |
| Pam Beesly: | The Embassy Beets. Radish Inn! |
| Jim Halpert: | How are you doing this? |
| Pam Beesly: | I donno! |
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| Jim Halpert: | [picking up his cellphone] Hey! Can't really talk now. What's up? |
| Pam Beesly: | Just checkin' in. How's it going? |
| Jim Halpert: | Ahh. You know. We'll see. We'll see. |
| Pam Beesly: | I just drove twenty miles round trip to the office to get Michael a single sheet of white paper. So, I could have just had him fax it to me, I guess. |
| Jim Halpert: | [laughing] Oh, I like you. |
| Pam Beesly: | Talk to you later? |
| Jim Halpert: | Yeah! Alright. Bye. |
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| Jim Halpert: | Can we not? |
| Michael Scott: | No, yes we have to, know why? Because I don't like to be cooped up in that office, in that box, all day long. Heisman! |
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| Jim Halpert: | Do you wanna go play on the table upstairs? |
| Darryl: | Yes. |
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| Oscar | Andy, please, just stop. You can do infinite things with paper. |
| Andy Bernard | Ah, shh shh! Did you hear that? Infinity! There is an infinity of things you can do with paper! Now, who wants to buy some paper? |
| [Everyone claps] | |
| Jim Halpert | Very nice... very nice sales pitch for our clients who don't know what paper is. |
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| [Dwight throws Jim's cell phone out the window] | |
| Jim Halpert: | Are you kidding me!? |
| Dwight Schrute: | No communication with the outside world, Jim! |
| Michael Scott: | It had to be done. |
| Jim Halpert: | Well, that kind of sucks. Because it had all the photos of my brother's new baby on it. |
| Dwight Schrute: | That is too bad. Shoot. |