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Jim Halpert Quotes from The Office
Dinkin flicka. To vote, login or join the TheOfficeQuotes.com community!
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| Jim Halpert: | So, yesterday Dwight found half a joint in the parking lot. Which is unfortunate because, as it turns out, Dwight finding drugs is more dangerous than most people using drugs. |
Dinkin flicka. To vote, login or join the TheOfficeQuotes.com community!
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| Pam Beesly: | Michael and Jan definitely made out-- |
| Jim Halpert: | Ohhhhhhhh. |
| Pam Beesly: | Maybe more... |
| Jim Halpert: | Ahhhhh. |
Dinkin flicka. To vote, login or join the TheOfficeQuotes.com community!
14
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| Jim Halpert: | At that moment I was just, so happy. I mean everything that Dwight does annoys me... and I spend hours thinking of ways to get back at him. But only in ways that would get me arrested- and then here he comes and says he says, 'No, Jim - here's a way.' |
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| Jim Halpert: | Quick question, why is Tom Hanks on the wall? |
| Ryan: | Twice. |
| Michael Scott: | Good question. Forest Gump, mentally challenged. Philadelphia, AIDS. |
| Kevin: | I think that's from Big. |
| Michael Scott: | I don't think so, no. |
| Kelly: | Yeah, he's dancing on a piano with Robert Loggia. |
| Michael Scott: | He grew into a man overnight. Rare disability, still works. |
Dinkin flicka. To vote, login or join the TheOfficeQuotes.com community!
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| Jim Halpert: | Who would you do? |
| Kevin: | Present company excluded? |
| Jim Halpert: | Not necessarily... |
| Kevin: | Pam. |
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| [phone rings] | |
| Jim Halpert: | Hello this is Dwight. [switches to accent] Hello Motta. I have married. Tell Fadda. [hangs up] |
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| Michael Scott: | You show me a white man you trust and I will show you a black man that I trust even more. Pam, tell me a white person you trust. |
| Pam Beesly: | My dad. |
| Michael Scott: | Danny Glover. Yep. |
| Jim Halpert: | Jonas Salk. |
| Michael Scott: | Who? |
| Jim Halpert: | Justin Timberlake. |
| Michael Scott: | Oh, please. Colin Powell. |
| Karen: | Hey, I got one. |
| Michael Scott: | Yup. |
| Karen: | Jesus. |
| Michael Scott: | Apollo Creed. |
Dinkin flicka. To vote, login or join the TheOfficeQuotes.com community!
6
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| Jim Halpert: | Toby's great. He's great. But sometimes he can be a little bit much. [imitating Toby] 'I don't see the harm in that.' Well it's a cake, Toby, so. [scoffs] Come on. |
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| Michael Scott: | This might be Phyllis only wedding ever. It is my job to ensure that none of you look like ragamuffins. So, I am instituting primae noctis. |
| [cut to interview] | |
| Jim Halpert: | Primae noctis, i believe from the movie Braveheart and confirmed on Wikipedia is when the king got to deflower every new bride on her wedding night. So... |
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| Jim Halpert: | It's a bold move to photoshop yourself into a picture with your girlfriend and her kids on a ski trip with their real father. But then again, Michael is a bold guy. Is bold the right word? |
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| Dwight Schrute: | Do you want to form an alliance, with me? |
| Jim Halpert: | Absolutely I do. |
Dinkin flicka. To vote, login or join the TheOfficeQuotes.com community!
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| Ryan: | Do you know if shes looking for something long-term or if she'd be cool just hangin' out? |
| Jim Halpert: | I have no idea. |
| Ryan: | Could ya find out? |
| Jim Halpert: | ...Yeah. Sure. |
| [later] | |
| Kelly: | Oh, long-term definitely. Fall in love, have babies, spend every second together. But don't tell him that, okay? Just tell him I'm like up for anything, I mean I'm not a slut, but who knows? |
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| [as Dwight is moaning] | |
| Jim Halpert: | Did I ever tell you why I left Scranton? |
| Dwight Schrute: | [incoherent mumbling] No you didn't. |
| Jim Halpert: | Yeah, I didn't think I had. Well, it was all about Pam. |
| Dwight Schrute: | [more incoherent mumbling] |
| Jim Halpert: | Yeah, she was with Roy, and, uh, I just couldn't take it. I mean, I lost it, Dwight. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't concentrate on anything. Even weird stuff, like food had no taste. So my solution was to move away. It was awful. It was something that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, and that includes you. |
| Dwight Schrute: | [sobs and reaches out for Jim, who has already walked away] |
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| Dwight Schrute: | Come on I already filled the bottles with the gas, it's gonna be so badass!! |
| Jim Halpert: | Are you kidding me? We've been driving around with this in the trunk the whole time? |
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| Jim Halpert: | You know what? Here's the deal, Kelly. It would be really nice if he was into you, right? It would be great. But he isn't. |
| Kelly: | Yeah, but it would be so great if he was. |
| Jim Halpert: | Yeah, but he's not, though. So you just gotta suck it up. You just gotta move on. Try to have some fun. Come to my poker game tonight. |
| Kelly: | Okay cool. [pause] Is it okay if I invite Ryan? |
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