Jim Halpert Quotes From The Office
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| Jim Halpert: | Are you kidding? |
| Dwight Schrute: | Well I'm not done yet. |
| Jim Halpert: | Dwight, this, fits in the palm of my hand. You haven't blown them up enough. Why have you chosen brown and gray balloons? |
| Dwight Schrute: | They match the carpet. |
| Jim Halpert: | What is that? [points to Dwight's banner] "It is your birthday" period. |
| Dwight Schrute: | It's a statement of fact. |
| Jim Halpert: | Not even an exclamation point? |
| Dwight Schrute | This is more professional! It's not like she discovered a cure for cancer! |
| Jim Halpert: | I can't believe how bad this looks. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Are you trying to hurt my feelings? Because if so, you are succeeding. Fortunately, my feelings regenerate at twice the speed of a normal man's. |
| Jim Halpert: | Ok, good then. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Have you collected the money from everyone? |
| Jim Halpert: | I am working on it. |
| Dwight Schrute: | How much do you have? |
| Jim Halpert: | Six dollars. |
| Dwight Schrute: | That's how much you and I contributed! Damn it Jim! |
| Jim Halpert: | [to camera] I said I was working on it. |
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| Pam Beesly: | We could get DeAngelo flowers. |
| Dwight Schrute: | No, you can't get flowers for someone who's in a coma. They'll wilt before he wakes up. |
| [Everybody agrees] Yeah. That's true. | |
| Jim Halpert: | All in favor of the baskets, full of chocolates, teddy bears, and balloons. [Raises hand] |
| [Oscar, Phyllis, Angela, Jim, and Pam raise their hand] | |
| Dwight Schrute: | Wait, wait. All in favor with canned goods, chainsaw, gasoline, and emergency radio incase he wakes up post-apocolypse... |
| [Dwight's the only one who raises his hand] | |
| Jim Halpert: | Nope. Baskets have it. |
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| Jim Halpert: | Would you do me a favor and get my Ryan? |
| Pam Beesley: | Absolutely. [hands Jim the phone] |
| Jim Halpert: | Went to voicemail. Hey, Ryan. It's Jim. You know what? Totally disregard that last voicemail because you obviously have your hands tied. Good luck! |
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| Dwight Schrute: | Second Life is not a game. It is a multi-user, virtual environment. It doesn't have points, or scores, it doesn't have winners or losers. |
| Jim Halpert: | Oh it has losers. |
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| Michael Scott: | Man, that Todd Packer can do anything. |
| Jim Halpert: | [under his breath] ...except pass that breathalyzer. |
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| Jim Halpert: | This is awkward to talk about but there may or may not be but definitely is a mutiny forming in the warehouse right now. |
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| Pam Beesly: | So, um, I've been thinking about this whole chair/ copier thing. |
| Jim Halpert: | Mm-hmm? |
| Pam Beesly: | I really think you should reconsider. |
| Jim Halpert: | Aw, Pam, I really, hate that copier. |
| Pam Beesly: | Yeah. I know. But I really think you should reconsider. |
| Jim Halpert: | Beesly, are you... threatening me? |
| Pam Beesly: | Jim! Jim, Jim, Jim. I'm not threatening you. I love you. [leans in close] But you should know, you're on very dangerous ground. [kisses Jim] |
| Jim Halpert: | Alright. |
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| Dwight Schrute: | Jim, could you please inform Andy Bernard that he is being shunned? |
| Jim Halpert: | Andy, Dwight says welcome back and he could use a hug. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Okay, tell him that that's not true. |
| Jim Halpert: | Dwight says that he doesn't actually know one single fact about bear attacks. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Okay. No. Jim tell him bears can climb faster than they can run. Jim! Tell him! |
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| Jim Halpert: | Dwight was the top salesman of the year at our company. He wins a little prize money and gets honored at some convention. It is literally the highest possible honor that a Northeastern Pennsylvania based mid-size paper company regional salesman can attain, so... |
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| Michael Scott: | I'm going to start my own paper company. |
| Jim Halpert: | You're starting your own paper company! |
| Michael Scott: | Yeah! |
| Jim Halpert: | Why? |
| Michael Scott: | Can you believe it? 'Cause I know paper. I know everything there is to know about paper. |
| Jim Halpert: | Do you know that the industry is in decline? |
| Michael Scott: | Yeah! Oh God I practically invented decline, right? |
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| David Wallace: | What's with Jan and Michael? |
| Jim Halpert: | I donno. Where to begin... |
| [both laugh] |
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| Dwight Schrute: | Wait a minute! One more bite of eclair each. Hold it in your mouth if you can't swallow it. |
| Jim Halpert: | [to Michael] Really? Nothing? |