Jim Halpert Quotes From The Office
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| [Dwight appears as Jim is kissing Pam] | |
| Dwight Schrute: | You're back. |
| Pam Beesly: | Uh, yeah. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Good. [takes papers out] I need you to make five copies of these. |
| Pam Beesly: | I'm not going inside. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Alright. First thing in the morning then. |
| Jim Halpert: | Welcome back. |
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| Pam Beesley: | Tell them what we saw today, Jim. |
| Jim Halpert: | Oh today, we saw a junk yard dog attacking the bones of a rotisserie chicken. |
| Pam Beesley: | Nature. |
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| Michael Scott: | You know what eats a large amount of the day are naps. You go to sleep it's light out, you wake up it's dark. That's the whole day. Where did that day go? I have no idea. |
| Jim Halpert: | You mean on a weekend. |
| [awkward pause] | |
| Michael Scott: | Yes. |
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| Pam Beesly: | All of these are important to remember but the most important thing is that no one say anything about my pregnancy at the wedding. |
| Jim Halpert: | Absolutely. Because not everyone knows and some people might be offended. |
| Angela: | Decent people everywhere will get offended. |
| Pam Beesly: | Well we're thinking of my grandmother, who we haven't told and who is very old-fashioned. |
| Angela: | Well, you're lucky to have a grandmother. Some of us have to be our own grandmother. |
| Pam Beesly: | You know Angela, um, you don't have to come to the wedding. |
| Michael Scott: | Yes she does! Yes she does. We're all gonna go and we're gonna have a good time! [reaches over to Angela] |
| Angela: | Ow! He pinched me! |
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| Jim Halpert: | Today is Thursday, and Dwight thinks it's Friday, and that's what I'll be working on this afternoon. |
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| Michael Scott: | She's dead? But she's so young. |
| Dwight Schrute: | She was so young and now she is dead. As dead as every dead animal that has ever died. |
| Michael Scott: | Oh my God. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Why don't you sit down Michael. [helps Michael into his chair] There we go. |
| Jim Halpert: | Michael you didn't even know her. |
| Michael Scott: | Try not to be so hurtful, Jim. Please, not at a time like this. |
| [Jim looks over at Pam who is shaking her head] |
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| Pam Beesly: | Oh don't get us wrong, we like picnics. |
| Jim Halpert: | Come on, who doesn't like a picnic. |
| Pam Beesly: | Tell 'em what happened last year. |
| Jim Halpert: | I had this huge spider in my baseball mitt-- |
| Pam Beesly: | No, no, the guy who hit on me. |
| Jim Halpert: | Oh right, some drunk guy hit on Pam... said he was "grabbing her for balance." |
| Pam Beesly: | Yeah. You don't grab /these/ for balance. |
| Jim Halpert: | Well.. |
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| Dwight Schrute: | I wonder if King sized sheets are called 'Presidential' in England... I really should have a Tweeter account, shouldn't I? |
| Jim Halpert: | Yes, you should. |
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| Ryan: | Jim. I wanted to apologize, for how I treated you last year. I lost sight of myself, and now that I've quit the rat race I realize there's so much more to live than being the youngest VP in the company's history. I've even started, um, volunteering. Giving back to the community. |
| Jim Halpert: | That's great. [shakes Ryan's hand] You're talking about your court-ordered community service? |
| Ryan: | I don't need a judge to tell me to keep my community clean. |
| Jim Halpert: | But he did right? |
| Ryan: | Alright. |
| Jim Halpert: | Alright. |
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| Dwight Schrute: | Uh, knock please. Please knock. This is an office. |
| Jim Halpert: | [points to sign] It says 'workspace'. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Same thing. |
| Jim Halpert: | If it's the same thing then why'd you write 'workspace'? |
| Dwight Schrute: | [pauses] Just knock, please. Okay? A sign of respect for a superior. |
| Jim Halpert: | You are not my superior. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Oh gee, then why do I have an office? |
| Jim Halpert: | I thought it was a workspace. |
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| Angela: | Who would EVER come to this? |
| Michael Scott: | I don't know. It could be any number of people. It could be a pedestrian. It could be a old person. It could be a looky-loo. Or, it could be... a Bruce Springstein fan? What? Who said that? I did. Why did I say that? Oh I think you know why I said that. I think it is very apparent. I think it goes without saying, bare with me. There's a point there. But what is the point? I don't understand what he's saying. It seems a little shady. It seems a little foggy. Well, it's not a little foggy, there's really something going on here. |
| Jim Halpert: | Do you need us for any of this? |
| Michael Scott: | Do I? |
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| Jim Halpert: | Good game Meredith. |
| Meredith: | Don't patronize me. |