Jim Halpert Quotes From The Office

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Michael Scott: Alright. You're gonna miss the best prank ever.
Jim Halpert: Alright. [pause] Wait. What are you planning on doing?
Michael Scott: Do you really wanna know?
Jim Halpert: Oh God.
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Kelly: Yeah your nephew is so lame.
Creed: He's been trashing us relentlessly on Twitter. It's funny stuff, but mean.
Jim Halpert: You follow him on Twitter?
[cut to talking head]
Creed: Everywhere I look it's Betty White this and Betty White that. Finally a kid who's not talking about Betty White. Of course I follow him.
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Michael Scott: That is vodka and I mixed it with orange juice. I call it an orange-vod-juice-ka.
Jim Halpert: [takes a sip] Wow that is delicious. I can't believe no one's thought of that before.
Michael Scott: I know!
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Jim Halpert: Truthfully, it wasn't the way he fell in, it was... how long it took him to get out.
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Dwight Schrute: [over the radio] Woah, here's a guy, here's a guy! It's a security guard coming by. Hello! We're warehouse workers. Would you like more proof? ... Oh my God that was very close. I can see the security guard's eyes!
Jim Halpert: No! No. Don't do anything to them!
Dwight Schrute: I have to do something to his eyes.
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Michael Scott: Right here, we have the wonder twins, Jim and Pam Halpert. They will be assisting you today.
Donna: You look exactly alike!
Pam Halpert: Oh, no! We're actually married, we're not brother and sister.
Donna: I have a sense about these things.
Jim Halpert: Alright!
Donna: You have some ancestors in common... somewhere back!
Angela: I knew it! You should see their baby.
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Jim Halpert The search committee finally decided after a lot of deliberation on Robert California for the manager position... who took one look around... and left. He drove down to Florida and convinced Jo to make him CEO. CEO. Her own job. He talked her out of her own job and I don't really know how someone does that...
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Pam Beesly: Wow. You're shakin' things up a bit, huh?
Jim Halpert: It's a pretty good idea don't you think?
Pam Beesly: Do you think it's a good idea?
Jim Halpert: No... I think it's a great idea.
Pam Beesly: Hmph.
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Dwight Schrute: Well I''m not paying for my own stuff, okay? I know you did this because you're friends with the vending machine guy.
Jim Halpert: Who, Steve?
Dwight Schrute: Yeah Steve, whatever his name is.
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Jim Halpert: You cannot take the fall for him.
Dwight Schrute: He said he would do the same for me.
Jim Halpert: He can do the same for you. Right now. By getting fired instead of you. So what are you gonna do?
Dwight Schrute: I'm gonna go back to work... After I write you up for insubordination.
Jim Halpert: There he is.
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Jim Halpert: Hey crazy. Um, so. That's it? You're just--you're fine?
Dwight Schrute: It's after five Jim. I'm not gonna take this home. [reaches out to shake Danny's hand] Pleasure.
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Pam Beesly: We have peanut butter in the kitchen.
[Dwight runs to the kitchen]
Michael Scott: I don't feel like peanut butter. [to Dwight] Get me an ice cream sandwich!
Jim Halpert: Well it's not for you, it's for your hair, and it is [checks watch] 9 am.
[Dwight comes running back]
Pam Beesly: No, Dwight! Not the good peanut butter, people are gonna get mad.
Michael Scott: Hey hey hey! This is my hair we're talking about.
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