Jim Halpert Quotes From The Office

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Jim Halpert: Michael and Jan seem to be playing their own separate game, and it's called, "let's see how uncomfortable we can make our guests." And they're both winning. So I am going to make a run for it.
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Michael Scott: Hey it's 12:20. Where the hell's Dwight?
Jim Halpert: Ummm... no idea.
Michael Scott: "Never missed a day", my ass.
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Karen: Do you still have feelings for her?
Jim Halpert: ...Yes.
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Michael Scott: I really need my job back. We made a terrible mistake here.
Jim Halpert: For the record, I fought this, alright? And now, I'm not really sure what we do.
Michael Scott: We make a poster that says happy opposite day and she sees it on her way out.. no, that's stupid. Oh I wish we had one of those amnesia flashlights from Men In Black.
Jim Halpert: Hey, what was that movie, where their boss was within earshot and they could've just gone talk to her.
Michael Scott: Lethal Weapon?
Jim Halpert: That's it. I think we should do it the Lethal Weapon way.
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Pam Halpert: [after ruining Jim's prank] Sorry.
Jim Halpert: Oh no, I was just going to put a couple keys on everyday until Christmas. Then his pants would've fallen down which was, a little gift to me but...
Pam Halpert: It was really funny...?
Jim Halpert: Well it would've been. So unprofessional Mrs. Halpert.
Pam Halpert: [awkwardly] I love you!
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Jim Halpert: I really, really think Michael is better at being a manager. For so many reasons.
Michael Scott: Mmmm no. I think I would be bad. I would, sleep, in my office. And I would sexually harass people.
Jim Halpert: Why would you do that.
Michael Scott: I'm turning myself in right now!
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Jim Halpert: You'll never guess. I just got a message from my landlord. Apparently my apartment flooded. Something with the sprinklers.
Jan: Oh no!
Jim Halpert: Pam we should probably get going to see the damage.
Michael Scott: Well you don't know two of you to do that.
Jim Halpert: [pause] That's... true, um. [pause] Dinner sounded delicious. Pam, see you at home? Thank you so much.
Pam Beesly: Oh Jim I don't think you're going to abandon this party here all by itself.
Jim Halpert: No, 'cause everything I own is there.
Pam Beesly: You can buy new stuff but you can't buy a new party!
Michael Scott: That's true! That is a great point. Come on down here. Sit down, on the couch. We're your friends and we're not going to let you think about all your stuff being destroyed alright?
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Pam Beesly [Pats pregnant belly] Right here, little Michael Scott.
Jim Halpert Nope... Told you I don't like that joke.
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Dwight Schrute: Are you trying to hurt my feelings? Because if so, you are succeeding. Fortunately my feelings regenerate at twice the speed of a normal man's.
Jim Halpert: Ok, good then.
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Michael Scott: [to Meredith] Everyone in this room loves you. But mark my words, we are not going to support your alcoholism anymore. The next time you light yourself on fire, we are not going to help put you out.
Dwight Schrute: Ohhh as fire marshal I would have to.
Michael Scott: Dwight!
Dwight Schrute: She is a hazard to the other people of the office.
Michael Scott: [sighs]
Dwight Schrute: I suppose I could do it if it was a controlled burn in a well ventilated area.
Jim Halpert: Yeah you're going to need a permit for that.
Dwight Schrute: Oh right. That'll take a couple of weeks.
Creed: I could get you one in an hour.
Dwight Schrute: Really?
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Kevin: I love their sandwiches.
Jim Halpert: I love their sandwiches too.
Kevin: Their bread is real good.
Jim Halpert: Their bread is very good.
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Jim Halpert: About a week ago, Michael gave his two weeks notice. And... surprisingly, there is a very big difference between Michael trying, and Michael not trying.
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