Jim Halpert Quotes From The Office

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Michael Scott: Tube City, you owe me one.
Jim Halpert: [In talking head] Co-managing is a give and take. You have to pick your battles. One of the battles that I picked was to stop Michael from running plastic tubes all over the office and placing hamsters inside of them. He was going to call it Tube City. So, yes, I do owe him one.
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Jim Halpert: [after Jim paired his headset with Dwight's cell phone] Hello this is Dwight.
Pam Beesly: [over the phone] Hello is this Dwight?
Jim Halpert: Yes it is.
Pam Beesly: Oh my goodness you sound sexy.
Jim Halpert: Oh, thank you. I've been working out.
Dwight Schrute: Woah woah woah! Pam! Pam! You are not talking to Dwight right now. You are talking to Jim.
Pam Beesly: [into phone] Dwight?
Dwight Schrute: No! [waving] I'm over here!
Pam Beesly: I'm confused.
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Michael Scott: I'm going to start my own paper company.
Jim Halpert: You're starting your own paper company!
Michael Scott: Yeah!
Jim Halpert: Why?
Michael Scott: Can you believe it? 'Cause I know paper. I know everything there is to know about paper.
Jim Halpert: Do you know that the industry is in decline?
Michael Scott: Yeah! Oh God I practically invented decline, right?
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Michael Scott: [to Meredith] Everyone in this room loves you. But mark my words, we are not going to support your alcoholism anymore. The next time you light yourself on fire, we are not going to help put you out.
Dwight Schrute: Ohhh as fire marshal I would have to.
Michael Scott: Dwight!
Dwight Schrute: She is a hazard to the other people of the office.
Michael Scott: [sighs]
Dwight Schrute: I suppose I could do it if it was a controlled burn in a well ventilated area.
Jim Halpert: Yeah you're going to need a permit for that.
Dwight Schrute: Oh right. That'll take a couple of weeks.
Creed: I could get you one in an hour.
Dwight Schrute: Really?
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Kevin: I bet Roy heard about you liking Pam. I bet he'll try to beat you up.
Jim Halpert: Thanks for the heads-up, Kev.
Kevin: I got your back if he does. [long pause] But I'll try to stay out of it.
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Michael Scott: Waaaaazzuuuuupppp!!!
Jim Halpert: Waazuup. I still love that, after seven years.
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Michael Scott: If you guys insist on having your own private little love fest--
Jim Halpert: We do.
Michael Scott: --that none of us can be a part of--
Pam Beesly: You can't be apart of our relationship, Michael.
Michael Scott: --THEN, we are going to have our own private Valentine's day party.
Jim Halpert: That sounds fun.
Michael Scott: So suck it.
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Jim Halpert: I am collecting three dollars for everyone for Kelly's party.
Creed: Oh I'd like to contribute.
Jim Halpert: Oh great.
Creed: [takes out a three dollar bill and gives it to Jim]
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Pam Beasley: [to Roy] Come on it'll be fun. And besides, I'm a roulette expert.
Dwight Schrute: Impossible. Roulette is not a game of skill, it is a game of chance.
Jim Halpert: I could always kind of win at roulette.
Dwight Schrute: Oh really. Mm-hmm, how would you do that?
Jim Halpert: Mind-control.
Dwight Schrute: Please, you can't be serious. Are you serious?
Jim Halpert: Ever since I was a little kid, like 8 or 9, I could sorta control things with my mind.
Dwight Schrute: I don't believe you. Continue.
Jim Halpert: It was just little things, you know? Like I could make some things shake or I could make a marble fall off a counter, you know just, little things.
Dwight Schrute: [scoffs] That's ridiculous. You know what? Uh, why don't you move that coat rack? Excuse me, everyone, attention in the office please. Jim is about to prove his telekinetic powers and he needs absolute silence. Go ahead.
Jim Halpert: Okay, I'll try.
[Pam moves coat rack with umbrella]
Dwight Schrute: Oh my God.
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Jim Halpert: What did I do to deserve this?
Pam Beesly: Are you sad that Dwight beat you?
Jim Halpert: No.
Pam Beesly: Are you going to cry Jim? Do you need a tissue?
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Dwight Schrute: [picks up pencil between his toes]
Jim Halpert: Why?
Dwight Schrute: Twenty minutes a day Jim, that's all it takes. Twenty minutes a day, all feet, no hands and I'll have the pedi-dexterity of a chimp, and you'll be sitting there like an idiot. [attempts to place pencil in pencil sharpener] Okay. Here we go. Ah, yes. [accidentally kicks items from his desk onto Pam's]
Pam Beesly: Do you mind?
Dwight Schrute: I'm sorry Pam, allow me to write you an apology letter.
Pam Beesly: You don't have to do that.
Dwight Schrute: [typing with his toes] D-E-A. Oop, backspace. A. Dear.
Jim Halpert: [whistling, places cup of coffee onto Dwight's desk] Ahh, Thank you hands. Nothing else in the universe can do what you do.
Dwight Schrute: [lifts cup up with toes]
Jim Halpert: Oh, don't worry about it. Dwight, its okay. You were wrong.
Dwight Schrute: [spills hot coffee on himself] Uhh, aah!
Jim Halpert: Well, A for effort right?
Dwight Schrute: [taps Jim's hand with his foot]
Send "The Office Theme Song" Ringtone to your Cell
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Jim Halpert: Spin serve!
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Quotes from  Michael Scott  Dwight Schrute  Creed Bratton  Pam  Random Quotes from All Seasons