Jim Halpert Quotes From The Office
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| Jim Halpert: | I'm sorry what did you say? So weird. |
| Dwight Schrute: | What? What's so weird? |
| Jim Halpert: | The bat. I mean, I know I felt it bite me but look there's no mark. I feel so tingly... So strangely powerful... [pause] Oh well. |
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| Creed: | I hate Devil's Food. |
| Jim Halpert: | Well I think Meredith-- |
| Creed: | Screw Meredith! I don't think it's fair to let someone else pick the cake on my birthday. |
| Jim Halpert: | Everybody's birthday. |
| Creed: | Today is actually my birthday and I wanna pick the cake. |
| Jim Halpert: | What do you want? |
| Creed: | Pie. Peach pie. |
| Jim Halpert: | You want a birthday pie? |
| Creed: | I want a nice cobbler. |
| Jim Halpert: | Well I'll talk to Angela and we're gonna see what we can do about a pie. |
| Creed: | I don't care who you talk to just make it happen. |
| Jim Halpert: | It'll be Angela. |
| Creed: | Tell her it's for Creed. She'll know what that means. |
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| Jim Halpert: | [to Andy] It's so scary how right the things you say are. |
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| Jim Halpert: | You cannot take the fall for him. |
| Dwight Schrute: | He said he would do the same for me. |
| Jim Halpert: | He can do the same for you. Right now. By getting fired instead of you. So what are you gonna do? |
| Dwight Schrute: | I'm gonna go back to work... After I write you up for insubordination. |
| Jim Halpert: | There he is. |
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| Jim Halpert: | Toby's great. He's great. But sometimes he can be a little bit much. [imitating Toby] 'I don't see the harm in that.' Well it's a cake, Toby, so. [scoffs] Come on. |
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| Jim Halpert: | Do you wanna just make a run for it? |
| Pam Beesly: | Maybe. |
| [Kevin walks by and starts screaming into Pam's chest] | |
| Wahhhhhhhh! Wahhhhh! Mammyyyyy! [walks away defeated] | |
| Jim Halpert: | What is happening. |
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| [as Dwight is moaning] | |
| Jim Halpert: | Did I ever tell you why I left Scranton? |
| Dwight Schrute: | [incoherent mumbling] No you didn't. |
| Jim Halpert: | Yeah, I didn't think I had. Well, it was all about Pam. |
| Dwight Schrute: | [more incoherent mumbling] |
| Jim Halpert: | Yeah, she was with Roy, and, uh, I just couldn't take it. I mean, I lost it, Dwight. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't concentrate on anything. Even weird stuff, like food had no taste. So my solution was to move away. It was awful. It was something that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, and that includes you. |
| Dwight Schrute: | [sobs and reaches out for Jim, who has already walked away] |
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| Pam Beesly: | Let me make something clear. Jim and I have never and will never have sex in the office. |
| Jim Halpert: | No, because the office isn't what I'd consider a romantic place. |
| Pam Beesly: | Besides, we have something those other people don't have, which is a home and a bed. |
| Jim Halpert: | And a shower. |
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| Michael Scott: | I really need my job back. We made a terrible mistake here. |
| Jim Halpert: | For the record, I fought this, alright? And now, I'm not really sure what we do. |
| Michael Scott: | We make a poster that says happy opposite day and she sees it on her way out.. no, that's stupid. Oh I wish we had one of those amnesia flashlights from Men In Black. |
| Jim Halpert: | Hey, what was that movie, where their boss was within earshot and they could've just gone talk to her. |
| Michael Scott: | Lethal Weapon? |
| Jim Halpert: | That's it. I think we should do it the Lethal Weapon way. |
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| Jim Halpert: | You're an exec, at Pennsylvania Solar Tech-- |
| Oscar: | That sounds fake! |
| Dwight Schrute: | I told you! You are an exec at Stark Industries! A corporation you inherited from your father-- |
| Jim Halpert: | Stop! Stop. Stop it. Here's the story. They need Meredith somewhere else ASAP. Ok? So you're taking over you just gotta get her outta there as soon as you can. Alright? |
| Oscar: | Ok I can do that, then what? |
| Dwight Schrute: | Make him pitch to you! You gotta see what he's got. And remember, you're not gay! |
| Jim Halpert: | Stop it! |
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| Jim Halpert: | Listen. We need to assume that everyone in the office is forming an alliance and is there for trying to get us kicked off. |
| Dwight Schrute: | God... damn it! Why us? |
| Jim Halpert: | Because we're strong, Dwight. Because we're strong. |
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| Dwight Schrute | [to camera. dressed as Pam, plays over shots of him in wigs] Yes, I have a wig for every single person in the office. You never know when you're going to need to bear a passing resmeblance to someone. |
| Jim Halpert | [to camera] I just want it to stop. |