Jim Halpert Quotes From The Office

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Michael Scott: Here's what we brought. We brought uniforms from the warehouse. I brought Silly String, Dwight brought gasoline and chunks of rubber to make stink bombs.
Dwight Schrute: Or real bombs.
Michael Scott: No, no. Not real bombs.
Dwight Schrute: Yeah come on it would be so badass.
Michael Scott: Mmm maybe. I donno. I donno. Would be badass.
Jim Halpert: No.
Dwight Schrute: Yeah! It will.
Jim Halpert: Absolutely we're not doing this.
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Jim Halpert: I just spent two hours listening to Michael Clump. I have a pain in my side that I'm pretty sure is an ulcer. My girlfriend's in New York, and I haven't seen her in 10 days. How's your summer?
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Dwight Schrute: Do you want to form an alliance, with me?
Jim Halpert: Absolutely I do.
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Pam Beesly: We don't normally download films illegally. Because we're honest hard-working people.
Jim Halpert: And we don't know how.
Pam Beesly: But Andy does, so we have to watch it with him.
Jim Halpert: Punishment fits the crime.
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Kelly: Yeah your nephew is so lame.
Creed: He's been trashing us relentlessly on Twitter. It's funny stuff, but mean.
Jim Halpert: You follow him on Twitter?
[cut to talking head]
Creed: Everywhere I look it's Betty White this and Betty White that. Finally a kid who's not talking about Betty White. Of course I follow him.
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Jim Halpert: Where do you wanna go for dinner?
Pam Beesley: I donno I kind of hate all our regular places right now. [pause] Oh, you know what? That one--
[Jim stops and gets down on one knee]
Jim Halpert: Hey Pam. Will you wait for me one second, while I tie my shoe?
Pam Beesley: I hate you.
[Jim catches up to Pam, both laughing]
Jim Halpert: What! My shoe was untied. What is your problem? Oh my God! You thought I was- Oh, no no...
Pam Beesley: Ohh how could I have thought that? How could I have though that?
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Jim Halpert: I don't have a ton of contact with the Scranton branch, but before I left I took a box of Dwight's stationary. So, from time to time I send Dwight faxes. From himself. From the future.
[as Jim reads the letter the camera cuts to Dwight reading]
'Dwight, at eight a.m. today, someone poisons the coffee. Do not drink the coffee. More instructions will follow. Cordially, future Dwight.'
Dwight Schrute: Nooo! [knocks coffee out of Stanley's hand] You'll thank me later.
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Pam Beesly: I lied about some aspects of the building.
Jim Halpert: It's still on a bike path though right?
Pam Beesly: There's no building... it doesn't exist.
Jim Halpert: What does that mean?
Pam Beesly: I needed leverage so I pulled those pictures off the internet. It's just this Office Administrator thing. I don't wanna...
Jim Halpert: What?
Pam Beesly: Fail. I don't want to fail... again.
Jim Halpert: But you didn't fail.
Pam Beesly: And that's what you said about Art School, and that's what you said about sales.
Jim Halpert: And you didn't fail those things either.
Pam Beesly: Well, I'm not an artist, and I'm not a salesman. So what would you call it?
Jim Halpert: Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. [hugs]
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Jim Halpert: So, how do you guys know each other?
Dwight's Babysitter: I was his babysitter.
Pam Beesly: And now you guys are, dating?
Dwight Schrute: Purely carnal. That's all you need to know.
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[at Jim and Dwight's desks]
Michael Scott: Well?
Dwight Schrute: Not yet.
Jim Halpert: When?
Andy: When what? [Michael clears his throat] When what?
Michael Scott: You know this can't go on.
Andy: What can't go on?
Michael Scott: We have to put an end to this. [nods Dwight and Jim into his office]
Andy: [as they're walking away] It seems like, you guys should.. be hearing what I'm saying.
[Michael's office door closes]
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Michael Scott: I see the sales dept as the furnace
Phyllis: The furnace?
Jim Halpert: How old is the ship?
Send "The Office Theme Song" Ringtone to your Cell
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Dwight Schrute Okay, you know what? This isn't working because uh, I'm not nervous in front of them, they're my subordinates.
Jim Halpert: Uh, no we're not.
Dwight Schrute: Ah, yes you are, I am assistant regional manger.
Jim Halpert: Which means absolutely nothing.
Dwight Schrute: Michael can you explain?
Michael Scott: Well, it's mostly made up.. so..
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