Jim Halpert Quotes From The Office

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Michael Scott: Okay let's try another one. Um, 'walking out of the room unexpectedly.'
Jim Halpert: And what happens in this one?
Michael Scott: It's a surprise.
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Jim Halpert: By the way the racoons are back.
Dwight Schrute: Where.
Jim Halpert: I think they run through these panels and then down into the map. I wouldn't know for sure because I don't have a trained ear which is why I use one of these [takes out a stethoscope]
Dwight Schrute: Gimme that.
Jim Halpert: Yep. Wait. [pulls out a hammer] And this.
Dwight Schrute: Yes.
Jim Halpert: Go get 'em.
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Jim Halpert: I got five-hundred feet of red wire at a flee market, up by Dunmore High School. Twenty bucks for the whole spool. Crazy. What a deal. [camera zooms in on Dwight climbing up a hydro pole through the window] Ah, he'll be fine; I made it up there.
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[Pam clutching her chest in pain]
Jim Halpert: What's up?
Dwight Shrute: Hey milk is coming in she's getting uncomfortable.
Jim Halpert: Dwight don't be gross.
Pam Halpert: No, no he's right.
Dwight Shrute: Same things happens to my cows if I don't tend them frequently enough. You gotta milk 'em. Or else they'll moo like crazy.
Pam Halpert: That's weird my breast pump's missing. [to Jim] Have you seen my breast pump?
Dwight Shrute: [taking off his suit jacket and pumping hand sanitizer] Ok, this is going to traumatize me a hell of a lot more than you believe me.
Pam Halpert: You know what Dwight? Let me just check the bathroom first. 'K?
Dwight Shrute: Really? Fine. Let your breasts explode. Three squeezes, and I would drain you.
Pam Halpert: Mmmm.
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Andy: So how's what's her name?
Jim Halpert: You know her name.
Andy: Who, Karen? Yeah, she's only one of my oldest friends.
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Michael Scott: How long have you known about the pregnancy? A week? A month? A year?
Jim Halpert: Michael we only told our parents last week.
Michael Scott: Did you pee on a stick?
Jim Halpert: I did. It was inconclusive.
Michael Scott: You should've told me.
Pam Beesly: You're right. We should have realize that you are an equal part in this.
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Michael Scott: Tonight we are going to have an inventory luau. I want to bring back a little slice of paradise to the Dunder Mifflin warehouse inventory, so party-planning committee, get on it.
Angela: By the end of the day? That's impossible.
Michael Scott: The Jamaicans don't have a word for 'impossible.'
Jim Halpert: Yep, it's English, it's 'impossible.'
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Michael Scott: Tube City, you owe me one.
Jim Halpert: [In talking head] Co-managing is a give and take. You have to pick your battles. One of the battles that I picked was to stop Michael from running plastic tubes all over the office and placing hamsters inside of them. He was going to call it Tube City. So, yes, I do owe him one.
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Michael Scott: Um, Jim?
Jim Halpert: Mm-hmm.
Michael Scott: Today is a very difficult day for a lot of people in this office.
Jim Halpert: Oh I'm sorry--
Michael Scott: Yeah. And the sexy, looks, between you and Pam, the general sexiness, the flowers, it's creating a bit of a hostile work environment.
Jim Halpert: I understand.
Dwight Schrute: It's so sexy it become hostile.
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Jim Halpert: So, how do you guys know each other?
Dwight's Babysitter: I was his babysitter.
Pam Beesly: And now you guys are, dating?
Dwight Schrute: Purely carnal. That's all you need to know.
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Jim Halpert: Ok, ok. Why don't we just, put this to a vote and then we'll be done with it.
Angela: I'm not voting.
Jim Halpert: No one cares. Who thinks, that Hilary Swank is hot. Raise your hand. [5 people raise their hands] Ok, and who thinks that Hilary Swank is not hot, raise your hand. [5 other people raise their hands]
Kevin: Five. Five to five.
Jim Halpert: Thank you accounting department.
Kevin: So what do we do now?
Send "The Office Theme Song" Ringtone to your Cell
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Jim Halpert: So, tell me again why I can't be apart of your club?
Pam Beesly: Because some people think that you'd monopolize the conversation by trying to be funny.
Jim Halpert: Oscar?
Pam Beesly: Some people.
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