Jim Halpert Quotes From The Office
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| Michael Scott: | Okay let's try another one. Um, 'walking out of the room unexpectedly.' |
| Jim Halpert: | And what happens in this one? |
| Michael Scott: | It's a surprise. |
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| Jim Halpert: | By the way the racoons are back. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Where. |
| Jim Halpert: | I think they run through these panels and then down into the map. I wouldn't know for sure because I don't have a trained ear which is why I use one of these [takes out a stethoscope] |
| Dwight Schrute: | Gimme that. |
| Jim Halpert: | Yep. Wait. [pulls out a hammer] And this. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Yes. |
| Jim Halpert: | Go get 'em. |
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| Jim Halpert: | I got five-hundred feet of red wire at a flee market, up by Dunmore High School. Twenty bucks for the whole spool. Crazy. What a deal. [camera zooms in on Dwight climbing up a hydro pole through the window] Ah, he'll be fine; I made it up there. |
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| [Pam clutching her chest in pain] | |
| Jim Halpert: | What's up? |
| Dwight Shrute: | Hey milk is coming in she's getting uncomfortable. |
| Jim Halpert: | Dwight don't be gross. |
| Pam Halpert: | No, no he's right. |
| Dwight Shrute: | Same things happens to my cows if I don't tend them frequently enough. You gotta milk 'em. Or else they'll moo like crazy. |
| Pam Halpert: | That's weird my breast pump's missing. [to Jim] Have you seen my breast pump? |
| Dwight Shrute: | [taking off his suit jacket and pumping hand sanitizer] Ok, this is going to traumatize me a hell of a lot more than you believe me. |
| Pam Halpert: | You know what Dwight? Let me just check the bathroom first. 'K? |
| Dwight Shrute: | Really? Fine. Let your breasts explode. Three squeezes, and I would drain you. |
| Pam Halpert: | Mmmm. |
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| Andy: | So how's what's her name? |
| Jim Halpert: | You know her name. |
| Andy: | Who, Karen? Yeah, she's only one of my oldest friends. |
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| Michael Scott: | How long have you known about the pregnancy? A week? A month? A year? |
| Jim Halpert: | Michael we only told our parents last week. |
| Michael Scott: | Did you pee on a stick? |
| Jim Halpert: | I did. It was inconclusive. |
| Michael Scott: | You should've told me. |
| Pam Beesly: | You're right. We should have realize that you are an equal part in this. |
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| Michael Scott: | Tonight we are going to have an inventory luau. I want to bring back a little slice of paradise to the Dunder Mifflin warehouse inventory, so party-planning committee, get on it. |
| Angela: | By the end of the day? That's impossible. |
| Michael Scott: | The Jamaicans don't have a word for 'impossible.' |
| Jim Halpert: | Yep, it's English, it's 'impossible.' |
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| Michael Scott: | Tube City, you owe me one. |
| Jim Halpert: | [In talking head] Co-managing is a give and take. You have to pick your battles. One of the battles that I picked was to stop Michael from running plastic tubes all over the office and placing hamsters inside of them. He was going to call it Tube City. So, yes, I do owe him one. |
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| Michael Scott: | Um, Jim? |
| Jim Halpert: | Mm-hmm. |
| Michael Scott: | Today is a very difficult day for a lot of people in this office. |
| Jim Halpert: | Oh I'm sorry-- |
| Michael Scott: | Yeah. And the sexy, looks, between you and Pam, the general sexiness, the flowers, it's creating a bit of a hostile work environment. |
| Jim Halpert: | I understand. |
| Dwight Schrute: | It's so sexy it become hostile. |
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| Jim Halpert: | So, how do you guys know each other? |
| Dwight's Babysitter: | I was his babysitter. |
| Pam Beesly: | And now you guys are, dating? |
| Dwight Schrute: | Purely carnal. That's all you need to know. |
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| Jim Halpert: | Ok, ok. Why don't we just, put this to a vote and then we'll be done with it. |
| Angela: | I'm not voting. |
| Jim Halpert: | No one cares. Who thinks, that Hilary Swank is hot. Raise your hand. [5 people raise their hands] Ok, and who thinks that Hilary Swank is not hot, raise your hand. [5 other people raise their hands] |
| Kevin: | Five. Five to five. |
| Jim Halpert: | Thank you accounting department. |
| Kevin: | So what do we do now? |
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| Jim Halpert: | So, tell me again why I can't be apart of your club? |
| Pam Beesly: | Because some people think that you'd monopolize the conversation by trying to be funny. |
| Jim Halpert: | Oscar? |
| Pam Beesly: | Some people. |