Jim Halpert Quotes From The Office

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Pam Beesly: Do you think Michael and Jan actually,--
Jim Halpert: I don't really want to picture it. But thank you, Pam.
Pam Beesly: How do you come back from that?
Jim Halpert: Um, you don't. I don't think, come all the way back. You know, especially working together.
Pam Beesly: No, I mean doing that with Michael. How do you come back from THAT? As a human being.
Jim Halpert: Oh, yeah, no, I don't think you can.
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Jim Halpert: It's just that Pam gets me through the day, you know? I really rely on her. I'm pretty emotionally needy.
Andy: And you know what? I am here for you. Let me be, your, traveling pants.
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[Kevin's crawling on the warehouse floor with a crate on his back]
Kevin: Ok, I'm not going to make it. I'm turning back [the crate falls off and breaks]
Jim Halpert: There's gotta be a better way to do this. This is literally how they built the pyramids.
Dwight Schrute: Well they whipped people, which was helpful. But you're right, we should be able to find a more efficient way of moving boxes than Madge or Heday.
Jim Halpert: [laughing] Yeah. [looks to camera] Not that they're not smart people.
Dwight Schrute: No, no. [looks to camera] Very smart. They're is more of a, physical intelligence.
Jim Halpert: I'm good with that--
Dwight Schrute: Like baboons, or elephants.
Jim Halpert: [shaking his head] Not that, don't...--
Kevin: When I was a kid, my sisters used to butter me up and slide me across the linoleum floor of the kitchen. It really made them laugh.
Jim Halpert: That's a great idea, Kev. I don't think it applies here though so maybe we just--
Kevin: Yeah! We move stuff, and it was fun.--
Dwight Schrute: Kevin, it doesn't apply!
Kevin: Right. My mom,--
Erin: [really sternly] You need to drop it. OK? They HATE IT. I like it a lot, but they HATE IT, so DROP IT!
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Dwight Schrute: Have you collected the money from everyone?
Jim Halpert: I am working on it.
Dwight Schrute: How much do you have?
Jim Halpert: Six dollars.
Dwight Schrute: That's how much you and I contributed! Damn it Jim!
Jim Halpert: [to camera] I said I was working on it.
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Jim Halpert: Margaret?
Pam Beesley: I know.
Jim Halpert: You just got yourself kicked out of your apartment.
Pam Beesley: [laughs] Oh I don't really care I don't like that place that much anyway I'll just move.
Jim Halpert: Oh really. Who's gonna take you in? You're messy; you're a klutz, you spill everything; and you leave the volume on the tv, way too loud.
Pam Beesley: Yeah. Maybe I'll just move in with my boyfriend because he's kind of a slob too.
Jim Halpert: Ok sure. Let's do it.
Pam Beesley: No, I, um, well I'm not gonna, I'm-- I'm not gonna move in with anyone unless I'm engaged.
Jim Halpert: Have I not proposed to you yet?
Pam Beesley: Hmm I don't think. Nope.
Jim Halpert: Oh, well, that's comin'.
Pam Beesley: Oh right now?
Jim Halpert: No. I'm not gonna do it right here, that would be rather lame.
Pam Beesley: Ok so then when?
Jim Halpert: Pam, I'm not gonna tell you. I hate to break it to you but that's not how that works.
Pam Beesley: Ohh right.
Jim Halpert: Hey I'm serious. It's happening. And when it happens, it's going to kick your ass Beesly. So, stay sharp.
Pam Beesley: I've been warned.
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Jim Halpert: And my roommate wants to meet everybody. I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm making Dwight up. He is very real.
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Jim Halpert All right... I will see you in a bit.
Pam Beesly [Starting to cry] I love you so much...
Jim Halpert Hey, it's nothing, all right? I'll text you when we get there. I'll see what's going on.
Pam Beesly [Goes back to computer] Ok...
Jim Halpert No. No dog video.
Pam Beesly Ok.
Jim Halpert Ok.
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Jim Halpert: To tell you the truth, I used to have a big thing for pam. So..
Michael Scott: Really. You're kidding me. You and Pam? Wow. I would have never put you two together.. did you really.. you really hid it well. God. I usually have a radar for stuff like that. [sighs] You know I made out with Jan.
Jim Halpert: Yeah. I know.
Michael Scott: Yeah. Yeah. Well, Pam is cute.
Jim Halpert: Yeah... she's really funny. She's warm... and she's just... yeah.
Michael Scott: Well, if you like her so much, don't give up.
Jim Halpert: She's engaged.
Michael Scott: Pift. BFD. Engaged aint married.
Jim Halpert: Huh.
Michael Scott: Never, ever, ever give up.
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Jim Halpert: How much weight have you lost, Dwight?
Dwight Schrute: I am hardly the problem, Jim.
Jim Halpert: No you're definitely the problem.
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Jim Halpert: So, how do you guys know each other?
Dwight's Babysitter: I was his babysitter.
Pam Beesly: And now you guys are, dating?
Dwight Schrute: Purely carnal. That's all you need to know.
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Pam Beesly: We haven't told anyone that I'm pregnant.
Jim Halpert: Well with her being unmarried. Knocked up by some guy... The yackety yacks in this office would have a field day.
Pam Beesly: And we don't want them at the wedding thinking Jim's being marched down the aisle by my dad with a shotgun.
Jim Halpert: Wait there's not going to be a shotgun?
Pam Beesly: No.
Jim Halpert: No shotgun. 'Cause that changes everything.
Pam Beesly: Can't back out now, Halpert.
Jim Halpert: What are you gonna do about it? There's no shotgun so. "Free at last free at last."
Pam Beesly: No, keep it up.
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Michael Scott: If I can just, think this through. If I can just think it exactly right, I can make this perfect. And then I can go down every avenue and every avenue off of that avenue. And then another avenue--
Jim Halpert: Michael!
Michael Scott: And then another...
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