Jim Halpert Quotes From The Office

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Jim Halpert: 19 minutes and 48 seconds. What were we doing for 19 minutes and 48 seconds--
Dwight Schrute: None of your business.
Jim Halpert: So I can we can assume that was... personal?
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Jim Halpert: Very impressive, the, uh, donation you gave to Oscar's charity. What was that? Twenty-five bucks?
Michael Scott: Well you know. Money isn't everything, Jim. Not the key to happiness. You know what is? Joy. You should remember that. Maybe you can give more than three dollars the next time.
Jim: Yeah, well three dollars a mile is going to end up being like fifty bucks. So, God, I can't even calculate what you're gonna have to give.
[long pause]
Michael Scott: Is Oscar around?
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Jim Halpert: You'll never guess. I just got a message from my landlord. Apparently my apartment flooded. Something with the sprinklers.
Jan: Oh no!
Jim Halpert: Pam we should probably get going to see the damage.
Michael Scott: Well you don't know two of you to do that.
Jim Halpert: [pause] That's... true, um. [pause] Dinner sounded delicious. Pam, see you at home? Thank you so much.
Pam Beesly: Oh Jim I don't think you're going to abandon this party here all by itself.
Jim Halpert: No, 'cause everything I own is there.
Pam Beesly: You can buy new stuff but you can't buy a new party!
Michael Scott: That's true! That is a great point. Come on down here. Sit down, on the couch. We're your friends and we're not going to let you think about all your stuff being destroyed alright?
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Jim Halpert: And... [taking a plain ice cream cake out of the freezer] Ta da.
Kelly: I hate it.
Jim Halpert: How do you hate it? It's a cake.
Kelly: Well, there's no flowers or toys or-- I mean there's nothing on it. Where did you even find a cake like this? I mean it doesn't even have my name on it! Do you guys know what my name is? My name is Kelly!
Jim Halpert: Right.
[quickly cut to talking head]
Jim Halpert: I forgot if there was an e between the l and the y... I still don't know.
Kelly: I mean I don't even know what the theme is! What's the theme!
Jim and Dwight: [long pause] Birthday / frosting.
Kelly: Those aren't, themes. [defeated] There's always a theme. [walks away]
Phyllis: [unimpressed] There's always a theme.
Dwight Schrute: Nice job on the cake, bozo.
Jim Halpert: Ok you know what! Next time YOU get the cake and I get to scream at the birthday girl!
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Jim Halpert: [to Andy playing the Moroccan guitar] Hey.
Andy: What's up?
Jim Halpert: You take requests?
Andy: Sure.
Jim Halpert: Please stop. Because we're, having a Christmas party. [walks away]
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Jim Halpert: So if you can believe it, I did it without a Realtor. So saving on closing costs is good. And, uh, we can put all the money to de-shag the carpet. [clears throat] Which I think will help... with the color situation. [joins Pam looking at the creepy clown art] Yeah. I am really sorry about this. I tried to move it but, she is really nailed in there. Worried about art theft I guess. A lot of art thieves in this neighborhood. [Pam moves onto another bedroom] This is the master bedroom, but [closes door] I'm not actually allowed in here, so.
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[Pam sits at her desk and finds her plant dead]
Pam Halpert: [to Jim, disappointed] Couldn't have watered it?
Jim Halpert: I literally did not know that existed, until this moment.
Dwight Shrute: Well I knew it existed, and I chose to let it die.
Pam Halpert: It's nice to see you again Dwight.
Dwight Shrute: Hello Pam.
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Jim Halpert: Mmm... I'd say one in six.
Pam Beesly: What?
Jim Halpert: Oh I thought you asked me what our chances were of being murdered here tonight.
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Michael Scott: What I wanna do, right now, is try something a little different. I'm gonna throw it out there, starting with this meeting. I want you guys to run it. I want you to say whatever you want, take it away. Your meeting.
[silence]
Dwight Schrute: W-What are you doing?
Michael Scott: If there is something you would like to say as a group, then by all means you may say it to me right now.
Angela: Ok. People are dressed inappropriately.
Michael Scott: Take it up with Toby. What I want you to do, is I want you to look inward, and I want you to reflect, and I want you to say something different.
Jim Halpert: Can you give us a hint?
[more silence]
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Andy Bernard: Good luck over there, Tuna. Cross me and I will destroy you.
Jim Halpert: Sounds good, Andy.
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Michael Scott: You guys should come over for dinner. You and Pam, that'd be fun. Friday? Wanna come over Friday?
Jim Halpert: Aw.. can't.
Michael Scott: After work, you can?
Jim Halpert: Oh no... 'cause-- [pause] You're gonna let me know when we're close right?
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Jim Halpert: [in the background of office chatter] I'm just saying-- all I'm saying is Kevin's not necessarily a feminist, is all I'm saying.
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