Jim Halpert Quotes From The Office
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| Michael Scott: | I am just a net, that traps all of your crappy subconscious ideas, and adds a little bit of my own childhood memories and whimzy so-- |
| Jim Halpert: | Ok, well I, lost a ton of money today and I have a mortgage so I'm a little pissed too. |
| Michael Scott: | Thank you. Jim is with me! |
| Jim Halpert: | Absolutely not. I'm mad at you. |
| Michael Scott: | Well you know what Jim, it is not my fault that you bought a house to impress Pam. That is why carnations exist. |
| Creed: | That's not why. |
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| Andy Bernard | There's a trivia contest at a bar in Philadelphia. |
| Jim Halpert | Stop right there! I love it. |
| Darryl | I'm in. |
| Andy Bernard | Let me tell you what it is. |
| Darryl | It's trivia. |
| Jim Halpert | In Philadelphia. |
| Andy Bernard | But here's the best part: The prize is $1000! And if we win, we can use that money to buy paper here, close the gap on our 8% profit increase. |
| Jim Halpert | Great idea. |
| Darry | That's a great plan. |
| Andy Bernard | I'm so psyched you guys are into it! I was like, "This sounds really stupid!" |
| Darryl | You just made a good idea a great idea. |
| Andy Bernard | There is one problem with this plan. We'd have to leave work right now to do this. |
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| Jim Halpert: | This is parkour. Internet sensation of 2004. And it was in one of the Bond films. It's pretty impressive. The goal is to get from point A to point B as creatively as possible so technically they are doing parkour, as long as point A is delusion and point B is the hospital. |
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| Jim Halpert: | What'd you do, Prison Mike? |
| Michael Scott: | I stole... and I robbed... and I kidnapped the president's son... and held him for ransom. |
| Jim Halpert: | That is quite the rap sheet, Prison Mike. |
| Michael Scott: | And I never got caught neither. |
| Jim Halpert: | Well, you were in prison, but umhmm. |
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| Jim Halpert: | [to Andy playing the Moroccan guitar] Hey. |
| Andy: | What's up? |
| Jim Halpert: | You take requests? |
| Andy: | Sure. |
| Jim Halpert: | Please stop. Because we're, having a Christmas party. [walks away] |
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| Jim Halpert: | Today's a big day. Today's the day that I show Pam the house that I bought for us... without telling her. But it's my parent's house. The house I grew up in. And, yeah I bought it kind of impulsively. I mean the price was good, I was helping out my mom... Its got shag carpets. I mean you can't blame my parents it was the seventies. Why would you wanna buy ugly wood from trees... when you could have paneling. And a painting of some creepy clowns, that is apparently crucial to the structural integrity of the building. She's gonna love it! [long pause] Right? |
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| Jim Halpert: | Would you write down your e-mail 'cause I have just so many questions. |
| Dwight's Babysitter: | E-mail? |
| Jim Halpert: | Never mind. |
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| Dwight Schrute: | Angela said she's going to tell him she's just not ready. |
| Michael Scott: | When will she be ready? |
| Dwight Schrute: | I don't know. |
| Michael Scott: | Is she crazy in bed? |
| Dwight Schrute: | Yesss. |
| Jim Halpert: | Stop. What?-- |
| Michael Scott: | How so, specifically? |
| Jim Halpert: | This shouldn't happen at work-- |
| Dwight Schrute: | Eager. And flexible. |
| Michael Scott: | Really. |
| Jim Halpert: | And! This shouldn't be coming from his boss. And we should also consider the fact, that that man has an anger issue. |
| Michael Scott: | Too late. |
| Jim Halpert: | Well it's not too late cause you haven't done anything. |
| Michael Scott: | I am already walking. |
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| Meredith: | I'll take the teapot. |
| Jim Halpert: | Oh I got that specifically for Pam... |
| Michael Scott: | Yankee Swap!! |
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| Toby: | Hey Jim! |
| Jim Halpert: | Not now Toby! My God! |
| Michael Scott: | Get the hell out of here, idiot. |
| Toby: | [walking away] What did I do. |
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| Michael Scott: | It's after midnight! You're married! |
| Dwight Schrute: | He's married!! |
| Jim Halpert: | That's not how that works. |
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| Dwight Schrute: | Michael wants us to bond so we need topics for conversation. |
| Jim Halpert: | Ponies. |
| Dwight Schrute: | No. |
| Ryan: | How about rainbows? |
| Dwight Schrute: | No. |
| Jim Halpert: | Flowers? |
| Dwight Schrute: | No. |
| Ryan: | Makeup? |