Jim Halpert Quotes From The Office
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| Jim Halpert: | This is literally how they built the pyramids. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Well, they whipped people, which was helpful. |
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| Jim Halpert: | Okay, shhhh stop. Stop whatever you're doing because this is going to be good. |
| [looking at Dwight buy a purse from Katy, the purse girl] | |
| Jim Halpert: | [imitating Dwight in high-falsetto voice] Hi. My name is Dwight Schrute and I would like to buy a purse from you. Good lord, look at these purses! This is something special. Oh my God. Is this Salvatore Di-chini-asta? |
| Pam Beesly: | [mimicking Katy] Oh definitely, definitely step in and out of it like that. |
| Jim Halpert: | Yes, well I want to stress test it. You know, in case anything happens. |
| Pam Beesly: | Oh! |
| Jim Halpert: | Oh! That was really. [Dwight hits purse against table] This is necessary to do to really give it a good workout. This is ooooh... This is the prettiest one of all. I'm going to be the prettiest girl in the ball. Oh, how much? |
| Pam Beesly: | Oh, God. It's sad. It's so sad. |
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| Dwight Schrute: | Uh, knock please. Please knock. This is an office. |
| Jim Halpert: | [points to sign] It says 'workspace'. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Same thing. |
| Jim Halpert: | If it's the same thing then why'd you write 'workspace'? |
| Dwight Schrute: | [pauses] Just knock, please. Okay? A sign of respect for a superior. |
| Jim Halpert: | You are not my superior. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Oh gee, then why do I have an office? |
| Jim Halpert: | I thought it was a workspace. |
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| Jim Halpert: | She does not like him. |
| Pam Halpert: | You can flirt with someone to get what you want, and also be attracted to them. How do you think we got together. |
| Jim Halpert: | Cause I stopped by your desk like fifteen times a day. |
| Pam Halpert: | I was after your money. |
| Jim Halpert: | Well the joke was on you. |
| Pam Halpert: | Yes it was. |
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| Michael Scott: | I also built this table. |
| Jim Halpert: | What is that? Chestnut? |
| Michael Scott: | No I think that is either pine or nortic cheery. |
| Jan: | Pine. |
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| Pam Halpert: | [Talking on the phone] Got it. I will put out an A.P.B. Otherwise known as an Ask Pam Beasley...Did the phone cut out? |
| Jim Halpert: | Nope. |
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| Jim Halpert: | Why don't I wanna go? Didn't expect to need a reason so let me think here. Um. I don't know any of these people, it's an obligation, I don't think talking paper in my free time (or in my work time,) and, did I use the word pointless? |
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| Michael Scott: | Okay. Today is the big day that I am heading to New York to attend a party, with sushi and important people. On an unrelated note, if anyone has an anecdote, that is not boring and easy to memorize please drop by my office before I leave. Thank you. |
| Jim Halpert: | Whoops. Is that what Ryan really wanted you to tell us? |
| Michael Scott: | And... today the Dunder Mifflin Infinity website launches. |
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| Meredith: | I just want, for once, a smart, professional, decisive, well-hung man in his 40's. |
| Jim Halpert: | Hey hey hey. |
| Meredith: | Okay fine. Uh, the guy with the tiny penis. Are you happy? Let's hire that guy! |
| Andy: | She may have a point there. Would a small penis work? Small to moderate. |
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| Dwight Schrute: | Well I''m not paying for my own stuff, okay? I know you did this because you're friends with the vending machine guy. |
| Jim Halpert: | Who, Steve? |
| Dwight Schrute: | Yeah Steve, whatever his name is. |
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| Dwight Schrute: | Who's the father? |
| Pam Beesly: | Jim. |
| Dwight Schrute: | How far along? |
| Jim Halpert: | Four months? |
| Creed: | Who's the OB/GYN? |
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| Jim Halpert: | Wow. What a terrible day to not be able to talk. Dwight was literally carrying around his own urine and dressed like one of the Village People. Why does he do the things that he does for Michael? I just don't get it. What is he getting out of that relationship? |