Jim Halpert Quotes From The Office

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Jim Halpert: Today, I am meeting a potential client on the golf course because, Ryan put me on probation. You remember Ryan he was the temp here. Yeah. And, uh, it is not a good time for me to lose my job. Since I have some pretty big long term plans in my personal life with Pam that I'd like her parents to be psyched about. So, I am about to do something very bold in this job that I've never done before: Try.
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Michael Scott: I've written these things because it is my responsibility as manager of this branch, to profiligate great ideas. And I think I have done my part, with the golden ticket promotion. Now it is your turn. I want to hear some great ideas from you, that are just as good as mine.
Jim Halpert: We own our own delivery trucks. We could lease them out on the weekends--
Michael Scott: Too many words. Good ideas are simple: Golden, ticket.
Jim Halpert: Free, paper.
Michael Scott: No, Jim, we're a business. Post-its. That is a golden ticket idea. NASA took five or six golden ticket ideas to get men on the moon.
Andy: Golden girls. That's a golden ticket idea. Right... I mean how great was that show.
[Michael sighs]
Andy: Golden Grahams. [Michael is staring Andy down] Another-- is a-- I don't get this.
Michael Scott: No you don't. No, it-- What will be the state of this company if I am the only one coming up with the great ideas. Right?
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Jim Halpert: He can have us rob a bank, and escape through the sewers.
Pam Beesly: And brush our teeth!
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Michael Scott: [Needing to find a place to stay] Jim? Pam?
Jim Halpert: Oh, my apartment's on fire.
Pam Beasley: [Whispers] Flooded.
Jim Halpert: Flooded.
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Michael Scott: Okay. Today is the big day that I am heading to New York to attend a party, with sushi and important people. On an unrelated note, if anyone has an anecdote, that is not boring and easy to memorize please drop by my office before I leave. Thank you.
Jim Halpert: Whoops. Is that what Ryan really wanted you to tell us?
Michael Scott: And... today the Dunder Mifflin Infinity website launches.
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Andy: Hey Big Tuna, can I talk to you about something?
Jim Halpert: Yeah sure.
Andy: [pause] Can you stand up and talk to me over there?
Karen: That's it?
Andy: I am acting my heart out up here.
Karen: That's all you could come up with?
Andy: You asked for my help!
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Dwight Schrute: Anderson's three pillars of retail. Crucial. So important. Next. Are there any questions?
Nellie: What are the three pillars of retail?
Erin: [whispers] Convenience.
Dwight Schrute: Ingredients.
Erin: Service.
Dwight Schrute: Burgers.
Erin: Building loyalty.
Dwight Schrute: Killing royalty. The truth be told, we should really disregard Anderson's three pillars. He was later diagnosed with dementia. You know what is important? Is Dwight's pillars, and there is only one: desire. Do we have a desire to dominate the retail space? Not just succeed in it, but to dominate, and looking around this room I'm not so sure that we do, but we can get there, and I can lead us there, and that is all that matters.
Nellie: Very true. Where there's a will, there's a way. I once spent a passionate night with Hugh Grant's brother, John Grant. He's older than Hugh, just a little bit uglier. How did I pull that off? Sheer force of will. That is very good, Dwight.
Dwight Schrute: Thank you very much. Any other questions? Jim?
Jim Halpert: You are bleeding through your shirt.
Dwight Schrute: Oops. That's embarrassing. Egg on my face.
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Andy: So how's what's her name?
Jim Halpert: You know her name.
Andy: Who, Karen? Yeah, she's only one of my oldest friends.
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Jim Halpert 'Goldenface': Oh someones coming all right. The only man who would care: Micheal Scarn. See, I'm going to lure him here. Then I'm gonna kill everybody. Then, I'm gonna dig up Scarn's dead wife and I'm gonna hump her real good. Ha ha ha ha!
Jim Halpert: I did not love the dialogue. Or the character. I took the role to impress a receptionist, who will remain nameless.
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Josh: We just need a strategy, okay? We're gonna set up a trap in the gun room. Alright, Jim, are you using the MP-40 or the 44?
Jim Halpert: Um, sniper rifle?
Josh: Snipe-
Andy: What!?
Josh: Jim! In Caren-
Andy: Are you playing for the other team?
Josh: You don't snipe in Carenton, okay?
Andy: Saboteur! Saboteur!
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Pam Beesly: (Starting to cry) I don't think I can do it.
Jim Halpert: (Comforting Pam) Hey are you kidding me?
Michael Scott: (Behind jim trying to also comfort Pam) Are you kidding me?
Jim Halpert: If anyone can do this, you can do this.
Michael Scott: You can do this, you can do this.
Jim Halpert: Pam, I'm scared. I'm real scared.
Michael Scot: I'm scared too.
Kevin: (Trying to also comfort Pam) I'm petrified.
Jim Halpert: But the best news is, we're going to have a baby today, a really awesome baby
Michael Scott: We're gonna have a Ba-by.
Jim Halpert: So let's have it at the hospital.
Michael Scott: Let's do that.
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Nick: Hey guys. Uh, sorry to interrupt. I just wanted to say good-bye to everyone. Through Teach for America, I'm gonna go down to Detroit and teach inner-city kids about computers.
Gabe: Uh, not now.
Nick: Oh yeah it's just my friends are out in the car waiting so I thought...
Stanley: Phyllis, what's this guy's name again?
Phyllis: I donno. Is it Shadow or Garth? It's something weird, I--
Nick: My name is Nick.
Angela: OK, well, "Nick," we're in a meeting.
Nick: OK look I get it people. I'm the lame IT guy and everybody hates me.
Jim Halpert: Hey listen man you can't take it personally.
Nick: You call me man? I just said my name, just now. Did you forget it already?
Jim Halpert: No... Sport.
Nick: You guys have fifteen parties a week, you can't learn my name?
Dwight Shrute: Hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey, IT Guy. Here's the story Champ. None of us have spent a lot of time getting to know you, OK, we liked the last guy, Sadiq, because he kept to himself. And we also thought he might have been a terrorist. You know what I'm gonna leave you with one other thought. Inner-city kids use computers for two things. Games and porn so good luck wasting your life. Lurch.
Nick: Thank you so much for that. I saw all your hard drives and guess what, [points to Ryan] you're not a photographer [to Kelly] and you definitely can't fit into a size two. Darry man, you're on Facebook. Why you been telling people you're not on Facebook. People wanna be your friend man! Alright. And you, this guy. [points to Andy] You're the one who told the press. You wrote an email to the editor. I saw it and I also saw a Quicktime movie of your little printer fire test on your hard drive. This guy's the snitch, he's the snitch. So, that's it. [gives the finger to the office] Check it out.
[Nick leaves]
Andy: We're gonna believe that guy!?
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