Jim Halpert Quotes From The Office

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Pam Halpert: [after ruining Jim's prank] Sorry.
Jim Halpert: Oh no, I was just going to put a couple keys on everyday until Christmas. Then his pants would've fallen down which was, a little gift to me but...
Pam Halpert: It was really funny...?
Jim Halpert: Well it would've been. So unprofessional Mrs. Halpert.
Pam Halpert: [awkwardly] I love you!
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Jim Halpert: Oh. Andy. I thought of one last tact you can take with Pam.
Andy: Yeah.
Jim Halpert: Quick question - do you play the guitar?
Andy: I play the banjo.
Jim Halpert: Hold on, let me think about that, yes, that'll work. But can you sing in a sexy high falsetto voice?
Andy: [sings in falsetto] You know I can, my man.
Jim Halpert: Yup. That's perfect.
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Kelly: Oh my God. I have so much to tell you!
Jim Halpert: Really?
Kelly: Yes! Tom Cruise and Kakie Holmes, they had a baby and they named it Suri and then Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, they had a baby too and they named it Shylo and both babies are amazing!
Jim Halpert: Great. What's new with you?
Kelly: I just told you.
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Jim Halpert: I guess, all things considered, I was lucky Dwight was there. And Roy was lucky Dwight only used pepper spray. Not the nunchucks or the throwing stars.
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[Pam sits at her desk and finds her plant dead]
Pam Halpert: [to Jim, disappointed] Couldn't have watered it?
Jim Halpert: I literally did not know that existed, until this moment.
Dwight Shrute: Well I knew it existed, and I chose to let it die.
Pam Halpert: It's nice to see you again Dwight.
Dwight Shrute: Hello Pam.
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David Wallace: What's with Jan and Michael?
Jim Halpert: I donno. Where to begin...
[both laugh]
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Jim Halpert: Aaaand that is why we waited so long to tell people.
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[the office is gathered around Stanley's computer, all talking at once about Hilary Swank]
Kevin: Not at all.
Creed: She's cute.
Meredith: She's got mean eyes.
Pam Beesly: [walking over] Have you seen her with her bangs?
Kevin: She looks like a monster.
Jim Halpert: Guys, she is a beautiful movie star. So, maybe we could just, go to work.
Meredith: She is an amazing actress.
Kevin: That's not the question.
Phyllis: She's not hot.
Kevin: Yeah! Thank you Phyllis.
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Dwight Schrute: Who stands to benefit from our downfall?
Jim Halpert: The Mob? Maybe NASA?
Dwight Schrute: Could be the mob. But then Dunder Mifflin would need to be a front for money laundering and there is little evidence of that.
Jim Halpert: Is there some evidence of that?
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Jim Halpert: How much weight have you lost, Dwight?
Dwight Schrute: I am hardly the problem, Jim.
Jim Halpert: No you're definitely the problem.
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Meredith: Hey! There he is.
Jim Halpert: Hey Meredith. How you feeling?
Meredith: I never thanked you for coming to the hospital.
Jim Halpert: Oh please, it was my pleasure- well we all came, so.
Meredith: I really appreciate you coming... I'm singling you ouuuut.
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Jim Halpert: [writing on a whiteboard] Jan is about to have a baby with a sperm donor. And, Michael, is preparing for the birth of a watermelon with Dwight. Now, this baby will be related to Michael through... [writes a question mark] Delusion.
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