Jim Halpert Quotes From The Office
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| Dwight Schrute: | Who is Justice Beaver? |
| Jim Halpert: | A crime fighting beaver. |
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| [Dwight and Jim sit next to each other in the conference room] | |
| Both: | Go ahead. |
| Dwight Schrute: | You do it. |
| Jim Halpert: | Ok-- |
| Dwight Schrute: | I insist. |
| Jim Halpert: | Basically after Phyllis blackmailed Angela, Michael asked them both to step down from the party planning committee because there was too much drama-- |
| Dwight Schrute: | [raising his finger in front of Jim's face] What he said was-- |
| Jim Halpert: | Just take it easy-- |
| Dwight Schrute: | --there was a problem with having one head of the party planning committee. She becomes too powerful. So he appointed two heads. |
| Both: | I am a paper salesman. This is humiliating. / Party planning, this is literally the stupidest thing I've ever done. |
| [they fight over elbow room on the chair arm rests] | |
| Dwight Schrute: | That's-- on my side. |
| Jim Halpert: | So this is fun. |
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| Jim Halpert: | It's just that Pam gets me through the day, you know? I really rely on her. I'm pretty emotionally needy. |
| Andy: | And you know what? I am here for you. Let me be, your, traveling pants. |
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| Michael Scott: | And then, I think I am going to go to the garlic festival. |
| Jim Halpert: | Wow. |
| Michael Scott: | Sounds like fun. You guys would love it. They have a TCBY booth! Same stuff you get downtown. Do you like TCBY? |
| Jim Halpert: | Who doesn't? |
| Michael Scott: | "I can't believe it's... I can't believe it's yogurt." |
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| Dwight Schrute: | [Reading Jim's note] Will you be my valentine? No. |
| Jim Halpert: | Aw nuts. |
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| Jim Halpert: | You're an exec, at Pennsylvania Solar Tech-- |
| Oscar: | That sounds fake! |
| Dwight Schrute: | I told you! You are an exec at Stark Industries! A corporation you inherited from your father-- |
| Jim Halpert: | Stop! Stop. Stop it. Here's the story. They need Meredith somewhere else ASAP. Ok? So you're taking over you just gotta get her outta there as soon as you can. Alright? |
| Oscar: | Ok I can do that, then what? |
| Dwight Schrute: | Make him pitch to you! You gotta see what he's got. And remember, you're not gay! |
| Jim Halpert: | Stop it! |
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| Jim Halpert: | Listen Michael, I really... I did text Pam, but... |
| Michael Scott: | I know, it's okay. Just, give her a hug. Alright? |
| Jim Halpert: | [shakes Michael's hand] I will see you, tomorrow at lunch. |
| Michael Scott: | I am looking forward to lunch. And hearing about what a great boss I am. |
| Jim Halpert: | [chuckles] You got it. |
| Michael Scott: | Okay... [crosses Jim off his list] |
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| Andy: | Oh my god! |
| Jim Halpert: | Oh MY god. |
| Andy: | I had no idea! |
| Jim Halpert: | Well. That's not going to hold up in court. |
| Andy: | We didn't do anything illegal-- Except knock over that mail box with her friends... |
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| Kelly: | I mean I just said it to him. Can you believe that? |
| Jim Halpert: | Wow. |
| Kelly: | Oh my God, Jim, is that embarrassing? I'm embarrassed. |
| Jim Halpert: | No don't be. |
| Kelly: | Oh thank God. Because I was nervous Jim, you will not believe. I was so nervous. |
| Jim Halpert: | I bet. |
| Kelly: | But now-now I have a boyfriend. |
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| Jim Halpert: | I have a question for you. |
| Pam Beesly: | What? |
| Jim Halpert: | How many words per minute does the average person type? |
| Pam Beesly: | I type ninety. |
| Jim Halpert: | Shut up. Mavis Beacon doesn't even type ninety. |
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| Jim Halpert: | I'm just saying that you can't be sure it wasn't you. |
| Dwight Shrute: | That's ridiculous. Of course it wasn't me. |
| Jim Halpert: | Marijuana is a memory loss drug, so maybe you just don't remember. |
| Dwight Shrute: | I would remember. |
| Jim Halpert: | Well, how could you if it just erased your memory? |
| Dwight Shrute: | That's not how it works! |
| Jim Halpert: | Now how do you know how it works? |
| Dwight Shrute: | Knock it off, okay? I'm interviewing you! |
| Jim Halpert: | No! You said I'd be conducting the interview when I walked in here! Now, exactly how much pot did you smoke? |
| [Dwight looks shocked] |
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| Jim Halpert: | I don't really know Ronnie. But I have a feeling I will get to know her very well over the next few years. And eventually declare my love for her. |