Jim Halpert Quotes From The Office
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| Jim Halpert: | Once a year Dwight holds a seminar updating us on the newest developments in the world of karate... because as we all know, the one thing thousand year martial arts do all the time is change. |
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| Dwight Schrute: | [Reading Jim's note] Will you be my valentine? No. |
| Jim Halpert: | Aw nuts. |
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| Dwight Schrute: | You snubbed her. |
| Jim Halpert: | Dwight please. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Let me handle this Jim. [aggressively] Drop the act, Cordrea. Ok? [Pam walks in behind Dwight] We all know, that you probably thought, that Pam was too, "Meh." Or "too thin without being toned." But I wanna tell you something. She is one of the plain, hearty women of Scranton that make this city great. And so what if she doesn't wear makeup! [Pam mouths "I wear makeup..."] We like her better that way! And you steal clients, don't you. Don't you! [gets in Danny's face] |
| Danny: | That's different. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Ohh that's different. Is it? Ok. Thief! Better check your things people--In fact where are my keys? [checks pocket] Oh. They're in my pocket. False alarm. |
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| Michael Scott: | Monkey see, monkey do. |
| Jim Halpert: | That's it. |
| Michael Scott: | Monkey pee all over you. |
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| Jim Halpert: | You have what is the national sport of Icelandic paper companies-and I'm blanking on the name, could you help me out, Pam? |
| Pam Beesly: | Jim, they refer to it as.....Flonkerton. In English, box of paper snowshoe racing. |
| Jim Halpert: | Fair enough, but I like Flonkerton. |
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| Gabe: | When you're dealing with a large organization, sometimes you have to put up with policies you don't like. I wish my gym didn't allow full nudity in the locker room. Ok so these old guys walking around naked... feels almost passive-agressive. But I deal with it, because it's policy. See what I mean? |
| Jim Halpert: | Nope. |
| Gabe: | Nudity makes me uncomfortable. |
| Jim Halpert: | Ok. |
| Gabe: | My gym allows it. I wish they didn't but it's policy. So I respect it and I just look away. Think about you commission cap as a naked old man in a gym locker room. |
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| [phone rings] | |
| Jim Halpert: | Hello this is Dwight. [switches to accent] Hello Motta. I have married. Tell Fadda. [hangs up] |
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| Jim Halpert: | Who would you do? |
| Kevin: | Present company excluded? |
| Jim Halpert: | Not necessarily... |
| Kevin: | Pam. |
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| Andy: | So she looks really hot, so I said, 'you look hotter than usual today.' [...] So, she looks at me right? And she goes, 'I'm sorry, do I even know you?' After a year! A year of buying lattes from her. Do you believe that? |
| Jim Halpert: | Yes. |
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| Jim Halpert: | You're not leaving tomorrow. You're leaving today right? |
| Michael Scott: | Maybe. |
| Jim Halpert: | Wow, so that's it huh? Just, four o'clock and you are gone for good. |
| Michael Scott: | Why am I so sad? Am I doing the wrong thing? |
| Jim Halpert: | Absolutely not. It's just that sometimes... goodbyes are a bitch. |
| Michael Scott: | [pulls out a recorder and speaks softly into it] T-Shirt idea, goodbyes stink. |
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| Ryan: | Do you know if shes looking for something long-term or if she'd be cool just hangin' out? |
| Jim Halpert: | I have no idea. |
| Ryan: | Could ya find out? |
| Jim Halpert: | ...Yeah. Sure. |
| [later] | |
| Kelly: | Oh, long-term definitely. Fall in love, have babies, spend every second together. But don't tell him that, okay? Just tell him I'm like up for anything, I mean I'm not a slut, but who knows? |
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| Karen: | Hi David, I would like to apply for the corporate job in well. |
| Jim Halpert: | In well? How would that work? |
| [Karen smacks Jim] | |
| Jim Halpert: | Wait... if this job is in a well, I don't want it. |