Jim Halpert Quotes From The Office

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Andy Bernard What else can be done with paper?
Jim Halpert You can write a book... about... chairs.
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Jim Halpert: So you're not doing it.
Pam Beesly: How did you know?
Jim Halpert: Why not?
Pam Beesly: Just, like, no big reason. Just a bunch of little reasons. Roy's right there's no guarantee it's going to lead to anything anyway.
Jim Halpert: Roy said that.
Pam Beesly: What. You have something you wanna say?
Jim Halpert: You gotta take a chance on something sometime Pam. I mean do you wanna be a receptionist here always?
Pam Beesly: Oh excuse me! I'm fine with my choices!
Jim Halpert: You are?
Pam Beesly: Yeah.
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Jim Halpert: Ok as far as dinner tonight, cancel that. And please, for both of our sake's, never, ever, ever see her again.
Michael Scott: I think you're underestimating Pam. I think more than anything she wants me to be happy.
Jim Halpert: No. Not more than anything.
Michael Scott: Ok. I have a good thing with the mom.
Jim Halpert: Don't call her the mom.
Michael Scott: She's right on my way home from work.
Jim Halpert: THEN TAKE A DIFFERENT WAY HOME MAN!
Michael Scott: Alright! I'll take surface streets...
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Michael Scott [reading] "This morning, I found a bloody glove in my desk drawer and Jim Halpert tried to convince me I committed murder. I think he may be the real murderer." [flips to another paper] "Jim Halpert said there was an abandoned infant in the woman's room. When I went to save the child, I saw Meredith on the can." Gah. "This morning, I knocked myself in the head with the phone."
Jim Halpert [cuts to camera] That actually took a while. I had to put, uh, more and more nickels into his handset, till he got used to the weight, and then I just... took 'em all out.
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Michael Scott: You show me a white man you trust and I will show you a black man that I trust even more. Pam, tell me a white person you trust.
Pam Beesly: My dad.
Michael Scott: Danny Glover. Yep.
Jim Halpert: Jonas Salk.
Michael Scott: Who?
Jim Halpert: Justin Timberlake.
Michael Scott: Oh, please. Colin Powell.
Karen: Hey, I got one.
Michael Scott: Yup.
Karen: Jesus.
Michael Scott: Apollo Creed.
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Jim Halpert: Each Boston baked bean represents half a percent raise. We each got 24 beans, so the idea is you place the bean on the picture [walking around the table] of who you think deserv...Who's that? [Pointing to a hand drawn picture that looks like a monster]
Michael Scott: Toby.
Jim Halpert: He's not a part of this you know that.
Michael Scott: Just wanted to draw a picture of him.
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Jim Halpert: Oh my God. Now she's up and she's trying to describe how to correctly butcher a goose, but she's having trouble coming up with it.
Dwight Schrute: Ok. Cindy. Yo! Cindy, Cindy! Hold its neck back, insert the knife beneath the jaw, bring it all the way around. There's gonna be a good amount of blood. But don't let that bother you. Have a bucket there. For the blood, and the innards and the feathers.
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Ryan: [referring to Kelly] What did she say?
Jim Halpert: She said lots of things.
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Jim Halpert: Dwight and I used to go on call sales all the time. In fact I have a picture to remember that time. Oh young Jim. There's just so much I need to warn you about. And yet, tragically, I cannot.
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Michael Scott: [on his cellphone] No, I'll talk to her. No, nobody talks to my baby that way. Yeah I'll let you know how it goes. Alright. Bye, Pickle. [hangs up and walks into the conference room] Pamela Morgan Beesly you need to apologize to your mother right now.
Angela: I'm sorry, I was told I have the floor.
Oscar: Whoa hold on, hold on. What's going on?
Jim Halpert: Nothing! Nothing at all. "It's all goood."
Pam Beesly: I'm not apologizing to anyone. Michael owes ME an apology.
Michael Scott: For trying to find happiness in the arms of a lover?
Pam Beesly: Don't call my mother your lover!
Kevin: Yes! That's what I'm talking about.
Andy: That is not ok dude!
Michael Scott: Ok, in my defence--
Phyllis: Disgusting.
Creed: That's messed up man.
Pam Beesly: Yes. Thank you. Welcome to my personal hell!
Oscar: You have no sense of boundaries, Michael.
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Pam Beesly: This is the best burger I've ever had, babe.
Jim Halpert: Babe, I should have told you but, I did something bad.
Pam Beesly: Mm?
Jim Halpert: I stole this. [holds up Hunter's CD] For you, babe.
Send "The Office Theme Song" Ringtone to your Cell
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Pam Beesly: I think Michael may have snapped.
Jim Halpert: Or maybe he's just stuck in character.
Pam Beesly: Which is worse? Snapped or stuck?
Jim Halpert: Both. They're both worse.
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