Jim Halpert Quotes From The Office
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| Michael Scott: | Here's what we brought. We brought uniforms from the warehouse. I brought Silly String, Dwight brought gasoline and chunks of rubber to make stink bombs. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Or real bombs. |
| Michael Scott: | No, no. Not real bombs. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Yeah come on it would be so badass. |
| Michael Scott: | Mmm maybe. I donno. I donno. Would be badass. |
| Jim Halpert: | No. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Yeah! It will. |
| Jim Halpert: | Absolutely we're not doing this. |
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| Jim Halpert: | I just spent two hours listening to Michael Clump. I have a pain in my side that I'm pretty sure is an ulcer. My girlfriend's in New York, and I haven't seen her in 10 days. How's your summer? |
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| Dwight Schrute: | Do you want to form an alliance, with me? |
| Jim Halpert: | Absolutely I do. |
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| Pam Beesly: | We don't normally download films illegally. Because we're honest hard-working people. |
| Jim Halpert: | And we don't know how. |
| Pam Beesly: | But Andy does, so we have to watch it with him. |
| Jim Halpert: | Punishment fits the crime. |
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| Kelly: | Yeah your nephew is so lame. |
| Creed: | He's been trashing us relentlessly on Twitter. It's funny stuff, but mean. |
| Jim Halpert: | You follow him on Twitter? |
| [cut to talking head] | |
| Creed: | Everywhere I look it's Betty White this and Betty White that. Finally a kid who's not talking about Betty White. Of course I follow him. |
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| Jim Halpert: | Where do you wanna go for dinner? |
| Pam Beesley: | I donno I kind of hate all our regular places right now. [pause] Oh, you know what? That one-- |
| [Jim stops and gets down on one knee] | |
| Jim Halpert: | Hey Pam. Will you wait for me one second, while I tie my shoe? |
| Pam Beesley: | I hate you. |
| [Jim catches up to Pam, both laughing] | |
| Jim Halpert: | What! My shoe was untied. What is your problem? Oh my God! You thought I was- Oh, no no... |
| Pam Beesley: | Ohh how could I have thought that? How could I have though that? |
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| Jim Halpert: | I don't have a ton of contact with the Scranton branch, but before I left I took a box of Dwight's stationary. So, from time to time I send Dwight faxes. From himself. From the future. |
| [as Jim reads the letter the camera cuts to Dwight reading] | |
| 'Dwight, at eight a.m. today, someone poisons the coffee. Do not drink the coffee. More instructions will follow. Cordially, future Dwight.' | |
| Dwight Schrute: | Nooo! [knocks coffee out of Stanley's hand] You'll thank me later. |
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| Pam Beesly: | I lied about some aspects of the building. |
| Jim Halpert: | It's still on a bike path though right? |
| Pam Beesly: | There's no building... it doesn't exist. |
| Jim Halpert: | What does that mean? |
| Pam Beesly: | I needed leverage so I pulled those pictures off the internet. It's just this Office Administrator thing. I don't wanna... |
| Jim Halpert: | What? |
| Pam Beesly: | Fail. I don't want to fail... again. |
| Jim Halpert: | But you didn't fail. |
| Pam Beesly: | And that's what you said about Art School, and that's what you said about sales. |
| Jim Halpert: | And you didn't fail those things either. |
| Pam Beesly: | Well, I'm not an artist, and I'm not a salesman. So what would you call it? |
| Jim Halpert: | Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. [hugs] |
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| Jim Halpert: | So, how do you guys know each other? |
| Dwight's Babysitter: | I was his babysitter. |
| Pam Beesly: | And now you guys are, dating? |
| Dwight Schrute: | Purely carnal. That's all you need to know. |
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| [at Jim and Dwight's desks] | |
| Michael Scott: | Well? |
| Dwight Schrute: | Not yet. |
| Jim Halpert: | When? |
| Andy: | When what? [Michael clears his throat] When what? |
| Michael Scott: | You know this can't go on. |
| Andy: | What can't go on? |
| Michael Scott: | We have to put an end to this. [nods Dwight and Jim into his office] |
| Andy: | [as they're walking away] It seems like, you guys should.. be hearing what I'm saying. |
| [Michael's office door closes] |
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| Michael Scott: | I see the sales dept as the furnace |
| Phyllis: | The furnace? |
| Jim Halpert: | How old is the ship? |
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| Dwight Schrute | Okay, you know what? This isn't working because uh, I'm not nervous in front of them, they're my subordinates. |
| Jim Halpert: | Uh, no we're not. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Ah, yes you are, I am assistant regional manger. |
| Jim Halpert: | Which means absolutely nothing. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Michael can you explain? |
| Michael Scott: | Well, it's mostly made up.. so.. |