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The Office Quotes (NBC) | Jim Halpert Quotes

Jim Halpert Quotes From The Office

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[Dwight and Jim sit next to each other in the conference room]
Both: Go ahead.
Dwight Schrute: You do it.
Jim Halpert: Ok--
Dwight Schrute: I insist.
Jim Halpert: Basically after Phyllis blackmailed Angela, Michael asked them both to step down from the party planning committee because there was too much drama--
Dwight Schrute: [raising his finger in front of Jim's face] What he said was--
Jim Halpert: Just take it easy--
Dwight Schrute: --there was a problem with having one head of the party planning committee. She becomes too powerful. So he appointed two heads.
Both: I am a paper salesman. This is humiliating. / Party planning, this is literally the stupidest thing I've ever done.
[they fight over elbow room on the chair arm rests]
Dwight Schrute: That's-- on my side.
Jim Halpert: So this is fun.
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Dwight Schrute Okay, you know what? This isn't working because uh, I'm not nervous in front of them, they're my subordinates.
Jim Halpert: Uh, no we're not.
Dwight Schrute: Ah, yes you are, I am assistant regional manger.
Jim Halpert: Which means absolutely nothing.
Dwight Schrute: Michael can you explain?
Michael Scott: Well, it's mostly made up.. so..
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Michael Scott: Maybe there's some sort of animal we could make a sacrifice to. Like a giant buffalo or some sort of monster like something like the body of a walrus with the head of a sea lion. Or something with the body of an egret with the head of a meerkat. Or just the head of a monkey with the antlers of a reindeer with the body of a ... porcupine.
Jim Halpert: I'll do some research.
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Jim Halpert: This is literally how they built the pyramids.
Dwight Schrute: Well, they whipped people, which was helpful.
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Oscar: We should all make sure to give him a big tip this Christmas.
Toby: Sorry guys but I don't think I tipped him for last year's.
Angela: No neither did I.
Phyllis: Jim was supposed to collect it.
Jim Halpert: [long awkward pause] Yep.
Kevin: Way to go man.
Kelly: Now he's never gonna come.
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Jim Halpert: It's under here as "Security Guard Home" did you not get his name or?
Toby: No.
Jim Halpert: It's ringing. Does anyone have his name? Quick?
Andy: Yes. It's Eddy.
Jim Halpert: It's not- it's not Eddy. It's Edmund or--
Creed: Hank. His name is Hank.
Jim Halpert: Oh guys his name's not Hank it's uh.. is it Edgar?
Phyllis: Elliot.
Oscar: Elliot!
Jim Halpert: Is it Elli-- [to cell phone] Hey... Chief. This is uh, Jim Halpert from, um, where you work. [staggered] You are the guy who sits behind the desk, you're- you're the a-African American guy. I mean you're uhh-- Who have I got here?
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Michael Scott: Ok. We need, a golden ticket idea idea, to get us out of this mess.
Pam Beesly: Does that mean an idea that blows up in our faces later?
Jim Halpert: Good one.
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Jim Halpert: Hhhhank. Is that you?
Security guard: Yeah.
Jim Halpert: Still haven't left the house yet, huh?
Security guard: I'm gettin' ready to leave.
Jim Halpert: Good. Please hurry.
Security guard: Stop callin' me so I can put on my damn socks.
Jim Halpert: Will do. [hangs up] I'll stop calling.
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Jim Halpert: If we get this, they might not have to downsize our branch. And I could work here for years. Years. Years...
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Jim Halpert: He has not stopped working... for a second. At 12:45, he sneezed, while keeping his eyes open, which I always thought was impossible. At 1:32 he peed. And I know that because he did that in an open soda bottle, under the desk, while filling out expense reports. And on the flip side, I've been so busy watching him that I haven't even started work. It's exhausting, being this vigilant. I'll probably have to go home early today.
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Andy Bernard: We have such a roller coaster thing, Karen and I.
Jim Halpert: Excuse me?
Andy Bernard: Roller coastery friendship. Hot, cold, on-again, off-again, sexual tension-filled type of deal. It's very Sam and Diane.
Jim Halpert: Wow.
Andy Bernard: From Cheers.
Jim Halpert: Yep.
Send "The Office Theme Song" Ringtone to your Cell
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Michael Scott: I need my entourage. Jim! Dwight! Ryan! Common we're going to Asian Hooters.
Ryan: Oh man I can't.
Michael Scott: Why not?
Ryan: I'm not feeling so well. I've got a ton of work to do here. MSG allergy. Peanut allergy. I just ate there last night.
Michael Scott: Ok. Feel better. Common Jim, let's go.
Jim Halpert: Wow. Thanks for taking all the excuses, dude.
Ryan: Doctor appointment, car trouble, plantar warts, granddad fought in World War II. Use your head, man. I keep mine in here. Look alive, Halpert. Welcome back.
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Quotes from  Michael Scott  Dwight Schrute  Creed Bratton  Pam  Random Quotes from All Seasons

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