Jim Halpert Quotes From The Office

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Jim Halpert: [Jim to Michael after he tried to make Ryan sit on his lap] You can't yell out 'I need this I need this' as you pin down an employee on your lap.
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Kelly: You know what Dwight? You need to go back there and you need to Pretty Woman their asses.
Creed: We should start our own mall!
Erin: Yeah!
Jim Halpert: Wait wait wait actually that's a really good idea Kelly.
Kelly: What did I say.
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Dwight Schrute: Where is my desk?
Jim Halpert: That is weird.
Dwight Schrute: This is not funny. This is totally unprofessional.
Jim Halpert: Okay, well you're the one who lost the desk.
Dwight Schrute: I did not lose my desk!
Jim Halpert: Okay, calm down. Where was the last place you saw it?
Dwight Schrute: Okay, who moved my desk!
Jim Halpert: I think you should retrace your steps.
Dwight Schrute: I am going to tell Michael and this entire office will be punished.
Jim Halpert: [Directing Dwight to his desk] Colder....warmer.....little warmer....there you go...ooo warmer....warmer....warmer, warmer....COLD, COLD, COLD...back up....oooo....warmer...HOT, RED HOT.
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Michael Scott: Jim! Could you come in here please? [Jim walks into Michael's office, see's computer's face. Stops]
Harvey: Hi, Jim.
Jim Halpert: [surprised] Hello.
Harvey: I am Harvey, a computer. Jim sucks.
Michael Scott: [snorts with laughter] I'm sorry.
Jim Halpert: Zing.
Michael Scott: Oh, wow! That's so rude. I'm sorry, I can't control him.
Jim Halpert: Yeah, you can.
Michael Scott: You know what? Get Pam.
Jim Halpert: For this?
Michael Scott: PAM!
Harvey: [as Pam walks in] Pam, you look very hot today.
Michael Scott: [giggles]
Jim Halpert: Pam, meet Harvey. This is Michael's new friend.
Pam Beesly: Great.
Harvey: Me so horny, me love you long tim.
Michael Scott: Ah! Oohhh!
Jim Halpert: Woah . . .
Michael Scott: That is gross!
Pam Beesly: Who's Long Tim?
Michael Scott: Dammit.
Harvey: Long time. Me lobe yoy long time.
Jim Halpert: Ah, well, Yoy should bring Long Tim in one day.
Michael Scott: No . . .
Pam Beesly: I'd love to meet Long Tim.
Jim Halpert: Yeah, right?
Pam Beesly: Yeah.
Harvey: You ruined a funny joke you. Get out of my offive.
Jim Halpert: Ok.
Pam Beesly: Ok. Bye, Harvey!
Harvey: Boobs.
Michael Scott: [giggles]
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Jim Halpert: At that moment I was just, so happy. I mean everything that Dwight does annoys me... and I spend hours thinking of ways to get back at him. But only in ways that would get me arrested- and then here he comes and says he says, 'No, Jim - here's a way.'
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Jim Halpert: I'm just hiding out until all this stuff, blows over. With Creed. Playing chess. At work. He's winning! [catches himself] I feel like I'm describing a dream I had.
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Jim Halpert: Can we not?
Michael Scott: No, yes we have to, know why? Because I don't like to be cooped up in that office, in that box, all day long. Heisman!
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[Jim enters Michael's office where Oscar, Stanley, Kelly and Creed are sitting across from Michael]
Jim Halpert: Ok I thought I saw people missing.
Michael Scott: Yeah. Just focus grouping a product expansion idea to these folks. Got one of each.
Jim Halpert: Really. Hey Stanley, what was the last thing Michael said before I came through the door.
Michael Scott: Stanley you don't need to answer that.
Jim Halpert: Stanley?
Stanley: "If you don't smell this you're fired."
Jim Halpert: Ok. Michael, I thought we agreed to not take up people's time with meetings like these.
Michael Scott: What do you mean by "these people"?
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Michael Scott: You know there's no easy way to do this. I say we add 1.5% to their paycheques and don't say anything about it.
Jim Halpert: Do you mean like, break-in in the middle of the night and change the numbers on payroll?
Michael Scott: No we can do it during the day. It doesn't have to be that dramatic, Jim.
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Jim Halpert: Ok, ladies and gentlemen, welcome! I know you're all very excited but, no matter who gets this, 'I just wanna say that you guys are all employees of the month' in my eyes.
[exaggerated laugh from Dwight]
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Jim Halpert: There's this cube on the screen which bounces around all day. And sometimes, it looks like it's going right in the corner of the screen and at the last minute it hits the wall and bounces away. We are all just dying to see it go right into the corner. Pam claims that she saw it one day when she was alone in the conference room. Okay. I believe she thinks she saw it.
Pam Beesly: I saw it. I saw it and it was amazing. Who said I didn't see it? Did Jim say that I didn't see it? I saw it!
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