Jim Halpert Quotes From The Office

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Dwight Schrute: Who is Justice Beaver?
Jim Halpert: A crime fighting beaver.
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[Dwight and Jim sit next to each other in the conference room]
Both: Go ahead.
Dwight Schrute: You do it.
Jim Halpert: Ok--
Dwight Schrute: I insist.
Jim Halpert: Basically after Phyllis blackmailed Angela, Michael asked them both to step down from the party planning committee because there was too much drama--
Dwight Schrute: [raising his finger in front of Jim's face] What he said was--
Jim Halpert: Just take it easy--
Dwight Schrute: --there was a problem with having one head of the party planning committee. She becomes too powerful. So he appointed two heads.
Both: I am a paper salesman. This is humiliating. / Party planning, this is literally the stupidest thing I've ever done.
[they fight over elbow room on the chair arm rests]
Dwight Schrute: That's-- on my side.
Jim Halpert: So this is fun.
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Jim Halpert: It's just that Pam gets me through the day, you know? I really rely on her. I'm pretty emotionally needy.
Andy: And you know what? I am here for you. Let me be, your, traveling pants.
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Michael Scott: And then, I think I am going to go to the garlic festival.
Jim Halpert: Wow.
Michael Scott: Sounds like fun. You guys would love it. They have a TCBY booth! Same stuff you get downtown. Do you like TCBY?
Jim Halpert: Who doesn't?
Michael Scott: "I can't believe it's... I can't believe it's yogurt."
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Dwight Schrute: [Reading Jim's note] Will you be my valentine? No.
Jim Halpert: Aw nuts.
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Jim Halpert: You're an exec, at Pennsylvania Solar Tech--
Oscar: That sounds fake!
Dwight Schrute: I told you! You are an exec at Stark Industries! A corporation you inherited from your father--
Jim Halpert: Stop! Stop. Stop it. Here's the story. They need Meredith somewhere else ASAP. Ok? So you're taking over you just gotta get her outta there as soon as you can. Alright?
Oscar: Ok I can do that, then what?
Dwight Schrute: Make him pitch to you! You gotta see what he's got. And remember, you're not gay!
Jim Halpert: Stop it!
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Jim Halpert: Listen Michael, I really... I did text Pam, but...
Michael Scott: I know, it's okay. Just, give her a hug. Alright?
Jim Halpert: [shakes Michael's hand] I will see you, tomorrow at lunch.
Michael Scott: I am looking forward to lunch. And hearing about what a great boss I am.
Jim Halpert: [chuckles] You got it.
Michael Scott: Okay... [crosses Jim off his list]
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Andy: Oh my god!
Jim Halpert: Oh MY god.
Andy: I had no idea!
Jim Halpert: Well. That's not going to hold up in court.
Andy: We didn't do anything illegal-- Except knock over that mail box with her friends...
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Kelly: I mean I just said it to him. Can you believe that?
Jim Halpert: Wow.
Kelly: Oh my God, Jim, is that embarrassing? I'm embarrassed.
Jim Halpert: No don't be.
Kelly: Oh thank God. Because I was nervous Jim, you will not believe. I was so nervous.
Jim Halpert: I bet.
Kelly: But now-now I have a boyfriend.
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Jim Halpert: I have a question for you.
Pam Beesly: What?
Jim Halpert: How many words per minute does the average person type?
Pam Beesly: I type ninety.
Jim Halpert: Shut up. Mavis Beacon doesn't even type ninety.
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Jim Halpert: I'm just saying that you can't be sure it wasn't you.
Dwight Shrute: That's ridiculous. Of course it wasn't me.
Jim Halpert: Marijuana is a memory loss drug, so maybe you just don't remember.
Dwight Shrute: I would remember.
Jim Halpert: Well, how could you if it just erased your memory?
Dwight Shrute: That's not how it works!
Jim Halpert: Now how do you know how it works?
Dwight Shrute: Knock it off, okay? I'm interviewing you!
Jim Halpert: No! You said I'd be conducting the interview when I walked in here! Now, exactly how much pot did you smoke?
[Dwight looks shocked]
Send "The Office Theme Song" Ringtone to your Cell
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Jim Halpert: I don't really know Ronnie. But I have a feeling I will get to know her very well over the next few years. And eventually declare my love for her.
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