Jim Halpert Quotes From The Office
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| Josh: | We just need a strategy, okay? We're gonna set up a trap in the gun room. Alright, Jim, are you using the MP-40 or the 44? |
| Jim Halpert: | Um, sniper rifle? |
| Josh: | Snipe- |
| Andy: | What!? |
| Josh: | Jim! In Caren- |
| Andy: | Are you playing for the other team? |
| Josh: | You don't snipe in Carenton, okay? |
| Andy: | Saboteur! Saboteur! |
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| Mr. McGuire: | Let's make it interesting, say, uh, ten bucks a hole? |
| Jim Halpert: | Great. |
| Kevin: | What are we talking? Skins? Acee Deucee? Bingo Bango Bongo? Sandies? Barkies? Wolf? What? |
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| Jim Halpert: | He's gonna kill himself, pretending to kill himself. |
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| Jim Halpert: | I've been studying Michael for years and I've condensed what I've learned into this chart. [holds up pie chart] "How Michael Spends His Time." You can see we have "procrastinating," and "distracting others," and this tiny sliver here, is "critical thinking." I made it bigger. So that you could see it. |
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| Jim Halpert: | Hhhhank. Is that you? |
| Security guard: | Yeah. |
| Jim Halpert: | Still haven't left the house yet, huh? |
| Security guard: | I'm gettin' ready to leave. |
| Jim Halpert: | Good. Please hurry. |
| Security guard: | Stop callin' me so I can put on my damn socks. |
| Jim Halpert: | Will do. [hangs up] I'll stop calling. |
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| Jim Halpert: | This is parkour. Internet sensation of 2004. And it was in one of the Bond films. It's pretty impressive. The goal is to get from point A to point B as creatively as possible so technically they are doing parkour, as long as point A is delusion and point B is the hospital. |
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| Creed: | I hate Devil's Food. |
| Jim Halpert: | Well I think Meredith-- |
| Creed: | Screw Meredith! I don't think it's fair to let someone else pick the cake on my birthday. |
| Jim Halpert: | Everybody's birthday. |
| Creed: | Today is actually my birthday and I wanna pick the cake. |
| Jim Halpert: | What do you want? |
| Creed: | Pie. Peach pie. |
| Jim Halpert: | You want a birthday pie? |
| Creed: | I want a nice cobbler. |
| Jim Halpert: | Well I'll talk to Angela and we're gonna see what we can do about a pie. |
| Creed: | I don't care who you talk to just make it happen. |
| Jim Halpert: | It'll be Angela. |
| Creed: | Tell her it's for Creed. She'll know what that means. |
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| Bob Vance: | Everyone here whose bowled a 280, please raise your hand. [raises his hand] |
| Jim Halpert: | No way, 280? |
| Pam Beesly: | That's impressive. |
| Phyllis: | Ok. Now everyone here whose bowled under seventy raise their hand. |
| Jim Halpert: | Yikes. |
| Phyllis: | Come on, Bob, raise your hand. |
| Jim Halpert: | No! |
| Pam Beesly: | What! |
| Bob Vance: | You love bringing up that one time, don't you? |
| Phyllis: | Yeah! I do! |
| Pam Beesly: | Jim uses a six pound ball. |
| Jim Halpert: | That is a lie, that is a lie. |
| Pam Beesly: | Yes! He bowled five frames with this pink sparkly thing, until a little girl had to ask for her ball back. |
| Jim Halpert: | But that girl must have had monstrous hands because the holes fit. |
| Pam Beesly: | No, you just have really dainty fingers. |
| Bob Vance: | Ohh. You could always model ladies jewelery. |
| Jim Halpert: | Nobody asked, Bob! |
| [all laugh] |
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| Oscar: | Kevin and I play this paper football game when Michael's out. |
| Kevin: | Or when we're bored. |
| Jim Halpert: | [uncovers the score-keeping sheet] Oh my God! Wait, this goes back two years. |
| Kevin: | We're bored a lot. |
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| Jim Halpert: | This is awkward to talk about but there may or may not be but definitely is a mutiny forming in the warehouse right now. |
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| Jim Halpert: | I miss Dwight. Congratulations Universe. You win. |
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| Jim Halpert: | [After exiting a storage closet with Pam] We took a walk... |
| Pam Beesly: | We took a walk. |