Jim Halpert Quotes From The Office

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Jim Halpert: Aaaand that is why we waited so long to tell people.
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Michael Scott: You know what eats a large amount of the day are naps. You go to sleep it's light out, you wake up it's dark. That's the whole day. Where did that day go? I have no idea.
Jim Halpert: You mean on a weekend.
[awkward pause]
Michael Scott: Yes.
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Jim Halpert: What a night...
Michael Scott: Yeah, well. Good for you, your friend got engaged.
Jim Halpert: She was already engaged.
Michael Scott: Roy said the first one didn't count.
Jim Halpert: That's... great.
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Pam Beesly: Oh don't get us wrong, we like picnics.
Jim Halpert: Come on, who doesn't like a picnic.
Pam Beesly: Tell 'em what happened last year.
Jim Halpert: I had this huge spider in my baseball mitt--
Pam Beesly: No, no, the guy who hit on me.
Jim Halpert: Oh right, some drunk guy hit on Pam... said he was "grabbing her for balance."
Pam Beesly: Yeah. You don't grab /these/ for balance.
Jim Halpert: Well..
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Jim Halpert: Wow it's a little early for ice cream don't you think?
Michael Scott: It's never too early for ice cream, Jim. But we didn't have any ice cream, so this is mayonnaise and black olives.
Jim and Pam: [scream out of disgust]
Michael Scott: It's comfort food, alright?
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Jim Halpert: Hi, yeah, can I talk to one of your travel agents? Where do I want to go, um, that is an excellent question- One I probably should have thought of before I called you.
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Andy: Big idea. Double wedding. Me, Angela, you, Holly.
Michael Scott: No, we would never do that, and if we did it would be with Jim and Pam.
Jim Halpert: Yeah, we'd never do that.
Michael Scott: Yeah, so there you go.
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Jim Halpert: [to Andy playing the Moroccan guitar] Hey.
Andy: What's up?
Jim Halpert: You take requests?
Andy: Sure.
Jim Halpert: Please stop. Because we're, having a Christmas party. [walks away]
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Dwight Schrute: [to Jim] What is that, what are you supposed to be?
Jim Halpert: I'm three hole punch version of Jim. Because you can have me either way: plain white Jim, or three whole punch.
Phyllis: That's great.
Dwight Schrute: Yeah well look. What about me?
Phyllis: What are you, a monk?
Dwight Schrute: I am a Sith Lord... [Phyllis looks unimpressed] Oh big deal, three round pieces of paper taped to a shirt, this cost me 129 dollars!
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Pam Beasley: So I closed the door, but the image of his...
Jim Halpert: Baguette?
Pam Beasley: ...dangling participle...
Jim Halpert: Eww...
Pam Beasley: ...still... burned... in my eyes...
Jim Halpert: I can imagine...
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[reading Michael's screenplay]
Jim Halpert: Catherine Zeta-Jones enters.
Phyllis: Sir you have some messages.
Dwight Schrute: Not now!
Phyllis: They're important.
Dwight Schrute: Okay, what are they?
Phyllis: The first message is, 'I love you.' That's from me.
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Karen: So, we have all night, where do you wanna go first?
Jim Halpert: I donno. How 'bout the U.N.?
Karen: How often do you come here?
Jim Halpert: Um, everytime my sixth grade class goes on a field trip.
Karen: Well I think you're really going to enjoy this, adult Jim.
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