Jim Halpert Quotes From The Office
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| Jim Halpert: | I thought it was called 'Nasty Christmas.' |
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| Michael Scott: | I think we should celebrate. How 'bout you, Pam, mi casa, little dinner dancing, drinks. |
| Jim Halpert: | Oh, I-- |
| Michael Scott: | [quickly] You said you didn't have plans. [looking up at Jim] That's what you said. |
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| Pam Beesly: | I haven't heard anything, but I bet Jim got the job. I mean, why wouldn't he? He's totally qualified and smart; everyone loves him. And... if he never comes back again, that's okay. We're friends and I'm sure we'll stay friends. We just... we never got the timing right, you know? I shot him down, and then he did the same to me. But you know what? It's okay, I'm totally fine. Everything's going to be totally-- |
| Jim Halpert: | Pam! [looks at camera] Sorry. Um, are you free for dinner tonight? |
| Pam Beesly: | Yes. |
| Jim Halpert: | Alright, then it's a date. |
| Pam Beesly: | [looking so happy she's about to cry] I'm sorry, what was the question? |
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| Andy: | What if we changed our outgoing answering machine message so it just has a little more zing and a little more pep. |
| Michael Scott: | Zing and pep. See that's- those are the kind of words we're looking for. Yes Jim. |
| Jim Halpert: | What about if we did an even newer voicemail message that had even more zing and pep. |
| Michael Scott: | Now we're thinking. I like this. |
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| Jim Halpert: | [on Pam's improvisation] That was beautiful. All her idea too. Awesome. She is so great... |
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| Michael Scott: | Jim! Could you come in here please? [Jim walks into Michael's office, see's computer's face. Stops] |
| Harvey: | Hi, Jim. |
| Jim Halpert: | [surprised] Hello. |
| Harvey: | I am Harvey, a computer. Jim sucks. |
| Michael Scott: | [snorts with laughter] I'm sorry. |
| Jim Halpert: | Zing. |
| Michael Scott: | Oh, wow! That's so rude. I'm sorry, I can't control him. |
| Jim Halpert: | Yeah, you can. |
| Michael Scott: | You know what? Get Pam. |
| Jim Halpert: | For this? |
| Michael Scott: | PAM! |
| Harvey: | [as Pam walks in] Pam, you look very hot today. |
| Michael Scott: | [giggles] |
| Jim Halpert: | Pam, meet Harvey. This is Michael's new friend. |
| Pam Beesly: | Great. |
| Harvey: | Me so horny, me love you long tim. |
| Michael Scott: | Ah! Oohhh! |
| Jim Halpert: | Woah . . . |
| Michael Scott: | That is gross! |
| Pam Beesly: | Who's Long Tim? |
| Michael Scott: | Dammit. |
| Harvey: | Long time. Me lobe yoy long time. |
| Jim Halpert: | Ah, well, Yoy should bring Long Tim in one day. |
| Michael Scott: | No . . . |
| Pam Beesly: | I'd love to meet Long Tim. |
| Jim Halpert: | Yeah, right? |
| Pam Beesly: | Yeah. |
| Harvey: | You ruined a funny joke you. Get out of my offive. |
| Jim Halpert: | Ok. |
| Pam Beesly: | Ok. Bye, Harvey! |
| Harvey: | Boobs. |
| Michael Scott: | [giggles] |
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| Jim Halpert: | See, you're always saying there's something wrong with society, maybe there's something wrong with you? |
| Michael Scott: | If it's me, then society made me that way. |
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| Todd Packer: | What has two thumbs and likes to bone your mom? [points thumbs to himself] This guy! |
| [later] | |
| Jim Halpert: | What has two thumbs and hates Todd Packer? [points thumbs to himself] This guy! |
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| Jim Halpert: | I've been studying Michael for years and I've condensed what I've learned into this chart. [holds up pie chart] "How Michael Spends His Time." You can see we have "procrastinating," and "distracting others," and this tiny sliver here, is "critical thinking." I made it bigger. So that you could see it. |
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| Jim Halpert: | I guess he can't get any girl he wants. |
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| Pam Beesley: | Who are you writing down? |
| Jim Halpert: | Oh you don't know her. |
| Pam Beesley: | Who is it? |
| Jim Halpert: | Your mom? |
| Pam Beesley: | Yeah whatever. [giggling] Give that to me.. |
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| Jim Halpert: | [after Dwight's stapler was put in Jello] Dwight, I'm sorry because, I've always been your biggest flan. |
| Michael Scott: | [laughing] Oh! Nice! See, that's the way it is around here. It just kinda goes round and round. |
| Ryan: | You, uh, you should have put him in custardy. |
| Michael Scott: | Oh! HEY! HEY! YES! NEW GUY! AND HE SCORES! |