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The Office Quotes (NBC) | Jim Halpert Quotes

Jim Halpert Quotes From The Office

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Jim Halpert: Once a year Dwight holds a seminar updating us on the newest developments in the world of karate... because as we all know, the one thing thousand year martial arts do all the time is change.
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Dwight Schrute: [Reading Jim's note] Will you be my valentine? No.
Jim Halpert: Aw nuts.
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Dwight Schrute: You snubbed her.
Jim Halpert: Dwight please.
Dwight Schrute: Let me handle this Jim. [aggressively] Drop the act, Cordrea. Ok? [Pam walks in behind Dwight] We all know, that you probably thought, that Pam was too, "Meh." Or "too thin without being toned." But I wanna tell you something. She is one of the plain, hearty women of Scranton that make this city great. And so what if she doesn't wear makeup! [Pam mouths "I wear makeup..."] We like her better that way! And you steal clients, don't you. Don't you! [gets in Danny's face]
Danny: That's different.
Dwight Schrute: Ohh that's different. Is it? Ok. Thief! Better check your things people--In fact where are my keys? [checks pocket] Oh. They're in my pocket. False alarm.
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Michael Scott: Monkey see, monkey do.
Jim Halpert: That's it.
Michael Scott: Monkey pee all over you.
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Jim Halpert: You have what is the national sport of Icelandic paper companies-and I'm blanking on the name, could you help me out, Pam?
Pam Beesly: Jim, they refer to it as.....Flonkerton. In English, box of paper snowshoe racing.
Jim Halpert: Fair enough, but I like Flonkerton.
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Gabe: When you're dealing with a large organization, sometimes you have to put up with policies you don't like. I wish my gym didn't allow full nudity in the locker room. Ok so these old guys walking around naked... feels almost passive-agressive. But I deal with it, because it's policy. See what I mean?
Jim Halpert: Nope.
Gabe: Nudity makes me uncomfortable.
Jim Halpert: Ok.
Gabe: My gym allows it. I wish they didn't but it's policy. So I respect it and I just look away. Think about you commission cap as a naked old man in a gym locker room.
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[phone rings]
Jim Halpert: Hello this is Dwight. [switches to accent] Hello Motta. I have married. Tell Fadda. [hangs up]
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Jim Halpert: Who would you do?
Kevin: Present company excluded?
Jim Halpert: Not necessarily...
Kevin: Pam.
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Andy: So she looks really hot, so I said, 'you look hotter than usual today.' [...] So, she looks at me right? And she goes, 'I'm sorry, do I even know you?' After a year! A year of buying lattes from her. Do you believe that?
Jim Halpert: Yes.
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Jim Halpert: You're not leaving tomorrow. You're leaving today right?
Michael Scott: Maybe.
Jim Halpert: Wow, so that's it huh? Just, four o'clock and you are gone for good.
Michael Scott: Why am I so sad? Am I doing the wrong thing?
Jim Halpert: Absolutely not. It's just that sometimes... goodbyes are a bitch.
Michael Scott: [pulls out a recorder and speaks softly into it] T-Shirt idea, goodbyes stink.
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Ryan: Do you know if shes looking for something long-term or if she'd be cool just hangin' out?
Jim Halpert: I have no idea.
Ryan: Could ya find out?
Jim Halpert: ...Yeah. Sure.
[later]
Kelly: Oh, long-term definitely. Fall in love, have babies, spend every second together. But don't tell him that, okay? Just tell him I'm like up for anything, I mean I'm not a slut, but who knows?
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Karen: Hi David, I would like to apply for the corporate job in well.
Jim Halpert: In well? How would that work?
[Karen smacks Jim]
Jim Halpert: Wait... if this job is in a well, I don't want it.
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