Jim Halpert Quotes From The Office

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Darryl: You're not as scary as Bookface over there.
[Jim has "BOOK" painted on his face]
Jim Halpert: Yes. I am the popular social networking site known as Bookface.
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Jim Halpert: Hey, dude. Do you know what a rundown is?
Oscar: Use it in a sentence.
Jim Halpert: Uh... can you get this rundown for me?
Oscar: Try another sentence.
Jim Halpert: This rundown better be really good?
Oscar: I don't know but it sounds like the rundown's really important.
Jim Halpert: Charles asked me to do this rundown of all my clients.
Oscar: Why don't you just ask him, what--
Jim Halpert: No, I can't it was like hours ago.
Oscar: What have you been doing?!
Kevin: Try another sentence.
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Jim Halpert: Excuse me, how long is the wait for a table for two?
Dwight Schrute: I would never, ever serve you. Not in a million, billion years
Pam Beasley: It's a nice tux.
Dwight Schrute: I know. It belonged to my grandfather. He was buried in it so... family heirloom.
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Erin: Oh my God! I can't believe it! I just won an art contest! [screams]
[Dwight walks over to reception and hands Erin a bill]
Erin: Thanks. I still don't understand why you wanted me to say that.
Dwight Schrute: Shut up.
[cut to talking head]
Dwight Schrute: [laughing hysterically] I got her.
[back to the office with Dwight walking back to his desk, laughing]
Pam Beesly: Not cool Dwight.
Jim Halpert: Not cool man.
Dwight Schrute: [continues to laugh hysterically]
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Jim Halpert: When did you need that rundown by?
Charles Miner: As soon as possible. Just get it right.
Jim Halpert: Yeah. Gotcha. 'Course. I'm gonna dive in. To the rundown. I'll be exhausted 'cause it's like a triathlon. Did you wanna close this? [holding on to the door] Clos-- we'll keep it--...
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Jim Halpert: Hey let me ask you a question, it's actually a little awkward. What do you think of Kelly?
Ryan: I dunno. Depends on if you like a little junk in th--
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Dwight Schrute: Okay fine... where's my wallet?
Jim Halpert: Oh there it is, 'J1'.
Dwight Schrute: I don't have any...
Jim Halpert: Here, have some nickels.
Dwight Schrute: [putting nickels into vending machine] 5, 10, 15, 20, 25--
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Jim Halpert: [about Dwight's doll-selling scheme] That's the Christmas spirit.
Dwight Schrute: I am simply punishing those parents that would wait until the last minute to give their child a gift. And such a genetically improbable one. Look at that [points to the doll's horn] How does that happen? King has sex with a unicorn? Man with a horn has sex with a royal horse?
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Andy Bernard: We have such a roller coaster thing, Karen and I.
Jim Halpert: Excuse me?
Andy Bernard: Roller coastery friendship. Hot, cold, on-again, off-again, sexual tension-filled type of deal. It's very Sam and Diane.
Jim Halpert: Wow.
Andy Bernard: From Cheers.
Jim Halpert: Yep.
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Jim Halpert: So if you can believe it, I did it without a Realtor. So saving on closing costs is good. And, uh, we can put all the money to de-shag the carpet. [clears throat] Which I think will help... with the color situation. [joins Pam looking at the creepy clown art] Yeah. I am really sorry about this. I tried to move it but, she is really nailed in there. Worried about art theft I guess. A lot of art thieves in this neighborhood. [Pam moves onto another bedroom] This is the master bedroom, but [closes door] I'm not actually allowed in here, so.
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Jim Halpert: You're not leaving tomorrow. You're leaving today right?
Michael Scott: Maybe.
Jim Halpert: Wow, so that's it huh? Just, four o'clock and you are gone for good.
Michael Scott: Why am I so sad? Am I doing the wrong thing?
Jim Halpert: Absolutely not. It's just that sometimes... goodbyes are a bitch.
Michael Scott: [pulls out a recorder and speaks softly into it] T-Shirt idea, goodbyes stink.
Send "The Office Theme Song" Ringtone to your Cell
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Andy Bernard Cindy! Cindy! I want you to close your eyes and picture your dream house... C'mon! Do it for Michael - he's had a really long day...
Michael Scott Ha, ha, ha... I don't know what he's doing...
Dwight Schrute [Yelling from other end of table] Jim! Jim! Wha-... what's happening?
Jim Halpert Oh [points at Cindy] She's asleep...
Dwight Schrute Ah - narcolepsy...
Jim Halpert Probably...
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