Jim Halpert Quotes From The Office
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| Jim Halpert: | Hey, Mike. |
| Michael Scott: | Hey, Jim Bag. |
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| Dwight Shrute: | What the hell is this? This is not Megadesk. |
| Jim Halpert: | Oh! No, it's not. They call it Quad-desk. |
| Dwight Shrute: | That's ridiculous, this is made up of three desks. |
| Jim Halpert: | Oh my God. We're gonna have to rename it then aren't we. |
| Dwight Shrute: | [answering ringing phone underneath the desks] Hello Dwight Schrute? |
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| Kelly: | Oh my God. I have so much to tell you! |
| Jim Halpert: | Really? |
| Kelly: | Yes! Tom Cruise and Kakie Holmes, they had a baby and they named it Suri and then Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, they had a baby too and they named it Shylo and both babies are amazing! |
| Jim Halpert: | Great. What's new with you? |
| Kelly: | I just told you. |
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| Michael Scott: | What do I put for 'Reason for visit'? |
| Jim Halpert: | Concussion. |
| [Michael crosses something off] | |
| Jim Halpert: | What did you write? |
| Michael Scott: | Nothing... I wrote, 'Bringing someone to the hospital.' |
| Jim Halpert: | So, you thought it meant your reason for visit. |
| Michael Scott: | No, Jim- this isn't about me anymore. |
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| Jim Halpert: | Truce? |
| Pam Beesly: | Yeah, I guess, since I won. |
| Jim Halpert: | You did win. You did win. Anyway, I'm going to need three copies of each of these, stapled and collated. [starts walking away then turns and comes back] Totally kidding... [leans in close as if to kiss Pam] I'm going to need four. [kisses Pam] |
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| Dwight Schrute: | [yelling at Kelly] What did you learn in there? I bet you learned things, huh. Like how to fashion a shiv. Hmm? |
| Jim Halpert: | Hey, what the hell's going on? |
| Dwight Schrute: | Why don't you tell Jim where you were from age fourteen to fifteen. |
| Kelly: | I was kickin' it. |
| Dwight Schrute: | In juvie. |
| Jim Halpert: | What? |
| Dwight Schrute: | Juvie. Nile. Detention center. Where they send teenagers! |
| Jim Halpert: | Yep. |
| Dwight Schrute: | For re-- |
| Jim Halpert: | Got it. |
| Dwight Schrute: | [to Kelly] What did you do? |
| Jim Halpert: | Dwight? Sounds like she was fourteen so maybe you wanna go a little easy. |
| Dwight Schrute: | If she's old enough to get married, she's old enough to follow the law. What did you do! |
| Kelly: | My boyfriend dumped me. So I stole his boat. I mean he told me it was his boat it was actually his father's. I just thought it would be really romantic, like Thelma and Louise, but with like a boat. And it was, the worst year of my life and I can't believe that you guys are making me talk about this on my birthday! |
| Dwight Schrute: | I thought you said yesterday was your birthday! |
| Jim Halpert: | Hey! You know what? I... got you a cake! |
| Kelly: | [happy all of a sudden] You did? I wanna see the cake. |
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| Michael Scott: | [handing Jim a cup] Jim, check that out |
| Jim Halpert: | What is it? |
| Michael Scott: | That is vodka, and I mixed it with orange juice. I call it an orange vod-juice...ka. |
| Jim Halpert: | [takes a sip] Wow that is delicious. |
| Michael Scott: | Yeah! |
| Jim Halpert: | I can't believe no one has thought of that. |
| Michael Scott: | I know! |
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| Jim Halpert: | I gotta make an example out of him. Should I just fire him? |
| Pam Beesly: | Can you actually fire people? |
| Jim Halpert: | To be honest I don't know. But maybe I could just yell at him in front of people. |
| Pam Beesly: | Well, I can't really imagine you yelling at anyone. |
| Jim Halpert: | Oh I yell. You've heard me yell. |
| Pam Beesly: | Oh okay. I've heard you exclaim? Like, the time you said, "Hey look! We parked over here!" |
| Jim Halpert: | Well that was apple-picking day. There was no need to yell that day. You know I was just excited to find the car. Perfect end to a perfect day. |
| Pam Beesly: | Well. You'll figure it out. |
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| Jim Halpert: | When you're a Jet, you're a Jet all the way, right? |
| Michael Scott: | You're a Jet? |
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| Jim Halpert: | Oh my God. Now she's up and she's trying to describe how to correctly butcher a goose, but she's having trouble coming up with it. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Ok. Cindy. Yo! Cindy, Cindy! Hold its neck back, insert the knife beneath the jaw, bring it all the way around. There's gonna be a good amount of blood. But don't let that bother you. Have a bucket there. For the blood, and the innards and the feathers. |
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| Dwight Schrute: | Fact, I am older, I am wiser. Do not mess with me. |
| Jim Halpert: | [staring at Dwight's forehead] Okay. Sounds good. |
| Dwight Schrute: | What are you doing? |
| Jim Halpert: | I don't know what you're talking about. |
| Diwght Schrute: | Do I have sweat on my forehead? |
| Jim Halpert: | No. Nothing. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Why are you looking at my forehead? |
| Jim Halpert: | I'm not. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Meet my eyeline, Jim. |
| Jim Halpert: | I am. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Stop acting like an idiot. |
| Jim Halpert: | Okay. |
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| Michael Scott: | I'm like Superman and the people who work here are like the citizens of Gotham City. |
| Jim and Dwight: | That's Batman. |
| Michael Scott: | Okay, fine, I'll be Aquaman. Where does he live? |
| Jim Halpert: | The ocean. |
| Michael Scott: | I work with a bunch of nerds! |