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Michael Scott: I love inside jokes. Love to be a part of one someday.
Michael Scott: Toby Flenderson is everything that is wrong with the paper industry.
Michael Scott: You know what Pam, if in ten years I haven't had a baby and you haven't had a baby...
Pam Beasley: No Michael.
Michael Scott: Twenty years...
Pam Beasley: No Michael.
Michael Scott: Thirty...
Pam Beasley: ... Sure.
[shakes Pam's hand] It's a deal.
Jan: Well, Michael, I guess I underestimated you.
Michael Scott: Well, Jan, maybe next time you should estimate me!
Michael Scott: Now would you do me the pleasure of hitting the lights, sir?
[Dwight shuts off the light and stains appear everywhere with the blacklight]
Michael Scott: Woah. What are all those stains?
Dwight Schrute: Blood, urine or semen.
Michael Scott: God I hope it's urine.
Michael Scott: Ain't no party like a Scranton party 'cause a Scranton party don't stop.
Michael Scott: I am headed to Philadelphia for the annual northeastern mid-market office supply convention. And Jim Halpert is going to be coming, which should be fun. Poor... little guy... has been stuck working under Josh... the poor man's Michael Scott, as he is known around my condo.
Creed: Andrea's the uh, office bitch. You'll get used to her.
Michael Scott: There he is, there's the traitor. Traitor! Come here you. Come here.
[hugs Jim] Aaagh! The prod-the prodigal...
Jim Halpert: What?
Michael Scott: ...my son returns...
Michael Scott: Uh, Jan. Look I think we need to set some ground rules...
Jan: What are you talking about?
Michael Scott: The 800 pound gorilla in the room? Carol? I'm still dating her so nothing can happen between us at the convention.
Jan: Step away from me Michael.
Dwight Schrute: Oh hey... how's it going up there? Have you made anyt sales yet?
Jim Halpert: Yeah, sold about forty thousand.
Dwight Schrute: Shut up. That's impossible.
Jim Halpert: Nope... I did.
Dwight Schrute: Well, I did it too...
Dwight Schrute: So I called my buddy at the station... to do a little background check on Josh Porter... see if there's any aliases or anything...
Michael Scott: Mm, hmm?
Dwight Schrute: He wasn't volunteering today.
Angela: In the Martin family we like to say, 'looks like someone took the slow train from Philly.' That's code for check out the slut.
[swats at flies]
Angela: Why are there flies in here?
Jan: I can't stay on top of you 24/7.
Jim Halpert: Dwight's room key... And Dwight's room. What can I say? Old habits die hard
[Jim enters Dwight's room, seeing a woman lying on the bed but not recognizing Angela]
[runs out of room] Oh my God! Dwight got a hooker! God, I got to call... I gotta call somebody. I don't know who to call! ...Dwight got a hooker!
Michael Scott: Any message you want me to relay to Jim?
Pam Beasley: Um...
Michael Scott: 'Um...' okay, 'um.'
Dwight Schrute: 'Um...'
[to Dwight] You got that? Write it down...
[to Pam] You should order the most expensive thing on the menu. So he knows you're worth it.
Stanley: If you do that you're gonna have to put out.
Phyllis: Oh yeah, you'll have to put out.
Michael Scott: Some people need dozens of friends to say, 'hey look at me, I'm popular!' But not me, I'm very picky. I need three, maybe two. When you meet that someone special you just know. Because a real relationship can't be forced. It should just come about effortlelessly.
Michael Scott: SWAG! Stuff we all get. I basically decorated my condo with all of my SWAG.
Pam Beasley: I haven't been on a first date in... nine years... Probably shouldn't broadcast that.
Dwight Schrute: Don't be mad, it is a business trip.
Angela: But I don't understand, it's for managers.
Dwight Schrute: Monkey, I am an A.R.M., Assistant Regional Manager.
Angela: I know... I was just really hoping we could spend some time together.
[Dwight stays silent]
Angela: Are you still there?
Dwight Schrute: Yes, monkey--
Angela: Don't monkey me. You can't wait to get out of here, A.R.M.!
Michael Scott: I was shocked when he told me he was transferring to Stamford. It's like with firemen. You don't leave your brothers behind...even if you find out that there is a better fire in Connecticut.
[Everyone laughing] Oh no sorry, it's an inside joke. There's this bartender in Stamford who uh, [chuckles], you know what, you just have to be there.
Michael Scott: I wish I was. I love inside jokes...I'd love to be a part of one someday
[long awkward pause]
[looking at his watch] Um, we should...
Jim Halpert: Yeah.
Michael Scott: Alright! See you guys down there. Change your mind, come back up.
Dwight Schrute: I'll do a shot with you Michael.
Michael Scott: Ugh! Don't be gross. It's not even lunch yet.
Creed Bratton: There's my girl... I noticed you handing out some shekels...How would one get on that train?
Angela Martin: That was per diem, for Philadelphia...
Meredith Palmer: Ughh, that town smells like cheesesteaks...
Angela Martin: That town is full of history!!
Angela: Is there a key for a Jane Doe?