Oscar Quotes From The Office
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| Oscar: | The long term problem is bad investments, that they need to dump. The short term problem is the company has no cash and there's no where to get it. |
| Michael Scott: | Okay, Oscar. I don't need the whole enchilada just the bullet points. |
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| Stanley: | I took an extra shot of insulin in preparation for this cake today. If I don't have some cake soon I might die. |
| Oscar: | Why don't you just have an apple? |
| Stanley: | Why don't you mind your business. |
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| Jim Halpert: | Before me stands your co-worker, Dwight Kurt Schrute. Dwight show 'em all sides, turn around. Now today we need your help turning Dwight into a gentleman. |
| Andy: | A gentleman, who is a rich snob, who will go into shopping malls and drop huge amounts of cash on clothes. |
| Stanley: | Is he still doing this boycott? |
| Jim Halpert: | No this is instead of the boycott. |
| Kelly: | Your shirt and tie are disgusto-barfo. |
| Jim Halpert: | Agreed. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Really? |
| Oscar: | Maybe something not so monochromatic. Not so matching. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Wait less matching to appear more rich? |
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| Oscar: | What are you doing? |
| Kevin: | I'm trying to decide if I have time to pee. |
| Oscar: | How long do you take to pee? |
| Kevin: | The peeing is fast, Oscar. It's getting my tie back on. |
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| Oscar: | I have a question. |
| Michael Scott: | [whispering to Joe Bennett] Oscar, homosexual accountant. |
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| Michael Scott: | I'm also part Native American Indian. |
| Oscar: | What part Native American? |
| Michael Scott: | Two-fifteenths. |
| Oscar: | That fraction doesn't make any sense. |
| Michael Scott: | Well you know its kind of hard for me to talk about... there's suffering. |
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| Oscar: | We don't even have to have a party. |
| Michael Scott: | No, hey. Hey, don't be ridiculous. Of course we are going to have a party. The celebration of Oscar. Oscar night. And I want it to be Oscar specific-- |
| Oscar: | Michael... |
| Michael Scott: | No, no not because you're gay. You're gayness does not define you. Your Mexican-ness is what defines you, to me. And I think we should celebrate Oscar's Mexicanity. So Phyllis I want you to go and find firecrackers and a Chiwawa. |
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| Oscar: | You know what we haven't done in a while? Happy hour... Upstairs, the warehouse, everybody just going out for a drink. |
| Darryl: | Has that ever happened?... ever? |
| Oscar: | Didn't we? I think we did. |
| Darryl: | You want me to invite Matt? |
| Oscar: | Yeah, the, uh the whole gang. Matt included. |
| Darryl: | Look just be straight with me man. You can be gay with Matt just, be straight with me. |
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| Michael Scott: | Can I have your attention! I would like to introduce you to Mr. Danny Cordrea. He is going to be joining us, as our new Travelling Salesman. Say hello to Danny! |
| Kelly: | F*** me. |
| Michael Scott: | Oh. Kay. You know what? No! No. This is not some sort of construction site, for all of Italy! Where you can just go around treating people like meat. We are to respect him. I respect him, because he reminds me of somebody. Can anybody guess who that is? |
| Kelly: | [dreamily] Josh Duhamel. |
| Angela: | Yeah I can see that! |
| Michael Scott: | No! No. Somebody in this office. |
| Kevin: | He's like a better-looking Andy. |
| Andy: | Thanks Kevin. |
| Michael Scott: | No, me. Right? Sorta like, a little younger version of me? |
| Oscar: | It's hard to judge ourselves accurately isn't it. |
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| Jim Halpert: | You're an exec, at Pennsylvania Solar Tech-- |
| Oscar: | That sounds fake! |
| Dwight Schrute: | I told you! You are an exec at Stark Industries! A corporation you inherited from your father-- |
| Jim Halpert: | Stop! Stop. Stop it. Here's the story. They need Meredith somewhere else ASAP. Ok? So you're taking over you just gotta get her outta there as soon as you can. Alright? |
| Oscar: | Ok I can do that, then what? |
| Dwight Schrute: | Make him pitch to you! You gotta see what he's got. And remember, you're not gay! |
| Jim Halpert: | Stop it! |