Oscar Quotes From The Office

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Oscar: Hi everyone.
Kevin: Oh hello Oscar. How was your gay-cation?
Oscar: That's very funny.
Kevin: Yeah? I thought of that like two seconds after you left.
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Oscar: Once, once one in a while, I, I'll take a long lunch break.
Michael Scott: A siesta!
Dwight Schrute: Time thief! Time thief! Fire him!
Jim Halpert: Dwight, you've really never stolen any company time?
Dwight Schrute: Never!
Michael Scott: You are a thief of joy.
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Michael Scott: Holly and I are moving in together. Oscar this must be tough for you, watching this go down. You could not stand in the way of true love my friend.
Oscar: Are you kidding? I wasn't trying to break you guys up.
Kevin: Better luck next time pal!
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Oscar: Sorry I yelled.
Pam Halpert: You could have just told us what you were thinking.
Oscar: There's no theater in that.
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Oscar: Why are you telling us this?
Michael Scott: Because I want you to behave as if I'm actually firing him, Oscar, ok?
Kevin: Michael if you hadn't told us this, then we would've thought that you were actually firing--
Michael Scott: I'm not firing him-- I'm not-- I need you to act like I am firing him. Just, what I am going to do is I'm going to pretend that I am firing him and I need you to act like I am firing him. Do you get that? Do you get it? I'm teaching him a lesson. He needs to learn humility. Alright?
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Oscar: I want to get that image out of my head. The psychological issues that go behind licking a cat, are not things I want to go into. Also I'm pretty sure she coughed up a hairball.
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Michael Scott: Maybe we could go out for a beer sometime, and you could tell me... how you do that to another dude.
Oscar: That sounds like a great, wonderful idea. Let's do that.
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Stanley: I didn't think the premium laser color copy batch would see as well as it did.
Oscar: It surprised us all and I'll tell you why-
Kelly: I'm sorry guys. Can we please not talk about paper? There's gotta be something else we can talk about.
[silence]
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Michael Scott: Meredith, have you ever used alcohol to alter your mood or deliberitely change your state of mind?
Meredith: Sure.
Michael Scott: Do you sometimes have a drink to celebrate a special occasion or mark a holiday?
Meredith: Obviously.
Michael Scott: Have you ever, under the influence of alcohol, questioned the teachings of the Mormon church?
Oscar: Where did you get this?
Michael Scott: I got it on a website. That's not important.
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