Oscar Quotes From The Office
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| Oscar: | I have a question. |
| Michael Scott: | [whispering to Joe Bennett] Oscar, homosexual accountant. |
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| Jim Halpert: | Before me stands your co-worker, Dwight Kurt Schrute. Dwight show 'em all sides, turn around. Now today we need your help turning Dwight into a gentleman. |
| Andy: | A gentleman, who is a rich snob, who will go into shopping malls and drop huge amounts of cash on clothes. |
| Stanley: | Is he still doing this boycott? |
| Jim Halpert: | No this is instead of the boycott. |
| Kelly: | Your shirt and tie are disgusto-barfo. |
| Jim Halpert: | Agreed. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Really? |
| Oscar: | Maybe something not so monochromatic. Not so matching. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Wait less matching to appear more rich? |
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| Michael Scott | [Michael writing the Do Not Mock list] Ok, who else? Dwight? Come on. |
| Dwight Schrute | I don't want people making fun of my nose. |
| Michael Scott | Your nose? |
| Dwight Schrute | It's too small. [camera zooms in on Dwight's nose] |
| Oscar | Oh my,that is small. |
| Dwight Schrute | Just write it down, please. |
| Oscar | Can you breath ok? |
| Kelly | What keeps your glasses on? |
| Dwight Schrute | It's on the list everybody! |
| Michael | No,I haven't finished writing. ......Did you sneeze it off? That's it!...No more. |
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| [car pulls up] | |
| Jim Halpert: | Cleaning people. Oscar! [walking to the gate] Ok, so all you need to do is explain to them what happened because I think they can help us. |
| Oscar: | Why are you assuming they only speak Spanish? |
| Jim Halpert: | I d-- if they speak Spanish. |
| Oscar: | Good evening. We locked ourselves in. [long pause before Oscar explains in Spanish] [turning to Jim] They happen to speak Spanish. |
| Jim Halpert: | Lucky us. |
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| Michael Scott: | Did you ever have intercourse in this office? |
| [Dwight says nothing] | |
| Oscar: | Are you serious? [scoffs disgustedly] Where? |
| [Dwight stares at Oscar] | |
| Oscar: | [aggressively] Where? |
| [Dwight continues to stare] | |
| Oscar: | [now grimacing] Where Dwight? |
| Dwight Schrute: | It seems like you already know where. |
| [Oscar silently covers his mouth] |
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| Michael Scott: | I am officially the second most watched clip of the day on the WBRE news site! |
| Oscar: | What's number one? |
| Michael Scott: | Oh. That teacher who was wrongfully accused of being a pedophile. Now, we cannot let the pedophile win again! |
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| Oscar: | What are you doing? |
| Kevin: | I'm trying to decide if I have time to pee. |
| Oscar: | How long do you take to pee? |
| Kevin: | The peeing is fast, Oscar. It's getting my tie back on. |
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| Robert California | Jim your daughter Cecilia, what does she think of the Street? |
| Jim Halpert | Uh... the street? |
| Robert California | Sesame Street. |
| Jim Halpert | Oh! I didn't know anybody called it--she likes it a lot. She loves Elmo. |
| Robert California | Elmo. God save us... the Elmo era. Sesame Street was created to reflect the environment of the children watching it. The complete self-absorption of Elmo is brilliantly reflective of our time. Our's is a cultural ghetto. Wouldn't you agree? |
| Jim Halpert | Yeah... she does like Elmo. |
| Oscar | Cultural ghetto... Totally agree. |
| Phyllis | Completely. |
| Darryl | Apt. Apt analysis, Robert. |
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| Angela: | I am proud to announce there is a new addition to the Martin family. She's hypoallergenic, she doesn't struggle when you try to dress her, she's a third generation show-cat, her father was in Meet the Parents. Needless to say she was very, very expensive. |
| Meredith: | How much-- |
| Angela: | Seven thousand dollars. |
| Creed: | For a cat? I could get you a kid for that. |
| Oscar: | Where'd you get that kind of money? |
| Angela: | I sold Andy's engagement ring on eBay. |
| Kevin: | Wait-- you didn't give it back? |
| Angela: | He wouldn't have wanted that. Her name, is Princess Lady! |
| Meredith: | Seven grand! I gotta see that little bitch. |
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| Oscar: | So, Pam told me you do a great Stanley impression. I'd love to hear it. |
| Jim Halpert: | Oh, um. [imitating Stanley] Why do you keep CC'ing me on things that have nothing to do with me? |
| Stanley: | [coming out of the bathroom] Is that supposed to be me? |
| Jim Halpert: | Oh, hey Stanley. I was just doing an impression. |
| Stanley: | I do not think that is funny. |
| Pam Beasley: | He does everyone in the office. |
| [Stanley leaves] | |
| Jim and Pam: | [both imitating Stanley] I do not think that is funny. |
| Pam Beasley: | Jinx, buy me a Coke. |
| Jim Halpert: | Oh-- |
| Pam Beasley: | No no no. No talking. |