Oscar Quotes From The Office

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Oscar: I don't see how we can possibly sell these for that little without losing money. Delivery alone will cost--
Michael Scott: OK well sometimes, sometimes, it makes financial sense to lose money, right? Like for tax purposes?
Oscar: Actually, I ran the numbers on this, and in this case, it makes financial sense to gain, money?
Michael Scott: Why don't you run them again.
Jim Halpert: What if she's just flirting with you to get a better price.
Michael Scott: If she is it's working.
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[watching Michael in the parking lot through the window]
Andy: What is he doing... it looks like he's saying something.
Kevin: I think he's singing.
Oscar: I can't believe this is really happening.
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Jim Halpert: It's under here as "Security Guard Home" did you not get his name or?
Toby: No.
Jim Halpert: It's ringing. Does anyone have his name? Quick?
Andy: Yes. It's Eddy.
Jim Halpert: It's not- it's not Eddy. It's Edmund or--
Creed: Hank. His name is Hank.
Jim Halpert: Oh guys his name's not Hank it's uh.. is it Edgar?
Phyllis: Elliot.
Oscar: Elliot!
Jim Halpert: Is it Elli-- [to cell phone] Hey... Chief. This is uh, Jim Halpert from, um, where you work. [staggered] You are the guy who sits behind the desk, you're- you're the a-African American guy. I mean you're uhh-- Who have I got here?
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Jim: Holly, will you marry me?
Holly: No.
Stanley: Marry me, Holly.
Holly: No.
Michael Scott: That guy's got more than he can handle as it is.
Oscar: Will you marry me?
Holly: No.
Michael Scott: That marriage would be a sham.
Gabe: Will you marry me?
Holly: No.
Michael Scott: Easy no.
Angela: Will you marry me?
Holly: No.
Michael Scott: That would be hot. I would pay to see that.
Ryan: Will you marry me, Holly?
Holly: No.
Michael Scott: Only one that I was kind of worried about.
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Michael Scott: I am going to give you a little blast from the past of Michael Gary Scott when he was a child star, and a show that you might remember called 'Fundle Bundle.' Okay? Without further ado, Ryan?
Miss Trudy: [from TV] ...Bundle, are you ready to come on in? [TV children cheer] Let's have some fun!
Michael Scott: That... is Miss Trudy. Can't tell from the costume, but she had an amazing body. Okay, you can... fast forward. And... I want you... to...
Dwight Schrute: Is that a real fun shooting windmill?
Michael Scott: Stop! Stop! Stop! [Ryan resumes the tape] Yes! That is, uh, Edward R. Meow.
Jim Halpert: That's pretty funny.
Michael Scott: Yeah.
Edward R. Meow: ...Recess! Hey, what's your name?
Chet: My name's Chet.
Edward R. Meow: Well hi Chet.
Oscar: Is that Chet Montgomery?
Michael Scott: Uhh, I don't know.
Pam Beesly: That is!
Darryl: Checkin' in with Chet. Doppler's up.
Edward R. Meow: What do you want to be when you grow up?
Chet: I want to be on TV!
Dwight Schrute: [employees chuckle] And he is on TV now!
Michael Scott: Can everyone please shut up, please! So you don't miss it.
Edward R. Meow: Okay, next? So, what's your name?
Michael Scott: Oh! That's me. Shh. Shh.
Edward R. Meow: Well what's your favorite subject at school?
Young Michael Scott: Recess.
Edward R. Meow: Ree-cesss. So tell me, what do you want to be when you grow up?
Young Michael Scott: I want to be married and have a hundred kids so I can have a hundred friends, and no one can say no to being my friend.
Edward R. Meow: [jaw drops, awkward pause] Uh, ah... oh, okay! Well uh, nice talking with you, Michael. Uh, back to you Miss Trudy!
Miss Trudy: Hi everyone, it's one of my favorite times of the day.
Michael Scott: Coulda sworn there was...
Melissa: Did you get married?
Michael Scott: ...uh, no.
Abby: Why not?
Michael Scott: Uh, just never happened.
Sasha: So, do you have any kids?
Michael Scott: Uh, nope.
Jake: Do you have a girlfriend?
Michael Scott: I do okay.
Melissa: Was Chet Montgomery cool back then?
Michael Scott: Yes.
Jake: Even I have a girlfriend.
Michael Scott: Okay! Alright, okay.
Sasha: So you didn't get to be what you wanted to be.
Michael Scott: ...I guess not... you know, I have a load of work to do so I am going to grab a slice of this delish pizza... and I'm going to go do my work. Bye.
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Pam Beesly: Oscar, Kevin, this is my sister Penny. She's also my maid of honor.
Oscar: Pleased to meet you.
Penny: I'm sorry, it's Kevin? I thought it was Gill.
Kevin: She thought I was your boyfriend!
Oscar: You thought I was dating this? What the hell is wrong with you?
Pam Beesly: Oscar it was an honest mistake.
Oscar: Him!? Him.
Kevin: Oscar. I would be proud to date you.
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Nate: Got it. [taking a group photo outside]
Pam Beesly: Okay let's go in. I'm freezing.
Michael Scott: People, wait, wait, wait. Come back, come back. One fun one. We're gonna do a fun one.
Jim Halpert: One Charlie's Angels. One. Let's go.
Pam Beesly: Okay, this is just a Christmas card from your paper supplier. No one's putting this on their fridge.
Kevin: Oh, I got it, you guys, how 'bout this. Michael, what if all the boys are on one side, all the girls are on the other. The boys are like, 'why I oughta', and the girls are like, 'let's go shopping!'.
Andy: Let's just jump in the air!
Michael Scott: That's it! That's a picture! Yes! Jump in the air. We're gonna jump in the air. Here we go.
Nate: One, two, three. [everyone jumps at different times] Not everyone jumped.
Michael Scott: Okay, everybody jump in the air this time, please. Here we go.
Nate: One, two, three. [everyone jumps] Still some people not jumping.
Jim Halpert: You gotta be kidding me. Who isn't jumping?
Dwight Schrute: I'll tell you who. Darryl, Phyllis, Stanley, Angela, and Oscar.
Phyllis: I am jumping.
Dwight Schrute: You are?
Phyllis: Yes, I am jumping.
Dwight Schrute: Let me see you jump. [Phyllis barely jumps] Oh, my God. This is a store bought-camera. This isn't one of those special military-grade cameras that would be able to capture that.
Pam Beesly: I'm freezing
Nate: Um, also, Erin is jumping way too early. She's on the ground by 'three'.
Erin: I didn't want to miss it.
Andy: Well, if we all jump really high, we'll be in the air longer. Do that.
Oscar: Here's a question nobody's asking: Is this worth it?
Michael Scott: Don't answer that. People, listen up and listen good. We need to just get one picture where we're all in the air at the same time. Yes?
Oscar: Why?
Michael Scott: I believe in us. We can do this. Here we go.
Nate: Okay, on three. Uh, everyone in the air. Three, [some people jump] two, [others jump] one, [others jump] zero. [everyone begins to yell]
[cut to the talking head]
Michael Scott: We didn't get it.
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Oscar: Why are you telling us this?
Michael Scott: Because I want you to behave as if I'm actually firing him, Oscar, ok?
Kevin: Michael if you hadn't told us this, then we would've thought that you were actually firing--
Michael Scott: I'm not firing him-- I'm not-- I need you to act like I am firing him. Just, what I am going to do is I'm going to pretend that I am firing him and I need you to act like I am firing him. Do you get that? Do you get it? I'm teaching him a lesson. He needs to learn humility. Alright?
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