Oscar Quotes From The Office

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Michael Scott [Michael writing the Do Not Mock list] Ok, who else? Dwight? Come on.
Dwight Schrute I don't want people making fun of my nose.
Michael Scott Your nose?
Dwight Schrute It's too small. [camera zooms in on Dwight's nose]
Oscar Oh my,that is small.
Dwight Schrute Just write it down, please.
Oscar Can you breath ok?
Kelly What keeps your glasses on?
Dwight Schrute It's on the list everybody!
Michael No,I haven't finished writing. ......Did you sneeze it off? That's it!...No more.
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Stanley: I didn't think the premium laser color copy batch would see as well as it did.
Oscar: It surprised us all and I'll tell you why-
Kelly: I'm sorry guys. Can we please not talk about paper? There's gotta be something else we can talk about.
[silence]
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Oscar: Pam and Jim are on their honeymoon, so there's not the usual balance between "sane" and "others." Toby has mentally checked out since June. It's a very dangerous time. The coalition for reason is extremely weak.
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Pam Beesly: Wait! Come on! Let's listen to Dwight's presentation.
[Dwight winks at Pam]
Oscar: Wh- what are you winking for?
Dwight Schrute: Zipyourlid!
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Oscar: Hi everyone.
Kevin: Oh hello Oscar. How was your gay-cation?
Oscar: That's very funny.
Kevin: Yeah? I thought of that like two seconds after you left.
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Michael Scott: [packing for the hospital] Will I need a dictionary?
Oscar: No, the hospital will provide a dictionary, bring a thesaurus.
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[watching Angela's Nanny Cam]
Kevin: This is getting weird.
Oscar: Is she cleaning the cat with her tonge?
Kevin: Owhhh...
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Oscar: This scary black bar is what you spend on things that no one ever, ever needs, like multiple magic sets, professional bass fishing equipment.
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Stanley: Michael don't listen to them.
Michael Scott: Thank you Stanley.
Stanley: You just ignore their carping.
Michael Scott: Ok.
Dwight Schrute: Michael.
Michael Scott: Yes.
Dwight Schrute: A carp is both a fish and a term for complaining. They're mocking you with wordplay.
Creed: Hey Boss. Did you "Find Nemo"?
Michael Scott: I could name Pixar movies too. Toy Story!
Oscar: Don't you mean, Coy Story?
[everyone laughs]
Phyllis: And when you fell in, did you Flounder?
Dwight Schrute: Michael, a flounder is both a kind of fish--
Michael Scott: I know what a flounder is!
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Oscar: Do you risk telling him how you feel. Do you say something that you can barely admit to yourself.
Angela: [sympathetically] Oh my God what did you do? Not that I approve of any of it but--
Oscar: I was stupid, I told him.
Kevin: Was he into you in like a gay way?
Michael Scott: Moron. If he was there wouldn't be a story.
Oscar: He told me he wasn't gay.
Michael Scott: Really sad.
Oscar: I'm not done, yet.
Michael Scott: Oh my God.
Oscar: A week later, a friend of mine calls me up and he says, "I just saw him, in a gay bar in Kansas city."
Michael Scott: Well then it's a happy ending because he was gay. You should call him.
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Quotes from  Michael Scott  Dwight Schrute  Creed Bratton  Pam  Random Quotes from All Seasons