Oscar Quotes From The Office

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[Creed walks into the office dressed as the Joker]
Oscar: Whoa! Awesome!
Creed: Let's put a smile on that FACE! [walks away]
[Kevin stands up from behind his desk, also dressed as the Joker]
Kevin: Damn it, Creed! I've been up since four!
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Stanley: I took an extra shot of insulin in preparation for this cake today. If I don't have some cake soon I might die.
Oscar: Why don't you just have an apple?
Stanley: Why don't you mind your business.
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Oscar: I just want to take this stupid board of directors by their necks. [imitating strangling] This. Is. So. Simple!
Andy: Yeah. Well you should do that. Get in line.
Oscar: Oh what a great idea, and loose my job. No thank you.
Andy: Look. Do you want to be able to tell your grandkids, you stood up for yourself, during America's biggest financial crisis.
[beat]
Dwight Shrute: How is he going to have grandkids.
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Oscar: Pam, just for the record I think you're over-reacting a little bit. Your mom's old enough to make her own decisions.
Pam Beesly: Oh, well, thanks Oscar. I was just wondering, how would you feel if Michael was sleeping with your mom.
Oscar: My mother's in a wheelchair.
Pam Beesly: Well he could still... I'm sorry about that.
[Pam starts walking away but turns around]
Pam Beesly: Oh could I just get you to sign this second page.
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Jim: Holly, will you marry me?
Holly: No.
Stanley: Marry me, Holly.
Holly: No.
Michael Scott: That guy's got more than he can handle as it is.
Oscar: Will you marry me?
Holly: No.
Michael Scott: That marriage would be a sham.
Gabe: Will you marry me?
Holly: No.
Michael Scott: Easy no.
Angela: Will you marry me?
Holly: No.
Michael Scott: That would be hot. I would pay to see that.
Ryan: Will you marry me, Holly?
Holly: No.
Michael Scott: Only one that I was kind of worried about.
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Oscar: Is this our punishment for not wanting to have lunch with you?
Michael Scott: Why don't you get over lunch Oscar, everyone else is past it.
Dwight Schrute: [imitating Jack Nicholson in 'The Shining'] All work and no play makes Michael a dull boy.
Meredith: This is like a haunted coffee house thing?
Michael Scott: No, Dwight is confusing you. Its more of a disco.
Andy: It's like a haunted disco.
Michael Scott: With coffee, but without the haunting.
Phyllis: It's a combo dance house coffee bar.
Michael Scott: It is a daytime disco on the ground floor of an industrial office building
Erin: It's a cafe disco.
Kevin: Like a disco cafe?
Michael Scott: Wha ... no. No. Not even close.
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[watching Michael in the parking lot through the window]
Andy: What is he doing... it looks like he's saying something.
Kevin: I think he's singing.
Oscar: I can't believe this is really happening.
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Michael Scott: Now, I know a lot of you are probably asking yourself, why are you dressed in a plus size suit.
Kevin: Because you're kind of doing Michael Clump.
Michael Scott: Wh- how do you know Michael Clump?
Oscar: It's your making fun of fat people character.
Michael Scott: How dare you! Michael Clump is a celebration of fat people.
Oscar: I think of him of more like a monster. What about, "I say I say I say, I'll sit on you."
Dwight Schrute: No, no, it goes, it goes "I say I say I say I'll sit on you!"
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Holly: Hey, Oscar. Who's that woman in Michael's office with the feet? [Camera shoots over to Michael massaging Jan's feet]
Oscar: Oh, that's his ex.
Holly: Oh, she's very beautiful.
Oscar: Yes, and clinically insane.
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Oscar: If you're into yoga, I take a great Bikram class in Dixon City.
Holly: Thanks I should check that out.
Oscar: Also, and no pressure, the teacher, he's a catch.
Holly: Actually I'm a lesbian.
Oscar: I'm gay!
Holly: [nervously] I'm not a lesbian. I don't know why I said that. Stupid joke...
Oscar: What's the joke?
Holly: N-- there is no joke. I just said it because I... haven't had much luck lately and I'm not really looking to date so... Maybe I should switch to women.
Oscar: Oh you think it's a choice?
Holly: [pause] I'm gonna head back to my work area to...
Oscar: [laughing] I'm messing with you, Holly.
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