Oscar Quotes From The Office
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| Michael Scott | [Michael writing the Do Not Mock list] Ok, who else? Dwight? Come on. |
| Dwight Schrute | I don't want people making fun of my nose. |
| Michael Scott | Your nose? |
| Dwight Schrute | It's too small. [camera zooms in on Dwight's nose] |
| Oscar | Oh my,that is small. |
| Dwight Schrute | Just write it down, please. |
| Oscar | Can you breath ok? |
| Kelly | What keeps your glasses on? |
| Dwight Schrute | It's on the list everybody! |
| Michael | No,I haven't finished writing. ......Did you sneeze it off? That's it!...No more. |
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| Stanley: | I didn't think the premium laser color copy batch would see as well as it did. |
| Oscar: | It surprised us all and I'll tell you why- |
| Kelly: | I'm sorry guys. Can we please not talk about paper? There's gotta be something else we can talk about. |
| [silence] |
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| Oscar: | Pam and Jim are on their honeymoon, so there's not the usual balance between "sane" and "others." Toby has mentally checked out since June. It's a very dangerous time. The coalition for reason is extremely weak. |
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| Pam Beesly: | Wait! Come on! Let's listen to Dwight's presentation. |
| [Dwight winks at Pam] | |
| Oscar: | Wh- what are you winking for? |
| Dwight Schrute: | Zipyourlid! |
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| Oscar: | Hi everyone. |
| Kevin: | Oh hello Oscar. How was your gay-cation? |
| Oscar: | That's very funny. |
| Kevin: | Yeah? I thought of that like two seconds after you left. |
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| Michael Scott: | [packing for the hospital] Will I need a dictionary? |
| Oscar: | No, the hospital will provide a dictionary, bring a thesaurus. |
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| [watching Angela's Nanny Cam] | |
| Kevin: | This is getting weird. |
| Oscar: | Is she cleaning the cat with her tonge? |
| Kevin: | Owhhh... |
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| Oscar: | This scary black bar is what you spend on things that no one ever, ever needs, like multiple magic sets, professional bass fishing equipment. |
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| Stanley: | Michael don't listen to them. |
| Michael Scott: | Thank you Stanley. |
| Stanley: | You just ignore their carping. |
| Michael Scott: | Ok. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Michael. |
| Michael Scott: | Yes. |
| Dwight Schrute: | A carp is both a fish and a term for complaining. They're mocking you with wordplay. |
| Creed: | Hey Boss. Did you "Find Nemo"? |
| Michael Scott: | I could name Pixar movies too. Toy Story! |
| Oscar: | Don't you mean, Coy Story? |
| [everyone laughs] | |
| Phyllis: | And when you fell in, did you Flounder? |
| Dwight Schrute: | Michael, a flounder is both a kind of fish-- |
| Michael Scott: | I know what a flounder is! |
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| Oscar: | Do you risk telling him how you feel. Do you say something that you can barely admit to yourself. |
| Angela: | [sympathetically] Oh my God what did you do? Not that I approve of any of it but-- |
| Oscar: | I was stupid, I told him. |
| Kevin: | Was he into you in like a gay way? |
| Michael Scott: | Moron. If he was there wouldn't be a story. |
| Oscar: | He told me he wasn't gay. |
| Michael Scott: | Really sad. |
| Oscar: | I'm not done, yet. |
| Michael Scott: | Oh my God. |
| Oscar: | A week later, a friend of mine calls me up and he says, "I just saw him, in a gay bar in Kansas city." |
| Michael Scott: | Well then it's a happy ending because he was gay. You should call him. |