Oscar Quotes From The Office
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| Oscar: | Creed? |
| 'Young' Creed: | Yes sir! |
| Oscar: | Everything okay? |
| 'Young' Creed: | Everything's cool dude. |
| [cut to interview] | |
| 'Young' Creed: | I'm thirty. Well, in November I'll be thirty. |
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| Andy: | Excuse me, everyone, please check your emails I just sent you the following message: Co-workers, you may have received a valentine from me. Please understand that this does not mean I like you in any way. |
| Phyllis: | You don't even like us as friends? |
| Andy: | Phyllis, you guys are like my closest friends. I just mean I don't like like you. |
| Oscar: | What are we five? |
| Andy: | [reading] Please don't read into this card. Yours in professionalism, Nard Dog. |
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| Oscar: | Kevin and I play this paper football game when Michael's out. |
| Kevin: | Or when we're bored. |
| Jim Halpert: | [uncovers the score-keeping sheet] Oh my God! Wait, this goes back two years. |
| Kevin: | We're bored a lot. |
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| Oscar: | [in front of a image from a projector] See that? The obvious symmetry of the face. This is a natural appeal of the scientific standard of coinalphelia, features that are a composite average of many features. Yes she's attractive. But, she's not hot. |
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| Michael Scott: | Did you ever have intercourse in this office? |
| [Dwight says nothing] | |
| Oscar: | Are you serious? [scoffs disgustedly] Where? |
| [Dwight stares at Oscar] | |
| Oscar: | [aggressively] Where? |
| [Dwight continues to stare] | |
| Oscar: | [now grimacing] Where Dwight? |
| Dwight Schrute: | It seems like you already know where. |
| [Oscar silently covers his mouth] |
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| [Creed walks into the office dressed as the Joker] | |
| Oscar: | Whoa! Awesome! |
| Creed: | Let's put a smile on that FACE! [walks away] |
| [Kevin stands up from behind his desk, also dressed as the Joker] | |
| Kevin: | Damn it, Creed! I've been up since four! |
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| Kevin: | [looking through Luke's groceries] Wait. Soy ice cream. Did you get real ice cream? |
| Pam Beesly: | Or enough for everyone? |
| Luke: | No man there was no list. But I got Bagel Chips. |
| Oscar: | Oh my favorite part of an ice cream party. Bagel Chips! |
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| Jan: | You're broke? |
| Michael Scott: | That's- how did you get that from what Oscar's saying. That's not- |
| Jan: | H-how how-- I mean, Michael, how did this happen? Where exactly did your money go? Uh-I don't-- I don't get this. I really don't. I don't- I don't understand how, you could be so [sigh] irresponsible. I mean- ah!- it's just- it is astounding to me! Really! I don't know what more to say. I hoped that-- |
| Oscar: | Jan? |
| Jan: | Yeah, what? |
| Oscar: | Michael left. |
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| Jim Halpert: | If you were a real star you'd put your face in it. |
| Michael Scott: | I love it more! |
| Oscar: | But that doesn't seem.. safe. |
| Michael Scott: | [to camera] IIII love it! |
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| Oscar: | Pam, just for the record I think you're over-reacting a little bit. Your mom's old enough to make her own decisions. |
| Pam Beesly: | Oh, well, thanks Oscar. I was just wondering, how would you feel if Michael was sleeping with your mom. |
| Oscar: | My mother's in a wheelchair. |
| Pam Beesly: | Well he could still... I'm sorry about that. |
| [Pam starts walking away but turns around] | |
| Pam Beesly: | Oh could I just get you to sign this second page. |
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| Kevin: | Are you kidding me? Pam, and Jim, are hooking up. All they do is smile. They're just keeping it a secret. Right? |
| [pans to Oscar] | |
| Oscar: | I don't know. There is no evidence of intimacy. They've been in remarkably good moods, it could be other things. |
| Kevin: | Are you kidding me!? |
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| Oscar: | It sounds like a get-rich-quick scheme. |
| Michael Scott: | Yes! Thank you! You will get rich quick. We all will! |