Oscar Quotes From The Office
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| [Creed walks into the office dressed as the Joker] | |
| Oscar: | Whoa! Awesome! |
| Creed: | Let's put a smile on that FACE! [walks away] |
| [Kevin stands up from behind his desk, also dressed as the Joker] | |
| Kevin: | Damn it, Creed! I've been up since four! |
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| Stanley: | I took an extra shot of insulin in preparation for this cake today. If I don't have some cake soon I might die. |
| Oscar: | Why don't you just have an apple? |
| Stanley: | Why don't you mind your business. |
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| Oscar: | I just want to take this stupid board of directors by their necks. [imitating strangling] This. Is. So. Simple! |
| Andy: | Yeah. Well you should do that. Get in line. |
| Oscar: | Oh what a great idea, and loose my job. No thank you. |
| Andy: | Look. Do you want to be able to tell your grandkids, you stood up for yourself, during America's biggest financial crisis. |
| [beat] | |
| Dwight Shrute: | How is he going to have grandkids. |
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| Oscar: | Pam, just for the record I think you're over-reacting a little bit. Your mom's old enough to make her own decisions. |
| Pam Beesly: | Oh, well, thanks Oscar. I was just wondering, how would you feel if Michael was sleeping with your mom. |
| Oscar: | My mother's in a wheelchair. |
| Pam Beesly: | Well he could still... I'm sorry about that. |
| [Pam starts walking away but turns around] | |
| Pam Beesly: | Oh could I just get you to sign this second page. |
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| Jim: | Holly, will you marry me? |
| Holly: | No. |
| Stanley: | Marry me, Holly. |
| Holly: | No. |
| Michael Scott: | That guy's got more than he can handle as it is. |
| Oscar: | Will you marry me? |
| Holly: | No. |
| Michael Scott: | That marriage would be a sham. |
| Gabe: | Will you marry me? |
| Holly: | No. |
| Michael Scott: | Easy no. |
| Angela: | Will you marry me? |
| Holly: | No. |
| Michael Scott: | That would be hot. I would pay to see that. |
| Ryan: | Will you marry me, Holly? |
| Holly: | No. |
| Michael Scott: | Only one that I was kind of worried about. |
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| Oscar: | Is this our punishment for not wanting to have lunch with you? |
| Michael Scott: | Why don't you get over lunch Oscar, everyone else is past it. |
| Dwight Schrute: | [imitating Jack Nicholson in 'The Shining'] All work and no play makes Michael a dull boy. |
| Meredith: | This is like a haunted coffee house thing? |
| Michael Scott: | No, Dwight is confusing you. Its more of a disco. |
| Andy: | It's like a haunted disco. |
| Michael Scott: | With coffee, but without the haunting. |
| Phyllis: | It's a combo dance house coffee bar. |
| Michael Scott: | It is a daytime disco on the ground floor of an industrial office building |
| Erin: | It's a cafe disco. |
| Kevin: | Like a disco cafe? |
| Michael Scott: | Wha ... no. No. Not even close. |
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| [watching Michael in the parking lot through the window] | |
| Andy: | What is he doing... it looks like he's saying something. |
| Kevin: | I think he's singing. |
| Oscar: | I can't believe this is really happening. |
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| Michael Scott: | Now, I know a lot of you are probably asking yourself, why are you dressed in a plus size suit. |
| Kevin: | Because you're kind of doing Michael Clump. |
| Michael Scott: | Wh- how do you know Michael Clump? |
| Oscar: | It's your making fun of fat people character. |
| Michael Scott: | How dare you! Michael Clump is a celebration of fat people. |
| Oscar: | I think of him of more like a monster. What about, "I say I say I say, I'll sit on you." |
| Dwight Schrute: | No, no, it goes, it goes "I say I say I say I'll sit on you!" |
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| Holly: | Hey, Oscar. Who's that woman in Michael's office with the feet? [Camera shoots over to Michael massaging Jan's feet] |
| Oscar: | Oh, that's his ex. |
| Holly: | Oh, she's very beautiful. |
| Oscar: | Yes, and clinically insane. |
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| Oscar: | If you're into yoga, I take a great Bikram class in Dixon City. |
| Holly: | Thanks I should check that out. |
| Oscar: | Also, and no pressure, the teacher, he's a catch. |
| Holly: | Actually I'm a lesbian. |
| Oscar: | I'm gay! |
| Holly: | [nervously] I'm not a lesbian. I don't know why I said that. Stupid joke... |
| Oscar: | What's the joke? |
| Holly: | N-- there is no joke. I just said it because I... haven't had much luck lately and I'm not really looking to date so... Maybe I should switch to women. |
| Oscar: | Oh you think it's a choice? |
| Holly: | [pause] I'm gonna head back to my work area to... |
| Oscar: | [laughing] I'm messing with you, Holly. |