Oscar Quotes From The Office
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| Oscar | Andy, please, just stop. You can do infinite things with paper. |
| Andy Bernard | Ah, shh shh! Did you hear that? Infinity! There is an infinity of things you can do with paper! Now, who wants to buy some paper? |
| [Everyone claps] | |
| Jim Halpert | Very nice... very nice sales pitch for our clients who don't know what paper is. |
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| Meredith: | Hey, has anything happened yet? |
| Oscar: | It's 4:10. I don't think he's gonna show. |
| Kevin: | Oh, come on man! Believe in something. |
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| Michael Scott: | Maybe we could go out for a beer sometime, and you could tell me... how you do that to another dude. |
| Oscar: | That sounds like a great, wonderful idea. Let's do that. |
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| Andy: | Excuse me, everyone, please check your emails I just sent you the following message: Co-workers, you may have received a valentine from me. Please understand that this does not mean I like you in any way. |
| Phyllis: | You don't even like us as friends? |
| Andy: | Phyllis, you guys are like my closest friends. I just mean I don't like like you. |
| Oscar: | What are we five? |
| Andy: | [reading] Please don't read into this card. Yours in professionalism, Nard Dog. |
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| Oscar: | It sounds like a get-rich-quick scheme. |
| Michael Scott: | Yes! Thank you! You will get rich quick. We all will! |
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| Michael Scott: | Alright, since I am the boss I will drive as well. Who wants shotgun? |
| Oscar: | You can't be serious. You ran a woman over this morning. |
| Michael Scott: | Everybody inside the car was fine, Stanley. |
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| Michael Scott: | Can I have your attention! I would like to introduce you to Mr. Danny Cordrea. He is going to be joining us, as our new Travelling Salesman. Say hello to Danny! |
| Kelly: | F*** me. |
| Michael Scott: | Oh. Kay. You know what? No! No. This is not some sort of construction site, for all of Italy! Where you can just go around treating people like meat. We are to respect him. I respect him, because he reminds me of somebody. Can anybody guess who that is? |
| Kelly: | [dreamily] Josh Duhamel. |
| Angela: | Yeah I can see that! |
| Michael Scott: | No! No. Somebody in this office. |
| Kevin: | He's like a better-looking Andy. |
| Andy: | Thanks Kevin. |
| Michael Scott: | No, me. Right? Sorta like, a little younger version of me? |
| Oscar: | It's hard to judge ourselves accurately isn't it. |
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| Robert California | Jim your daughter Cecilia, what does she think of the Street? |
| Jim Halpert | Uh... the street? |
| Robert California | Sesame Street. |
| Jim Halpert | Oh! I didn't know anybody called it--she likes it a lot. She loves Elmo. |
| Robert California | Elmo. God save us... the Elmo era. Sesame Street was created to reflect the environment of the children watching it. The complete self-absorption of Elmo is brilliantly reflective of our time. Our's is a cultural ghetto. Wouldn't you agree? |
| Jim Halpert | Yeah... she does like Elmo. |
| Oscar | Cultural ghetto... Totally agree. |
| Phyllis | Completely. |
| Darryl | Apt. Apt analysis, Robert. |
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| Oscar: | The Dunder Mifflin stock symbol is D.M.I. Do you know what that stands for? Dummies, Morons, and Idiots because that's what you'd have to be to own it. And as one of those idiots, I believe the board owes me answers. |
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| Jim Halpert: | Everybody, just wanted to make an announcment. Pam and I are engaged. |
| Pam Beesly: | [over phone] Hi everyone! |
| Oscar: | I thought you were already engaged. |
| Jim Halpert: | Nope. |
| Angela: | That was Roy. She was engaged to Roy. |
| Jim Halpert: | Thank you, Angela. |
| Kevin: | I got a gift for Pam and Roy, do I have to get another one? |
| Jim Halpert: | Yes. |
| Andy: | Little close to my engagement there, Tuna. What's your game here? |
| Jim Halpert: | To get married. |
| Dwight Schrute: | She's not a virgin you know. |
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| Oscar: | I want to get that image out of my head. The psychological issues that go behind licking a cat, are not things I want to go into. Also I'm pretty sure she coughed up a hairball. |