An office is as safe as the people in it. And sometimes those people can drive you to crazy things to show the dangers of the office. That's the danger I found myself in today. I saved a life. My own. Am I a hero? [pause] I really can't say, but yes.
We do safety training every year or after an accident. We've never made it a full year. This particular time I was reaching for a supply box on the top shelf, when one office worker, who shall remain nameless, kicked the ladder out from under me and yelled...
[regarding bet about Kelly] Ryan, well done, two minutes forty-two seconds. Additionally, Pam, you win ten because she said 'awesome' twelve times. And Jim, you win five because she mentioned six romantic comedies.
Yes. I have decided to shun Andy Bernard for the next three years. Which I'm looking forward to. It's an Amish technique. It's like slapping someone with silence. I was shunned from the age four until my sixth birthday for not saving the excess oil from a can of tuna.
You may be asking yourself, 'what am i doing on a trampoline?' Well, I thought I'd bounce here for a while, relieve some stress and then move on with my day... Not! Here's the plan: Dwight is going to gather all of the office workers and all of the warehouse guys and we're going to have another safety seminar, only this time, where's Michael? Oh my God, he is on the roof! Now I have got their attention. I tell them about the cold, hard facts of depression and then I say, 'hey, you've ever seen a suicide?'. And I jump and they freak out and they get to see the dangers of depression with their own eyes. Nice side note, they might think 'hey, I should have been nicer to Michael', but that's not why I'm doing this. Then I land on the trampoline and take a couple extra bounces for fun, I climb off, walk around the corner, ta-freaking-da.
One thing you're going to want to look out for is carpal tunnel syndrome, so it's recommanded that you take a ten minute break from typing every hour. For your circulation, um, you're gonna wanna get up out of your chairs and move around about ten minutes every hour.
Yes. Good. Fine. Like stretching.
Um, yeah. Your computer screen can be a big strain on your eyes, so it's also recommanded that you step away for about 10 minutes every hour.
Wow. That time really adds up. Like a half an hour every hour?
Darryl thinks he's such a man because he works in a warehouse. Well big deal. I worked in a warehouse. Men's Warehouse. I was a greeter. I'd like to see Darryl greet people. Probably make them feel like wimps. Not me, I- 'Hello. I'm Michael. Welcome to Men's Warehouse. We have a special on khaki pants today.' That is just one example.
Several weeks ago, Andy Bernard had an incident. [flash back to punching wall] But after five weeks in anger management, I'm back. And I've got a new attitude and a new name. And a bunch of new techniques for dealing with the 'grumpies'.
The Office Quotes is a fan site dedicated to NBC's The Office. It includes the best quotes from The Office, voted on by fans. Registered users can share favorite quotes and more through their own fan profile.
Please link back to TheOfficeQuotes.com when using content from this site!