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The Office Quotes (NBC) | Season 3 - Traveling Salesmen

The Office Season 3 Quotes - Traveling Salesmen

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48
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Jim Halpert: After you sir.
Dwight Schrute: No thank you. I never let anyone walk behind me. Seven out of ten attacks are from the rear.
Jim Halpert: Okay, well that still leaves a 30% chance that I'll attack you from the front.
Dwight Schrute: Uh, yeah but it'll be easier to stop. I can always block the blow, I can counter it.-- [Jim slaps Dwight, then walks away.]
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29
likes
Michael Scott: Dwight betrayed me once before. So this is his strike two. You know what they say, fool me once, strike one, but fool me twice... strike three.
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28
likes
Andy: Oompa loompa, doompadee dossum, Dwight is now gone, which is totally awesome. Why was he gone, he was such a nice guy. No, he was not, he was a total douche. Doompadee doom.
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27
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Ryan: I'm very flattered. I was his second choice after pass.
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24
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Jim Halpert: Dwight and I used to go on call sales all the time. In fact I have a picture to remember that time. Oh young Jim. There's just so much I need to warn you about. And yet, tragically, I cannot.
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21
likes
Michael Scott: So that just leaves Dwight and Jim.
Dwight Schrute: Okay, wait. Does anyone wanna trade?
Jim Halpert: Yeah. I'll trade.
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21
likes
Jim Halpert: Seriously? You're going to sit in the back?
Dwight Schrute: Uh yeah! That's the safest part of a car. In the event of a crash, the driver always protects his side first.
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18
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Ryan: Dwight will be missed. Not by me so much but he will be missed.
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16
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Oscar: Hi everyone.
Kevin: Oh hello Oscar. How was your gay-cation?
Oscar: That's very funny.
Kevin: Yeah? I thought of that like two seconds after you left.
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14
likes
Dwight Schrute: One of my life goals was to die right in my desk chair. And today, that dream shattered.
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14
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Dwight Schrute: Ahem. May I have your attention, please. This will only take a moment of your time. [takes out note and begins reading] 'Although I love this company more than almost anything in the world, I have decided to step down from my post and spend more time with my family. I do not fear the unknown. I will meet my new challenges head on and I will succeed. And I will laugh in the face of those who doubt me. It's been a pleasure working with some of you and I will not forget those of you soon. But remember, while today it is me, we all shall fall.' In other words I'm quitting.
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14
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Andy: I'm so sorry man. I really screwed that up. I really--
Michael Scott: Don't worry about it--
Andy: No. I really Schruted it.
Michael Scott: What?
Andy: Schruted it. It's just this thing people say around your office all the time. Like when you screw something up in a really irreversable way, you Schruted it. I don't know where it comes from though. You think it came from Dwight Schrute?
Michael Scott: I don't know. Who knows how words are formed.
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13
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Dwight Schrute: It's gonna be okay.
Angela: How is it going to be okay Dwight? Everyone will know our business.
Dwight Schrute: That's not the worst thing in the world. I'll just stand up in front of the office and reveal our true love. It's won't be that bad. Look at Kelly and Ryan.
Angela: I hate those two people more than anything in the entire world.
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13
likes
Andy: Five of us transfered from Stamford. There's two of us left. Me and Karen. It's like we're touring Willy Wonka's chocolate factory and dropping off one by one. Well guess what. I'm not falling in a chocolate river.
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11
likes
Andy: In order to take down Dwight, I have to chip away at his ally, in this case Michael. And here's the good news. Every success I've ever had in my job or with the lady folk, has come from my ability to slowly and painfully wear someone down.
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10
likes
Andy: What's the deal with Dwight doing your laundry?
Michael Scott: Ugh, that is a long story. Um, a couple months ago, Dwight tried to go behind my back with Jan and get my job and I am now having him do my laundry as punishment.
Andy: Wow. That is a long story but quite well told, Michael. I find it very interesting. Especially the part about Dwight going behind your back and basically being like a terrible person. You know, if you want your laundry done right, well I used to work at Abercrombie, so prreetty good folder.
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8
likes
Andy: Hey Dwight. Pass the tardy sauce. Get it Michael?
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7
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Andy: My plan is taking longer than I thought. But I don't give up easily. I've walked two marathons.
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6
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[from deleted scenes]
Michael Scott: Punctuality is something I demand from my employees. I need them to show up on time, so when I finally show up we can get started right away.
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5
likes
Michael Scott: Dwight!
Dwight Schrute: Yeah.
Michael Scott: Here you go.
Dwight Schrute: [catches laundry bag] You want shirts on hangers?
Michael Scott: Please.
Andy: He does your laundry?
Michael Scott: Long story.
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5
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Michael Scott: Here we go! You know what this is? This is the Amazing Race. [points to Ryan and Stanley] And you guys are the retired marines. [points to Phyllis and Karen] And you guys are the mother/daughter. [points to Jim and Dwight] And you guys are the gay couple. [turns to Andy] And we are the fire fighter heros.
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4
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Michael Scott: Today we're going to team up for sales calls. Andy, since this was your idea, you get to pick first.
Andy: Hmm, well. Let me think about this for a minute. Oh, I don't know. Michael Scott, PhD, Doctor of Sales.
Michael Scott: Well I appreciate that. That very gracious of you.
Andy: Well it is very gracious of you to accept.
Michael Scott: Well thank you sir.
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3
likes
Michael Scott: Jim! Could you come in here please? [Jim walks into Michael's office, see's computer's face. Stops]
Harvey: Hi, Jim.
Jim Halpert: [surprised] Hello.
Harvey: I am Harvey, a computer. Jim sucks.
Michael Scott: [snorts with laughter] I'm sorry.
Jim Halpert: Zing.
Michael Scott: Oh, wow! That's so rude. I'm sorry, I can't control him.
Jim Halpert: Yeah, you can.
Michael Scott: You know what? Get Pam.
Jim Halpert: For this?
Michael Scott: PAM!
Harvey: [as Pam walks in] Pam, you look very hot today.
Michael Scott: [giggles]
Jim Halpert: Pam, meet Harvey. This is Michael's new friend.
Pam Beesly: Great.
Harvey: Me so horny, me love you long tim.
Michael Scott: Ah! Oohhh!
Jim Halpert: Woah . . .
Michael Scott: That is gross!
Pam Beesly: Who's Long Tim?
Michael Scott: Dammit.
Harvey: Long time. Me lobe yoy long time.
Jim Halpert: Ah, well, Yoy should bring Long Tim in one day.
Michael Scott: No . . .
Pam Beesly: I'd love to meet Long Tim.
Jim Halpert: Yeah, right?
Pam Beesly: Yeah.
Harvey: You ruined a funny joke you. Get out of my offive.
Jim Halpert: Ok.
Pam Beesly: Ok. Bye, Harvey!
Harvey: Boobs.
Michael Scott: [giggles]
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3
likes
Michael Scott: Ok. You know what? I want you to think about your future at this company. I want you to think about it long and hard.
Dwight Schrute: That's what she said.
Michael Scott: Don't. Don't you dare.
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2
likes
Jan: [over phone] Dwight's name is on the security sign-in sheet, but I don't know who he met with. And where it asks to state your business, he wrote "Beeswax. Not yours, Inc."
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1
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Andy: Um, am I happy about the way things turned out? Ugh, happy's such an ugly word, but um, I saw what needed to be done and I did it so now I'm thrilled.
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1
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Angela: This friend of mine, let's call her Noel. She missed this deadline, turning something into corporate in New York! But then this gallant gentleman, we'll call him Kurt. He drove all the way to New York and handed it in for her. Because I don't know he just really likes her a lot.
Pam Beesly: Well that's great.
Angela: Yes, it is!
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1
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Stanley: [cackling] And you just kept saying "Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi." You sounded like my niece... and she's six months old!
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1
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Dwight Schrute: Hey! We nailed the sale! [holds hand up for a high five]
Michael Scott: Where were you this morning?
Dwight Schrute: I overslept. Damn rooster didn't crow.
5 Comments in the Conference Room
Quotes from  Michael Scott  Dwight Schrute  Creed Bratton  Pam  Random Quotes from All Seasons

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