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Ahem. May I have your attention, please. This will only take a moment of your time. [takes out note and begins reading] 'Although I love this company more than almost anything in the world, I have decided to step down from my post and spend more time with my family. I do not fear the unknown. I will meet my new challenges head on and I will succeed. And I will laugh in the face of those who doubt me. It's been a pleasure working with some of you and I will not forget those of you soon. But remember, while today it is me, we all shall fall.' In other words I'm quitting.
I'm so sorry man. I really screwed that up. I really--
Don't worry about it--
No. I really Schruted it.
Schruted it. It's just this thing people say around your office all the time. Like when you screw something up in a really irreversable way, you Schruted it. I don't know where it comes from though. You think it came from Dwight Schrute?
Five of us transfered from Stamford. There's two of us left. Me and Karen. It's like we're touring Willy Wonka's chocolate factory and dropping off one by one. Well guess what. I'm not falling in a chocolate river.
In order to take down Dwight, I have to chip away at his ally, in this case Michael. And here's the good news. Every success I've ever had in my job or with the lady folk, has come from my ability to slowly and painfully wear someone down.
Ugh, that is a long story. Um, a couple months ago, Dwight tried to go behind my back with Jan and get my job and I am now having him do my laundry as punishment.
Wow. That is a long story but quite well told, Michael. I find it very interesting. Especially the part about Dwight going behind your back and basically being like a terrible person. You know, if you want your laundry done right, well I used to work at Abercrombie, so prreetty good folder.
Here we go! You know what this is? This is the Amazing Race. [points to Ryan and Stanley] And you guys are the retired marines. [points to Phyllis and Karen] And you guys are the mother/daughter. [points to Jim and Dwight] And you guys are the gay couple. [turns to Andy] And we are the fire fighter heros.
This friend of mine, let's call her Noel. She missed this deadline, turning something into corporate in New York! But then this gallant gentleman, we'll call him Kurt. He drove all the way to New York and handed it in for her. Because I don't know he just really likes her a lot.
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