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Jim Halpert: I guess he can't get any girl he wants.
Michael Scott: Yeah, Ryan snapped at me. But there was this tinkle in his eye, that I picked up on, which said, 'Dude, we're friends. I'm doing this for appearances. I am the big boss now. And I have to seem like an ogre. But you know me, and you trust me and we like each other. And we'll always be friends. And I would never take you for granted in a million years. And I miss you, man, and I love you... His words.
Pam Beesly: Hey Toby.
Toby: Heyy... you two!
Jim Halpert: Hey. So, now that we are dating, uh, we just wanted to know if we had to sign one of those, 'we're dating' things for the company.
Toby: Oh well, you know, those are only for, 'relationships.' So, if this is just a casual thing, there's no need, really.
Pam Beesly: Well I don't wanna speak for Jim, but, it's like pretty official.
Toby: Uh huh?
Jim Halpert: Sorry, so do we need to sign? Or?
Toby: Let's just wait and see what happens.
Jim Halpert: What?
Toby: Let's just wait.
Jim Halpert: Oh, okay.
Michael Scott: Everyone always wants new things. Everybody likes new inventions, new technology. People will never be replaced by machines. In the end, life and business are about human connections. And computers are about trying to murder you in a lake. And to me, the choice is easy.
Angela: I heard a joke today.
Dwight Schrute: Oh! That's funny.
Angela: Yes. It was.
'Young' Creed: Yes sir!
Oscar: Everything okay?
'Young' Creed: Everything's cool dude.
[cut to interview]
'Young' Creed: I'm thirty. Well, in November I'll be thirty.
Michael Scott: We had a foreign exchange student when I was young. And, we called him my brother, and that's what I thought he was. Um, then he went home to what is formerly Yugoslavia, taking all of my blue jeans, with him. And I had to spend the entire winter in shorts. That is what Ryan is like: A fake brother who steals your jeans.
Kelly: I don't understand what the big deal is?
Ryan: You don't.
Ryan: You lied about being pregnant.
Kelly: Right. So?
Ryan: You really don't understand why that might make me kinda angry?
Ryan: We're never getting back together.
Kelly: Why not?
Phyllis: Hey Pam. By the way, it's great that you're dating. But when a new client calls, you just have to randomly assign them to a salesperson. You can't base who gets new clients on who you're sleeping with that week. Okay?
Pam Beesly: Okay.
Jim Halpert: O-kay.
Ryan: How are you?
Kelly: Awesome. I am dating a lot of guys. A lot. Black guys mostly.
Pam Beesly: No! They have been dating for like two years. Since, before your barbeque.
Jim Halpert: Wait. What? You knew. You didn't say anything?
Pam Beesly: You didn't say anything to me!
Jim Halpert: I know... Wow. We should've started dating like a long time ago.
Jim Halpert: That whole lifestyle? His whole vibe? You find that appealing?
Andy: Ah! Tuna. Tuna Tuna Tuna.
Kevin: Tuna Tuna Tuna.
Andy: He has a killer job. He's rich. He smells like what I think Pierce Brosnan probably smells like. He wears really cool, rich-guy clothes.
Kevin: And, he can get any girl that he wants.
Andy: So, sorry Tuna but if you don't know why that's awesome, then... you need awesome lessons.
Michael Scott: Pam and Jim are together, Ryan is visiting. The only thing that could make this better is ice cream.
Creed: Hey bra'. I've been meaning to ask you. Can we get some Red Bull for these things? Sometimes a guy's gotta ride the bull. Am I right? Later skater.
Michael Scott: Who's this old fart? Did you just stagger off the street? Out of a box or something? Who is this worthless bag of bones. Well, this guy, is one of the founders of Dunder Mifflin, Mr. Robert Dunder.
Dwight Schrute: I don't see it. I think they both could do better.
Michael Scott: No, no Pam. Let 'em ring. Let the bells of Dunder Mifflin chime out your love. Because this is really good. This is really good. My heart soars, with the eagle's nest.
Michael Scott: Gift baskets are amazing, Phyllis. Gift baskets are... the essence of class and fanciness. They are the ultimate present a person can receive.
Andy: What about cash? Cash you can buy whatever you want, including a gift basket so... it's kinda the best gift ever.
Jim Halpert: What about a gift basket full of cash?
Andy: Yes! Cash basket! Nice work Jim.
Andy: Dude, you are so money. But you don't even know it. But you do.
Andy: Jim's off the market. Guess who just became the best looking, single guy in the office?
Phyllis: Sorry I didn't know you guys were in here.
Jim Halpert: Ohh no, we're just sittin' here.
Phyllis: Couldn't see your hands.
Creed: We're screwed.
Michael Scott: Who is?
Creed: Us. You, me. The old-timers.
Michael Scott: I am not old. You are old. You are like a hundred.
Creed: You're over forty, that's the cutoff.
Ryan: Any other questions? Kelly Kapoor.
Kelly: Can we speak privately about our relationship.
Ryan: Thank you everyone.
Car Navigation System: Make the next right turn.
Michael Scott: How do they know? How does this know when to turn? That is very impressive.
Michael Scott: Wow. They grow up so fast. I have a few of my own that I want someday.
Ryan: Yes, I understand that David. I just felt that if we were to downsize Kelly and then outsource customer service to India, which a lot of companies-- yeah, no, yes Kelly is Indian. I understand that's confusing.
Jim Halpert: Aaaand that is why we waited so long to tell people.
Creed: Are you listening to what he's saying? Retraining, new system, youth. I'm telling you, this kid is the grim reaper. You deal with this, or you, me, Sammy, Phyllis, the chick you hit with a car... we're goners.
Angela: It's not a surprise to me. Pam is the office mattress.
Angela: What is that?
Dwight Schrute: It's a feral barn cat. I trapped him last night and I am giving him to you as a replacement cat for the one I destroyed.
Angela: Her name was Sprinkles.
Dwight Schrute: And his name is... Garbage. Moses calls him Garbage because he likes to eat garbage. Don't you Garbage?
Creed: That's some fun stuff. When's the website go up?
Ryan: As fast as possible. We wanna start retraining people ASAP so we can hit the ground running with the new system.
Creed: Cool beans.
Angela: Hello Dwight. I've been thinking about, things. And I wanted to know if you would have dinner with me, tonight.
Dwight Schrute: Really?
Dwight Schrute: I'll make a reservation. No, no. Let me cook for you. Cauliflower and noodles. Baked potato on the side.
Angela: I would prefer, a private place. See you after work.
[Dwight gives a sigh of relief]
Dwight Schrute: Are you enjoying your vegetarian noodles?
Angela: Very much. How's your meat?
Dwight Schrute: Dry. Delicious.
Dwight Schrute: I'm gonna live for a very long time. My grandma Schrute lived to be 101. My grandpa Manheim, he's 103. He's still puttering down in Argentina. I tried to go visit him once, but my travel visa was protested by the Shoah Foundation.
Michael Scott So older people have just as many rights as younger people.
Jan: Yes, Michael.
Michael Scott: Look at you. You are so mature, and old and... little man now. You're like our little man.
Kevin: Little Old Man Boy.
Ryan: Michael, everybody, um--
Kevin: Bearded Man Boy.
Dwight Schrute: Garbage can be very helpful. Okay? He's a useful cat. He killed an entire family of racoons. Look at him.
Michael Scott: Business to business. The old fashion way. No blackberries. No websites. I would like to see a website deliver baskets of food to people.
Pam Beesly: Yeah! I'm gonna do some mock-ups. And then turn those into thumbnails, and then do some, uh... splash frames? I don't know what I'm talking about but I'm excited.
Ryan: Good luck, Michael.
Michael Scott: We don't need luck.
Dwight Schrute: Yeah.
Michael Scott: But thank you. That was really nice to say.
Ryan: I'm not saying I had a meteoric rise. But I did. And if they knew how much I was paying for my haircut now, they wouldn't be giving me a nuggie. It was two hundred dollars.
Dwight Schrute: This is the lake!
Michael Scott: The machine knows!
Dwight Schrute: This is the lake! This is the lake! There's no road here!
Michael Scott: Stop yelling at me! Stop yelling at me!
[drives into lake]
Dwight Schrute Remain calm I have trained for this. Okay, exit the window! Here we go.
Automated Car GPS Make a U-turn if possible.
Michael Scott: Hey! There he is! There he is! He's back! And he's with a beard.
[laughing] He has facial hair. Look at him! All grown up and no place to go. Hello Mr. Sonny Crockett. I'm Tubbs.
Ryan: Next night, I'm at the bar, 2am. I figure I'll get a sandwich, 'cause you can get a sandwich any time of the night. I run into Vince Vaughn.
Kevin: No way!
Michael Scott: WHERE ARE THE TURTLES?!?!
Toby (in response to Michael): Technically, he's right.
Michael Scott: Hey, shut up Toby.
Ryan: Let me say something. I know I used to be a temp here, but now everything's different, and I'd like your respect. I am your boss now, you're gonna have to treat me the same way you treated Jan.
Pam Beesly: Hey Ryan!
[walks in typing to Blackberry] Hello, one second. [returns to blackberry] Hey Pam it's great to see you is Michael in?
Michael Scott: Game, set, match... point... Scott... game over... end of game.