Warning: session_start(): open(/home/office/public_html/tmp/sess_9706cb938758229d17f48a02c881401b, O_RDWR) failed: Permission denied (13) in /home/office/public_html/index.php on line 9
The Office Quotes (NBC) | Season 1 - The Alliance

The Office Season 1 Quotes - The Alliance

  • Quotes
  • Conference Room (2 Comments)
  • Download Episode (iTunes Link)
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
48
likes
Dwight Schrute: Do you want to form an alliance, with me?
Jim Halpert: Absolutely I do.
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
40
likes
Pam Beesly: This was tough. I suggested we flip a coin, but Angela said she doesn't like to gamble. Of course by saying that she was gambling that I wouldn't smack her.
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
40
likes
Jim Halpert: At that moment I was just, so happy. I mean everything that Dwight does annoys me... and I spend hours thinking of ways to get back at him. But only in ways that would get me arrested- and then here he comes and says he says, 'No, Jim - here's a way.'
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
33
likes
Michael Scott: When I retire, I don't want to just move to some island somewhere. I want to be the guy who gives it all back. I want it to be like, 'Hey... who donated that hospital wing that's saving so many lives?' 'I don't know. It was anonymous.' 'Well, guess what. It was Michael Scott.' 'But how do you know? It was anonymous.' [pause] 'Because I'm him.'
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
31
likes
Jim Halpert: Very impressive, the, uh, donation you gave to Oscar's charity. What was that? Twenty-five bucks?
Michael Scott: Well you know. Money isn't everything, Jim. Not the key to happiness. You know what is? Joy. You should remember that. Maybe you can give more than three dollars the next time.
Jim: Yeah, well three dollars a mile is going to end up being like fifty bucks. So, God, I can't even calculate what you're gonna have to give.
[long pause]
Michael Scott: Is Oscar around?
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
27
likes
Jim Halpert: Listen. We need to assume that everyone in the office is forming an alliance and is there for trying to get us kicked off.
Dwight Schrute: God... damn it! Why us?
Jim Halpert: Because we're strong, Dwight. Because we're strong.
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
25
likes
Dwight Schrute: I'm a deer hunter. I go all the time with my dad. One thing about deer: they have very good vision. One thing about me: I'm better at hiding, than they are at vision.
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
24
likes
Dwight Schrute: Did you get your tickets yet?
Jim Halpert: To what?
Dwight Schrute: To the gun show. [kisses his bicep]
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
24
likes
Michael Scott: And these are my party planning beeyotches!
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
22
likes
Dwight Schrute: [with blonde hair] Do I feel bad about betraying Jim? Not at all. That's the game. Convince him we're in an alliance, get some information, throw him to the wolves. That's politics baby! Get what you can out of someone, then crush them. I think Jim might have learned a very valuable lesson.
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
22
likes
Dwight Schrute: Studies have shown that more information gets passed through watercooler gossip than through official memos - which puts me at a disadvantage because... I bring my own water to work.
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
22
likes
Angela: I think green is kind of whorish.
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
21
likes
Dwight Schrute: Can I trust Jim? I don't know. Do I have a choice? No. I think, I don't. Will I trust Jim? Yes. Should I trust Jim? You tell me.
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
19
likes
Michael Scott: MINT CHOCOLATE CHIP!
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
19
likes
Kevin: I love their sandwiches.
Jim Halpert: I love their sandwiches too.
Kevin: Their bread is real good.
Jim Halpert: Their bread is very good.
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
18
likes
Dwight Schrute: Hey.
Michael Scott: Hey.
Dwight Schrute: You wanted to see me?
Michael Scott: Uh, yeah. What do you know about Meredith?
Dwight Schrute: I don't think she'd be missed.
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
18
likes
Toby: Really? Today?
Ryan: Yeah.
Toby: Huh. Happy birthday.
Ryan: Thanks.
Toby: I could say something.
Ryan: No- don't do that.
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
17
likes
Jim Halpert: [on Pam's improvisation] That was beautiful. All her idea too. Awesome. She is so great...
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
16
likes
Michael Scott: I think if I was allergic to dairy I'd kill myself.
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
15
likes
Michael Scott: Meredith... Meredith... Mary- Mary had a little lamb. Mary... Meredith had a little lamb. Don't bring that lamb to the office or it will poop on the floor.
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
13
likes
Michael Scott: I think if I had a catch phrase it would be, 'you're hired, and you can work here as long as you want.' But that's unrealistic, so...
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
12
likes
Michael Scott: Your nephew... He in good shape?
Oscar: Yeah.
Michael Scott: How many miles did he do last year?
Oscar: Last year he walked 18 miles.
Michael Scott: Son of a bitch. [covering] That is impressive. Good for him.
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
12
likes
Michael Scott: I need something kind of embarrasing, you know for fun, inside?
Dwight Schrute: She had a hysterectomy.
Michael Scott: Which one is that again?
Dwight Schrute: It's where they remove the uterus.
Michael Scott: Oh, God. Dwight, NO! I'm trying to write something funny here. What am I going to do with a removed uterus?
Dwight Schrute: It could be kind of funny.
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
4
likes
Michael Scott: [contemplating Meredith's birthday card message] Meredith bad-breath... Meredith has bad breath...
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
3
likes
Michael Scott: It looks like there's gonna be downsizing. And it's part of my job, but... blah! I hate it. I think the main difference between me and Donald Trump is that, uh, I get no pleasure out of saying the words, "You're fired." (With his magical Donald Trump Impression) "You're foir-ed. Uh, you're foir-ed." It just makes people sad, and an office can't function that way. No way. (as Donald Trump again) "You're foir-ed." I think if I had a catchphrase it would be, "You're hired, and you can work here as long as you want." But that's unrealistic, so...
2 Comments in the Conference Room
Quotes from  Michael Scott  Dwight Schrute  Creed Bratton  Pam  Random Quotes from All Seasons

Warning: Unknown: open(/home/office/public_html/tmp/sess_9706cb938758229d17f48a02c881401b, O_RDWR) failed: Permission denied (13) in Unknown on line 0

Warning: Unknown: Failed to write session data (files). Please verify that the current setting of session.save_path is correct (/home/office/public_html/tmp) in Unknown on line 0