The Office Season 1 Quotes - The Alliance
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| Dwight Schrute: | Do you want to form an alliance, with me? |
| Jim Halpert: | Absolutely I do. |
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| Pam Beesly: | This was tough. I suggested we flip a coin, but Angela said she doesn't like to gamble. Of course by saying that she was gambling that I wouldn't smack her. |
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| Jim Halpert: | At that moment I was just, so happy. I mean everything that Dwight does annoys me... and I spend hours thinking of ways to get back at him. But only in ways that would get me arrested- and then here he comes and says he says, 'No, Jim - here's a way.' |
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| Jim Halpert: | Very impressive, the, uh, donation you gave to Oscar's charity. What was that? Twenty-five bucks? |
| Michael Scott: | Well you know. Money isn't everything, Jim. Not the key to happiness. You know what is? Joy. You should remember that. Maybe you can give more than three dollars the next time. |
| Jim: | Yeah, well three dollars a mile is going to end up being like fifty bucks. So, God, I can't even calculate what you're gonna have to give. |
| [long pause] | |
| Michael Scott: | Is Oscar around? |
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| Jim Halpert: | Listen. We need to assume that everyone in the office is forming an alliance and is there for trying to get us kicked off. |
| Dwight Schrute: | God... damn it! Why us? |
| Jim Halpert: | Because we're strong, Dwight. Because we're strong. |
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| Michael Scott: | When I retire, I don't want to just move to some island somewhere. I want to be the guy who gives it all back. I want it to be like, 'Hey... who donated that hospital wing that's saving so many lives?' 'I don't know. It was anonymous.' 'Well, guess what. It was Michael Scott.' 'But how do you know? It was anonymous.' [pause] 'Because I'm him.' |
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| Dwight Schrute: | Did you get your tickets yet? |
| Jim Halpert: | To what? |
| Dwight Schrute: | To the gun show. [kisses his bicep] |
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| Dwight Schrute: | I'm a deer hunter. I go all the time with my dad. One thing about deer: they have very good vision. One thing about me: I'm better at hiding, than they are at vision. |
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| Dwight Schrute: | Studies have shown that more information gets passed through watercooler gossip than through official memos - which puts me at a disadvantage because... I bring my own water to work. |
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| Dwight Schrute: | Hey. |
| Michael Scott: | Hey. |
| Dwight Schrute: | You wanted to see me? |
| Michael Scott: | Uh, yeah. What do you know about Meredith? |
| Dwight Schrute: | I don't think she'd be missed. |
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| Dwight Schrute: | [with blonde hair] Do I feel bad about betraying Jim? Not at all. That's the game. Convince him we're in an alliance, get some information, throw him to the wolves. That's politics baby! Get what you can out of someone, then crush them. I think Jim might have learned a very valuable lesson. |
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| Dwight Schrute: | Can I trust Jim? I don't know. Do I have a choice? No. I think, I don't. Will I trust Jim? Yes. Should I trust Jim? You tell me. |
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| Kevin: | I love their sandwiches. |
| Jim Halpert: | I love their sandwiches too. |
| Kevin: | Their bread is real good. |
| Jim Halpert: | Their bread is very good. |
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| Jim Halpert: | [on Pam's improvisation] That was beautiful. All her idea too. Awesome. She is so great... |
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| Michael Scott: | Meredith... Meredith... Mary- Mary had a little lamb. Mary... Meredith had a little lamb. Don't bring that lamb to the office or it will poop on the floor. |
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| Michael Scott: | I need something kind of embarrasing, you know for fun, inside? |
| Dwight Schrute: | She had a hysterectomy. |
| Michael Scott: | Which one is that again? |
| Dwight Schrute: | It's where they remove the uterus. |
| Michael Scott: | Oh, God. Dwight, NO! I'm trying to write something funny here. What am I going to do with a removed uterus? |
| Dwight Schrute: | It could be kind of funny. |
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| Toby: | Really? Today? |
| Ryan: | Yeah. |
| Toby: | Huh. Happy birthday. |
| Ryan: | Thanks. |
| Toby: | I could say something. |
| Ryan: | No- don't do that. |
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| Michael Scott: | Your nephew... He in good shape? |
| Oscar: | Yeah. |
| Michael Scott: | How many miles did he do last year? |
| Oscar: | Last year he walked 18 miles. |
| Michael Scott: | Son of a bitch. [covering] That is impressive. Good for him. |
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| Michael Scott: | I think if I had a catch phrase it would be, 'you're hired, and you can work here as long as you want.' But that's unrealistic, so... |
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