The Office Season 6 Quotes - Koi Pond

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28
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Darryl: You're not as scary as Bookface over there.
[Jim has "BOOK" painted on his face]
Jim Halpert: Yes. I am the popular social networking site known as Bookface.
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Michael Scott: How much do they want?
Erin: Three hundred dollars.
Michael Scott: What! No. I could get a fish for a five cent worm.
Creed: Oh you're paying too much for worms man. Who's your worm guy?
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Dwight Schrute: Jim is my enemy. But it turns out that Jim is also his own worst enemy. And the enemy of my enemy is my friend. So Jim, is actually my friend. But, because he is his own worst enemy, the enemy of my friend is my enemy so actually Jim is my enemy. But--
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Stanley: Michael don't listen to them.
Michael Scott: Thank you Stanley.
Stanley: You just ignore their carping.
Michael Scott: Ok.
Dwight Schrute: Michael.
Michael Scott: Yes.
Dwight Schrute: A carp is both a fish and a term for complaining. They're mocking you with wordplay.
Creed: Hey Boss. Did you "Find Nemo"?
Michael Scott: I could name Pixar movies too. Toy Story!
Oscar: Don't you mean, Coy Story?
[everyone laughs]
Phyllis: And when you fell in, did you Flounder?
Dwight Schrute: Michael, a flounder is both a kind of fish--
Michael Scott: I know what a flounder is!
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Michael Scott: I'm not usually the butt of the joke. I'm usually the face of the joke. I wish Jim had fallen into that pond. Then he'd have to put on my suit. And it'd be too short. And he'd look... dammit he'd still look good.
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[Creed is dressed as a vampire for halloween]
Creed: I vant to sell you blood!
Ryan: That's really not the trend in vampires right now.
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Jim Halpert: Truthfully, it wasn't the way he fell in, it was... how long it took him to get out.
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[Michael drops from the ceiling wearing a noose and all the children scream]
Michael Scott: Kids, just remember, suicide is never the answer. Alright?
Michael Scott: [talking head] Why is Christmas the only holiday that can have a message?
Michael Scott: It is the easy way out. You are not alone. [gives the thumbs up]
Darryl: What the hell is wrong with you.
Michael Scott: Who wants candy.
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Michael Scott: Erin, do we have any of those clips that hold paper together?
Erin: Staples?
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Darryl: Whoa, scary huh? This is a surgery with... an octupus, and a burn victim.
Angela: Black widow.
Kelly: Leeloo from The Fifth Element.
Darryl: Look nobody told me what people were, alright? So label yourselves or take what you get. [to Creed and Ryan] Here is an old man and a golf dude. And the old crone from Drag Me to Hell.
Meredith: I'm a hobo!
Darryl: I asked for a list.
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Pam Beesly: You were way meaner to me than I was to you.
Andy: No I wasn't, ok? The very idea of us together made you burst out laughing like you just bit into an Adam Sandler jelly sandwich.
Pam Beesly: You blew the sale you idiot!
Andy: Let me tell you something, I was never gonna make that sale.
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11
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Oscar: Jim, did Michael fall into a koi pond?
Jim Halpert: Mmmmm... it's like Michael said, it was, um... some--something else.
Michael Scott: It was--okay!--this is what it was. It was these bunch of idiots who put a fish tank in the ground with no cover, and no railing.
Angela: So you fell in.
Michael Scott: No, maybe I was trying to save a child that had fallen in.
Angela: So a child had fallen in?
Michael Scott: Not yet!
Kevin: That is hilarious! [raises fist]
Michael Scott: No--don't--I'm not going to bump. I'm not gonna bump. It was not hilarious. It was very, very terrifying.
[Stanley laughs]
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10
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Michael Scott: Any messages?
Erin: You're soaking wet.
Michael Scott: Well Jim and I got caught in a little flash... rain. Flash winds, flash lightening.
Phyllis: Wow. Sounds scary.
Michael Scott: It was. It was. And then in an instant, it wasn't!
Angela: Why isn't Jim wet?
Jim Halpert: I... outran it.
Meredith: I don't think it rained. My hip would be throbbing.
Michael Scott: It rained.
Dwight Schrute: Michael, can I get you something? A towel, some cocoa?
Michael Scott: Nothing. [pause] Cocoa.
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10
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Manager: And I must say that since we are a family business it's nice to see that you are too.
Andy: Ohhhh! No--wow. You thought that..? Oh my gosh. Oh definitely not.
Manager: My mistake, I'm sorry.
Pam Beesly: It's okay.
Andy: Nnnn--actually it's kind of not okay. Um, I date models. Face models. My girlfriend, on a scale of one to Giselle, uh, a nine.
Manager: That's... that's good for you.
Pam Beesly: Anyway, we also have a special on--
Andy: Pam's carrying our surrogate. Because, my girlfriend needed to keep her figure for fashion week. So we, uh, we put our baby in Pam. Doesn't matter what Pam looks like.
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Erin: Uh, David Wallace called.
Michael Scott: Oh he did, what did he say?
Erin: He heard you made a big splash, at the meeting, oh my God that was so mean what I just said and I didn't mean it. It was Kevin and Meredith that put me up to it.
Kevin: I'm gonna kill you.
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Dwight Schrute: Michael, please stop it now, you're embarrassing yourself.
Michael Scott: It's ok, we're having fun. It's actually not the first time I've been embarrassed by a pond. In high school, the girls volleyball team always used to throw me into the frozen lake. Four years in a row! Ohhhhhhhh it was freezing! [Jim tries to stop Michael] No, no, no! Oh! This is even worse. Couple weeks ago I went to get a new cellphone and I wanted one of those packages, where you have the five, you know, friends, friends and family thing. And the guy was like, "who are your five friends" and I'm like, "uhhh." I didn't even know! I couldn't even think! Oh my God it was so embarrassing! That was--I don't even have Jan's cellphone number! And I hate her! She won't give it to me! I was like "oh I guess I'm a loser." A looooo-ooo-ooooser. Too far! God. Thanks a lot man! Thanks for the advice.
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9
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Michael Scott: And then, I think I am going to go to the garlic festival.
Jim Halpert: Wow.
Michael Scott: Sounds like fun. You guys would love it. They have a TCBY booth! Same stuff you get downtown. Do you like TCBY?
Jim Halpert: Who doesn't?
Michael Scott: "I can't believe it's... I can't believe it's yogurt."
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8
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Dwight Schrute: Jim is my enemy. But it turns out that Jim is also his own worst enemy. And the enemy of my enemy is my friend. So Jim, is actually my friend. But, because he is his own worst enemy, the enemy of my friend is my enemy so actually Jim is my enemy. But--
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Pam Beesly: Hey Erin do you mind faxing this for me?
Erin: Oh sure. Oh wait, hand them to me upside down so I don't accidentally read them.
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Erin: How did today go, by the way? Did you make any sales?
Pam Beesly: No. It was a total waste of time. Uh, it was fun though, because I got to spend the day with Andy Bernard? He's really cool?
Erin: Yeah he is.
Pam Beesly: Yeah he is! He's like Marlon Brando.
Erin: [pause] Oh, do you mean Marlon Wayans? Because he is.
Pam Beesly: I actually do mean Marlon Wayans.
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7
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Michael Scott: Welcome children of the Scranton industrial park community! Join your gangster pumpkin on his pallet truck of doom!
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Michael Scott: Jim's a good kid, he can handle a lot. But sometimes you have to call in a master. I, uh,... Why would you date an amateur when you could date a professional.
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7
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Pam Beesly: Suite 401.
Andy: Yeah I was gonna sing that part.
Pam Beesly: I know now you don't have to. [walking into elevator]
Andy: Well... except it was going to resolve the melody so, now my head hurts. Feels like I held in a sneeze. I hate this feeling! [pause before Andy sings as the elevator doors close] Suite 4-0-1!
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Michael Scott: Who here has been the but of a joke that has gone too far? Phyllis.
Phyllis: Michael you make fun of us everyday.
Kevin: Yeah. Every single day.
Michael Scott: Uh, you never said anything.
Meredith: Uh we have. Countless times.
Michael Scott: Well it is hard to tell the difference between you guys saying "Stop! Because I want you to stop" and "Stop!" as in "Stop you're making making me laugh so hard. What you're doing is so funny. You are on a roll I am a busting a gut. Stoppp!"
Angela: That's never been the case.
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Meredith: Hey what's up lifeguard?
Oscar: Jim I think I'm in your way [mocks Jim and walks away]
Michael Scott: Oscar's a douche.
Jim Halpert: [laughs] Naw, he's alright.
Michael Scott: Naw, he's a... no he's alright.
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Michael Scott: And then, I think I am going to go to the garlic festival.
Jim Halpert: Wow.
Michael Scott: Sounds like fun. You guys would love it. They have a TCBY booth! Same stuff you get downtown. Do you like TCBY?
Jim Halpert: Who doesn't?
Michael Scott: "I can't believe it's... I can't believe it's yogurt."
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Michael Scott: Jim is jealous of me? [long pause] Jim is jealous of me.
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Michael Scott [Michael writing the Do Not Mock list] Ok, who else? Dwight? Come on.
Dwight Schrute I don't want people making fun of my nose.
Michael Scott Your nose?
Dwight Schrute It's too small. [camera zooms in on Dwight's nose]
Oscar Oh my,that is small.
Dwight Schrute Just write it down, please.
Oscar Can you breath ok?
Kelly What keeps your glasses on?
Dwight Schrute It's on the list everybody!
Michael No,I haven't finished writing. ......Did you sneeze it off? That's it!...No more.
15 Comments in the Conference Room
Quotes from  Michael Scott  Dwight Schrute  Creed Bratton  Pam  Random Quotes from All Seasons