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The Office Quotes (NBC) | Season 4 - Branch Wars

The Office Season 4 Quotes - Branch Wars

  • Quotes
  • Conference Room (13 Comments)
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52
likes
Dwight Schrute: The eyes, are the groin of the head.
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32
likes
Michael Scott: Look, this is very hard for me but I am going to give you my best man. You may have Toby.
Karen: Toby's not a salesperson.
Michael Scott: You can train him! He's very, very smart and funny and charming... Lehhargh! You know, I can't do it. Toby is the worst. That- that was a bluff.
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31
likes
Oscar: Besides having sex with men, I would say the Finer Things Club is the gayest thing about me.
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28
likes
Dwight Schrute: [over the radio] Woah, here's a guy, here's a guy! It's a security guard coming by. Hello! We're warehouse workers. Would you like more proof? ... Oh my God that was very close. I can see the security guard's eyes!
Jim Halpert: No! No. Don't do anything to them!
Dwight Schrute: I have to do something to his eyes.
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26
likes
Michael Scott: You and I are going to sneak inside, pretend that we are warehouse workers and we will Silly String the bejesus out of the place.
Dwight Schrute: And if we have to defend ourselves, I will stab the security guard in the eye, with the jumbo chalk.
Jim Halpert: No! No you won't do that. Nope.
Dwight Schrute: Then I'll grind up the jumbo chalk and blow it in his eyes.
Jim Halpert: Dwight, nothing with the eyes. Please?
Dwight Schrute: Okay Jim.
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25
likes
Michael Scott: You cannot take the hilarious black guy from the office. Stanley is part of what makes this branch extraordinary. The blusy wisdom, the sassy remarks, the crossword puzzles, the smile, those big watery red eyes. I don't know how George Bush did it when Colin Powell left.
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23
likes
Dwight Schrute: I think I cut my penis on the lid!
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23
likes
Michael Scott: Wanted, middle-aged black man with sass. Big butt, bigger heart... I can't, do this.
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19
likes
Michael Scott: Here's what we brought. We brought uniforms from the warehouse. I brought Silly String, Dwight brought gasoline and chunks of rubber to make stink bombs.
Dwight Schrute: Or real bombs.
Michael Scott: No, no. Not real bombs.
Dwight Schrute: Yeah come on it would be so badass.
Michael Scott: Mmm maybe. I donno. I donno. Would be badass.
Jim Halpert: No.
Dwight Schrute: Yeah! It will.
Jim Halpert: Absolutely we're not doing this.
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19
likes
Oscar: What are you microwaving!
Phyllis: Popcorn.
Pam Beesly: Why don't you use the microwave in the kitchen Phyllis?
Phyllis: Someone needs to clean it, it smells like popcorn.
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19
likes
[over the radio]
Dwight Schrute: We are in the stairwell. We are climbing some stairs. I am breathing heavily.
Jim Halpert: Okay you know what, you really don't need to be updating me as much as you're updating me.
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16
likes
[Michael turns into Toby]
Michael Scott: Oh. My. God. [pause] That's why people are leaving. I... I have no words.
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16
likes
Michael Scott: [over the radio] Jim, if this is it for me promise me something... host the dundies.
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15
likes
Stanley: I wasn't really planning on leaving. All I wanted was a raise. How on Earth did Michael call my bluff? Is he some sort of secret genius? [laughing] Sometimes I say crazy things.
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15
likes
Karen: If you wanted to see me you could've just called me like an adult.
Jim Halpert: Oh no I didn't want to see you. Not that I'm not, happy to be seeing you, right now. I'm just saying, ultimately I was here for the copier. Equal. I'd say it was equal. So, good to see you.
Karen: [scoffs]
Jim Halpert: I mean it's just that, you know Pam and I are still dating so, and I just mean that things are going really well so I didn't want to see, you.
Karen: Oh things are going really well. Are they? They are? That's great that's so great. I wanna hear more about how happy you are, with Pam. Can you tell me more about that? Thank you so much for coming to Utica and breaking my copier and telling me how well things are going in your relationship, really. Thank you.
Jim Halpert: Ah. Alright. You are welcome. I'm going to go, because of, um... traffic.
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14
likes
Michael Scott: Wait! Wait, Karen. Could you transfer me to one of your salespeople please. Your best one?
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13
likes
Michael Scott: Dwight are you peeing?
Dwight Schrute: I'm peeing in this empty can.
Jim Halpert: Oh my God.
Michael Scott: That is disgusting Dwight!
Dwight Schrute: You said we couldn't make any more stops and I really had to go!
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12
likes
Andy: The Finer Things Club is the most exclusive club in this office. Naturally it's where I need to be. The party planning committee is my backup. And Kevin's band is my safety.
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12
likes
Michael Scott: Granted, maybe this was not the best idea, but, at least we care enough about our employees that we are willing to fight for them. And if you much as harm a hair on Stanley's head, we will burn Utica to the ground.
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12
likes
Karen: I am the regional manager of Dunder Mifflin Utica branch. Turns out it's a pretty easy gig when your boss isn't an idiot and your boyfriend's not in love with someboy else.
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12
likes
Michael Scott: Yeah. We all want money. But there is none in the budget. So. Tell me why you're really leaving.
Stanley: Money.
Michael Scott: Mo money mo problems, Stanley. You of all people should know that.
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12
likes
[Toby walks in wearing a bow-tie]
Michael Scott: Oh... my God. That's why people are leaving. I have no words.
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11
likes
Jim Halpert: So, tell me again why I can't be apart of your club?
Pam Beesly: Because some people think that you'd monopolize the conversation by trying to be funny.
Jim Halpert: Oscar?
Pam Beesly: Some people.
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11
likes
[Dwight throws Jim's cell phone out the window]
Jim Halpert: Are you kidding me!?
Dwight Schrute: No communication with the outside world, Jim!
Michael Scott: It had to be done.
Jim Halpert: Well, that kind of sucks. Because it had all the photos of my brother's new baby on it.
Dwight Schrute: That is too bad. Shoot.
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11
likes
Dwight Schrute: Come on I already filled the bottles with the gas, it's gonna be so badass!!
Jim Halpert: Are you kidding me? We've been driving around with this in the trunk the whole time?
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11
likes
Jim Halpert: So, the deal was, Dwight doesn't blow anything up and I wear a costume. And a mustache.
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11
likes
Jim Halpert: Are you inviting me to the Finer Things Club?
Andy: [from across the office] Ah! Oh come on!
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10
likes
Ben: Everyone says Scranton branch is worse than Camden. Didn't everyone from Stamford quit like immediately?
Michael Scott: No I fired them. And you're next. [long pause] So whaddya say?
Ben: Seriously?
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10
likes
[car swerves]
Dwight Schrute: Hey! You're making me spray!
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10
likes
Karen: I cried for weeks over that guy so yeah. Seeing him climb out of a PT Cruiser in a ladies warehouse uniform... it felt pretty good.
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9
likes
Michael Scott: I'm going to cut right to the chase here. Do you like magic? Because I am a genie in a bottle and I am going to grant you three wishes. To move to Scranton, to have a great job, and to be my best friend.
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7
likes
Andy: [to Stanley] I'm gonna miss you man. You're like an uncle to me. Like a, kind, old Uncle Remus. I wanna stay in touch.
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4
likes
Michael Scott: Alright. You're gonna miss the best prank ever.
Jim Halpert: Alright. [pause] Wait. What are you planning on doing?
Michael Scott: Do you really wanna know?
Jim Halpert: Oh God.
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2
likes
Michael Scott: Granted, maybe this was not the best idea, but, at least we care enough about our employees that we are willing to fight for them. And if you so much as harm a hair on Stanley's head, we will burn utica to the ground.
13 Comments in the Conference Room
Quotes from  Michael Scott  Dwight Schrute  Creed Bratton  Pam  Random Quotes from All Seasons

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