The Office Season 5 Quotes - Lecture Circuit Part 2
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| Michael Scott: | Who have I wronged? Who have I, wronged. Oh! Oh! What about that fat guy from Stamford I insulted. We should find him. |
| Pam Beesly: | You mean Tony? |
| Michael Scott: | Jabba the Hut, Pizza the Hut, fat guys like pizza, pepperoni pizza-- pepperoni Tony! |
| Pam Beesly: | Oh Michael. |
| Michael Scott: | Man was he fat. So, sooo ffffat. You know what, forget it. I know me. When I saw him I would never be able to apologize to him. [beat] Too fat. Big fat fatty. |
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| Jim Halpert: | Is there a birthday that you remember that you loved? |
| Dwight Schrute: | Here's one: it was dark, warm, wet. A sudden burst of light, an intense pressure like I'd never felt before, father dressed in white, pulls me forward, mother bites the cord-- |
| Jim Halpert: | Ok stop. Forever stop that story. That's disgusting. And it doesn't count. So give me another one. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Schrutes don't celebrate birthdays, idiot. It started as a depression-era practicality and then, moved on to an awesome tradition that I look forward to every year! What about you. |
| Jim Halpert: | Ok, when I was seven my dad took me to the Natural History Museum in New York. And we looked at fossils all day. At the end of the day he got me a little, plastic triceratops. It was awesome. |
| Dwight Schrute: | That's cool. Hey you know what's even cooler than triceratops? Every other dinosaur that ever existed! |
| Jim Halpert: | Didn't see that one coming. |
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| Dwight Schrute: | You have to write my suggestions down too. |
| Jim Halpert: | I'm not writing "horse hunt." I don't even know what that means. |
| Dwight Schrute: | It's in the name! |
| Jim Halpert: | Ok. So far, our ideal party consists of beer, fights to the death, cupcakes, blood pudding, touch football, mating, raids, and yes, horse hunting. |
| Dwight Schrute: | You're right, forget horse hunting it's stupid. |
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| Pam Beesly: | You know when Holly gets back, everyone will tell her what a great job you did. And then she'll realize what she's missing. |
| Michael Scott: | And then she'll move back to Scranton. And her boyfriend will die. |
| Pam Beesly: | Yeah. Maybe... maybe. One step at a time. |
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| Jim Halpert: | We, have, a lot to do, and, you are... putting up a very effeminate sign. Is that what you've been doing? Making a sign? |
| Dwight Schrute: | It's not effeminate. It's festive. |
| Jim Halpert: | You been making that sign, for something we could just announce to the whole office. [still staring at Dwight] Hey everybody, the party's now at three! |
| Stanley: | I know I just read it on the sign. |
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| Angela: | I am proud to announce there is a new addition to the Martin family. She's hypoallergenic, she doesn't struggle when you try to dress her, she's a third generation show-cat, her father was in Meet the Parents. Needless to say she was very, very expensive. |
| Meredith: | How much-- |
| Angela: | Seven thousand dollars. |
| Creed: | For a cat? I could get you a kid for that. |
| Oscar: | Where'd you get that kind of money? |
| Angela: | I sold Andy's engagement ring on eBay. |
| Kevin: | Wait-- you didn't give it back? |
| Angela: | He wouldn't have wanted that. Her name, is Princess Lady! |
| Meredith: | Seven grand! I gotta see that little bitch. |
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| Jim Halpert: | And... [taking a plain ice cream cake out of the freezer] Ta da. |
| Kelly: | I hate it. |
| Jim Halpert: | How do you hate it? It's a cake. |
| Kelly: | Well, there's no flowers or toys or-- I mean there's nothing on it. Where did you even find a cake like this? I mean it doesn't even have my name on it! Do you guys know what my name is? My name is Kelly! |
| Jim Halpert: | Right. |
| [quickly cut to talking head] | |
| Jim Halpert: | I forgot if there was an e between the l and the y... I still don't know. |
| Kelly: | I mean I don't even know what the theme is! What's the theme! |
| Jim and Dwight: | [long pause] Birthday / frosting. |
| Kelly: | Those aren't, themes. [defeated] There's always a theme. [walks away] |
| Phyllis: | [unimpressed] There's always a theme. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Nice job on the cake, bozo. |
| Jim Halpert: | Ok you know what! Next time YOU get the cake and I get to scream at the birthday girl! |
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| Pam Beesly: | [cheerfully and awkwardly] That was weird huh! It's all part of the presentation. [long pause] It was confusing, right? Because confusing, situations, happen to us all the time in our jobs. [pause] I'm just trying to bridge the gap, between what just happened and the fact that I am going to be doing the rest of the presentation. [looks at cards] "Sales is like a box a chocolates. You never know which vendor you're gonna get." Forrest Gump. |
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| Pam Beesly: | So, detour. We're now adding Nashua to the lecture circuit so Michael can confront Holly and get some closure. Nashua actually sounded very excited on the phone, I don't think they get many visitors. Because their office is only accessible by cross country skis. Ayy-oh! I've been driving too long. |
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| Michael Scott: | I can't do the presentation, I can't. Just... thinking about seeing him, and, thinking about him getting a hold of her and getting to kiss her. Just... Ow God. |
| Pam Beesly: | Listen. When Jim was dating Karen I didn't want to come to work. It was awful. I hated it. I wanted to quit but-- |
| Michael Scott: | Please. Come on. I'm going through something. Ok? |
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| Angela: | Has this been on the entire time? |
| Oscar: | I have no idea. |
| Kevin: | I was looking at... pictures of food on my computer. |
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| Kelly: | Why is there a Chiclet on my cake? |
| Jim Halpert: | That's the best part. That represents a pillow, or a television. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Our theme, if you will,-- |
| Jim Halpert: | Because the fun part is you get to decide on an hour of television or an hour of napping. |
| Dwight Schrute: | That's our theme! |
| Kelly: | [smiling] Cool. |
| Jim Halpert: | Yeah? |
| Kelly: | I love it. |
| [Dwight and Jim high-five] | |
| Dwight Schrute: | Yes! Ok, so what's it gonna be Kapoor? |
| Kevin: | Ooh! Can she pick a half hour of each? |
| Jim and Dwight: | No. |
| Kevin: | Oh. Then pick tv. |
| Meredith: | Take a nap. |
| Kevin: | Watching tv at work is really cool. |
| Stanley: | Take a nap. Nothing good is on right now. |
| Creed: | Bonnie Hunt is on. |
| Kelly: | I have been watching tv all week, I choose nap. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Ok nap it is! Everyone out! Get out! We're going to be eating cake at our desks! Go go go go go go. |
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| Dwight Schrute: | [yelling at Kelly] What did you learn in there? I bet you learned things, huh. Like how to fashion a shiv. Hmm? |
| Jim Halpert: | Hey, what the hell's going on? |
| Dwight Schrute: | Why don't you tell Jim where you were from age fourteen to fifteen. |
| Kelly: | I was kickin' it. |
| Dwight Schrute: | In juvie. |
| Jim Halpert: | What? |
| Dwight Schrute: | Juvie. Nile. Detention center. Where they send teenagers! |
| Jim Halpert: | Yep. |
| Dwight Schrute: | For re-- |
| Jim Halpert: | Got it. |
| Dwight Schrute: | [to Kelly] What did you do? |
| Jim Halpert: | Dwight? Sounds like she was fourteen so maybe you wanna go a little easy. |
| Dwight Schrute: | If she's old enough to get married, she's old enough to follow the law. What did you do! |
| Kelly: | My boyfriend dumped me. So I stole his boat. I mean he told me it was his boat it was actually his father's. I just thought it would be really romantic, like Thelma and Louise, but with like a boat. And it was, the worst year of my life and I can't believe that you guys are making me talk about this on my birthday! |
| Dwight Schrute: | I thought you said yesterday was your birthday! |
| Jim Halpert: | Hey! You know what? I... got you a cake! |
| Kelly: | [happy all of a sudden] You did? I wanna see the cake. |
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| Oscar: | I want to get that image out of my head. The psychological issues that go behind licking a cat, are not things I want to go into. Also I'm pretty sure she coughed up a hairball. |
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| Oscar: | You have your cats on Nanny Cam. |
| Angela: | Yeah! I mean I usually try to take leave when I get a new cat but I'm out of vacation days. And this company still doesn't recognize cat maternity. I mean somebody has a kid, oh sure, take off a year. |
| Meredith: | She's right I had my second kid just for the vacation. |
| Angela: | Right! Anyways, I just want to make sure Princess Lady is acclimating well. She means more to me than anyone. |
| Kevin: | Any cat, you mean. |
| Angela: | And person. |
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