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The Office Quotes (NBC) | Season 5 - Lecture Circuit Part 2

The Office Season 5 Quotes - Lecture Circuit Part 2

  • Quotes
  • Conference Room (10 Comments)
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21
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Michael Scott: Who have I wronged? Who have I, wronged. Oh! Oh! What about that fat guy from Stamford I insulted. We should find him.
Pam Beesly: You mean Tony?
Michael Scott: Jabba the Hut, Pizza the Hut, fat guys like pizza, pepperoni pizza-- pepperoni Tony!
Pam Beesly: Oh Michael.
Michael Scott: Man was he fat. So, sooo ffffat. You know what, forget it. I know me. When I saw him I would never be able to apologize to him. [beat] Too fat. Big fat fatty.
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20
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Jim Halpert: Is there a birthday that you remember that you loved?
Dwight Schrute: Here's one: it was dark, warm, wet. A sudden burst of light, an intense pressure like I'd never felt before, father dressed in white, pulls me forward, mother bites the cord--
Jim Halpert: Ok stop. Forever stop that story. That's disgusting. And it doesn't count. So give me another one.
Dwight Schrute: Schrutes don't celebrate birthdays, idiot. It started as a depression-era practicality and then, moved on to an awesome tradition that I look forward to every year! What about you.
Jim Halpert: Ok, when I was seven my dad took me to the Natural History Museum in New York. And we looked at fossils all day. At the end of the day he got me a little, plastic triceratops. It was awesome.
Dwight Schrute: That's cool. Hey you know what's even cooler than triceratops? Every other dinosaur that ever existed!
Jim Halpert: Didn't see that one coming.
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17
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Dwight Schrute: You have to write my suggestions down too.
Jim Halpert: I'm not writing "horse hunt." I don't even know what that means.
Dwight Schrute: It's in the name!
Jim Halpert: Ok. So far, our ideal party consists of beer, fights to the death, cupcakes, blood pudding, touch football, mating, raids, and yes, horse hunting.
Dwight Schrute: You're right, forget horse hunting it's stupid.
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14
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Pam Beesly: You know when Holly gets back, everyone will tell her what a great job you did. And then she'll realize what she's missing.
Michael Scott: And then she'll move back to Scranton. And her boyfriend will die.
Pam Beesly: Yeah. Maybe... maybe. One step at a time.
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13
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Angela: I am proud to announce there is a new addition to the Martin family. She's hypoallergenic, she doesn't struggle when you try to dress her, she's a third generation show-cat, her father was in Meet the Parents. Needless to say she was very, very expensive.
Meredith: How much--
Angela: Seven thousand dollars.
Creed: For a cat? I could get you a kid for that.
Oscar: Where'd you get that kind of money?
Angela: I sold Andy's engagement ring on eBay.
Kevin: Wait-- you didn't give it back?
Angela: He wouldn't have wanted that. Her name, is Princess Lady!
Meredith: Seven grand! I gotta see that little bitch.
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13
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Jim Halpert: We, have, a lot to do, and, you are... putting up a very effeminate sign. Is that what you've been doing? Making a sign?
Dwight Schrute: It's not effeminate. It's festive.
Jim Halpert: You been making that sign, for something we could just announce to the whole office. [still staring at Dwight] Hey everybody, the party's now at three!
Stanley: I know I just read it on the sign.
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11
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Jim Halpert: And... [taking a plain ice cream cake out of the freezer] Ta da.
Kelly: I hate it.
Jim Halpert: How do you hate it? It's a cake.
Kelly: Well, there's no flowers or toys or-- I mean there's nothing on it. Where did you even find a cake like this? I mean it doesn't even have my name on it! Do you guys know what my name is? My name is Kelly!
Jim Halpert: Right.
[quickly cut to talking head]
Jim Halpert: I forgot if there was an e between the l and the y... I still don't know.
Kelly: I mean I don't even know what the theme is! What's the theme!
Jim and Dwight: [long pause] Birthday / frosting.
Kelly: Those aren't, themes. [defeated] There's always a theme. [walks away]
Phyllis: [unimpressed] There's always a theme.
Dwight Schrute: Nice job on the cake, bozo.
Jim Halpert: Ok you know what! Next time YOU get the cake and I get to scream at the birthday girl!
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10
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Michael Scott: I can't do the presentation, I can't. Just... thinking about seeing him, and, thinking about him getting a hold of her and getting to kiss her. Just... Ow God.
Pam Beesly: Listen. When Jim was dating Karen I didn't want to come to work. It was awful. I hated it. I wanted to quit but--
Michael Scott: Please. Come on. I'm going through something. Ok?
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10
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Pam Beesly: [cheerfully and awkwardly] That was weird huh! It's all part of the presentation. [long pause] It was confusing, right? Because confusing, situations, happen to us all the time in our jobs. [pause] I'm just trying to bridge the gap, between what just happened and the fact that I am going to be doing the rest of the presentation. [looks at cards] "Sales is like a box a chocolates. You never know which vendor you're gonna get." Forrest Gump.
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10
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Kelly: Why is there a Chiclet on my cake?
Jim Halpert: That's the best part. That represents a pillow, or a television.
Dwight Schrute: Our theme, if you will,--
Jim Halpert: Because the fun part is you get to decide on an hour of television or an hour of napping.
Dwight Schrute: That's our theme!
Kelly: [smiling] Cool.
Jim Halpert: Yeah?
Kelly: I love it.
[Dwight and Jim high-five]
Dwight Schrute: Yes! Ok, so what's it gonna be Kapoor?
Kevin: Ooh! Can she pick a half hour of each?
Jim and Dwight: No.
Kevin: Oh. Then pick tv.
Meredith: Take a nap.
Kevin: Watching tv at work is really cool.
Stanley: Take a nap. Nothing good is on right now.
Creed: Bonnie Hunt is on.
Kelly: I have been watching tv all week, I choose nap.
Dwight Schrute: Ok nap it is! Everyone out! Get out! We're going to be eating cake at our desks! Go go go go go go.
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8
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Pam Beesly: So, detour. We're now adding Nashua to the lecture circuit so Michael can confront Holly and get some closure. Nashua actually sounded very excited on the phone, I don't think they get many visitors. Because their office is only accessible by cross country skis. Ayy-oh! I've been driving too long.
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8
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Angela: Has this been on the entire time?
Oscar: I have no idea.
Kevin: I was looking at... pictures of food on my computer.
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7
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Oscar: I want to get that image out of my head. The psychological issues that go behind licking a cat, are not things I want to go into. Also I'm pretty sure she coughed up a hairball.
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6
likes
Dwight Schrute: [yelling at Kelly] What did you learn in there? I bet you learned things, huh. Like how to fashion a shiv. Hmm?
Jim Halpert: Hey, what the hell's going on?
Dwight Schrute: Why don't you tell Jim where you were from age fourteen to fifteen.
Kelly: I was kickin' it.
Dwight Schrute: In juvie.
Jim Halpert: What?
Dwight Schrute: Juvie. Nile. Detention center. Where they send teenagers!
Jim Halpert: Yep.
Dwight Schrute: For re--
Jim Halpert: Got it.
Dwight Schrute: [to Kelly] What did you do?
Jim Halpert: Dwight? Sounds like she was fourteen so maybe you wanna go a little easy.
Dwight Schrute: If she's old enough to get married, she's old enough to follow the law. What did you do!
Kelly: My boyfriend dumped me. So I stole his boat. I mean he told me it was his boat it was actually his father's. I just thought it would be really romantic, like Thelma and Louise, but with like a boat. And it was, the worst year of my life and I can't believe that you guys are making me talk about this on my birthday!
Dwight Schrute: I thought you said yesterday was your birthday!
Jim Halpert: Hey! You know what? I... got you a cake!
Kelly: [happy all of a sudden] You did? I wanna see the cake.
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6
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[watching Angela's Nanny Cam]
Kevin: This is getting weird.
Oscar: Is she cleaning the cat with her tonge?
Kevin: Owhhh...
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5
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Oscar: You have your cats on Nanny Cam.
Angela: Yeah! I mean I usually try to take leave when I get a new cat but I'm out of vacation days. And this company still doesn't recognize cat maternity. I mean somebody has a kid, oh sure, take off a year.
Meredith: She's right I had my second kid just for the vacation.
Angela: Right! Anyways, I just want to make sure Princess Lady is acclimating well. She means more to me than anyone.
Kevin: Any cat, you mean.
Angela: And person.
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1
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Pam Beesly: [pointing to staff members] Blazer. Freckles. Penguin. K.D. Lang. Holly's boyfriend. These mnemonic devices help to make a connection, and then, also to help you memorize names... I have a chainsaw! [holds up chainsaw, makes a wimpy chain saw noise] Cutting down the competition.
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Angela: [cats meowing in background][on Nanny-Cam] Where is that bad cat? Oh, you know who you are. Excuse me, Petals, I'm looking for Mr. Ash. He's a bad cat. Bad, bad cat. Do you hear me? Bad. Yeah, you were bad. No, you look at me when I talk to you. Do you hear me, Mr. Ash? You look at me. 'Cause I'm talking to you right now.
Oscar: [chuckles]
Kevin: [snickers]
Angela: [meows like a cat, then hisses]
Kevin: This is getting weird.
Oscar: Is she cleaning the cat with her tongue? [Angela licks cat, meows]
Kevin: Ohhh...
10 Comments in the Conference Room
Quotes from  Michael Scott  Dwight Schrute  Creed Bratton  Pam  Random Quotes from All Seasons

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