Top Quotes First
Least Liked Quotes First
Earlier Quotes First
Recently Added First
Michael Scott: Dwight?
Dwight Shrute: Sorry, Michael, I've got calls to make.
Michael Scott: I would like your undivided attention please.
[squarely] You couldn't handle my undivided attention.
[arguing at a dumpsite] Ok when I first met you, I had a lot of job offers. And, I had an offer from Ivan Chatski. The Ivan Chatski. Now if I would have assisted managed him--
Michael Scott: Assisted to the managed him!
Dwight Shrute: Oh that's low! I would be number two now at a Home Depot! Ok? Because they promote from within! Instead I had to follow you, you're going nowhere.
Michael Scott: You think you would've done better without me? Really!
Dwight Shrute: I hitched my wagon to a horse with no legs.
Michael Scott: Wow! Oh-ho-ho-kay! Man! When I think about all the time that I wasted being your friend. I shouldn't have been hanging out watching crummy movies with you!
Dwight Shrute: Kungfu movies.
Michael Scott: You know what I should have been doing? I should've been out at bars, finding my wife. Making babies.
Dwight Shrute: Nice babies you're making with the floozies at the bars!
Michael Scott: That's my wife you're talking about man!
Dwight Shrute: Your made up wife? Who doesn't exist?
[Michael and Dwight start through garbage at each other]
Michael Scott: First up, the lost and found has gone missing. It itself, is lost. So please try not to lose anything until we find it
[cut to Creed wearing an awkward pair of black glasses]
Gabe: Michael, we spent a lot of money on those leads you have to give 'em out.
Michael Scott: Then we are just rewarding their bad behavior. Ok. Just, imagine, that instead of going to jail, for murdering someone, you got an ice cream cone. If that were the case, then in the summertime, everyone would go, around.. killing people. For the-- for the pleasure of an ice cream cone.
Gabe: Michael I don't want... to incentivize murder.
Dwight Shrute: Kevin!
[running over to Kevin's desk] Give me those leads! Where are they, come on!
Kevin: You are never going to find them.
Dwight Shrute: Really.
Kevin: I'm going to enjoy this.
[Dwight starts choking Kevin]
Dwight Shrute: Give me the leads! Where are the leads!
Kevin: I'm still enjoying it.
Dwight Shrute: Where are they!
[choking] They're in the trash! They're in the trash!
Dwight Shrute: Trash. Code... Alright, Meredith! Take off your dress.
Kevin: No, dear God no! It's in the trash can, in the kitchen.
Meredith: Coming off either way!
[to Jim] Stop sexting Pam, I'm trying to congratulate you.
[examining the dump] Amazing isn't it? No other animal on earth could do this. Maybe beavers. Not like this.
[Dwight pulls something purple out of the bathtub in the dump]
Dwight Shrute: Hey, you know who'd like this? Phyllis. Purple much!
Michael Scott: She does! She loves purple.
[Dwight smells it]
Michael Scott: Does it stink?
Dwight Shrute: Yeah.
Michael Scott: The last few weeks things have been changing here. Sabre says it is our duty to support the sales team. And the salesmen are letting it go to their heads. I think it's kind of screwed up. Because the way this place used to work was, make friends first, make sales second, make love, third. In no particular order.
Dwight Shrute: Salesman is king. As the best salesman, I am king of kings. Oh, you say Jesus is king of kings? Well, what does that say to you, about how I think of myself.
Michael Scott: Honey and jelly sandwich time.
[pulls out a crushed sandwich] No. You gotta be kidding me... Look at that. That's...
Darryl: I know who did it.
Michael Scott: You saw who did this and you didn't stop 'em?
Darryl: Didn't have to see. It was sales I can feel it. They, are out of control.
Michael Scott: The sales department smashed my sandwich?
Darryl: Yes. All of 'em. Together. It's a conspiracy. Listen to me Mike, you gotta do something about them.
Michael Scott: You don't get it.
Darryl: You need to get back on top.
Michael Scott: That's what she said.
Michael Scott: Yeah.
Michael Scott: You guys are acting like you all own this place. And you don't. Not even Sabre owns this place it's a rental.
Toby: If we don't patronize the only Syrian restaurant in town, they'll be nothing left but pan pizzas and... you know, make your own salads.
Michael Scott: Wait, what day is today?
Kevin: Um, tonight is Ghost Whisperer. So Friday.
[after arriving at a dump] This place has gone to hell.
Michael Scott: You know Dwight there was a time when you'd be pinching yourself to have the opportunity to, look through a dump with me.
Dwight Shrute: Yeah well, the acorn becomes the oak.
Michael Scott: Yeah. But sometimes the acorn just stays an acorn. You don't believe me look in my gutters.
Michael Scott: When do you care about money? When I first met you you were wide-eyed innocent.
Dwight Shrute: Hey, there was nothing I could do about my wide-set eyes.
Michael Scott: No no no I'm talking about your personality, Dwight.
Michael Scott: Hello. May I have everyone's attention please. Gabe has instructed me to hand out the leads. So I am going to give the leads to, King Creed.
Phyllis: What are you...
Michael Scott: And to King Meredith!
Stanley: They're not salespeople!
Michael Scott: And to King Angela. Because today we are all kings. And queens.
[pats Oscar on the back]
[over speakerphone] You are in charge of supporting the sales staff. You are required to hand out those leads Michael.
Michael Scott: Hmm. Well if that's what I'm required to do I will do exactly that.
Gabe: Ok good--
Michael Scott: Exactly that.
Michael Scott: Exactly that!
Gabe: Why do you keep repeat--
[Michael hangs up the phone]
Angela: Oh how the tables have turned. I see you got my email.
Phyllis: Are you gonna give me the leads or not.
Angela: I'll give you the leads. But you know what? It's gonna cost you some clerical work.
[hands Phyllis a stack of forms]
Phyllis: What are these for?
Angela: It doesn't matter. Fill them out, all of them. And when you're done you can watch me shred them.
Jim Halpert: Oooh! Can't wait for this day to be over.
Jim Halpert: Just all the drama.
Kelly: What drama.
Jim Halpert: Between the... us and you guys... It's unnecessary right?
Kelly: So unnecessary.
Jim Halpert: Oh good, so glad you said that.
Kelly: You know maybe if the salesmen, weren't acting like such a bunch of stuck up losers, this day wouldn't be so bad. You ever think of that?
Jim Halpert: I have new baby pictures.
[takes out cell phone]
Kelly: Don't use your cute baby, to make us like you.
Jim Halpert: She's wearing a onesie.
[Kelly braces Oscar]
Phyllis: If we act nice now then we're rewarding them for treating us poorly.
Jim Halpert: Didn't we kinda start it?
Phyllis: Mmm I think you're remembering it wrong. I donno about this I think we should hold our ground. The company's changed and if they don't like it they can leave. I mean, a lot of their work can be done from India.
Jim Halpert: Can we at least all agree that this is uncomfortable, and maybe heading for something bad.
Andy: All those who agree say I.
[everyone raises their hand] All those opposed?
Jim Halpert: I don't think we need oppose.
Andy: Erin just texted back. "People love shells from far away beaches"?
[Jim, Phyllis and Andy are standing in the conference room with a spread of treats on the table]
Phyllis: So how 'bout, guys, one percent comission a month instead of two? What do you think.
Jim Halpert: No we agreed, two percent for the quarter.
[sees the staff coming in] Shhh.
Jim Halpert: Hey everybody.
Meredith: Nice spread. We get it, you eat like royalty.
Jim Halpert: No, no. This is a representation of how we feel, and how we feel is, really sorry.
Andy: We wanted to bring you in and make a peace offering.
Phyllis: Yeah we wanted to do the right thing, so...
Oscar: Way to go guys. This... this was an integrity move.
Kevin: Yeah. When we walked in here, we were all prepared to tell you to go to hell.
Angela: Do you have any pastries without fruit?
Jim Halpert: Yes, we do. Eclairs!
Stanley: Well you better be happy, taking two percent of our--
Jim Halpert: Two percent milk! What I forgot for the coffee.
Phyllis: Yeah treats, Stanley. They've accepted our simple offer of treats Stanley nothing more.
[Stanley grins] This is, nice. All of us back together.
[knocks on Michael's door] Listen, Michael. About what happened earlier.
Michael Scott: Yeah.
Dwight Shrute: When I was asking about the leads.
Michael Scott: Mm hmm.
Dwight Shrute: Is there any news on the leads.
Michael Scott: Is that all you have to say to me.
Dwight Shrute: Yeah. You got any news on the leads? Ok, I'll tell you what. I'm going out on a very important sales call. You get any news about the leads, you try me. All of my numbers. All six of my numbers. Ok?
[leaving the office] Including the car phone! Alright, Dwight out!
Michael Scott: I'm trying to make your kids, respect you. Because, a father needs to respect his boss. And kids don't respect the father who doesn't respect the boss. Do you understand that line of logic?
Jim Halpert: I don't think you even understand it.
Michael Scott: I do understand it.
Dwight Shrute: Michael you were supposed to tell me when the leads came in!
Michael Scott: Well Bigshot, if you want to find your leads, go to the man who never breathes.
[fighting with Michael in the dump] Stop it! Get it-- That's my spool!
Jim Halpert: Pam texted back saying we could give them all iPods?
Phyllis: Ah if they don't have an iPod by now they really don't want one.
Darryl: That sounds fun, muckin' around in the dump. I wish I could go.
Michael Scott: You can.
Darryl: I can't. You know that!