The Office Season 3 Quotes - Cocktails
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| Michael Scott: | Alright. Ready? Come on guys. Early worm gets the.. worm. |
| Jim Halpert: | Another worm, like, are they friends? |
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| Michael Scott: | [in a straight jacket] I cannot tell you how I plan to escape, other than by using magic. That is the magician's code. Seperately on an unrelated note, if you happen to find a small, brass key... |
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| Jim Halpert: | You stay here and have fun, 'cuz I'm gonna go out back and shoot hoops with David Wallace. |
| Karen: | [smiling] Okay. [Jim starts to walk away] Oh, um, don't mention that you and I are dating, 'cuz I think he might still have feelings for me. |
| Jim Halpert: | Wallace? What the hell, have you dated like every guy here? |
| [Karen starts to laugh] | |
| Jim Halpert: | Wow. Okay. You got me. |
| Karen: | I so got you. |
| Jim Halpert: | So, none of them? |
| Karen: | Of course not. I mean, you're, kind of like, my first. |
| Jim Halpert: | Really? |
| Karen: | Oh my God it's so easy it's not even fun. |
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| Pam Beesly: | I have decided that I'm going to be more honest. I'm gonna start telling people what I want, directly. So, look out world, 'cuz 'ol Pamy is gettin' what she wants. And, don't call me Pamy. |
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| Dwight Schrute: | Do you ever watch Battlestar Galactica? |
| Guest: | No. |
| Dwight Schrute: | 'No.' Then you are an idiot. |
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| Dwight Schrute: | What's the square footage? |
| David Wallace: | About five thousand. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Does that include the garage? |
| Michael Scott: | Dwight, wow, that's, not appropriate. |
| Dwight Schrute: | I'm just-- it's a common question. |
| Michael Scott: | David, how much did this house cost? |
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| Teenager in bar: | Hey Creed. |
| Creed: | Heyyy, what are you guys up to? |
| Teenager: | You're the man buddy. |
| [cut to interview] | |
| Creed: | I run a small fake-ID company from my car with a laminating machine that I swipped from the sherrif's station. |
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| Jim Halpert: | Why don't I wanna go? Didn't expect to need a reason so let me think here. Um. I don't know any of these people, it's an obligation, I don't think talking paper in my free time (or in my work time,) and, did I use the word pointless? |
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| Michael Scott: | Actually, it's polite to arrive early, and smart. Only really good friends show up early. Ergo de facto, show up early, become a really good friend. |
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| Jan: | Do you remember Michael Scott, from Scranton branch? |
| David Wallace: | Of course I do. How are you, Michael? |
| Michael Scott: | Jan and I are lovers. It feels so good to finally say that out loud. |
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| Dwight Schrute: | The chimney's in decent shape. Not great. I found some termite damage in a crawl space, and some structual flaws in the foundation, so, all-in-all, it was a pretty fun cocktail party. |
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| Michael Scott: | Oh, potatoe salad. |
| Dwight Schrute: | It's from both of us. |
| Michael Scott: | No it's not. |
| Hostess: | Let see where we can put this... |
| Michael Scott: | Oh, you know what you probably wanna leave the cover on until the guests get here. |
| [cut to interview] | |
| Michael Scott: | It's been sitting in my car, all day, with the sun beating down on the mayonaise. Just, you never know. |
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| Dwight Schrute: | Why would the architect design stairs this wide? Was there an obese family in here before you? |
| Rachel Wallace: | I don't know. I'm sure the architect passed away many years ago. So... |
| Dwight Schrute: | How convenient. |
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| Guest: | So the merger go smoothly, or? |
| Michael Scott: | It did. Like buttah'. Mike Myers, SNL. You should ask Karen, she was one of 'em! |
| Karen: | I'm the only one left. Everybody else was either fired or quit. And there's one in anger management. |
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| Dwight Schrute: | I'd love to, uh, take a look around. |
| David Wallace's wife: | I'll show you around, sure. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Cool. Let's start with the bannisters. |
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| David Wallace: | What's with Jan and Michael? |
| Jim Halpert: | I donno. Where to begin... |
| [both laugh] |
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| Dwight Schrute: | Thanks for inviting me along. |
| Michael Scott: | Oh, sure. Really didn't give it any thought-- Wait should you be going? |
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| David Wallace's wife: | Did you get a chance to try Michael's homemade potato salad? |
| [cut to interview] | |
| Michael Scott: | Rachel thinks I brought homemade potato salad, and I just picked it up at the supermarket. It's funny, I wish I could make potato salad that good. It's just potatoes and mayonaise. There's something wrong with Jan. |
