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Rule 17: Don't turn your back on bears, men you have wronged, or the dominant turkey during mating season. There are forty rules all Schrute boys must learn before the age of five. [starts singing a nursery rhyme] Learn your rules. You better learn your rules. If you don't you'll be eaten in your sleep!
Andy still doesn't know that Angela's having an affair with Dwight. And it's been seventeen days. I mean eventually, he'll figure it out. When their kids have giant heads and beet-stained teeth. But right now it's just... awkward.
Utica, Albany, all the other branches are struggling but your, branch, is reporting strong numbers. Look you're not our most traditional guy but clearly something you are doing is right and I just, I need to get a sense of what that is.
David here it is. My, philosophy is, basically this. And this is something that I live by. And I always have. And I always will. Don't, ever, for any reason, do anything, to anyone, for any reason, ever, no matter what, no matter where, or who or who you are with, or or where you are going, or, or where you've been. Ever. For any reason. Whatsoever.
[cut to talking head] Sometimes I'll start a sentence, and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way. Like an improv conversation. An improversation.
So I was in the office. And I look over, to our accounting division and there is Kevin Malone. Kevin is wearing, a jacket that I've never seen before. And, I call over to Kevin, "Kevin! Is that a tweed jacket." And he looks at me and he says Michael yes it is a tweed jacket. And I look back at him and I say, "I feel the NEED! The need for tweed."
It's hard to try to evaluate yourself, Michael, but I appreciate you trying. [standing up] And thanks for coming in!
Oh, thank you. [stands up to shake David's hand] I have to say I am so impressed with the potential you see in me. [sits back down to finish his food as David opens the door for Michael]
[pauses for a moment] Yeah. Finish it. [sits back down]
"From the desk of Andrew Bernard." [scoffs] A note! Pathetic. "Dear Dwight, by now you have received my note, how are you? I am well. You are no doubt wondering why I have left this note. It has come to my attention that any physical match with you I would surely be bested." True. "The soft underbelly of my refined upbringing is my underbelly."
[watching Dwight outside from inside the conference room] There's Andy! He's in his car. You guys what is he doing?
Why isn't Dwight turning around?
The Prius is silent if he keeps it under 5 miles per hour. He deserves the win.
Andy, I'm engaged to you. I mean, we just signed off on our wedding flowers. Would I have said yes to formal chrysanthemums if I didn't want to get married? And, we went through all that stuff with our wedding cake--
Just answer the question. Are you sleeping with Dwight?
A little bit.
How long has it been going on?
I don't know! I mean, we were together and then he killed Sprinkles and then we stopped-- I don't know exactly, when we started up again.
Who else knows about it?
[sighs] Let me think about it... I, um...
[Andy turns around to see the whole office staring through the conference room windows]
[coming out of the conference room with Angela] Where's Dwight?
You okay man?
No. Not at all. Actually. But thanks for asking, appreciate it. You know what, I'd also like to take this opportunity to thank all of you for lying, to m'ah face! And not telling me what's been going on this entire time.
Ohhhh. I do not have much time... car's all the way over there... to tell you what I have to tell you, and just bear in mind that when, I say, say these things, that, are bad things, that you hear, in your ears... This is something that I, if I were you, I wouldn't want to hear--
You're not making any sense.
Well, no I'm not. So I'm, I'm not very articulate today so I'll just leave it for another time. Another day.
Which will be fine. [getting into his car] I am off!
Have a good meeting!
Thank you! [closes car door]
Kick Wallace's ass!
[through the car window] Ok, I will! [starts engine] Dwight and Angela are having an affair, so.
I can't hear you! Through the glass.
Dwight and Angela are having an affair. They've been sleeping with each other for some time. That was the news. Just wanted to let you know. [starts reversing out of his parking spot] Alright! See ya later.
Here's the thing. Michael is doing something right and in this economic climate no method of success can be ignored. It's not really the time for executives to start getting judgmental now. It's hail Mary time.
[Michael peeks his head into the office] Hey. What's say we order up some pasta.
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