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The Office Quotes (NBC) | Season 3 - Women's Appreciation

The Office Season 3 Quotes - Women's Appreciation

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  • Conference Room (8 Comments)
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40
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Dwight Schrute: You gotta learn Jim, you are second in command but that does not put you above the law.
Jim Halpert: Oh I understand. And I also have lots of questions. Like, what does a demerit mean?
Dwight Schrute: Let's put it this way, you do not want to receive three of those.
Jim Halpert: Lay it on me.
Dwight Schrute: Three demerits and you'll receive a citation.
Jim Halpert: Now, that sounds serious.
Dwight Schrute: Oh it is serious. Five citations and you're looking at a violation. Four of those and you'll receive a verbal warning. Keep it up, and you're looking at a written warning. Two of those, that'll land you in world of hurt. In the form of a disciplinary review, written up by me, and placed on the desk of my immediate superior.
Jim Halpert: Which would be me.
Dwight Schrute: That is correct.
Jim Halpert: Okay. I want a copy on my desk by the end of the day or you will receive a full disagulation.
Dwight Schrute: What's a dis- What's that?
Jim Halpert: Oh you don't wanna know.
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30
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Michael Scott: There's a wishing fountain at the mall. And I threw a coin in for every woman in the world and made a wish. I wished for Jan to get over me. I wished for Phyllis, a plasma tv. I wished for Pam to gain courage. I wished for Angela, a heart. And for Kelly, a brain.
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26
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Phyllis: Um. I was walking to the building and this man asked me for directions and he was holding a map and when I walked over he had it out on the map.
Angela: Phyllis. You're a married woman.
Creed: The guy was just hanging brain. I mean, what's all the fuss.
[cut to interview]
Creed: If that's flashing then lock me up.
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21
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Dwight Schrute: Due to a recent incident involving Phyllis, a man, a map and his penis, I think you know what I'm referring to, Michael has authorized me to form an emergency anti-flashing task force.
Jim Halpert: Question. Won't that interfere with your other task forces?
Dwight Schrute: Answer: No. Because this is being given priority one. This is a petition for the business park to upgrade the security cameras, as well as install two floodlights in the parking lot. And I know what you're thinking. Won't that just shed more light on the penises. But that is a risk we have to take.
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21
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Dwight Schrute: Pam. You can draw, kind of. Why don't you work with phallus on drawing a picture of the exposer that I can post around the community.
Pam Beesly: 'Phallus'?
Dwight Schrute: Phyllis. Sorry. I've got penises on the brain.
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18
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Michael Scott: Alright you know what? That's it. Conference room, five minutes. Women's appreciation.
Jim Halpert: Wait a second, how are you qualified for that?
Michael Scott: Oh, I donno, James, did I come from a women? Have I slept with a woman? More than one?
Dwight Schrute: Less than three.
Michael Scott: That is not current.
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18
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Angela: Sometimes the clothes at GAP Kids are just too flashy so I'm forced to go to the American Girl Store and order clothes for large, colonial dolls.
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17
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Dwight Schrute: If I could menstruate I wouldn't have to deal with idiotic calendars anymore. I'd just be able to count down from my previous cycle. Plus I'd be more in tune to the moon and the tides.
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17
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Pam Beesly: I don't often miss Roy. But I can tell you one thing, I wish someone flashed me when I was with Roy. That would have been the ass kicking of the century. Especially if it had been Jim. He would not have wanted me to see Jim's-- ....phew, I am saying alot of things...
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16
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Michael Scott: Prove it. Let's see your penis! I... you know, as that was coming out of my mouth I knew that it was wrong.
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13
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Michael Scott: In all the excitement, I forgot that my primary goal is to keep people safe. Women can't have fun if they don't feel safe. For example, Jan and I have a safe word in case things go to far. Foliage. And if one of us says that word, the other one has to stop. Although last time, she pretended she didn't hear me.
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12
likes
Michael Scott: No, Dwight. 'Respect.' R-E-S-PCEVEE-T. Find out what it means to me!
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11
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Michael Scott: My point is, a penis, when seen, in the right context, is the most wonderful sight for a woman, but in the wrong context, it is like a monster movie.
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11
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Michael Scott: Let's face it, most guys are from the dark ages. They're cavemen. And they like a women to be showing her cleavage and to be wearing eight inch heels, and to be wearing, um, see-through underpants. But, for me, a woman looks best when she is just absolutely naked.
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9
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Kevin: Hey Jim, you wanna go in the women's bathroom?
Jim Halpert: Uh, no. Thank you though.
Kevin: You aren't curious?
Jim Halpert: Not really, I've seen the bathroom before.
Kevin: Yeah, but, it's every guy's fantasy.
Jim Halpert: I think you mean a girl's locker room. And in the fantasy there's usually girls in it.
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8
likes
Andy: I really appreciate your letting me work along side you today.
Dwight Schrute: Of course you do, moon face. That's because you're a preppy freak, you're the office periahia and nobody likes you.
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6
likes
Karen: Hey did you guys see this memo that Dwight sent out? 'Women will be sent home if they wear makeup or heels exceeding one quarter inch. Females are not allowed to speak to strangers unless given written authorization by Dwight Schrute.' This is ridiculous.
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6
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Michael Scott: Hookay, you know something Dwight we are not the terrorists. Why don't you just take these women put them in a burlap sack and hit them with a stick because that's what you're doing. I celebrate these women. They deserve the right to dress as they please. If Pam wants to show more cleavage she should be able to. I encourage that.
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5
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Dwight Schrute: Employees of this office are very small and delicate, deserve protection from local perves. Better a thousand innocent men are locked up than one guilty man roam free.
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5
likes
Michael Scott: What's happening?
Pam Beesly: Oh, some guy exposed himself to Phyllis in the parking lot.
Michael Scott: Really? Is she okay?
Pam Beesly: Yeah, Bob Vance took her for a walk to calm down.
Michael Scott: Okay. [deep breath] Phyllis, you say? [snorts] Hmm. [suppressed laugher]
Angela: What is so funny?
Michael Scott: Um... I mean did he even see Pam? Or, uh... Karen from behind?
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3
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Michael Scott: [Leaving Jan a voicemail] Hey, Jan. It's me, Michael. I'm just calling to say that I think we need a little break... permanently. And, uh, I know everybody says this, but I-I wanna remain friends. Or at least business associates who get along. Oh, just so you know, it's not me, it's you. [Jan walks in] Okay, buddy. Somebody just walked in. I have to go. Um, so I'll talk to you later.
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3
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Michael Scott: OK, so what I want to engage us in today is a hardcore discussion about women's problems and issues and situations. Magazines and TV shows and movies portray women as skinny, tall goddesses. Well, look around. Are women like that? [look's at Phyllis] NO. No, they are not. [points to Pam] Even the hot ones aren't really that skinny. So what does that say? That says that you women are up against it. And it is criminal. Society doesn't care. Society sucks. I don't even consider myself a part of society. FYI. Because I am so angry over all of this.
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2
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Michael Scott: What um, what do you think of role play?
Phyllis: It can be fun.
Michael Scott: Yeah? Well, Jan has this school girl fantasy.
Phyllis: That's a pretty common one.
Michael Scott: I just, I feel uncomfortable wearing the dress.
Angela: Okay, I'm gonna be at the doll store.
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2
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Andy Bernard: [handing Dwight candy bar] Halvsies?
Dwight Schrute: [taking candy bar] No. Wholesies.
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1
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Angela: [to Meredith driving] Slower. Slower. Meredith! Slow it up!
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1
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Michael Scott: Okay, so let's dish.
Pam Beasley: What do wanna dish about?
Michael Scott: Anything you guys want, this is your time. [long pause] What is a pap smear? Or is it 'schmear' like the cream cheese?
Pam Beasley: Okay, new topic.
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1
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Pam Beasley: [discussing Michael and Jan's sex life] Michael, you need to get out of this.
Michael Scott: No, she-she's just fooling around. It's a women thing.
Pam Beasley: No, normal women don't do stuff like that. This is bad.
Michael Scott: [starts to cry]
8 Comments in the Conference Room
Quotes from  Michael Scott  Dwight Schrute  Creed Bratton  Pam  Random Quotes from All Seasons

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