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You gotta learn Jim, you are second in command but that does not put you above the law.
Oh I understand. And I also have lots of questions. Like, what does a demerit mean?
Let's put it this way, you do not want to receive three of those.
Lay it on me.
Three demerits and you'll receive a citation.
Now, that sounds serious.
Oh it is serious. Five citations and you're looking at a violation. Four of those and you'll receive a verbal warning. Keep it up, and you're looking at a written warning. Two of those, that'll land you in world of hurt. In the form of a disciplinary review, written up by me, and placed on the desk of my immediate superior.
Which would be me.
That is correct.
Okay. I want a copy on my desk by the end of the day or you will receive a full disagulation.
There's a wishing fountain at the mall. And I threw a coin in for every woman in the world and made a wish. I wished for Jan to get over me. I wished for Phyllis, a plasma tv. I wished for Pam to gain courage. I wished for Angela, a heart. And for Kelly, a brain.
Due to a recent incident involving Phyllis, a man, a map and his penis, I think you know what I'm referring to, Michael has authorized me to form an emergency anti-flashing task force.
Question. Won't that interfere with your other task forces?
Answer: No. Because this is being given priority one. This is a petition for the business park to upgrade the security cameras, as well as install two floodlights in the parking lot. And I know what you're thinking. Won't that just shed more light on the penises. But that is a risk we have to take.
I don't often miss Roy. But I can tell you one thing, I wish someone flashed me when I was with Roy. That would have been the ass kicking of the century. Especially if it had been Jim. He would not have wanted me to see Jim's-- ....phew, I am saying alot of things...
In all the excitement, I forgot that my primary goal is to keep people safe. Women can't have fun if they don't feel safe. For example, Jan and I have a safe word in case things go to far. Foliage. And if one of us says that word, the other one has to stop. Although last time, she pretended she didn't hear me.
Let's face it, most guys are from the dark ages. They're cavemen. And they like a women to be showing her cleavage and to be wearing eight inch heels, and to be wearing, um, see-through underpants. But, for me, a woman looks best when she is just absolutely naked.
Hey did you guys see this memo that Dwight sent out? 'Women will be sent home if they wear makeup or heels exceeding one quarter inch. Females are not allowed to speak to strangers unless given written authorization by Dwight Schrute.' This is ridiculous.
Hookay, you know something Dwight we are not the terrorists. Why don't you just take these women put them in a burlap sack and hit them with a stick because that's what you're doing. I celebrate these women. They deserve the right to dress as they please. If Pam wants to show more cleavage she should be able to. I encourage that.
[Leaving Jan a voicemail] Hey, Jan. It's me, Michael. I'm just calling to say that I think we need a little break... permanently. And, uh, I know everybody says this, but I-I wanna remain friends. Or at least business associates who get along. Oh, just so you know, it's not me, it's you. [Jan walks in] Okay, buddy. Somebody just walked in. I have to go. Um, so I'll talk to you later.
OK, so what I want to engage us in today is a hardcore discussion about women's problems and issues and situations. Magazines and TV shows and movies portray women as skinny, tall goddesses. Well, look around. Are women like that? [look's at Phyllis] NO. No, they are not. [points to Pam] Even the hot ones aren't really that skinny. So what does that say? That says that you women are up against it. And it is criminal. Society doesn't care. Society sucks. I don't even consider myself a part of society. FYI. Because I am so angry over all of this.
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