The Office Season 6 Quotes - Mafia
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!
17
likes
like
| Dwight Schrute: | R is among one of the most menacing sounds. That's why they call it murder not "muckduck!" |
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!
15
likes
like
| Michael Scott: | Erin. Coffee. |
| Erin: | Ok. |
| Michael Scott: | Not from the kitchen. Stop & Shop. If it's not Stop & Shop I send it back. Large. If it's a medium I send it back. If it's an extra-large I send it back. |
| Erin: | How do you return coffee? |
| Michael Scott: | Go. |
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!
14
likes
like
| Michael Scott: | Erin, you're supposed to be the gatekeeper, do you have any idea how valuable my time is. |
| Erin: | In your schedule it just says nine 'till noon is creative space. I thought this could be a part of it. |
| Michael Scott: | Do you know how creative space works? Ok why don't you just cancel my afternoon. |
| Erin: | You don't have anything in the afternoon it just says free plate. |
| Michael Scott: | Push free plate 'till tomorrow morning. |
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!
14
likes
like
| Michael Scott: | I will have the spaghetti. With a side salad. |
| Waitress: | Ok. |
| Michael Scott: | If the salad is on top, I send it back. |
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!
11
likes
like
| Michael Scott: | What topics, can you use for small talk? |
| Andy: | Golf, stock market, Dave Matthews-- |
| Michael Scott: | Yes, what else? |
| Creed: | Small things. Peas, ball bearings, dimes. |
| Michael Scott: | No. |
| Meredith: | The weekend. |
| Michael Scott: | Yeah! That's good! Come on up, Meredith. Come up here. Let's do a little something. [Meredith gets to the front] So Meredith and I just started conversing, and I will say, "so Meredith, how was your weekend? What did you do?" |
| Meredith: | Well I caught my son taking a dump on the upper-part of the toilet... he calls it an "upper decker." |
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!
10
likes
like
| Kevin: | I wouldn't last in jail, Oscar, I'm not like you. |
| Oscar: | What's that supposed to mean? |
| Kevin: | Oh you don't know about jail? Oh you would LOVE jail. |
| Oscar: | Why would I love jail. |
| Kevin: | Because-- [thinks for a second] you would love it. [smiles at camera] |
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!
8
likes
like
| Michael Scott: | Hi. Sorry. Crazy day. You've seen how the sausage gets made, come in the conference room and I will show you a finished sausage. |
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!
8
likes
like
| Michael Scott: | There is nothing more insulting to a great salesman than having to listen to a bad salesman. It's like a great basketball player having to listen to a bad basketball player. |
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!
8
likes
like
| Oscar: | Pam and Jim are on their honeymoon, so there's not the usual balance between "sane" and "others." Toby has mentally checked out since June. It's a very dangerous time. The coalition for reason is extremely weak. |
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!
7
likes
like
| Waitress: | And for you sir? |
| Michael Scott: | I will have the gabagool. |
| Waitress: | The-- what? |
| Michael Scott: | The gabagool. |
| Waitress: | I don't really know what that is. |
| Andy: | You know, gabagoo. |
| Waitress: | I don't-- I don't. I don't have to have that. |
| Dwight Schrute: | What he's trying to say is gaba-gool. |
| Waitress: | I don't think we have that. |
| Dwight Schrute: | [shouting] Bring in the gabagool! |
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!
6
likes
like
| Michael Scott: | What you people don't know, about business I could fill a book with. |
| Ryan Howard: | Then do it. |
| Michael Scott: | What. |
| Ryan Howard: | Write a book. |
| [cuts to Michael in his office speaking into a tape recorder] | |
| Michael Scott: | The Fundamentals of Business by Michael Scott. Over one billion sold. More than the Bible. I'm not surprised. Chapter one. [pause] The business man-- (longer pause] |
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!
6
likes
like
| [Andy meets Michael and Dwight, dressed as a mechanic named Pat] | |
| Michael Scott: | What are you wearing. Who's Pat? |
| Andy: | If I'm gonna back you up, I need a weapon without drawing suspicion. And I had to justify it somehow, so... I'm a mechanic with a tire thing. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Do you know how to use it? |
| Andy: | To change tires, no. But, it's metal, I could hit somebody with it. |
| Michael Scott: | Let's go, come on. |
| [they start walking to the restaurant] | |
| Michael Scott: | [under his breath] God... |
| Andy: | Should I change? |
| Michael Scott: | Forget it! |
| Dwight Schrute: | You're wearing loafers. |
| Michael Scott: | Forget it! |
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!
6
likes
like
| [after short-circuiting the car] | |
| Andy: | You got a leaky spark tube. |
| Woman: | What! |
| Andy: | So your car's totalled. Uh. You should probably wanna get a refund on that. Or my guy could do it he's great but uh, I can't do that for you. I work exclusively on motorcycles. [stammers then walks away] |
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!
5
likes
like
| Michael Scott: | Ok too many different words from coming at me from too many different sentences. |
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!
5
likes
like
| Michael Scott: | If there is one thing I hate more than the mafia is a liar. I wish the mafia would go out and kill all the liars. Bury them in my yard. And I wouldn't tell the cops a thing. Not that I would be lying per se but I would just get really quiet all of a sudden. |
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!
4
likes
like
| Kevin: | Jim's gone on his honeymoon. So I started borrowing his office, to fart in. Then one day, I came in, and I just stayed. 'Cause this place is awesome. It feels like home now. Even better than my home. My home sucks. |
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!
4
likes
like
| Andy: | What do you think? |
| Dwight Schrute: | I think you're right. Definitely looks suspicious. And his Southern Italian heritage raises some flags. |
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!
4
likes
like
| [Andy and Dwight approach Michael after his impromptu meeting with a salesman] | |
| Andy: | What happened in there? |
| Michael Scott: | Nothing. Other than once again I am thankful that I am a paper salesman. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Did he threaten you? |
| Michael Scott: | No Dwight, not everything is a threat. |
| Andy: | Mobsters are! [leaves to look out the window] |
| Michael Scott: | There is no such thing as monsters. |
| Andy: | He drives an SUV. |
| Dwight Schrute: | I knew it! More trunk-space. Or should I say corpse space. |
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!
4
likes
like
| Oscar: | Guys, I drive an SUV. Does that mean I'm in the mob? |
| Dwight Schrute: | No, not that by itself but look at all the facts. He seems like a mobster. |
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!
4
likes
like
| Dwight Schrute: | Bathroom checks out clean. Nothing behind the toilet except this roach I found. [pours the roach out onto the table] |
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!
4
likes
like
| Waitress: | Have you decided? |
| Mr. Grotti | I'll have the linguini, red sauce on the side. If the sauce does not come on the side I will send it back. I want garlic bread. Toasted. Not burnt. If it comes burnt, I will send it back. |
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!
4
likes
like
| [impersonating a mechanic and trying to jumpstart a car] | |
| Andy: | Black goes on the red... with the-- if we-- positive. It-- your motor drive is probably.. down. |
| Child: | He seems bad at this. |
| Andy: | You wanna do this junior!? I didn't think so. Sorry. Just had a terribly long day at the mechanic store. |
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!
3
likes
like
| [Jim's phone rings while Kevin is alone in his office] | |
| Kevin: | Hello? |
| Operator: | Mr. Halpert? I'm calling from the identity theft department at Capital One. We've detected some unusual activity on your credit card. |
| Kevin: | Oh man do you think it was stolen? |
| Operator: | Sir could you mind verifying your home address? |
| Kevin: | Um, yes, um... [picks up an envelope] Three eight three Linden Ave., Scranton, PA. |
| Operator: | And may I have the last four digits of your social security? |
| Kevin: | Six six five zero. |
| Operator: | Well Mr. Halpert, you're obviously not in San Juan Puerto Rico. |
| Kevin: | Wait a minute, yes I am-- |
| Operator: | We're going to go ahead and put a hold on your card. |
| Kevin: | No-- that-- I think that we should let the criminal use the card a little longer. |
| Operator: | Very funny sir. We'll get a new card out to you right away. |
| Kevin: | No-- |
| Operator: | Have a nice day and thank you! [hangs up] |
| Kevin: | ... Shoot. |
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!
2
likes
like
| Dwight Schrute: | I don't understand why would you buy a policy? |
| Michael Scott: | It's just the cost of a cup of coffee an hour. |
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!
