When my mother was pregnant with me, they did an ultrasound and found she was having twins, and they did another ultrasound a few weeks later, they discovered that I had resorbed the other fetus. Do I regret this? No. I believe his tissues made me stronger. I now have the strength of a grown man and a little baby.
A few years ago, my family was on a safari in Africa and my cousin, Mufasa, was um, he was trampled to death by a pack of wildebeasts and um, we all took it really hard. All of us kind of in the audience, of what happened.
Do you wanna talk about it anymore?
Oh it would probably take an hour and half to tell that whole story.
When I die, I want to be frozen. And if they have to freeze me in pieces, so be it. I will wake up stronger than ever because I will have used that time to figure out exactly why I died, and what moves I could've used to defend myself better now that I know what hold he had me in.
I lost Ed Truck, and it feels like somebody took my heart and dropped it into a bucket of boiling tears. And at the same time, somebody else is hitting my soul in the crotch, with a frozen sledge hammer. And then a third guy walks in and starts punching me in the grief bone, and I'm crying , and nobody can hear me, because I'm terribly terribly, terribly alone.
When I was five, my mom told me that the fish went to the hospital, in the toilet, and it never came back. So we had a funeral for it. And I remember thinking, 'I'm a little too old for this.' And I was five.
[on the phone] Hi, yeah, this is Mike from the West Side Market? Well we got a shipment of Herr's salt and vinegar chips and we ordered that about three weeks ago and have-- Yeah... You have them in the warehouse? Great. What is my store number? ... Six. Wait, no, I'll call you back- [quickly hangs up phone]
Oh nothing. They're just out of Herr's chips. But don't worry about it. My snack food doesn't fall under the umbrella of your authority.
Mmmm, that's where you're wrong. I'm your project supervisor today, and I have just decided that we're not doing anything, until you get the chips you require. So I think we should go get some. Now, please.
I love the people here. And if there was one thing I di- I don't really care for, is that they can be, terribly, terribly ignorant about other cultures. And I don't want them embarassing me, in front of my girlfriend, Carol.
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