The Office Season 3 Quotes - Grief Counseling
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| Dwight Schrute: | When my mother was pregnant with me, they did an ultrasound and found she was having twins, and they did another ultrasound a few weeks later, they discovered that I had resorbed the other fetus. Do I regret this? No. I believe his tissues made me stronger. I now have the strength of a grown man and a little baby. |
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| Ryan: | A few years ago, my family was on a safari in Africa and my cousin, Mufasa, was um, he was trampled to death by a pack of wildebeasts and um, we all took it really hard. All of us kind of in the audience, of what happened. |
| Michael Scott: | Do you wanna talk about it anymore? |
| Ryan: | Oh it would probably take an hour and half to tell that whole story. |
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| Michael Scott: | He's finished work, he's on his way home, WHAM, his cappa is detated from his head! |
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| Michael Scott: | I lost Ed Truck, and it feels like somebody took my heart and dropped it into a bucket of boiling tears. And at the same time, somebody else is hitting my soul in the crotch, with a frozen sledge hammer. And then a third guy walks in and starts punching me in the grief bone, and I'm crying , and nobody can hear me, because I'm terribly terribly, terribly alone. |
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| Dwight Schrute: | When I die, I want to be frozen. And if they have to freeze me in pieces, so be it. I will wake up stronger than ever because I will have used that time to figure out exactly why I died, and what moves I could've used to defend myself better now that I know what hold he had me in. |
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| Andy: | What're we doing? What's the game? I want in. |
| Jim Halpert: | Oh there's no game, we're just trying to get these chips for Karen. |
| Andy: | Did you check the vending machine? |
| Karen: | Ohh the vending machine. How did we miss that? |
| Jim Halpert: | I have no idea. We went right for the copier, and then we checked the fax machine. |
| Andy: | Did you check, your butt? |
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| Creed: | You know a human can go on several hours after being decapitated. |
| Dwight Schrute: | You're thinking of a chicken. |
| Creed: | What'd I say? |
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| Jan: | So, I wanted to let you know that we lost Ed Truck. |
| Michael Scott: | Okay... let me see if I have his cell. |
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| Jim Halpert: | [on the phone] Hi, yeah, this is Mike from the West Side Market? Well we got a shipment of Herr's salt and vinegar chips and we ordered that about three weeks ago and have-- Yeah... You have them in the warehouse? Great. What is my store number? ... Six. Wait, no, I'll call you back- [quickly hangs up phone] |
| Karen: | [laughing] 'Six?' |
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| Dwight Schrute: | Michael get him away from your head! He is covered in germs and bacteria! |
| Michael Scott: | You can't get diseases from a bird! |
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| Ryan: | When I was five, my mom told me that the fish went to the hospital, in the toilet, and it never came back. So we had a funeral for it. And I remember thinking, 'I'm a little too old for this.' And I was five. |
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| Michael Scott: | I'm not exactly sure how to say this-- |
| Dwight Schrute: | Ed was decapitated. |
| Michael Scott: | What are you doing? |
| Dwight Schrute: | You said you didn't know how to-- |
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| Jim Halpert: | I called the manufacturer, who referred me to the distributor, who referred me to the vending machine company, who told me they sell them in the machines in the building nextdoor. |
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| Karen: | Oh nothing. They're just out of Herr's chips. But don't worry about it. My snack food doesn't fall under the umbrella of your authority. |
| Jim Halpert: | Mmmm, that's where you're wrong. I'm your project supervisor today, and I have just decided that we're not doing anything, until you get the chips you require. So I think we should go get some. Now, please. |
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| Michael Scott: | He was driving, on the road, and he went under a truck. And that's when his h-head was, seperated, from, the rest of him. I will let you know more as soon as I find out. |
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| Karen: | I'm calling a supermarket in Montreal. |
| Jim Halpert: | Nice! |
| Karen: | [on phone] Bonjour. Je cherche des chips de la marque Herr's. Non? Ah... aw, merci quand meme. Au revoir. [hangs up phone] Nope. |
| Jim Halpert: | Sounded good. |
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| Michael Scott: | I love the people here. And if there was one thing I di- I don't really care for, is that they can be, terribly, terribly ignorant about other cultures. And I don't want them embarassing me, in front of my girlfriend, Carol. |
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| [Michael stumbles upon Kelly crying] | |
| Michael Scott: | It's okay. It's okay. Shhhh, yes, I know. It's been a tough day, but it's good to let it show. |
| Kelly: | I mean, how many times do I have to confirm plans with Ryan [disgusted Michael walks away] for him to know we have a date tonight? |
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