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Michael is having a hard time with the gender part of Spanish. So, I told him to mark everything with the international symbol for gender and, um... [holds up sticky notes with male and female.. genitalia drawn on them] I should have been more specific.
[in Michael's office] Your office is full of genitalia.
You know, when I tore my scrot, I was, uh, I was seeing this really hot urologist about it and, I thought she was into me. But, now I think she was just doing a bunch of stuff to bill my HMO. You know. She's touching around down there it's easy to get confused.
[showing off the photos from a scanner at a sales meeting
I took the liberty to scan a few things earlier and I want to show you [up pops of photo of Michael] There we go! Look at those vivid colors. Look at my eyes! Those are Shrek green eyes. [shows a photo of Michael smiling with teeth] That is me again! I think this displays the crisp, dazzling white. [shows a photo of a black man in underwear] And that would be a display of the crisp. gorgeous black.
What sort of movie would Rudy have been if he had just stopped and given up after two rejections. Would've been a less shorter. Probably been a lot funnier. But it would have ultimately been a disappointment. I still would have seen it. But, that's not... the point.
Kelly will be even worse than Darryl. If you'd have told me this morning that today I'd be creating a monster capable of my own destruction, I'd have thought you were referring to the bull Mose and I are trying to reanimate.
One minority from this branch is going to get into this program. Who would I prefer? Hmm. A competent hard-working one who does things his own way? Or the malleable simpleton who can be bought for a few fashion magazines?
[on the phone] This is the second time that you've sent me the wrong size. I mean I know what a four should feel like I've been a four my whole life. You know what? You can go to hell, alright? Thanks for nothing.
It's subtle. This is how it works. I show her an image that turns her on. And, then she looks at me and then she looks at the image then back at me then back at the image, soon she doesn't know what is me what is the image, she just knows that she is turned on.
You said the program is not open to Caucasians. Well, [opens encyclopedia] anthropologically she is Indian. Indians migrated from the Caucasus region of Europe. Therefore technically she is Caucasian. [to camera] You're welcome America.
Yeah but she's not white though.
Well, obviously, she's, brown-ish but, come on I mean Darryl is far more, ethnic.
Darryl withdrew his application. The dates of the Yale program interfered with his softball league so, he's gone.
[cut to talking head]
I've got my whole life to be a minority executive. Only have about a year left in these knees though.
You would have, weekly conference calls with executives in corporate, a two-week training program at the Yale School of Management, obviously you would be high on the list of advancement opportunities.
Sounds all right.
What is this?
Oh this is Print In All Colors, Sabre's minority executive training program.
Pfft. It doesn't just sound "igt," it sounds amazing!
I didn't say igt.
How do I apply?
You have to be a minority.
Uh, glasses wearers? Cholera survivors? Genuses? Non-organic family farmers? The list goes on and on you want me to keep going?
Those don't really count. We're thinking more, ethnic and racial minorities.
Come here, come here. Ten seconds ago this guy was driving a forklift, OK? Now all of a sudden he's Cinderella of the office. What are you guys thinking?
I like the sound of this. Maybe someday I'll be sitting in Michael's chair. [staring at Dwight] Wouldn't that be something.
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