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The Office Quotes (NBC) | Season 3 - The Job

The Office Season 3 Quotes - The Job

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  • Conference Room (4 Comments)
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182
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Dwight Schrute: Welcome to the Hotel Hell. Check-in time in now, check-out time is never.
Jim Halpert: Does my room have cable?
Dwight Schrute: No. And the sheets are made of fire.
Jim Halpert: Can I change rooms?
Dwight Schrute: Sorry we're all booked up. Hell convention in town.
Jim Halpert: Can I have a late check-out?
Dwight Schrute: I'll have to talk to the manager.
Jim Halpert: You're not the manager, even in your own fantasy?
Dwight Schrute: I'm the owner.. the co-owner. With Satan!
Jim Halpert: Okay, just so I understand it. In your wildest fantasy, you are in hell and you are co-running a bed and breakfast with the devil.
Dwight Schrute: But I haven't told you my salary yet.
Jim Halpert: Go.
Dwight Schrute: Eighty thousand dollars.
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Pam Beesly: I haven't heard anything, but I bet Jim got the job. I mean, why wouldn't he? He's totally qualified and smart; everyone loves him. And... if he never comes back again, that's okay. We're friends and I'm sure we'll stay friends. We just... we never got the timing right, you know? I shot him down, and then he did the same to me. But you know what? It's okay, I'm totally fine. Everything's going to be totally--
Jim Halpert: Pam! [looks at camera] Sorry. Um, are you free for dinner tonight?
Pam Beesly: Yes.
Jim Halpert: Alright, then it's a date.
Pam Beesly: [looking so happy she's about to cry] I'm sorry, what was the question?
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40
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Dwight Schrute: We-- Don't you wanna earn Schrute Bucks!?
Stanley: No. In fact, I'll give you a billion Stanley Nickels if you never talk to me again.
Dwight Schrute: What's the ratio of Stanley Nickels to Schrute Bucks?
Stanley: The same as the ratio of unicorns to leprechauns.
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34
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Ryan: Last year Creed asked me how to set up a blog. Wanting to protect the world from being exposed to Creed's brain, I opened up a Word document on his computer and put an address at the top. I've read some of it. Even for the intranet, it's... pretty shocking.
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26
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Meredith: You know what, don't even worry about it. Everyone was so drunk, I'll bet no one even remembers what you said
Creed: I remember. I blogged the whole thing. www.creedthoughts.gov.www/creedthoughts. Check it out.
[cut to Ryan's talking head]
Ryan: Last year, Creed asked me how to set up a blog. Wanting to protect the world from being exposed to Creed's brain, I opened a word document on his computer and put an address at the top. I've read some of it. Even for the intranet... it's pretty shocking.
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24
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Dwight Schrute: Once I am officially regional manager, my first order of business will be to demote Jim Halpert. So I will need a new number two. My ideal choice: Jack Bauer. But he is unavailable, fictional, and overqualified.
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18
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Pam Beesly: I don't know what the future holds. But, I'm optimistic. And, uh, I had fun goofing around with Dwight today. Jim and I are just too, similar. Maybe one day I'll find my own Karen. But, you-- but that is a, um, you know not-- a man. A man version. But, uh, until then, I can hold my head up. I'm not gay.
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17
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Andy: I am a great interviewee. Why? Because I have something no one else has. My brain. Which I use to my advantage, when advantageous.
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16
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Michael Scott: I am by far the most qualified person they're interviewing. Jim and Karen are here, which is cute. They're like kid actors, tagging along with daddy at the big audition, hoping to be discovered. Except daddy is the best actor around. Daddy is Meryl Streep.
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15
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Andy: What's up, Big Haircut? You are no longer Big Tuna. From henceforth you shall be known as Big Haircut.
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13
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Jim Halpert: How are your feet?
Pam Beesly: Medium rare. Thanks.
Jim Halpert: The real reason I went to Stamford is because I wanted to be... not here.
Pam Beesly: I know.
Jim Halpert: And even though I came back, I just feel like I never really.. came back.
Pam Beesly: Well I wish you would.
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12
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Michael Scott: [on phone] Hey Pam, yeah, I forgot what day the interview was and I drove to New York accidentally. I'll be like three hours late.
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12
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Jan: Sorry to drop by unexpectantly. I, uh, I tried calling but I kept getting voicemail.
Michael Scott: Weird. Yeah, I didn't get both of your messages.
Jan: Ah...
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11
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Michael Scott: Why is my office black?
Dwight Schrute: To intimidate my subordinates.
Michael Scott: That's stupid.
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9
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Michael Scott: Ryan, coffee.
Ryan: I don't do that stuff anymore.
Michael Scott: No, it's for me, Bimbo. [looks at camera] Kids.
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7
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Michael Scott: Is Jan in yet?
Hunter: I think she's coming in later.
Michael Scott: Could you give her a message for me when she gets in?
Hunter: Sure.
Michael Scott: Just say, 'I want to squeeze them.' It's code. She'll know what it means.
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6
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Michael Scott: The time has come to name my own replacement. So, please hand this letter of congratulations to, Dwight K. Schrute.
Dwight Schrute: That's my name. [reading the letter] 'Dwight, congratuations a-wipe. Don't screw the pooch.'
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6
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Pam Beesly: Wait! Come on! Let's listen to Dwight's presentation.
[Dwight winks at Pam]
Oscar: Wh- what are you winking for?
Dwight Schrute: Zipyourlid!
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6
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[while Dwight's painting the room black]
Andy: It's like I'm staring into my soul when I look at this wall.
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6
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Dwight Schrute: Pam, hello.
Pam Beesly: Dwight, hello.
Dwight Schrute: I wanted to thank you... for helping me, when you had the title of Secret Assistant to the Regional Manager. You served the office, with great dignity. [they salute eachother]
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5
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Michael Scott: Here's the sitch. Two weeks ago, I was in the worst relationship of my life. She treated me poorly, we didn't connect, I was miserable. Now, I am in the best relationship of my life, with the same woman. Love is a mystery.
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5
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Karen: I'm not stupid. Okay? I was at the beach. We don't have a future in Scranton. There's one too many people there.
Jim Halpert: You mean Kevin?
Karen: Exactly.
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4
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Pam Beesly: No, it's fine! I'm sure it must have been weird for Jim when Roy and I were joking around... that one time.
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4
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Pam Beesly Um, about the beach...
Karen It's okay. We all say things without thinking.
Pam Beesly Oh no, it's not that. I've actually been thinking that for a long time. And I'm glad I said it; I just... I'm sorry if it made you feel weird.
Karen [to camera] Pam is... kinda of bitch.
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Karen: So, we have all night, where do you wanna go first?
Jim Halpert: I donno. How 'bout the U.N.?
Karen: How often do you come here?
Jim Halpert: Um, everytime my sixth grade class goes on a field trip.
Karen: Well I think you're really going to enjoy this, adult Jim.
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Pam Beasley: Okay. So... you would be the Regional Manager, and the Assistant Regional Manager. Andy is your number two. I would be the Secret Assistant Regional Manager.
Dwight Schrute: Mmm, let’s call it Secret Assistant to the Regional Manager.
Pam Beasley: Mm-hmm.
Dwight Schrute: Do you accept?
Pam Beasley: Absolutely, I do.
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Karen: Pam is kind of a bitch.
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David: Obviously the person we hire is going to need to be here for the long haul. So long haul, where do you see yourself in ten years?
4 Comments in the Conference Room
Quotes from  Michael Scott  Dwight Schrute  Creed Bratton  Pam  Random Quotes from All Seasons

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