The Office Season 2 Quotes - The Carpet
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| Ryan: | Jim's been looking at me kind of a lot this week. I would be creeped out by it, but it's nothing compared to the way Michael looks at me. |
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| Michael Scott: | I am a victim of a hate crime. I think Stanley knows what I''m talking about. |
| Stanley: | That's not what a hate crime is. |
| Michael Scott: | Well I hated it! A lot! |
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| Michael Scott: | Last week I would've given a kidney to anyone in this office. I would've reached right into my stomach and pulled it out for them. But now, no. I don't have the relationship with these people that I thought I did. I hope they ask, so they can hear me say, 'Uh, no, I only give my organs to my real friends. Go get yourself a monkey kidney.' |
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| Michael Scott: | Spamster. |
| Pam Beesly: | Um... Pam, plus spam, plus? |
| Michael Scott: | Hamster. |
| Pam Beesly: | Right. |
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| Pam Beesly: | I get ten vacation days a year and I try to hold off taking them for as long as possible. This year I got to the third week in January. |
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| Michael Scott: | I swore to myself if I ever got to walk around the room as manager, people would laugh as they saw me coming, and they'd applaud as I walked away. |
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| Michael Scott: | Do you remember Ed Truck? |
| Creed: | Sure, he hired me. How's he doin'? |
| Michael Scott: | How would I know? |
| Creed: | I thought you might. |
| Michael Scott: | My biggest fear is turning into him. |
| Creed: | Michael, you should have much bigger fears than that. |
| Michael Scott: | I wasn't talking literally, Creed. Yeah, being buried alive would be worse, happy? Why am I talking to you? |
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| Ryan: | Do you know if shes looking for something long-term or if she'd be cool just hangin' out? |
| Jim Halpert: | I have no idea. |
| Ryan: | Could ya find out? |
| Jim Halpert: | ...Yeah. Sure. |
| [later] | |
| Kelly: | Oh, long-term definitely. Fall in love, have babies, spend every second together. But don't tell him that, okay? Just tell him I'm like up for anything, I mean I'm not a slut, but who knows? |
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| Michael Scott: | You know, I'm starting to think that what happened in my office was an act of terrorism. It's the only thing that makes any sense. |
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| Michael Scott: | Why would somebody ruin a perfectly good carpet? I don't know. Could be done out of hate, could be done out of love. It could be comletely neutral. Maybe somebody hates the cleaning lady. And well she doesn't do a very good job obviously because my office still reeks like you would not believe. I hate her. |
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| Jim Halpert: | Hey Kelly. |
| Kelly: | Are you moving back here? |
| Jim Halpert: | Um, just for the day, while Michael's at my desk. |
| Kelly: | Because Toby used to sit there but then he had to move over there because of an allergy. |
| Jim Halpert: | Allergy to the desk? |
| Kelly: | Weird. |
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| Michael Scott: | You know, it would probably be best if the person responsible would just come forward and accept their punishment. |
| [everyone looks around] | |
| Michael Scott: | Alright, you''re all going to be punished. |
| Pam Beesly: | What''s our punishment? |
| Michael Scott: | You're all in time-out. Just sit there quietly. |
| [Phyllis reaches to answer a ringing phone] | |
| Michael Scott: | Nooooooooo! |
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| Kelly: | Beyonce; pink, the color; Pink, the person; hot dogs... basically, anything that is awesome. Snow cones... |
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| Michael Scott: | The Extreme Home Makeover show can come in and re-do a house in one hour. If you guys were on their crew, you would be fired like that! |
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| Michael Scott: | [in reference to Todd Packer] One time, as a joke, he banged every girl in the office. It was hilarious. |
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| Michael Scott: | [in reference to Todd Packer] One time he stuck this guys head in the toilet for a full minute. The guy didn't have a very good sense of humor about it. Probably why he didn't get hired. |
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| Pam Beesly: | Dunder Mifflin please hold. Dunder Mifflin please hold. Okay, sorry Michael just walked by. |
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| Michael Scott: | Watch out, Pam. You're next. |
| Pam Beesly: | You're going to throw my things on the ground? |
| Michael Scott: | Maybe.. |
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| Ryan: | Hey Jim, Michael wanted me to ask you how to raise your desk chair. |
| Jim Halpert: | It's the lever on the side. |
| Ryan: | That's what I told him, thanks. |
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| Jim Halpert: | Hey let me ask you a question, it's actually a little awkward. What do you think of Kelly? |
| Ryan: | I dunno. Depends on if you like a little junk in th-- |
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| Michael Scott: | Hey Jim, I thought that we would be desk buddies while they changed my carpet. |
| Jim Halpert: | That might be a little difficult with the one computer. |
| Michael Scott: | Uh, doesn't... |
| Jim Halpert: | There's definitely a desk open in the back. |
| Michael Scott: | Yeah. |
| Jim Halpert: | Which I guess I'll be taking. |
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| Jim Halpert: | Hey Brenda, this is, uh, Jim Halpert from the boat. And I got your number from the corporate directory and, well I was assuming you probably gave it to them because you wanted me to ask you out, right? Um, so give me a call back. You can get my number from said directory. Um... or just check your email 'cause I just sent you one. Yikes. Uh, give me a call back. I hope. I'll talk to you later, bye. |
| Kelly: | You just asked a girl out on the phone! |
| Jim Halpert: | Yep... |
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| Todd Packer: | [on Michael's speaker phone] I'm looking for a gay nerd named Michael Scott! |
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| Michael Scott: | You guys just are working for the weekend, aren't you? I'm working for the week. |
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| Michael Scott: | Charlie Horse. |
| Creed: | Why did you hit me, Michael? |
| Michael Scott: | Oh stop. |
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| Michael Scott: | I am a big Fear Factor fan. Um... I'm a big fan of anything Joe Rogan does, actually. |
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| Michael Scott: | You know who used to sit at that desk? |
| Dwight Schrute: | That guy, Miles, who quit to form his own company. |
| Michael Scott: | Todd Packer. |
| Dwight Schrute: | I thought he was out on the road. |
| Michael Scott: | He was, but that desk was empty. He would come in and sit there some times. |
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| Michael Scott: | I don't see any package. How big was it? |
| Todd Packer: | Um... It was pretty big. |
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4 Comments in the Conference Room