The Office Season 6 Quotes - Murder

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Kevin: Michael, did you just throw-up in there?
Michael Scott: Nah. Just poopin'. You know how I be.
Kevin: It smells like throw-up in here.
Michael Scott: Crazy world. Lot of smells.
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Andy: I'm a little worried that I may have asked out Naughty Nelly instead of Erin. Which would be whole lot less appealing, because Naughty Nelly says yes to everyone. And she might be a murderer.
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Dwight Schrute: Michael, what is the meaning of this email that everyone got?
Michael Scott: You'll have to be more specific, Dwight. I get like eight e-mails a day.
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Pam Beesly: I think Michael may have snapped.
Jim Halpert: Or maybe he's just stuck in character.
Pam Beesly: Which is worse? Snapped or stuck?
Jim Halpert: Both. They're both worse.
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8
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Dwight Schrute: [reading email] "I'm sure you've seen the item in the Journal. I just want to stress that it's all conjecture, if we have any concrete information, you will know ASAP."
Michael Scott: Erin, do we have the journal?
Erin: Your feelings journal? You told me to put it in the time capsule.
Michael Scott: Did you?
Pam Beesly: He means the Wall Street Journal, online.
Michael Scott: Oh, the Wall.
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Dwight Schrute: You can all have jobs at Schrute Farms as human scarecrows. Although it doesn't pay much, and you can't uniounize.
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5
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Dwight Schrute: Vudu Mama Juju, explain your dalliance with the dark arts.
Angela: Not my fault. I was exposed to Harry Potter.
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4
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Michael Scott: [leaving bathroom] Crazy world, lotta smells.
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4
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Michael Scott: "Battleship" got me through my parents' divorce. "Operation" got me through my vasectomy.
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Jim Halpert: OK, with all due respect to everyone here, I think the most worthy opponent of you is you.
Dwight Schrute: That is correct. Unless there happened to be measles present.
Jim Halpert: So let's just say that Dwight has come at you with the throat punch. Now how would you, Dwight, defend against it?
Dwight Schrute: Easy. Allow me to demonstrate. I am attacking myself with a throat punch. Here it comes. [gives himself a fake throat punch] Block. Grasp wrist as such. [grasps wrist]
Jim Halpert: And what if he comes at you with the other hand, because he does have two.
Dwight Schrute: Good point. Second, throat punch, absorb the blow. [gives himself another throat punch and proceeds to both attack and defend himself] Groin punch, hip block, elbow to the gut. Uh oh, up to the nose. No, you're not. Ow! Oh!
Jim Halpert: Oh my God, he's making you look like such a fool.
Dwight Schrute: He really is, but not for long. [steps on foot] Ow! Instep, oh, not again. [more screaming] You let go, you let go. Oh, you're right, I can't hold on.
Jim Halpert: You two are so evenly matched I don't know how one of you is going to get the upper hand.
Dwight Schrute: The important thing to remember Jim... we always have what is called the element of surprise. [hits himself in the groin and moans]
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4
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[Creed pulls into the parking lot and goes into the office]
Creed: Sorry I'm late, boss. What's going on?
Michael Scott: [accent] Sir, there has been a murder, and you are a suspect.
Creed: OK. Hang on just a second. Let me just settle in and I'll be right back.
Michael Scott: Very good, very good. Now, no one was there in the wine cellar.
[Creed gets in his car and drives away]
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Michael Scott: Tube City, you owe me one.
Jim Halpert: [In talking head] Co-managing is a give and take. You have to pick your battles. One of the battles that I picked was to stop Michael from running plastic tubes all over the office and placing hamsters inside of them. He was going to call it Tube City. So, yes, I do owe him one.
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Michael Scott: [accent] Whoa. What's this strange Yankee accent coming out of your mouth, son? This here's Savannah.
Oscar: [tries to speak in a high-pitched southern accent] This plantation, we're running low on greenbacks. We're having problems paying the people who give us the seeds and the dirt. We can't pay... [in regular voice] - Michael, I can't - Basically it could mean a lot of things, but it is unprecedented, so it's cause for concern.
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3
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Kevin: Now do the Swedish Chef
Andy: Um, I'm not familiar, what province is he from?
Kevin: He lives on Sesame Street dumbass.
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2
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Michael Scott: Monkey see, monkey do.
Jim Halpert: That's it.
Michael Scott: Monkey pee all over you.
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Phyllis: You know, I think I'm supposed to say something to Pam, I mean, Deb, Okay? [in character] I overheard you asking the butler where the pistol was kept.
Dwight Schrute: Wait a minute, wait a minute. I'm the butler. You were listening in on that? You rich people. You think you can do whatever you want to the servant class!
Michael Scott: No, no, no. Don't turn this into a political thing.
Dwight Schrute: I will poison your food.
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Dwight Schrute: I know she didn't do it. It's never the person you most suspect. It's also never the person you least suspect, since anyone with half a brain would suspect them the most. Therefore I know the killer to be Phyllis, AKA Beatrix Bourbon, the person I most medium suspect.
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[Andy, Michael, and Dwight are pointing imaginary guns at each other]
Andy: I didn't do it!
Dwight Schrute: Okay, everybody just calm down.
Andy: I am calm.
Michael Scott: On the count of three we're all going to put down our guns.
Dwight Schrute: I have crossbows.
Michael Scott: We'll put down our weaponry on the count of three, you ready?
Dwight Schrute: Okay, I'm ready.
Michael Scott: One, two, three.. [all scream]
[cut to talking head]
Jim Halpert: Andy revealed himself to be a double agent. At which point Dwight felt comfortable revealing that he also was double agent. And then Michael announced to everybody that - get this- he was a double agent. Oh, and it is 6:00.
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Jim Halpert: Once a year Dwight holds a seminar updating us on the newest developments in the world of karate... because as we all know, the one thing thousand year martial arts do all the time is change.
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Jim Halpert: I think today was a good day to have two managers. 'Cause if you're a family stuck on a lifeboat in the middle of the ocean, one parent might want to just keep rowing. But if the other parent wants to play a game, it's not because they're crazy. It's because they're doing it for the kids. And I get that now.
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[Michael, Dwight, Andy and now Pam are in the circle and training their 'weapons' on each other, Jim walks in]
Jim Halpert: Really?
Pam Beesly: [accent] It wasn't me. I'm not goin' down for this!
Jim Halpert: Yeah, I want to go home.
Pam Beesly: Get the keys out of my purse, start the car. [Jim and Pam slowly back out of the office, Pam has her weapon trained on everyone and then they run out]
[after a while, Micheal, Dwight and Andy start shooting then everyone dies]
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Pam Beasley: Bill Bourbon was my uncle. I would have never hurt him any more than I'd hurt a June bug.
Meredith: Nice Accent. You sound like Forrest Gump.
Pam Beasley: I do not.
Andy: Well, you do actually. You've got this kinda like Florida Panhandle thing going, whereas what you really want is more of a Savannah accent, which is more like molasses just sorta spillin' out of your mouth.
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Michael Scott: [comes into Jim's office using accent] Deb, what in the world - do you have the vapors?
Jim Halpert: Michael, not now.
Michael Scott: Can't wait, we have to get you to our witch doctor right now. Come on. Come on.
Pam Beasley: I should just go. [accent] Where to now Caleb?
Michael Scott: To Mama Juju Boo Boo.
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Pam Beesly: What's the news?
Jim Halpert: Nothing yet.
Pam Beesly: Well I guess that's not-
Jim Halpert: Well there is some bad news... [accent] There has been another murder.
Michael Scott: Another murder, you say? I do declare.
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Jim Halpert: Andy revealed himself to be a double agent. At which point Dwight felt comfortable revealing that he also was double agent. And then Michael announced to everybody that - get this- he was a double agent. Oh, and it is 6:00.
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Angela: I don't like my character.
Pam Beasley: Who are you?
Angela: Voodoo Mama Juju, the witch doctor of the Savannah swamps. I'm not comfortable with this. [holds up a fake head]
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Michael Scott: [looks at Oscar, who is using his phone, and grabs it from him] Well, well, well. What is this contraption, I do declare?
Oscar: It's my blackberry Michael, I am trying to get updates on the company.
Michael Scott: Who's Michael? I'm Caleb Crawdad, I do declare.
Ryan: You don't have to keep saying "I do declare". Any time you say something it means you are declaring.
Michael Scott: That is the way Southern people talk.
Jim Halpert: And what Designing Woman are you basing that on?
Michael Scott: Delta Burke, I do declare. Now, shall we get to the mystery?
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Dwight Shrute: Someone attack me. Kevin, go!
Kevin Malone: No way. Last time you pulled my pants down and then you tried to choke me with my shoelace.
Dwight Schrute: False, I did choke you with your shoelace!
5 Comments in the Conference Room
Quotes from  Michael Scott  Dwight Schrute  Creed Bratton  Pam  Random Quotes from All Seasons