Angela Quotes From The Office

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Jan: You should see our bathroom after Michael takes a bath. Whoo! But I don't have to tell you, Pam.
Pam Beesly: Oh. Yeah. W- what?
Jan: Oh don't tell me that he's really changed since you guys have dated.
Pam Beesly: Oh are- are you joking?
Jan: Michael told me a little bit about it but I see the way you look at him.
Pam Beesly: I have never, ever dated, or wanted to do anything resembling dating Michael, ever. Not ever, not now, not then, not now, not ever, ever.
Angela: I've noticed how you look at him at the office.
Jan: Um-hmm.
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Angela: In the Martin family we like to say, 'looks like someone took the slow train from Philly.' That's code for check out the slut.
[swats at flies]
Angela: Why are there flies in here?
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Dwight Schrute: You like candy?
Angela: It's alright.
Dwight Schrute: 'Cause you're sweeter than candy.
Angela: What's wrong with you?
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[Michael is making farting noises]
Toby: Come on Michael. You're interrupting.
Michael Scott: You're kidding me! God! You say radon is silent but deadly and then you expect me not to make farting noises with my mouth? What is this! You know what we're not going to die of radon we're going to die of boredom.
[office laughs]
Michael Scott: Right? And if I had a gun, with two bullets, and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice.
[disapproval from everyone]
Dwight Shrute: You were being really funny, and then you went too far.
Michael Scott: I would kill Bin Laden and then Toby.
Dwight Shrute: No, it's still...
Michael Scott: OK geniuses how would you do it?
Creed: Curve the bullet, like in my favorite James McAvoy film, um, Wanted.
Oscar: All that does is help you shoot around things. When there's Bin Laden--
Ryan: Is there a curtain rod in the room.
Michael Scott: I donno.
Stanley: How 'bout make believe land has anyyything you want.
Jim Halpert: Stanley please. This is serious.
Angela: Is this the thing where they use an icicle so there's no evidence.
Michael Scott: Yes, we should stab Toby through the heart with an icicle.
Dwight Shrute: Come on, the whole two bullet thing is a red herring. Here's how you do it, you line them all up, you take one bullet shoot them all through the throat at the same time. [stands up] Watch this, Phyllis, you're Hitler, come up here. Toby, you're Toby. Andy, you're Bin Laden. Line up. Throats together.
Toby: I don't wanna do this.
Michael Scott: Toby just do it! God!
Dwight Shrute: [holding his fingers like a gun to Phyllis' throat] Ready? One bullet, and, boom! [shows bullet travelling through Toby and Andy's necks]
Michael Scott: [the office applauds] It works!
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Michael Scott: Tonight we are going to have an inventory luau. I want to bring back a little slice of paradise to the Dunder Mifflin warehouse inventory, so party-planning committee, get on it.
Angela: By the end of the day? That's impossible.
Michael Scott: The Jamaicans don't have a word for 'impossible.'
Jim Halpert: Yep, it's English, it's 'impossible.'
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Michael Scott: [laughing, taking over from Jim] That was good. Ok, alright. Well, we all know it's hard to be a boss, right? You know what? Look around you. These are your best friends. These are the people! Who will open their hearts, to you. They, all, have heart-ons for you. [Angela gives a sigh of disgust off camera] And that is a gift. So in terms of gifts, we should be giving each other gifts. Angela, yes, lend Oscar a cup of sugar.
Angela: What are you talking about! Michael!
Stanley: We just need to hear your plan for our raise.
Michael Scott: My plan... A man. Panama.
Andy: That's not how that goes.
Meredith: You're not saying anything. At least Jim was being direct--
Jim Halpert: Thank you, Meredith.
Meredith: When he was telling us his dumb-ass plan.
Oscar: We would just like to know what's happening. Are we getting a raise. Yes, or no.
Michael Scott: Alright let me get this clear. Does everybody want a raise?
Everyone: Yes!
Michael Scott: Alright everyone wants a raise so what we're going to do is go into here, and we will not come out until we do.
Oscar: Again that gives us no information.
Phyllis: [as Jim and Michael enter the conference room] This isn't a game you know it's our livelihoooood!
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Angela: I think its alright. I mean, Jesus drank wine.
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Jim Halpert: Dwight's room key... And Dwight's room. What can I say? Old habits die hard
[Jim enters Dwight's room, seeing a woman lying on the bed but not recognizing Angela]
Angela: Dwighty?
Jim Halpert: [runs out of room] Oh my God! Dwight got a hooker! God, I got to call... I gotta call somebody. I don't know who to call! ...Dwight got a hooker!
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