Dwight Schrute:	[looking around office to see if anyone notices the smoke] Does anyone smell anything smoky?
Angela:	Did you bring your jerky in again?
Dwight Schrute:	[clears throat]
Pam Beesly:	[points to smoke] Oh, my God! Uh, Oh my God!
Phyllis:	What--
Andy Bernard:	Whoa, fire!
Dwight Schrute:	Oh, fire! Oh my goodness! What's the procedure? What do we do, people?
Pam Beesly:	The phones are dead.
Dwight Schrute:	Oh, how did that happen?
Kevin:	It's out in the hall.
Dwight Schrute:	No, we don't know that. The smoke could be coming through an air duct.
Michael Scott:	Oh my God! Okay, it happening. Everybody stay calm.
Dwight Schrute:	What's the procedure, everyone? What's the procedure?
Michael Scott:	Stay [bleep] calm!
Dwight Schrute:	Wait, wait, wait.
Michael Scott:	Everyone, now [bleep] calm down!
Dwight Schrute:	No! No, Michael! No! Touch the handle. If it's hot, there could be a fire in the hallway.
Michael Scott:	What does warm mean?
Everyone:	[groaning] Oh my God.
Dwight Schrute:	Not a viable option.
Pam Beesly:	Try a different door.
Dwight Schrute:	Okay, what's next?
Michael Scott:	Don't run.
Dwight Schrute:	Oh! Here's a door. Check that one out. How's the handle?
Andy Bernard:	It-- it's warm.
Dwight Schrute:	Well, uh, another option. [everyone chattering at once]
Jim Halpert:	Back door.
Dwight Schrute:	Back to our options. Jeez! Ok! settle down everyone. No bunching!
Phyllis:	Oh! I forgot my purse.
Stanley:	Leave it woman!
Michael Scott:	Get out of the way! Go, go, go!
Dwight Schrute:	Things can be replaced, Phyllis! People, human lives, however, can...
Oscar:	Ah! My hand! That's hot!
Andy Bernard:	Aah! This one's hot too!
Michael Scott:	Okay, we're trapped. Everyone for himself.
Dwight Schrute:	Okay, let's go.
Everyone:	[shouting] Out of my way! Let's go. Get out of my way!
Dwight Schrute:	Calm, please.
Andy Bernard:	Get out of the way!
Dwight Schrute:	Have you ever seen a burn victim?
Andy Bernard:	Move it!
Dwight Schrute:	Okay! Procedure, procedure. Exit options. Where do we go folks? Wha-- Use a what to cover the mouth?
Angela:	[pulling cat out of filing drawer] It's okay. Shh shhh.
Dwight Schrute:	A what? A rag. A damp rag, perhaps. Let's remember those procedures. What are the options? Okay, that's the wrong way. We've already tried that. Remember your exit points. Exit points people.
Angela:	Oscar.
Dwight Schrute:	What's next?
Angela:	Oscar!
Oscar:	Stay alive! I'm getting help!
Angela:	Pull me up!
Oscar:	You're too heavy!
Angela:	I only weigh 82 pounds! Uh-- save Bandit! [throws cat into air duct and he falls out through the other side] Oh!
Dwight Schrute:	How about 911? Anyone? 911.
	[Michael throws a chair at the window, Kevin smashes a chair through the vending machine and begins to grab snacks, everyone is shouting.]
Pam Beesly:	What do we do?
Dwight Schrute:	Use the surge of fear and adrenaline to sharpen your decision-making.
Jim Halpert:	Okay, I am not dying here. Come on.
	[everyone is coughing from the smoke, Dwight lights some fire crackers and they start popping]
Angela:	What is that? What is that?
Andy Bernard:	The fire's shooting at us!
Phyllis:	What in the name of God is going on?!
	[Dwight pulls fire alarm]
Phyllis and Creed:	Ahhhh!!! [Oscar's leg crashes through the ceiling]
Andy Bernard:	Go, go, go, go, go!! [Andy and Jim ram the door with the copy machine]
Michael Scott:	[throws the projector out the window] Help!! Help!!
Stanley:	I'm about to die!
Dwight Schrute:	[blowing air horn] Attention everyone! Employees of Dunder Mifflin! This has been a test of our emergency preparedness. There is no fire. It was only a simulation.
Jim Halpert:	What?!
Dwight Schrute:	Fire not real. This was merely a training exercise. [Oscar drops down from the ceiling] So, what have we learned? [Stanley falls to the floor] Oh come on. It's not real Stanley. Don't have a heart attack.
Michael Scott:	No, no, no! You will not die! Stanley! Stanley! You will not die! Stanley! Stanley! Barack is president! You are black, Stanley! I'm gonna give him mouth to mouth.
Jim Halpert:	No, no, no! Don't give him mouth to mouth for this!
Michael Scott:	He's going to swallow is tongue.
Jim Halpert:	No. Michael. Michael.
Michael Scott:	Open your mouth. Come on. Don't swallow it.
Jim Halpert:	[everyone shouting at once] Michael! Michael!
Michael Scott:	Leave me al--
Andy Bernard:	You're choking him!
Michael Scott:	Saving him!

Dwight Schrute:	It's gonna be okay.
Angela:	How is it going to be okay Dwight? Everyone will know our business.
Dwight Schrute:	That's not the worst thing in the world. I'll just stand up in front of the office and reveal our true love. It's won't be that bad. Look at Kelly and Ryan.
Angela:	I hate those two people more than anything in the entire world.

Kelly:	[opening Angela's poster] Yikes.
Toby:	Well, it's for Angela, so...
Kelly:	That's like the creepiest thing that I've ever seen.
Michael Scott:	Angela, you're up.
Angela:	I'll take the poster. Some people like these.

Dwight Schrute	[about the Scranton Strangler standoff] Ugh, they shouldn't televise this. It only encourages copycats.
Angela	Just say "Copies". Why do you have to drag cats into this?

Michael Scott:	Oh, lunch party.
Angela:	It's supposed to say 'launch!'
Michael Scott:	Wow. Okay easy, Booster Seat. No one cares about this party anyway.

Kevin:	[to camera] It's six to six. It's a nail biter. [gets hit by the volleyball]
Angela:	Kevin! Now it's seven six or is that too much accounting for you.
Ralph:	Here's an accounting question for you. What does one fiance plus one lover equal? Answer: one whore.
Dwight Schrute:	Okay, knock it off Ralph.
Ralph:	What! She's sitting there, casting--
Dwight Schrute:	Ralph, please. [over top of Ralph] I am asking you nicely. [firmly] Leave it alone.

Michael Scott:	Right here, we have the wonder twins, Jim and Pam Halpert. They will be assisting you today.
Donna:	You look exactly alike!
Pam Halpert:	Oh, no! We're actually married, we're not brother and sister.
Donna:	I have a sense about these things.
Jim Halpert:	Alright!
Donna:	You have some ancestors in common... somewhere back!
Angela:	I knew it! You should see their baby.

Pam Beesly:	During the course of business, a copier goes through something called normal wear and tear.
	[cut to Creed depositing coins in the side of the machine]
Oscar:	I think it's seventy-five cents.
Creed:	That's a lot.
	[cut to a Cat gnawing on the power cord]
Angela:	Bandit, no! No, no, no.
	[cut to Kevin spilling a whole cup of coffee on the copier glass]
Kevin:	Ohh!

Angela:	[hearing Erin sneezing] Hey! Are you sick?
Erin:	Oh, no, I just have a little indigestion.
Angela:	In your nose.
Erin:	Yes.

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Angela Quotes From The Office

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