The Office Season 2 Quotes - Daughter to Work Day

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Michael: Yes. It is true. I, Michael Scott, am signing up with an online dating service. Thousands of people have done it, and I am going to do it. I need a username, and... I have a great one.
[types something]
Michael: 'Little Kid Lover'. That way people will know exactly where my priorities are at.
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Stanley: [Screaming at Ryan] That little girl is a child! I don't want see you sniffing around her anymore this afternoon, do you understand? Boy, have you lost your mind, cause I'll help you find it, whatcha looking for, ain't nobody gonna help you out there, Jesus could come through that door, he's not going to help you, if you don't stop sniffing after my child!
[cut to Ryan]
Ryan: Stanley yelled at me today. That was one of the most freighting experiences of my life.
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Michael Scott: I'm like Superman and the people who work here are like the citizens of Gotham City.
Jim and Dwight: That's Batman.
Michael Scott: Okay, fine, I'll be Aquaman. Where does he live?
Jim Halpert: The ocean.
Michael Scott: I work with a bunch of nerds!
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Pam: I am actually looking forward to Take Your Daughter to Work day. I am not great with kids, but I want to get better. Because I'm getting married. So I put out a bunch of extra candy on my desk so the kids will come talk to me. Like the witch in Hansel and Gretel.
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Michael Scott: This is Creed, and he is in charge of... something... right?
Creed: That is correct.
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Michael Scott: I don't get why parents are always complaining about how tough it is to raise kids. I joke around with 'em, you give 'em pizza, you give 'em candy. You let 'em live their lives. They're adults for God sake.
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Dwight Schrute: The Schrutes consider children very valuable. In the olden days, the women would bear many children. So we would have enough laborers to work the fields. And if it was an especially cold winter, and there weren't enough grains for vegetables. They would get the weakest of the brood. [laughs] No, they didn't eat the children... It never came to that.
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Jim: Ow ow ow ow. You broke my hand.
Dwight: There is no way that hurt.
Jim: Really? Because she's pretty strong Dwight.
Dwight: Little girl, come over here. Shake my hand. Come on I don't have all day... I don't feel anything. Nothing. [to Jim] You are so weak.
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Ryan: Kelly and I both agreed that we would both have fun, and I'm learning that fun for Kelly is getting married and having babies. Immediately. With me.
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Dwight Schrute: Hmm. Hello tiny one.
Toby: Come on.
Dwight Schrute: You are the future!
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Michael: The kids don't wanna hear some weirdo book that your Nazi war criminal grandma read to you--
Little girl: What's a Nazi?
Michael: 'What's a Nazi?'?
Dwight: Nazi was a fascist movement from the 1930's--
Michael: No no no! Don't talk about Nazis infront of-- You know what? They're gonna have nightmares so why don't you just shut it?
Dwight: I was gonna teach the children how to make cornhusk dolls.
Michael: [sighs] Why don't you just leave? Okay?
Dwight: Okay.
Meredith's child: Bye Mr. Poop.
Michael: Alright. There goes Mr. Poop. Now, who likes Dane Cook?
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Michael Scott: Listen, I like kids. But this is not a kid's environment, this is like HBO. No limits. Who knows what I'm going to say? Crazy stuff. And it is R-rated. It is not rated G. I am like Eddie Murphy in Raw, and they are trying to make me into Eddie Murphy in Daddy Day Care. Both great movies, but still.
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Michael Scott: Children cannot lie, they are innocent and they speak the truth. Out of the mouth of babes, Micheal Scott is freakin' cool.
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Michael: You need someone in the middle to facilitate--
Meredith's son: You're just a middleman.
Michael: I'm not just a middleman.
Stanley's daughter: Wait, why doesn't the manufacturer just sell the paper directly to people?
Michael: You are describing Office Depot. And they are kind of running us out of business.
Dwight: [from his desk] We have better service than they do!
[long pause]
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Michael Scott: No one wants to see the four-toed Creed!
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Michael Scott: You know what? Don't mind me saying so, she has turned into a stone cold fox. Better keep the frat boys away from her.
Melissa: I'm in eighth grade.
Michael Scott: Ohh.
Stanley: She's in middle school.
Michael Scott: Yeah. Middle school's amazing. It is extraordinary. An extraordinary time.

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Kevin: Abby's my fiancee, Stacy's daughter. I think she'll have a good time. I just hope she doesn't look on my computer. ...Actually, I'd better go check.
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Michael Scott: I am going to give you a little blast from the past of Michael Gary Scott when he was a child star, and a show that you might remember called 'Fundle Bundle.' Okay? Without further ado, Ryan?
Miss Trudy: [from TV] ...Bundle, are you ready to come on in? [TV children cheer] Let's have some fun!
Michael Scott: That... is Miss Trudy. Can't tell from the costume, but she had an amazing body. Okay, you can... fast forward. And... I want you... to...
Dwight Schrute: Is that a real fun shooting windmill?
Michael Scott: Stop! Stop! Stop! [Ryan resumes the tape] Yes! That is, uh, Edward R. Meow.
Jim Halpert: That's pretty funny.
Michael Scott: Yeah.
Edward R. Meow: ...Recess! Hey, what's your name?
Chet: My name's Chet.
Edward R. Meow: Well hi Chet.
Oscar: Is that Chet Montgomery?
Michael Scott: Uhh, I don't know.
Pam Beesly: That is!
Darryl: Checkin' in with Chet. Doppler's up.
Edward R. Meow: What do you want to be when you grow up?
Chet: I want to be on TV!
Dwight Schrute: [employees chuckle] And he is on TV now!
Michael Scott: Can everyone please shut up, please! So you don't miss it.
Edward R. Meow: Okay, next? So, what's your name?
Michael Scott: Oh! That's me. Shh. Shh.
Edward R. Meow: Well what's your favorite subject at school?
Young Michael Scott: Recess.
Edward R. Meow: Ree-cesss. So tell me, what do you want to be when you grow up?
Young Michael Scott: I want to be married and have a hundred kids so I can have a hundred friends, and no one can say no to being my friend.
Edward R. Meow: [jaw drops, awkward pause] Uh, ah... oh, okay! Well uh, nice talking with you, Michael. Uh, back to you Miss Trudy!
Miss Trudy: Hi everyone, it's one of my favorite times of the day.
Michael Scott: Coulda sworn there was...
Melissa: Did you get married?
Michael Scott: ...uh, no.
Abby: Why not?
Michael Scott: Uh, just never happened.
Sasha: So, do you have any kids?
Michael Scott: Uh, nope.
Jake: Do you have a girlfriend?
Michael Scott: I do okay.
Melissa: Was Chet Montgomery cool back then?
Michael Scott: Yes.
Jake: Even I have a girlfriend.
Michael Scott: Okay! Alright, okay.
Sasha: So you didn't get to be what you wanted to be.
Michael Scott: ...I guess not... you know, I have a load of work to do so I am going to grab a slice of this delish pizza... and I'm going to go do my work. Bye.
4 Comments in the Conference Room
Quotes from  Michael Scott  Dwight Schrute  Creed Bratton  Pam  Random Quotes from All Seasons