The Office Season 2 Quotes - Sexual Harassment

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  • Conference Room (12 Comments)
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Jim Halpert: Does that include 'that's what she said'?
Michael Scott: Mmhh, yes.
Jim Halpert: Wow that is really hard. You really think you can go all day long? Well, you always left me satisfied and smiling.
Michael Scott: Mmmm... THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!
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Michael Scott: Toby is in HR, which technically means he works for corporate, so he's really not a part of our family. Also, he's divorced, so he's really not a part of his family.
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Michael Scott: Families grow, and at some point the daddy can't take a bath with the kids anymore. I'm upper management, and it'd be inappropriate for me to take a bath with Pam- as much as I might want to.
Pam Beesly: He said what!?
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Michael Scott: When I said before that I was king of forwards, you gotta understand that I don't come up with this stuff. I just forward it along. You wouldn't arrest a guy who's just delivering drugs from one guy to another.
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Todd Packer: What has two thumbs and likes to bone your mom? [points thumbs to himself] This guy!
[later]
Jim Halpert: What has two thumbs and hates Todd Packer? [points thumbs to himself] This guy!
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Michael Scott: Stanley, how about that hot picture you have by your desk? Centerfold in the Catholic schoolgirls' outfit? I mean it is hot, it is sexy and it turns him on and I will admit- best part of my morning is staring at it. But what are we just going to take it away?
Stanley: That is my daughter, she goes to Catholic girls school. I'm taking it down right now.
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Michael Scott: We're like Friends. I am Chandler, and Joey, and uh, Pam is Rachel, and Dwight is... Kramer.
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Michael Scott: A guy goes to a $5 lady of the night, and he gets crabs. So the next day he goes back to complain and the woman says, 'Hey, it was only $5, what did you expect... lobster?'
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Toby: Technically, I am in Human Resouces, and Dwight was asking about human anotomy... I'm just sad the public school system failed him so badly.
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Michael Scott: Man, that Todd Packer can do anything.
Jim Halpert: [under his breath] ...except pass that breathalyzer.
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[license plate says 'WLHUNG']
Ryan Howard: Are you a big William Hung fan?
Todd Packer: Why does everybody ask me that? Who the hell is that!?
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Michael Scott: I'm not afraid of corporate. But you know what I am afraid of? Gettin' a boner.
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Michael Scott: Todd Packer and I are total B.F.F.: Best Friends Forever. He and I came up together as salesmen. One time we were out and we met this set of twins and Packer told them that we were brothers. And so, you know, one thing led to another; we brought them back to the hotel and then Packer did both of them. It was awesome!
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Toby: Can I talk to you in your office? It'll just take two seconds.
Michael Scott: Literally two seconds?
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Michael Scott: For example, I have never slept with an employee, and believe me I could have.
Dwight Schrute: Heh yeah, Meridith.
Michael Scott: No, no, Katherine, remember her? Remember how hot she was? She would have definitely slept with me.
Kevin: She wasn't that hot.
Michael Scott: Yes she was. Damn it Kevin! Come on.
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Todd Packer: Where's Michael Snot? Sniffing some dude's thong? Probably.
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Toby: In fact as a basic rule of thumb, let's just act like everyday Pam's mom is coming over.
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Todd Packer: So a guy goes home and tells his wife, 'Honey, pack your bags! I just won the lottery!' She goes, 'Oh my God. That's incredible! Where we going?' He says, 'I don't know where you're going, just be outta here by 5!'
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Michael Scott: I am king of forwards. It's how I like to do business, everybody joking around.
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Michael Scott: There is no such thing as an appropriate joke. That's why it's a joke.
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Michael Scott: I am so used to being the bad boy. I am so used to fighting Corporate that I forget that I am Corporate. Upper management.
12 Comments in the Conference Room
Quotes from  Michael Scott  Dwight Schrute  Creed Bratton  Pam  Random Quotes from All Seasons