The Office Season 8 Quotes - Tallahassee

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Erin: Famous, hi. I'm sure you get ideas for new cookies all the time, but I-
Wally Amos: Is it oatmeal with no raisins?
Erin: I'm sorry to have wasted your time.
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Packer: Quick query, Halpert.
Jim Halpert: No way.
Packer: Still queer?
Dwight Schrute: Packer.
Packer: You can't put me down. Too strong!
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Erin: Let's see, what else have you missed? Ryan switched his name tag to his pants, so now it's like if you wear yours on your shirt, you're a total dip, but if you switch, you're a copycat. But I think I figured out a solution…[has name tags both on her shirt and pants]
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Packer: Yeah, Dwight and Jim tried to get me fired, but I landed on my feet down here in Florida. You see, this cat's got nine lives, and a nine-inch-
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Nellie: Jim, help me lower this screen. You're a big, tall man. You'd be hilarious trying to do it, like a little boy. Just let go of his balloon.
Dwight Schrute: I'll do it! I always say, "You want something done right? Ask Dwight." Right? Dwight. Right? Dwight. Right Dwight, right Dwight. Sorry, now you'll never be able to get that out of your head. [reaches and whimpers]
Packer: I can do it.
Dwight Schrute: [screams, pulls down screen] There we go.
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Dwight Schrute: Yes, a complete inability to pass gas, pervert. Ugh, yeah, it's tender. It can't be appendicitis, I eat more than enough bacon. Okay, what poison mimics the symptoms of appendicitis? Oh, you don't know? Hold on. [to Jim] What kind of poison did you use?
Jim Halpert: Dwight, I didn't poison you. I was kidding.
Dwight Schrute: Yeah, I'm gonna need an ambulance. Hold on, I have the address in my phone. [sees chart on screen] Hold on. Hold on one second. Quick question. Vice president, who is that? There's no name listed.
Nellie: Is there not? Maybe I'm just waiting for someone to wow me.
Emergency Operator: Sir? Sir, where should we send the ambulance?
Dwight Schrute: Send it to the frickin' moon, idiot.
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Paramedic: [to Dwight] You need an operation. You have appendicitis.
Ryan: Oh! Who called it? Nothin' but net.
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Dwight Schrute: [to phone] Phillip, if you're hearing this memo, that can only mean one thing, I'm dead. You are the rightful heir to Schrute Farms. Please, you must do one thing. Kill Mose before he kills you. [presses button] Mose, hey, it's Dwight. Listen, yeah, I just want to give you a heads-up.
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Kevin: Look at these little mini pizzas. Does this make me look huge? Hey guys, look at me, I'm huge.
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Andy: I'm acting like I like reception and I'm a really good actor, so people are actually buying that I actually like reception, but, I mean, seriously, reception sucks. [phone rings] Oh, there's the phone!
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Andy: Mail call! [sings] His name is Oscar, and he got some mail, and he better open it, or go to jail 'cause it's your taxes. His name is Kevin, and no mail for him, but he got a coupon, for some frozen... yogurt.
Kevin: Are those the lyrics?
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Dwight Schrute: Anderson's three pillars of retail. Crucial. So important. Next. Are there any questions?
Nellie: What are the three pillars of retail?
Erin: [whispers] Convenience.
Dwight Schrute: Ingredients.
Erin: Service.
Dwight Schrute: Burgers.
Erin: Building loyalty.
Dwight Schrute: Killing royalty. The truth be told, we should really disregard Anderson's three pillars. He was later diagnosed with dementia. You know what is important? Is Dwight's pillars, and there is only one: desire. Do we have a desire to dominate the retail space? Not just succeed in it, but to dominate, and looking around this room I'm not so sure that we do, but we can get there, and I can lead us there, and that is all that matters.
Nellie: Very true. Where there's a will, there's a way. I once spent a passionate night with Hugh Grant's brother, John Grant. He's older than Hugh, just a little bit uglier. How did I pull that off? Sheer force of will. That is very good, Dwight.
Dwight Schrute: Thank you very much. Any other questions? Jim?
Jim Halpert: You are bleeding through your shirt.
Dwight Schrute: Oops. That's embarrassing. Egg on my face.
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[Andy is working reception]
Pam Beesly: Hey, having fun?
Andy: Yes I am, as a matter of fact.
Pam Beesly: Well I know how it is. I know it's a lot of fun. I don't know how it is. Andy, this is a lame job. What are you doing here?
Andy: I found my calling.
Darryl: Andy, when I was twelve years old, we did a field trip, a lock-in at the zoo. I met this girl, I thought she was so perfect. I was in love with her. But when the sun came up, I knew it wasn't real, 'cause she was ugly and I had grown tired of her. I know you want reception today, but tomorrow you won't want to do her. She's a dog.
Pam Beesly: Guys, I don't like this analogy.
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Dwight Schrute: I had two goals today. The first was to make myself the clear candidate for vice president. I achieved that, no thanks to my appendix. The second was to find a memorable souvenir for Philip. For that, I do have to thank my appendix.
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Andy: [answers the reception phone] Dunder Mifflin, how can I help you save money on paper? This is Andrew.
Donna Muraski: Hi Andrew. What happened to Erin?
Andy: Oh, she's on an assignment in Florida for a couple of weeks.
Donna Muraski: Oh, good for her. She's such a sweetheart. You tell her Donna Muraski misses her.
Andy: I miss her too.
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Nellie: Everyone, we have a very special guest. He turned an idea into a store, into hundreds of stores. I give you Wally Amos, founder of Famous Amos Cookies.
Wally Amos: Aloha, aloha, aloha. So I hear you're all looking to bake up some dough in the sales game. Well, back when I was regular Amos-
Stanley: What's under the cloth?
Wally Amos: We'll get to that.
Packer: Cookies. Bet you anything it’s cookies.
Wally Amos: It's cookies. Let me- let me finish my speech first.
Nellie: Ah, we get the gist. It's just success and effort, isn't it? So just, don't be coy, make with the cookies!
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Quotes from  Michael Scott  Dwight Schrute  Creed Bratton  Pam  Random Quotes from All Seasons