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The Office Season 4 - Survivor Man
Dinkin flicka. To vote, login or join the TheOfficeQuotes.com community!
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| Dwight Schrute: | I would make sure you were dead. Then I would remove your teeth, cut off your fingertips so you could not be identified. And they would call me the Overkill Killer. |
| Michael Scott: | You are-- You are as creepy as a real serial killer. For real. |
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| Dwight Schrute: | I keep various weaponry strategically placed around the office. I saved Jim's life with a can of pepper spray I had velcrowed under my desk. People say, oh it's dangerous to keep weapons in the home, or the workplace. Well I say, it's better to be hurt by someone you know, accidentally, than by a stranger, on purpose. |
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| Jim Halpert: | Oh I can't go today because... I'm giving blood. |
| Michael Scott: | How often can you actually donate blood? |
| Jim Halpert: | Is there, a limit? |
| Michael Scott: | Your body only has a certain amount. |
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| Michael Scott: | Just wait. 10 years, you'll figure it out. |
| Jim Halpert: | Well, I don't think I'll be here in 10 years, but... |
| Michael Scott: | That's what I said. [pause] That's what she said. |
| Jim Halpert: | That's what who said? |
| Michael Scott: | I never know. I just say it. I say stuff like that, you know, to lighten the tension, when things sort of get hard-- |
| Jim Halpert: | That's what she said. |
| Michael Scott: | Hey! Nice! Really good. [pause] Bravo. My young 'ward. |
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| Creed: | I hate Devil's Food. |
| Jim Halpert: | Well I think Meredith-- |
| Creed: | Screw Meredith! I don't think it's fair to let someone else pick the cake on my birthday. |
| Jim Halpert: | Everybody's birthday. |
| Creed: | Today is actually my birthday and I wanna pick the cake. |
| Jim Halpert: | What do you want? |
| Creed: | Pie. Peach pie. |
| Jim Halpert: | You want a birthday pie? |
| Creed: | I want a nice cobbler. |
| Jim Halpert: | Well I'll talk to Angela and we're gonna see what we can do about a pie. |
| Creed: | I don't care who you talk to just make it happen. |
| Jim Halpert: | It'll be Angela. |
| Creed: | Tell her it's for Creed. She'll know what that means. |
Dinkin flicka. To vote, login or join the TheOfficeQuotes.com community!
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| Jim Halpert: | When Michael plays the hypothetical game, I always say yes. And I am always busy. |
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| Jim Halpert: | Yep. Phyllis called me Michael. And I will always and forever be haunted by that fact. |
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| Michael Scott: | Look at those wrinkles! Blacks do crack! [to camera] Not crack the drug. |
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| Michael Scott: | It's hot! Today. The sun is in the two-thirds Easterly quadrant which would make it about... [looks at watch] 2 o'clock in the afternoon. Really beating down on me now. I think, that I want to get a little more comfortable, because the sun is depleting my resources. [starts cutting dress pants into shorts] Oh there we go. Watch that I don't hit my corroded artery. |
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| Michael Scott: | I can literally say anything I want. No one is going to hear me. WISH I COULD'VE GONE WITH RYAN ON THAT COOL RETREAT! JAN HAS PLASTIC BOOOBS! I HAVE HEMORROIDES! |
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| Michael Scott: | Well it is a little chillier than I had thought. So I have fashioned my hat back into my pants. |
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| Michael Scott: | When I return, I hope to be a completely changed human being. |
| Jim Halpert: | That'd be great. |
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| Dwight Schrute: | Do I believe that Michael possesses the skills to survive a hostile environment? Let's put it this way: No. I do not. |
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| Stanley: | I took an extra shot of insulin in preparation for this cake today. If I don't have some cake soon I might die. |
| Oscar: | Why don't you just have an apple? |
| Stanley: | Why don't you mind your business. |
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| [aiming a rifle at Michael] | |
| Dwight Schrute: | Nothing to worry about, just using the scope. Safety is... [clicks safety] on! |
Dinkin flicka. To vote, login or join the TheOfficeQuotes.com community!
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| Toby: | Ryan invited me to go on his wilderness adventure retreat. It was this amazing, beautiful, it-- |
| [Michael bangs on conference room window] | |
| Michael Scott: | Hey! Nobody cares. Nobody cares... I need that room, at some point so, just... wrap it up! |
| Toby: | Michael wasn't invited. |
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| Pam Beesly: | Do you want me to ask where you're going? |
| Michael Scott: | No. |
| Pam Beesly: | Great. |
| Michael Scott: | Dwight will be driving me deep into the Pennsylvania wilderness, where he will then leave me. To either die, or to survive. The choice is yours. |
| Jim Halpert: | ...No. The choice is actually yours. |
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| Michael Scott: | I have brought with me only the bare essentials. A knife. A roll of duct tape. In case I need to fashion a shelter, or make some sort of water vessel. |
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| Jim Halpert: | Hey everybody. Hi, how you doin'. Could I have your attention please 'cause we have to talk about this birthday thing. |
| Pam Beesly: | Conference room? |
| Jim Halpert: | Yes. Conference room. Five minutes. Nnnnno. No. We're gonna solve it right here. We're actually gonna talk about it, out here. So who has problems with the birthday thing? One two three, everybody. Ok so then we just shouldn't do it. |
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| Dwight Schrute: | I lied to Michael. I said that I would leave him alone but I will not. I will remain close by to provide unseen moral support. But I will never help him. I will let harm befall him. I will even, let him die. But I will never let him lose his dignity. |
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| Jim Halpert: | Hey guys. What're we talking about? |
| Creed: | Nothing! Nothin' goin' on. We're talkin' about nothing. Come on gang. |
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| Jim Halpert: | Toby's great. He's great. But sometimes he can be a little bit much. [imitating Toby] 'I don't see the harm in that.' Well it's a cake, Toby, so. [scoffs] Come on. |
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| Angela: | What am I supposed to do with two cakes and a pie? |
| Kevin: | Ooh I'll take 'em! |
| Creed: | Well nobody's touching my cobbler. |
| Phyllis: | Hey Michael-- I mean Jim. |
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| Michael Scott: | I want to go and find out something about myself. I want to get out of here. All the cliques and the... office politics. Fluorescent lighting. Asbestos. |
| Jim Halpert: | I thought we had that looked at. |
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| Michael Scott: | Man became civilized for a reason. He decided that he liked to have warmth, and clothing and television. And hamburgers. And to walk upright. And to have a soft futon at the end of the day. He didn't want to have to struggle to survive. I don't need the woods. I have a nice, wood desk. I don't need fresh air. Because I have the freshest air around. A/C. And I don't need wide open spaces. Check it out. [turns monitor] I can also make it the sky. |
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| Angela: | It's birthday month. Creed's is today, Oscar's is week after next, Meredith's is at the end of the month. Michael usually goes with red and white streamers-- |
| Jim Halpert: | You know what, I have an idea. Why don't we do one big shared party? |
| Angela: | What? |
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| Pam Beesly: | Wow. You're shakin' things up a bit, huh? |
| Jim Halpert: | It's a pretty good idea don't you think? |
| Pam Beesly: | Do you think it's a good idea? |
| Jim Halpert: | No... I think it's a great idea. |
| Pam Beesly: | Hmph. |
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| Kevin: | I work hard all day. I like knowing, that there's going to be a break. Most days I just sit and wait for the break. |
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| Toby: | My birthday was two months ago. |
| Jim Halpert: | Oh. Ok. |
| Toby: | There was no party. |
| Jim Halpert: | What? |
| Toby: | Well.. there was, but Michael scheduled it for 4:58 on a Friday. You know, and people sung in the parking lot. |
| Jim Halpert: | Mmm. I remember that. |
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