I keep various weaponry strategically placed around the office. I saved Jim's life with a can of pepper spray I had velcrowed under my desk. People say, oh it's dangerous to keep weapons in the home, or the workplace. Well I say, it's better to be hurt by someone you know, accidentally, than by a stranger, on purpose.
It's hot! Today. The sun is in the two-thirds Easterly quadrant which would make it about... [looks at watch] 2 o'clock in the afternoon. Really beating down on me now. I think, that I want to get a little more comfortable, because the sun is depleting my resources. [starts cutting dress pants into shorts] Oh there we go. Watch that I don't hit my corroded artery.
Man became civilized for a reason. He decided that he liked to have warmth, and clothing and television. And hamburgers. And to walk upright. And to have a soft futon at the end of the day. He didn't want to have to struggle to survive. I don't need the woods. I have a nice, wood desk. I don't need fresh air. Because I have the freshest air around. A/C. And I don't need wide open spaces. Check it out. [turns monitor] I can also make it the sky.
I lied to Michael. I said that I would leave him alone but I will not. I will remain close by to provide unseen moral support. But I will never help him. I will let harm befall him. I will even, let him die. But I will never let him lose his dignity.
Hey everybody. Hi, how you doin'. Could I have your attention please 'cause we have to talk about this birthday thing.
Yes. Conference room. Five minutes. Nnnnno. No. We're gonna solve it right here. We're actually gonna talk about it, out here. So who has problems with the birthday thing? One two three, everybody. Ok so then we just shouldn't do it.
The Office Quotes is a fan site dedicated to NBC's The Office. It includes the best quotes from The Office, voted on by fans. Registered users can share favorite quotes and more through their own fan profile.
Please link back to TheOfficeQuotes.com when using content from this site!