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The Office Quotes (NBC) | Season 5 - Two Weeks

The Office Season 5 Quotes - Two Weeks

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  • Conference Room (9 Comments)
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25
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[hearing monster sounds coming out of Michael's office from his computer]
Jim Halpert: It's MonsteR dot com. Singular.
Michael Scott: Thank you!
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24
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Pam Beesly: Do you have any leads on a job?
Michael Scott: Pam what you don't understand is at my level, you don't just look in the want ads for a job, you are headhunted!
Jim Halpert: Have you called any headhunters?
Michael Scott: Any good headhunter knows that I am available.
Dwight Schrute: Any really good headhunter will storm your village at sunset with overwhelming force and cut off your head with a ceremonial knife.
Jim Halpert: Right, because that's what we're talking about.
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20
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Toby: Michael's like a movie on a plane. You know it's not great but it's something to watch. And then when it's over, you're like, how much time is left on this flight. You know, now what?
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19
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Michael Scott: Scotch and Splenda: Tastes like Splenda, gets you drunk like scotch!
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13
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Jim Halpert: About a week ago, Michael gave his two weeks notice. And... surprisingly, there is a very big difference between Michael trying, and Michael not trying.
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13
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Michael Scott: You know what? I had a great time at prom. And no one said yes to that either.
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12
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Pam Beesly: He finally has a story we really wanna hear. And he knows it.
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12
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Michael Scott: I'm going to start my own paper company.
Jim Halpert: You're starting your own paper company!
Michael Scott: Yeah!
Jim Halpert: Why?
Michael Scott: Can you believe it? 'Cause I know paper. I know everything there is to know about paper.
Jim Halpert: Do you know that the industry is in decline?
Michael Scott: Yeah! Oh God I practically invented decline, right?
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12
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Dwight Schrute: You want me to translate the German instructions for you?
Pam Beesly: No I'm sure they're pretty much the same as the English instructions.
Dwight Schrute: Pssh. Typical American arrogance that got us involved in war we never should have been in. World War Two.
Pam Beesly: Well, fine. Do the German instructions say what this is supposed to do?
Dwight Schrute: [looking through manual] Deutsch. Let me see here... it is either an insense dispenser... or a, ceremonial sarcophagus.
Pam Beesly: Humph.
[cut to talking head]
Dwight Schrute: My German is pre-Industrial and mostly religious.
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10
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Michael Scott: I looked at Wallace and I said, "I quit." And as I turned to leave, I looked back and I said, "you have no idea how high I can fly."
Stanley: You didn't tell him how sick of him you were?
Michael Scott: Why would I do that?
Angela: Well wouldn't it feel good to tell him he's incompetant or...
Kevin: That he's wasted fifteen years of your life.
Meredith: Maybe spit in his face.
Michael Scott: You guys have thought about this a lot more than I have. I just.. winged it.
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Kevin: Pam, when will the new copier be ready?
Pam Beesly: I'm working on it Kev.
Kevin: You said it would be ready by today. And it is today.
Pam Beesly: It'll be ready soon.
Kevin: Soon could mean anything. Soon could be three weeks.
Pam Beesly: Is that what soon means to you?
Kevin: Sometimes...
Pam Beesly: Then come back soon.
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10
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Pam Beesly: During the course of business, a copier goes through something called normal wear and tear.
[cut to Creed depositing coins in the side of the machine]
Oscar: I think it's seventy-five cents.
Creed: That's a lot.
[cut to a Cat gnawing on the power cord]
Angela: Bandit, no! No, no, no.
[cut to Kevin spilling a whole cup of coffee on the copier glass]
Kevin: Ohh!
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9
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Oscar: You put a note in my food?
Michael Scott: I made it sterile.
Oscar: Just saying sterile doesn't make it so.
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8
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Michael Scott: What am I gonna do? I'll tell ya, what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna do a little bit of this, a little bit of that. I'm gonnaaa... stay up all day. I'm gonna sleep up all night. I'm gonna give it a hooo! Heyyy! Hooo! And I'm gonna stop worrying about calories.
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8
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Oscar: And just like that, as mysteriously as he arrived, he was gone.
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7
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Oscar: I love a good quitting story. It makes me feel like I have control over my own life. Gives me hope! Maybe I'll have one of my own someday. But I dream... so...
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7
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Kelly: [about Angela] She's such a, special person. She's turning fifty this year!
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7
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Michael Scott: Stanley!
Stanley: Can't you see I'm urinating?
Michael Scott: Listen, listen, Stanley. You don't need to answer me now.
Stanley: No.
Michael Scott: Just-- I want you to think about it. I am starting my own company--
Stanley: No.
Michael Scott: --you're not letting me finish and you just lost out on a million dollars.
Stanley: No I didn't.
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6
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Andy: The whole office feels darker, you know? It's just a sad dark day.
Phyllis: Andy, he's gone.
Andy: I know.
Phyllis: You don't have to kiss his ass anymore.
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5
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Charles Miner: I need you to go over these client lists and indicate any wrong or false data.
Michael Scott: Your "I need you to" is my command.
Charles Miner: Ok.
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5
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Pam Beesly: I did it! I learned everything about this machine. I know all the buttons, even the inside ones. I know all the error messages. I could, do a bound book in plastic with offset colors. Which feels....
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5
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Michael Scott: I always thought Michael got a bad rap. He's a good guy and he's super funny. Yeah, maybe I should tell him before he goes. He's all the way over there...
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5
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Pam Beesly: I'm coming with you!
Michael Scott: You are?
Pam Beesly: Yeah.
Michael Scott: Ok. It's gonna be great!
Pam Beesly: Great. Uh except I don't wanna be a receptionist anymore.
Michael Scott: Right. Executive Assistant.
Pam Beesly: Salesman.
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4
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Michael Scott: You work in paper long enough, you get to know the players.
Speakerphone: (man) Hi, you've reached Prince Paper. We are sad to inform you that after forty years of serving the community, we are no longer in business. Thank you for your support and may God bless you.
Speakerphone: (child) Bye!
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3
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Charles Miner: I am aware of the effect I have on women.
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3
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Michael Scott: [big sigh] Well here we are. I would just like to--
Charles Miner: No, no no no. You're done, Michael.
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2
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Andy: Michael is starting his own paper company. What do you think about THAT. [backs out of the room]
Dwight Schrute: Your own paper company.
Michael Scott: Can you believe it? Well. We'll see. We'll see.
Dwight Schrute: Wow.
Michael Scott: It's just a-- it's a nugget of an idea right now. So.
Dwight Schrute: Right.
Michael Scott: Potential. Lots of potential. Yes.
Dwight Schrute: What a... courageous, venture...
Michael Scott: It's very courageous. Very exciting. Um.
Dwight Schrute: Location is hard for me, with the farm and the responsibilities-- it's so crucial--
Michael Scott: That's what I was thinking. With the farm, you getting to wherever I'm going to put my thing.
[short silence]
Dwight Schrute: Ok.
Michael Scott: So think about it. Let's put a pin in it for now.
Dwight Schrute: You know, I would love to put a pin in that.
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2
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[watching Michael in the parking lot through the window]
Andy: What is he doing... it looks like he's saying something.
Kevin: I think he's singing.
Oscar: I can't believe this is really happening.
9 Comments in the Conference Room
Quotes from  Michael Scott  Dwight Schrute  Creed Bratton  Pam  Random Quotes from All Seasons

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