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Michael Scott: You don't call retarded people retards. It's bad taste. You call your friends retards when they're acting retarded.
Creed: In the sixties, I made love to many, many women. Often outdoors. In the mud and the rain. And it's possible a man slipped in. There would be no way of knowing.
Michael Scott: Do some research. Find out if there's a way to tell just by looking at them.
Dwight Schrute: Jim told me you could by gaydar online.
Michael Scott: That's rediculous.
Dwight Schrute: Yeah probably. He didn't tell the truth a lot.
[moment of silence]
Michael Scott: Let's call him and get the website.
Michael Scott: Alright everybody in the conference room! I don't care if you are gay, or straight, or a lesbian, or overweight! Just get in here, right now!
Michael Scott: Did you know that gay used to mean 'happy?' When I was growing up, it meant 'lame.' And now, it means a man who makes love to other men. We're all homos. Homo sapiens.
Jim Halpert: I can't say whether Dunder Mifflin paper is less flammable, sir, but I can assure you that it is certainly not more flammable.
Andy: Good one. But uh, seriously. Guys, who did this? ... Seriously, guys. Who did this? ... I need to know who put my calculator in Jell-O or I'm gonna lose MY FREAKIN' MIND!
Karen: Jim's nice enough. I don't- I don't know how well he's fitting in here. He's always looking at the camera like this.
[imitates Jim's classic look] What is that?
Michael Scott: I watch The L Word, ok?
Jan: Good! Good.
Michael Scott: I watch Queer as
Jan: That's not what it's called.
Michael Scott: There could be others. I need to know. I don't want to offend anybody else.
Dwight Schrute: You could assume everyone is, and not say anything offensive.
Michael Scott: Yeah. I'm sure everyone would appreciate me treating them like they were gay.
Michael Scott: Maybe we could go out for a beer sometime, and you could tell me... how you do that to another dude.
Oscar: That sounds like a great, wonderful idea. Let's do that.
Michael Scott: Can you tell who's gay and who's not?
Dwight Schrute: Of course.
Michael Scott: What about Oscar?
Dwight Schrute: Absolutely not.
Michael Scott: Well, he is.
Dwight Schrute: Well, he's not dressed in women's clothes, so...
Andy: Big Tuna is a super ambitious guy, you know? Cut-your-throat-to-get-ahead type of guy. But, I mean, I'm not threatened by him. I went to Cornell. Ever heard of it? I graduated in four years, I never studied once, I was drunk the whole time, and I sang in the a capella group, 'Here Comes Treble'.
Michael Scott: Could Oscar and Angela be having a gay affair?
Michael Scott: Maybe! Is that what this is about?
Michael Scott: I don't-
Jan: It's not possible.
Michael Scott: Anything's possible.
Josh: End of day, we are going to have a little diversity policy freshener, because of some more problems at the Scranton branch.
Pam Beasley: Yeah, I didn't go through with the wedding. I got cold feet a few days before, and I can''t really explain it. I just had to get out of that relationship. We still had to pay for all the food, so we froze it. But I'm... I'm doing well. I have my own apartment, and I'm taking art classes... and I have lunch for the next five weeks.
Oscar: Yes, I am super cool. I am an accountant at a failing paper supply company. In Scranton. Much like, uh, Sir Ian McKellen.
Michael Scott: Nothing wrong with this stuff. At all. You know what? Gay porn, straight porn, it's allll good.
Kelly: That is so cool that you're gay. I totally underestimated you.
Michael Scott: No, that is the fun of this place. I call everybody faggy. Why would anyone find that offensive?
Toby: Okay, I think Oscar would just like it if you used lame' or something like that.
Michael Scott: That's what faggy means.
Michael Scott: I am just coming out myself. I am coming out hetero.
[about Oscar being gay]
Michael Scott: If I don't know how to behave, it is because I am just so far the opposite the way. You know?