The Office Season 6 Quotes - Double Date

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Michael Scott: As I watched Pam's big strong hand coming toward my face I saw my entire life flash before my eyes. And guess what? I have four kids. And I have a hover car and a hover house. And my wife is a runner and it shows. And Pam and Jim are my best friends and our kids play together. And... I'm happy and I'm rich and I never die. That doesn't sound like much, but it's enough for me.
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Andy: You give me a gift? Bam! Thank You note. You invite me somewhere? Pow! RSVP. You do me a favor? Wham! Favor returned. Do not test my politeness.
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Michael Scott: The only time you should care about a woman's age is if she is too young for you. And I am not robbing the cradle. If anything, I am robbing the grave...
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Dwight Shrute: Can't a guy just buy some bagels for his friends so they'll owe him a favor which he can use to get someone fired who stole a co-manager position from him anymore? Jeez. When did everyone get soo cynical?
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[Ryan and Kelly walk into Michael's office]
Ryan: Hey, quick question. [closes the door] Are you scared?
Michael Scott: Never. About what? A little. What are you talking about?
Ryan: We heard about the punch.
Michael Scott: What punch?
Kelly: Pam. She's gonna punch the crap out of your face after work.
Michael Scott: I'm pretty sure we said slap.
Kelly: No. It's a punch. And Pam has that crazy pregnancy strength now.
Ryan: I'm getting concerned that you don't seem to understand what's going to happen. Do you?
Michael Scott: [pauses] I... umm... I'm good.
Ryan: Alright. See you there.
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Pam Beesly: You're bribing me.
Michael Scott: No! [laughing] No, no... Unless you want me to! Do you want me to? Because I will. I will bribe you. No... Your face is saying, don't? Unless I haven't offered you enough? Your face isn't changing. What is it! Talk to me face, tell me what Pam's brain is thinking.
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Meredith: Hey everybody, he's not in the men's room. Although the seat was warm, so we may have just missed him.
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Pam Beesly: I used to love coming here. The chicken parm is good, big part of my childhood. [sarcastically] Oh! Maybe Michael will start dating that too.
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Pam Beesly: The cake's really good.
Helene Oh I know! I love when they use buttercream frosting.
Michael Scott: Finish your cake, Helene. I want you to enjoy that cake. Because I have something terrible I need to tell you. And I want you to enjoy your cake before I tell you this terrible, terrible thing.
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Pam Beesly: [about Michael's birthday lunch for Pam's mom] Why did I get in the car? I could have struggled. I have a whistle in my purse, I didn't even blow it.
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Dwight Shrute: Pam would you care for a bagel?
Pam Beesly: Oh, no thank you.
Dwight Shrute: Oh, that's right, you're a woman and you need to refuse food the first time. I'll try again. [turns half way around then turns back to Pam] Please Pam, reconsider and have a bagel.
Pam Beesly: I have an early lunch.
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Michael Scott: Do I really want to go snowboarding? No, but I would like to if I wanted to.
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Michael Scott: Birthday lunch. Birthday lunch, there is no better medicine than birthday lunch. It'll cure all of your "Gee I don't know if Michael should be dating my mother." And fixes all occurrences of "I don't really see them together." So, open wide, Pam, and take a big ol' spoonful of birthday lunch medicine... Take with food.
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Pam Beesly: Michael's been trying to get me and Jim to hang out with him ever since he started dating my mom. [sighs] I don't know. I really hoped this thing would just die out, but today he's planning a birthday lunch for my mom and we have to go. No way out. ...No way out.
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Michael Scott: Am I scared to get hit in the face? No. Every day weirdos pay dominatrixes hundred of dollars for that very privilege. I'm scared I'm gonna love it.

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