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BLOOD ALONE MOVES THE WHEELS OF HISTORY! [pause] Have you ever asked yourselves in an hour of meditation - which everyone finds during the day - how long we have been striving for greatness? [bangs fist] Not only the years we've been at war the war of work but from the moment as a child, when we realize the world could be conquered. It has been a lifetime struggle [bang's fists again] a never-ending fight, I say to you [bangs again] and you will understand that it is a privilege to fight. WE ARE WARRIORS! [applause] Salesmen of north-eastern Pennsylvania, I ask you once more rise and be worthy of this historical hour. [even bigger applause as Dwight gives a horrible sounding laugh] No revolution is worth anything unless it can defend itself. Some people will tell you salesman is a bad word. They'll conjure up images of used car dealers, and door to door charlatans. This is our duty to change their perception. I say, salesman and women of the world... unite. We must never acquiesce, for it is together... TOGETHER THAT WE PREVAIL. WE MUST NEVER CEDE CONTROL OF THE MOTHERLAND...
Dwight gave a great speech. That's the word on the street, anyway. And I entertained Dwight to no end with my bar story, so I captivated the guy who captivated a thousand guys. Can you believe that? A thousand guys.
Excuse me. May I have your attention, please. There has been an accident on 84-West. Cars have skidded off the road into the safety railing. Several cars have flipped. There is broken glass everywhere. Several people are injured.
Do we know anyone who was in the accident?
Brad Pitt. Also, there will be no bonuses.
Why would this affect our bonuses?
They are unrelated.
Is Brad ok?
He will never act again. Also, this branch is closing.
What the hell's going on here?
Are we out of jobs?
This is karma because of what he did to Jennifer Anniston.
He was kidding. Dwight was kidding and I don't know why because it wasn't funny and was, just, horrible.
Michael, you said we were getting bonuses.
Alright, everybody in the conference room now. Let's go. Let's do it.
Dwight was the top salesman of the year at our company. He wins a little prize money and gets honored at some convention. It is literally the highest possible honor that a Northeastern Pennsylvania based mid-size paper company regional salesman can attain, so...
Look, it doesn't matter what you say. It just matters that you're saying something that people care about. Yeah? Alright. Here we go. Watch this. [walks into the main office area] Attention everybody. Attention please. I have some very great news from corporate. We had a wonderful quarter and as a result all of you are getting bonuses for one thousand dollars!
Congratulations. [returns to conference room with Dwight] You see that? You see how they responded to me? In that moment, I had them.
That is so great about the bonus!
No no, it's not true. I was just talking. So, just go out there and say anything. They'll eat it up. They're a great audience.
[on the phone] Go ahead. Get the wallpaper. Wallpaper the ceiling if you want.
Jim has worked at the same place for five years. Jim eats the same ham and cheese sandwich every day for lunch. I don't know, if I were a betting man, I'd say he will have a fun weekend in Philadelphia.
I miss the feeling of knowing you did a good job beacuse someone gives you proof of it. 'Sir, you're awesome, let me give you a plaque! What? A whole year has gone by? You need more proof? Here is a certificate.' They stopped making plaques that year.
I have a ton of stuff to do for the wedding, and I have to do it in the office. And that can be kind of awkward. Um, just because people can get all weird about wedding stuff, and I just I don't want to offend Angela. Or someone.
That's because you're incapable of doing it. Because you don't know how. Because you have no skills. Dwight, there's no way I can possibly teach you what you need to know about public speaking by speech time.
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