The Office Season 2 Quotes - Dwight's Speech

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Dwight Schrute: When I was in the 6th grade I was a finalist in our school spelling bee. It was me against Raj Patel. I mispelled, in front of the entire school, the word 'failure.'
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Dwight's Speech: BLOOD ALONE MOVES THE WHEELS OF HISTORY! [pause] Have you ever asked yourselves in an hour of meditation - which everyone finds during the day - how long we have been striving for greatness? [bangs fist] Not only the years we've been at war the war of work but from the moment as a child, when we realize the world could be conquered. It has been a lifetime struggle [bang's fists again] a never-ending fight, I say to you [bangs again] and you will understand that it is a privilege to fight. WE ARE WARRIORS! [applause] Salesmen of north-eastern Pennsylvania, I ask you once more rise and be worthy of this historical hour. [even bigger applause as Dwight gives a horrible sounding laugh] No revolution is worth anything unless it can defend itself. Some people will tell you salesman is a bad word. They'll conjure up images of used car dealers, and door to door charlatans. This is our duty to change their perception. I say, salesman and women of the world... unite. We must never acquiesce, for it is together... TOGETHER THAT WE PREVAIL. WE MUST NEVER CEDE CONTROL OF THE MOTHERLAND...
Audience: ...FOR IT IS TOGETHER THAT WE PREVAIL!
[thunderous applause]
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Jim Halpert: Dwight, if you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you go?
Dwight Schrute: I can travel anywhere, except Cuba, and I will travel to New Zealand and walk the Lord of the Rings trail to Mordor and I will hike Mount Doom.
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Dwight Schrute Okay, you know what? This isn't working because uh, I'm not nervous in front of them, they're my subordinates.
Jim Halpert: Uh, no we're not.
Dwight Schrute: Ah, yes you are, I am assistant regional manger.
Jim Halpert: Which means absolutely nothing.
Dwight Schrute: Michael can you explain?
Michael Scott: Well, it's mostly made up.. so..
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Michael Scott: Pam, I'm public speaking. Stop public interrupting me. Actually, this would be good practice for your wedding toast.
Pam Beesly: Yeah, the bride doesn't really do... have... you ever been to a wedding?
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Michael Scott: Try not to be such an idiot.
Dwight Schrute: Is that an insult or is that part of the public speaking advice?
Michael Scott: Insult.
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Creed: [translated from Mandarin] To all my friends in China: Hello.
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Michael Scott: Dwight gave a great speech. That's the word on the street, anyway. And I entertained Dwight to no end with my bar story, so I captivated the guy who captivated a thousand guys. Can you believe that? A thousand guys.
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Jim Halpert: What did I do to deserve this?
Pam Beesly: Are you sad that Dwight beat you?
Jim Halpert: No.
Pam Beesly: Are you going to cry Jim? Do you need a tissue?
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Dwight Schrute: Excuse me. May I have your attention, please. There has been an accident on 84-West. Cars have skidded off the road into the safety railing. Several cars have flipped. There is broken glass everywhere. Several people are injured.
Pam Beesly: Do we know anyone who was in the accident?
Dwight Schrute: Brad Pitt. Also, there will be no bonuses.
Stanley: Why would this affect our bonuses?
Dwight Schrute: They are unrelated.
Kelly: Is Brad ok?
Dwight Schrute: He will never act again. Also, this branch is closing.
Oscar: What the hell's going on here?
Angela: Are we out of jobs?
Dwight Schrute: Yes.
Kelly: This is karma because of what he did to Jennifer Anniston.
Michael Scott: He was kidding. Dwight was kidding and I don't know why because it wasn't funny and was, just, horrible.
Stanley: Michael, you said we were getting bonuses.
Michael Scott: Alright, everybody in the conference room now. Let's go. Let's do it.
Stanley: [into phone] Cancel the wallpaper.
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Michael Scott: I wanted to say a few words about excellence. What makes... a work environment excellent? Well, there are many things, I believe, that do such a thing of that... nature.
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Toby: To amsterdam.
Jim Halpert: When did you go there?
Toby: After my divorce.
Jim Halpert: Really, like how long?
Toby: Uh, about a week, er... maybe a month... I don- can't remember...
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Jim Halpert: Dwight was the top salesman of the year at our company. He wins a little prize money and gets honored at some convention. It is literally the highest possible honor that a Northeastern Pennsylvania based mid-size paper company regional salesman can attain, so...
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Kevin: [about the thermostat] I always set it at 69.
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Michael Scott: Look, it doesn't matter what you say. It just matters that you're saying something that people care about. Yeah? Alright. Here we go. Watch this. [walks into the main office area] Attention everybody. Attention please. I have some very great news from corporate. We had a wonderful quarter and as a result all of you are getting bonuses for one thousand dollars!
Dwight Schrute: Yeah!
Michael Scott: Congratulations. [returns to conference room with Dwight] You see that? You see how they responded to me? In that moment, I had them.
Dwight Schrute: That is so great about the bonus!
Michael Scott: No no, it's not true. I was just talking. So, just go out there and say anything. They'll eat it up. They're a great audience.
Stanley: [on the phone] Go ahead. Get the wallpaper. Wallpaper the ceiling if you want.
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Ryan: Jim has worked at the same place for five years. Jim eats the same ham and cheese sandwich every day for lunch. I don't know, if I were a betting man, I'd say he will have a fun weekend in Philadelphia.
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Michael Scott: Speaker at the sales convention. Been there, done that. Went there again, did it again. Two years in a row. Consecutive.
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Kevin: You should go to Hedonism.
Jim Halpert: What is that?
Kevin: It's like Club Med, but everything is naked.
Jim Halpert: I was thinking more like Europe, or something like that. But... good... second choice.
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Dwight Schrute: What was the ninth place prize again? A loaf of bread?
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Michael Scott: I miss the feeling of knowing you did a good job beacuse someone gives you proof of it. 'Sir, you're awesome, let me give you a plaque! What? A whole year has gone by? You need more proof? Here is a certificate.' They stopped making plaques that year.
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Jim Halpert: Hi, yeah, can I talk to one of your travel agents? Where do I want to go, um, that is an excellent question- One I probably should have thought of before I called you.
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Jim Halpert: Can we not?
Michael Scott: No, yes we have to, know why? Because I don't like to be cooped up in that office, in that box, all day long. Heisman!
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Dwight Schrute: Can their pizza play DVDs? Oh, guess not.
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Michael Scott: GOOD MORNING VIETNAM!
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Pam Beesly: Australia? I have always wanted to go there.
Jim Halpert: I'm going. I'm a little nervous to run into Dwight on his connecting flight to Mordor...
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Michael Scott: I'm very sorry, I did not know that you were wearing a hearing aid, I just thought you were speaking... abnormally.
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Pam Beesly: I have a ton of stuff to do for the wedding, and I have to do it in the office. And that can be kind of awkward. Um, just because people can get all weird about wedding stuff, and I just I don't want to offend Angela. Or someone.
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Angela: The very best of luck to you Dwight.
Dwight Schrute: Thank you Angela.
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Dwight Schrute: I can't do this.
Michael Scott: That's because you're incapable of doing it. Because you don't know how. Because you have no skills. Dwight, there's no way I can possibly teach you what you need to know about public speaking by speech time.
Dwight Schrute: Okay.
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Oscar: I get here early every morning so I can set the thermostat. I like it a little cooler, around 66 degrees. I'm more productive. Maybe some people don't like it as cold as I do. But I don't care.
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Michael Scott: But seriously, what's the difference between a salesman and a saleswoman?
Dwight Schrute: Saleswoman has a vagina.
Michael Scott: It's a joke, Dwight. It's not a Sex Ed class.
Dwight Schrute: But I'm right?
Michael Scott: Yeah, you're right about the difference between a man and a woman, but not about the punchline to the joke. Alright? The difference between a salesman and a saleswoman... is boobs!
3 Comments in the Conference Room
Quotes from  Michael Scott  Dwight Schrute  Creed Bratton  Pam  Random Quotes from All Seasons