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The Office Quotes (NBC) | Season 5 - The Surplus

The Office Season 5 Quotes - The Surplus

  • Quotes
  • Conference Room (12 Comments)
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36
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Toby: We should really have the office's air quality tested. We have radon coming from below. We have asbestos in the ceilings. These are silent killers.
Michael Scott: You are the silent killer. Go back to the annex.
Toby: You'll see.
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23
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Jim Halpert: Truce?
Pam Beesly: Yeah, I guess, since I won.
Jim Halpert: You did win. You did win. Anyway, I'm going to need three copies of each of these, stapled and collated. [starts walking away then turns and comes back] Totally kidding... [leans in close as if to kiss Pam] I'm going to need four. [kisses Pam]
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18
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Pam Beesly: So, um, I've been thinking about this whole chair/ copier thing.
Jim Halpert: Mm-hmm?
Pam Beesly: I really think you should reconsider.
Jim Halpert: Aw, Pam, I really, hate that copier.
Pam Beesly: Yeah. I know. But I really think you should reconsider.
Jim Halpert: Beesly, are you... threatening me?
Pam Beesly: Jim! Jim, Jim, Jim. I'm not threatening you. I love you. [leans in close] But you should know, you're on very dangerous ground. [kisses Jim]
Jim Halpert: Alright.
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16
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Oscar: Do you know?
Michael Scott: Do I know what?
Oscar: I think you know.
Michael Scott: Mm, no...
Phyllis: Know what?
Pam Beesly: Yeah, know what?
Oscar: Does anyone happen to know what 15% of 4300 is?
Michael Scott: 645 dollars.
Kevin: Michael's a genius!
Oscar: Why did you say dollars?
Michael Scott: Because that is how my mind works.
Oscar: What's 15% of 200? [Michael doesn't answer] Thank you. Everyone, Michael is returning the surplus so he can keep 15% as a bonus.
Jim Halpert: Wait, what?
Pam Beesly: You can do that?
Kevin: Hey Michael, what's 394 times 5,912?
Michael Scott: Let's see...
Pam Beesly: You're gonna give yourself a bonus of $645 instead of getting the entire office something it really needs?
Michael Scott: I don't need $645; I already have $645, more or less.
Oscar: You're gonna get us a copier then?
Michael Scott: This is so stupid.
Pam Beesly: Or chairs?
Michael Scott: This is so, so stupid. And, God... [looks at his watch] that's my phone.
Stanley: I didn't hear a phone.
Michael Scott: To be continued!
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15
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Michael Scott: Well, I swallowed all your ideas. I'm going to digest them and see what comes out the other end.
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15
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Andy: [steps in cow manure] Dah--! Why is that in the kitchen!
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12
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Michael Scott: What did we learn this week? Well, one, thanks to me, my team is much, much faster at coming to decisions than I thought they would be. Number two, never buy a fur coat with a credit card until you absolutely have the money to pay for it. And three, [camera pans out revealing a big red stain on Michael's fur coat] you should know that some people think it's cool to throw buckets of fake blood on you as you are walking out of Burlington Coat Factory.
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11
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Andy: We're getting married at Schrute Farms, no matter what. I have looked at twelve venues, I have lost eight deposits and I have seen Angela naked zero times. I am not losing another deposit.
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11
likes
Pam Beesly: Here's what I was thinking: Everyone sits on a chair everyday, but not everyone--
Michael Scott: Sits on a copier.
Pam Beesly: Or, even USES the copier every day.
Michael Scott: Yeah. Very valid!
Pam Beesly: That's it. [laughing] Alright. See ya later... hot tie guy!
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11
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Pam Beesly: Look, I really need this new chair. I mean, seriously, how is it possible that in five years I've had two engagement rings, and only one chair?
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11
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Dwight Schrute: Have you made a decision on the butter sculpture?
Angela: No. I haven't thought of it.
Dwight Schrute: Okay. Cow, goat or sheep. It's not that hard.
Angela: I would like cat.
Dwight Schrute: Cats don't make butter.
Angela: I would like cow butter sculpture of a cat.
Dwight Schrute: It doesn't make any sense.
Angela: Yes it does!
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11
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Angela: Dwight, I thought I knew what I wanted. And then, being here with you, and the German Mennonite minister... it just all felt right. I made a mistake picking Andy.
Dwight Schrute: I know you did. And that's why I have taken care of everything.
Angela: What do you mean?
Dwight Schrute: Well Monkey, he's a real minister. And you said, "I do." And I said, "I do." And Andy wasn't signing a receipt; he was signing our marriage certificate as a witness.
Angela: Dwight! That doesn't count!
Dwight Schrute: Yes, of course it does.
Angela: No, it doesn't!
Dwight Schrute: It does in the state of Pennsylvania. [chuckling] Mrs. Schrute!
Angela: We are not married.
Dwight Schrute: Wha--
Angela: Take this thing [takes off twine ring and throws it at Dwight]
Dwight Schrute: It's not my fault you don't understand German; I've been telling you to take it for years!
Andy: Are we, uh, are we leaving or what? [Mose hits Andy in the head with a ball]
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7
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Jim Halpert: [talking head interview] Ever since Pam and I started dating, I just, feel weird asking her to make copies for me. So, I make my own copies. And that copier, sucks. Let me tell you-- but you know what? Pam and I don't have to agree on everything.
[cut to office]
Meredith: Jim, good for you standing up to Pam like that.
Creed: The balls on you, man.
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7
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Michael Scott: I hate disappointing just one person. And I really hate disappointing everyone. But I love Burlington Coat Factory. You go in there with 645 dollars, you are literally a king.
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5
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Dwight Schrute: Here's another place. [shows Angela and Andy into another barn]
Angela: It's beautiful.
Andy: Heyo!
Dwight Schrute: So, why don't we try this out. She what would happen, give it a little test drive. What do you say? [points to Andy] You pretend to be Angela's father. You will be Angela, and [to Andy] I'll pretend to be you so you can see what it looks like when you're up here.
[Andy walks Angela up to the front, whistling]
Angela: Hello, I'm Angela Martin and [pointing to Dwight]--
Andy: I'm Andy.
Dwight Schrute: He doesn't understand a word you're saying. Although born just minutes from here, he speaks only German. Closed society. So, now, after the readings by all of your sisters, we will arrive at the vows so, comrade [starts speaking German to the minister and the minister begins speaking in German] And away we go. This is a little taste of the ceremony, if you will. He's explaining why we're here, what we're doing here, making introductions, blah blah blah... Then he's gonna have Andy repeat a bunch of stuff. He's gonna ask Andy to produce a ring. I have uh, now just uh... just some twine for our purposes, and you will put the ring on her finger. Yadda yadda, then he's going to ask Andy, uh, if he would like to marry Angela. And you will reply, "I do." And then he's going to ask Angela if she would like to marry Andy, to which you will reply...
Angela: I do.
Dwight Schrute: And there we go. Okay, and that's just about it. Man and wife.
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4
likes
[at Schrute Farms]
Andy: [steps in cow manure] Darn!
Dwight Schrute: There's a hose out back.
Andy: Okay.
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4
likes
Pam Beesly: Hey have I told you you look really nice today?
Michael Scott: Oh, thank you.
Pam Beesly: Yeah is that a new tie?
Michael Scott: Um, no. No, um, no I got it at TJ Maxx. Four dollars.
Pam Beesly: That is amazing!
Michael Scott: You think that's good, check out these pants. Nine dollars. Nine dollars! Look at the ass. Check out the ass! Look at that!
Pam Beesly: No way!
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4
likes
Andy: Hey Tuna, check it out. Tuna sandwich. Just like you! [takes a big of his sandwich as Angela walks over and passionately kisses Andy]
Angela: Now, I have to take care of a legal issue.
[cut to talking head]
Andy: Was that hot or what?
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3
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Michael Scott: No, I don't-- this doesn't change anything. I have a very important decision to make. We need a new copier. We need new chairs. And I need to figure out a way to keep this money without having everybody hate me.
12 Comments in the Conference Room
Quotes from  Michael Scott  Dwight Schrute  Creed Bratton  Pam  Random Quotes from All Seasons

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