The Office Season 2 Quotes - Drug Testing
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| Dwight Schrute: | I didn't know that you were at a party on Saturday night. |
| Ryan: | I go to... a lot of parties. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Ok, I'm going to need to search your car. Give me your keys. |
| Ryan: | I am not giving you my keys. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Don't make me do this the hard way. |
| Ryan: | What's the hard way? |
| Dwight Schrute: | I go down to the police station on my lunch break. I tell a police officer - I know several - what I suspect you may have in your car. He requests a hearing from a judge and obtains a search warrant. Once he has said warrant, he will drive over here and make you give him the keys to your car, and you will have to obey him. |
| Ryan: | Yeah, let's do it that way. |
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| Dwight Schrute: | Let's go over some symptoms of marijuana use, shall we? You tell me who this sounds like. Slow moving. Inattentive. Dull. Constantly snacking. Shows a lack of motivation. |
| Kevin: | Hey! |
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| Creed: | [when asked to ID a photo of marijuana] That is Northern Lights, cannabis indica. |
| Dwight Schrute: | [sighs with disappointment] No. It's marijuana. |
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| Michael Scott: | This year, more people will use cocaine than will read a book to their children. |
| Stanley: | Where did you get these facts? |
| Michael Scott: | Are these facts scaring you, or are they not? |
| Stanley: | They are not. |
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| Oscar: | So, Pam told me you do a great Stanley impression. I'd love to hear it. |
| Jim Halpert: | Oh, um. [imitating Stanley] Why do you keep CC'ing me on things that have nothing to do with me? |
| Stanley: | [coming out of the bathroom] Is that supposed to be me? |
| Jim Halpert: | Oh, hey Stanley. I was just doing an impression. |
| Stanley: | I do not think that is funny. |
| Pam Beesley: | He does everyone in the office. |
| [Stanley leaves] | |
| Jim and Pam: | [both imitating Stanley] I do not think that is funny. |
| Pam Beesley: | Jinx, buy me a Coke. |
| Jim Halpert: | Oh-- |
| Pam Beesley: | No no no. No talking. |
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| Dwight Schrute: | Do you know what this is? [slides a photo of marijuana to Phyllis] |
| Phyllis: | Yes, it's marijuana. |
| Dwight Schrute: | How do you know that? |
| Phyllis: | It's labeled. |
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| Jim Halpert: | I'm just saying that you can't be sure it wasn't you. |
| Dwight Shrute: | That's ridiculous. Of course it wasn't me. |
| Jim Halpert: | Marijuana is a memory loss drug, so maybe you just don't remember. |
| Dwight Shrute: | I would remember. |
| Jim Halpert: | Well, how could you if it just erased your memory? |
| Dwight Shrute: | That's not how it works! |
| Jim Halpert: | Now how do you know how it works? |
| Dwight Shrute: | Knock it off, okay? I'm interviewing you! |
| Jim Halpert: | No! You said I'd be conducting the interview when I walked in here! Now, exactly how much pot did you smoke? |
| [Dwight looks shocked] |
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| Dwight Schrute: | Kevin, what prescription drugs are you taking, besides Rogaine? |
| Kevin: | ... I'm not taking Rogaine. |
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