Hello. Sorry guys. I'm not sure if I've earned the right to make announcements yet, but whoever is giving me the twelve days of Christmas as my secret Santa? Please stop. I can't take it anymore. My cat killed a turtle dove, the French hens have started pulling out my hair to make a nest. Please stop.
[to camera] If this was Russia, then yeah, sure, everyone would go to one Santa, and there would be a line around the block. And once you sat on her lap and she asked you what you wanted, you would probably say freedom, at which point the KGB would arrest you and send you to Serbia... It's a good thing Russia doesn't exist anymore.
My diabolical plan has been put on hold for Christmas. My heart just melts when I hear the sound of children singing. [pauses] Ha! Not really. I'm just tired. Days are short .... I don't know. Maybe I'm depressed.
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