The Office Season 8 Quotes - The List
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| Erin | [catches Robert's glance] Here we go. |
| Robert California | Hello! |
| Erin | Robert California. Let's have a conversation! |
| Robert California | Describe your day so far. |
| Erin | Well, I woke up, and-- |
| Robert California | Erin when you recount your day never say you woke up. That's a waste of your time. That's how every day is begun for everyone since the dawn of man. |
| Erin | Very smart. Very smart! ...Suddenly, I was awake. |
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| Stanley | It might be easier if you take a deep breath, lift from the knees... And shove it up your butt! |
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| Stanley | I came up with a new thing this summer. I act like I'm telling someone how to do something. I go on with a long description. And then I say, "And shove it up your butt!" It's stupid, but it's my thing now. |
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| Andy | I gotta say, it kinda seems like the left side is the side to be on. Me, Jim, Dwight, Darryl. No offense Pam. |
| Jim Halpert | I don't think that's it.. |
| Pam Halpert | Excuse me? |
| Dwight Schrute | Shh--Pam come on don't be such a right-sider. |
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| Robert California | Here's what it is, it's a doodle. Some people doodle at work when they let their mind run. They draw houses, penises. Funny how the houses are always colonials and the penises are always circumcised, don't you think? Well, I doodle too, but I'm not an artist so I draw words and lists. |
| Andy | That is fascinating...[Robert erases his list and rewrites] and, by the way, I'm so glad I asked. People were just sort of-- Did you just move my name? |
| Robert California | Might as well have been sketching a cube. |
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| Andy | First item on the agenda: Can I get everyone an extra-long Columbus Day weekend? Item number two: Connect with the guy. Robert California... what does he think of me? Don't know, super care. Number three, time permitting: We lost our biggest client... |
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| Pam Beesly | [Pats pregnant belly] Right here, little Michael Scott. |
| Jim Halpert | Nope... Told you I don't like that joke. |
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| Jim Halpert | OK, just wait one second, alright? I will copy it. [to Erin] Do you have a pen? |
| Erin | No. |
| Jim Halpert | [dumbfounded] No. Ok. Um, I'll take a photo of it. Dwight can you throw me my phone? |
| [Dwight whips Jim's phone into the wall] | |
| Dwight Schrute | Nice catch! |
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| Pam Halpert | If he comes out distract him. |
| Kevin | We need a warning signal. |
| Jim Halpert | We don't need a warning signal Kevin we can see him right there. |
| Kevin | We do! |
| Jim Halpert | I promise you we don't need a warning-- |
| Kevin | WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! |
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| Andy | When I was a salesman I could just be like, not my job not my prob I'm goin' to the warehouse to polish my knob! Metaphorically, of course. |
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| Andy | And just to show you I'm being fair, you had Gabe in the loser column. That is astute. Good call. |
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| Erin | Planking is one of those things where, hey, you either get it or you don't. And I don't, but I am excited to be a part of it! |
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| Dwight Schrute | What side of the list am I on? |
| Jim Halpert | [checks] Left. |
| Dwight Schrute | YES! |
| Jim Halpert | Why are you-- how do you know--? |
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| Robert California | You read my notebook? And photo-copied it? And distributed it? |
| Andy | [Laughs nonchalantly] No... THEY did... and they asked me to ask you about it. |
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| Dwight Schrute | Here's how we find out. Let's line up and compare the lines, see if we learn anything. Ok? Left siders over here, right siders line up over here. Face each other. Match up by height, and relative weight. [everyone lines up] Let's just.. size each other up here, and left side of the list... ATTACK! |
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| Robert California | Jim your daughter Cecilia, what does she think of the Street? |
| Jim Halpert | Uh... the street? |
| Robert California | Sesame Street. |
| Jim Halpert | Oh! I didn't know anybody called it--she likes it a lot. She loves Elmo. |
| Robert California | Elmo. God save us... the Elmo era. Sesame Street was created to reflect the environment of the children watching it. The complete self-absorption of Elmo is brilliantly reflective of our time. Our's is a cultural ghetto. Wouldn't you agree? |
| Jim Halpert | Yeah... she does like Elmo. |
| Oscar | Cultural ghetto... Totally agree. |
| Phyllis | Completely. |
| Darryl | Apt. Apt analysis, Robert. |
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| Kevin | I just knew, my whole life, that everyone was wrong about me. My parents, my teachers, my friends, the doctors! Everyone. |
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| Robert California | Let me tell you some things I find productive. Positive reinforcement. Negative reinforcement. Honesty. I'll tell you some thing I find unproductive. Constantly worrying about where you stand based on inscrutible social cues, and then inevitably reframing it all in a reassuring way so that you can get to sleep at night. No, I do not believe in that at all. If I invited you to lunch, I think you're a winner. If I didn't I don't. But I just met you all. Life is long, opinons change. Winners, prove me right. Losers, prove me wrong. |
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| Jim Halpert | All right... I will see you in a bit. |
| Pam Beesly | [Starting to cry] I love you so much... |
| Jim Halpert | Hey, it's nothing, all right? I'll text you when we get there. I'll see what's going on. |
| Pam Beesly | [Goes back to computer] Ok... |
| Jim Halpert | No. No dog video. |
| Pam Beesly | Ok. |
| Jim Halpert | Ok. |
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| Andy | Look around this room. Does this look like a group of losers? Seriously. |
| Pam Beesly | [Looks around] Oh... [continues crying] Oh God... |
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| Dwight Schrute | Yeah, at first I was really disappointed. But I've got a great daily routine going right now. I've up'ed my karate to eight times a week. I added boxing, lunches in on weekends, I do kick-boxing three times a week, Krav Maga four times a week, an hour of meditation in the morning at sunrise and again at sunset. So yeah! I'm doin' great. |
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| Darryl | Yeah I wanted the manager job but I got something, much better. This soda. This is mine. |
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| Andy | The Friday before Columbus Day. Thoughts? |
| Robert California | What are your thoughts? |
| Andy | Just making chit chat... Kind of a medium year for women's soccer, no? |
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| Andy | Ok. Robert's in the annex think, quick, what do these groups have in common? |
| Meredith | Maybe we're supposed to do it with people in our group. |
| Jim Halpert | That's not it. |
| Meredith | People in the other group? |
| Jim Halpert | Mm.. Still wrong. |
| Andy | Stanley? You do puzzles all day what do we got? |
| Stanley | Well. You take the first letter from each name assign 'em a number add 'em all up and.. shove 'em up your butt! |
| Andy | [Everyone laughs] Thank you, a little much-needed comic relief, but we REALLY need to figure this out, guys. |
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| Pam Halpert | Oh text from Jim! "This is getting very weird. Will explain later." Oh text from Kevin:-- |
| Meredith | "Suck it, losers." |
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| Pam Halpert | I used to be young and cute and sort of funny and, I could do those cute little cartoons and everyone who came through here was like, "who's that receptionist? I like her." Now I'm just a fat mom! Yeah. And you take one look at me and you're like, loser! |
| Andy | Come here, Pam. Chins up ok? [snorts] Bad joke. |
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| Andy | [Knocking to an annoying beat on the conference room door] |
| Robert California | Yes, for God's sake, Andy, yes, please come in. |
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| Jim Halpert | The search committee finally decided after a lot of deliberation on Robert California for the manager position... who took one look around... and left. He drove down to Florida and convinced Jo to make him CEO. CEO. Her own job. He talked her out of her own job and I don't really know how someone does that... |
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| Andy | True, I may have been the second choice... but I was the first choice's first choice! |
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| Angela | Look! It's a little pregs and a big pregs! |
| Pam Halpert | Wait when did we start calling-- |
| Angela | Isn't is amazing the difference in our sizes? |
| Pam Halpert | Well I am a few months ahead of you. |
| Angela | I'm having a child with my husband the senator, and Pam is having a child with Jim. [politely] The great salesman. |
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| [seeing the list for the first time] | |
| Andy | Really great list of names guys. Thank you so much, good work. |
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| Ryan | [holding a slice of pizza] Ok not to point out the glaringly obvious, but doesn't the fact that I'm in this group make anyone feel just a little bit better. [takes a bite] Oh! This crust is sharp! Ah. |
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| Andy | I'm already working on this Columbus Day thing for you guys, and it's starting to stack up... feels like a lot. So one thing at a time. |
| Phyllis | Yeah, that's all you had to do today? Ask about Columbus Day? |
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| Andy | [Addressing people left out] Well, we should all be very excited about our very own... pizza party! Pizza PARTAY! [Dancing] Pizza! Party! Pizza! Party! |
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| Andy | Great group! Pizza party! |
| Kelly | [Bored] How is this a pizza party? |
| Andy | Well, why don't you ask me again when when the five pizzas get here. |
| Kelly | That's just pizza. You need one more element for it to be a party... |
| Andy | Ok, well have you guys ever hada a margherita pizza? |
| Stanley | What's that? |
| Andy | Fresh tomato, with a dollop of mozzarella cheese. |
| Stanley | That's just pizza. |
| Pam Beesly | Yeah, just regular pizza... |
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1 Comment in the Conference Room