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The Office Quotes (NBC) | Season 8 - The List

The Office Season 8 Quotes - The List

  • Quotes
  • Conference Room (2 Comments)
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8
likes
Erin [catches Robert's glance] Here we go.
Robert California Hello!
Erin Robert California. Let's have a conversation!
Robert California Describe your day so far.
Erin Well, I woke up, and--
Robert California Erin when you recount your day never say you woke up. That's a waste of your time. That's how every day is begun for everyone since the dawn of man.
Erin Very smart. Very smart! ...Suddenly, I was awake.
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6
likes
Stanley I came up with a new thing this summer. I act like I'm telling someone how to do something. I go on with a long description. And then I say, "And shove it up your butt!" It's stupid, but it's my thing now.
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5
likes
Andy I gotta say, it kinda seems like the left side is the side to be on. Me, Jim, Dwight, Darryl. No offense Pam.
Jim Halpert I don't think that's it..
Pam Halpert Excuse me?
Dwight Schrute Shh--Pam come on don't be such a right-sider.
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5
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Pam Beesly [Pats pregnant belly] Right here, little Michael Scott.
Jim Halpert Nope... Told you I don't like that joke.
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4
likes
Stanley It might be easier if you take a deep breath, lift from the knees... And shove it up your butt!
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4
likes
Jim Halpert OK, just wait one second, alright? I will copy it. [to Erin] Do you have a pen?
Erin No.
Jim Halpert [dumbfounded] No. Ok. Um, I'll take a photo of it. Dwight can you throw me my phone?
[Dwight whips Jim's phone into the wall]
Dwight Schrute Nice catch!
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4
likes
Pam Halpert If he comes out distract him.
Kevin We need a warning signal.
Jim Halpert We don't need a warning signal Kevin we can see him right there.
Kevin We do!
Jim Halpert I promise you we don't need a warning--
Kevin WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! WARNING!
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4
likes
Robert California Here's what it is, it's a doodle. Some people doodle at work when they let their mind run. They draw houses, penises. Funny how the houses are always colonials and the penises are always circumcised, don't you think? Well, I doodle too, but I'm not an artist so I draw words and lists.
Andy That is fascinating...[Robert erases his list and rewrites] and, by the way, I'm so glad I asked. People were just sort of-- Did you just move my name?
Robert California Might as well have been sketching a cube.
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4
likes
Dwight Schrute Here's how we find out. Let's line up and compare the lines, see if we learn anything. Ok? Left siders over here, right siders line up over here. Face each other. Match up by height, and relative weight. [everyone lines up] Let's just.. size each other up here, and left side of the list... ATTACK!
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4
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Robert California Jim your daughter Cecilia, what does she think of the Street?
Jim Halpert Uh... the street?
Robert California Sesame Street.
Jim Halpert Oh! I didn't know anybody called it--she likes it a lot. She loves Elmo.
Robert California Elmo. God save us... the Elmo era. Sesame Street was created to reflect the environment of the children watching it. The complete self-absorption of Elmo is brilliantly reflective of our time. Our's is a cultural ghetto. Wouldn't you agree?
Jim Halpert Yeah... she does like Elmo.
Oscar Cultural ghetto... Totally agree.
Phyllis Completely.
Darryl Apt. Apt analysis, Robert.
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4
likes
Robert California Let me tell you some things I find productive. Positive reinforcement. Negative reinforcement. Honesty. I'll tell you some thing I find unproductive. Constantly worrying about where you stand based on inscrutible social cues, and then inevitably reframing it all in a reassuring way so that you can get to sleep at night. No, I do not believe in that at all. If I invited you to lunch, I think you're a winner. If I didn't I don't. But I just met you all. Life is long, opinons change. Winners, prove me right. Losers, prove me wrong.
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4
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Andy First item on the agenda: Can I get everyone an extra-long Columbus Day weekend? Item number two: Connect with the guy. Robert California... what does he think of me? Don't know, super care. Number three, time permitting: We lost our biggest client...
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3
likes
Dwight Schrute Kids, don't try planking, it's dangerous. Especially with me around.
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3
likes
Andy When I was a salesman I could just be like, not my job not my prob I'm goin' to the warehouse to polish my knob! Metaphorically, of course.
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3
likes
Andy And just to show you I'm being fair, you had Gabe in the loser column. That is astute. Good call.
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3
likes
Erin Planking is one of those things where, hey, you either get it or you don't. And I don't, but I am excited to be a part of it!
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3
likes
Andy Look around this room. Does this look like a group of losers? Seriously.
Pam Beesly [Looks around] Oh... [continues crying] Oh God...
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3
likes
Andy True, I may have been the second choice... but I was the first choice's first choice!
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2
likes
Darryl Yeah I wanted the manager job but I got something, much better. This soda. This is mine.
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2
likes
Dwight Schrute What side of the list am I on?
Jim Halpert [checks] Left.
Dwight Schrute YES!
Jim Halpert Why are you-- how do you know--?
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2
likes
Robert California You read my notebook? And photo-copied it? And distributed it?
Andy [Laughs nonchalantly] No... THEY did... and they asked me to ask you about it.
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2
likes
Pam Halpert I used to be young and cute and sort of funny and, I could do those cute little cartoons and everyone who came through here was like, "who's that receptionist? I like her." Now I'm just a fat mom! Yeah. And you take one look at me and you're like, loser!
Andy Come here, Pam. Chins up ok? [snorts] Bad joke.
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2
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Kevin I just knew, my whole life, that everyone was wrong about me. My parents, my teachers, my friends, the doctors! Everyone.
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2
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Jim Halpert All right... I will see you in a bit.
Pam Beesly [Starting to cry] I love you so much...
Jim Halpert Hey, it's nothing, all right? I'll text you when we get there. I'll see what's going on.
Pam Beesly [Goes back to computer] Ok...
Jim Halpert No. No dog video.
Pam Beesly Ok.
Jim Halpert Ok.
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1
like
Dwight Schrute Yeah, at first I was really disappointed. But I've got a great daily routine going right now. I've up'ed my karate to eight times a week. I added boxing, lunches in on weekends, I do kick-boxing three times a week, Krav Maga four times a week, an hour of meditation in the morning at sunrise and again at sunset. So yeah! I'm doin' great.
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1
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Andy The Friday before Columbus Day. Thoughts?
Robert California What are your thoughts?
Andy Just making chit chat... Kind of a medium year for women's soccer, no?
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1
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Andy Ok. Robert's in the annex think, quick, what do these groups have in common?
Meredith Maybe we're supposed to do it with people in our group.
Jim Halpert That's not it.
Meredith People in the other group?
Jim Halpert Mm.. Still wrong.
Andy Stanley? You do puzzles all day what do we got?
Stanley Well. You take the first letter from each name assign 'em a number add 'em all up and.. shove 'em up your butt!
Andy [Everyone laughs] Thank you, a little much-needed comic relief, but we REALLY need to figure this out, guys.
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1
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Kevin I know. It's alphabetical!
Dwight [Everyone looks back at the list] No it's not.
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1
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Pam Halpert Oh text from Jim! "This is getting very weird. Will explain later." Oh text from Kevin:--
Meredith "Suck it, losers."
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1
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Andy [Knocking to an annoying beat on the conference room door]
Robert California Yes, for God's sake, Andy, yes, please come in.
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1
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Jim Halpert The search committee finally decided after a lot of deliberation on Robert California for the manager position... who took one look around... and left. He drove down to Florida and convinced Jo to make him CEO. CEO. Her own job. He talked her out of her own job and I don't really know how someone does that...
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0
likes
Angela Look! It's a little pregs and a big pregs!
Pam Halpert Wait when did we start calling--
Angela Isn't is amazing the difference in our sizes?
Pam Halpert Well I am a few months ahead of you.
Angela I'm having a child with my husband the senator, and Pam is having a child with Jim. [politely] The great salesman.
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0
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[seeing the list for the first time]
Andy Really great list of names guys. Thank you so much, good work.
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0
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Kevin The thing that I like about Elmo is the tickling.
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Ryan [holding a slice of pizza] Ok not to point out the glaringly obvious, but doesn't the fact that I'm in this group make anyone feel just a little bit better. [takes a bite] Oh! This crust is sharp! Ah.
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0
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Andy I'm already working on this Columbus Day thing for you guys, and it's starting to stack up... feels like a lot. So one thing at a time.
Phyllis Yeah, that's all you had to do today? Ask about Columbus Day?
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Andy [Addressing people left out] Well, we should all be very excited about our very own... pizza party! Pizza PARTAY! [Dancing] Pizza! Party! Pizza! Party!
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0
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Andy Great group! Pizza party!
Kelly [Bored] How is this a pizza party?
Andy Well, why don't you ask me again when when the five pizzas get here.
Kelly That's just pizza. You need one more element for it to be a party...
Andy Ok, well have you guys ever hada a margherita pizza?
Stanley What's that?
Andy Fresh tomato, with a dollop of mozzarella cheese.
Stanley That's just pizza.
Pam Beesly Yeah, just regular pizza...
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Andy [Looking at pizzas] Ah, that is their interpretation of margherita pizza... Fans of regular pizza will be psyched.
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Dwight Schrute [Actually in the "Fundraiser episode] [Dwight storms in office] I don't want to alarm people but there is a distinct chance that we're all about to be killed!
Jim Halpert Well as long as you don't want to alarm people.
2 Comments in the Conference Room
Quotes from  Michael Scott  Dwight Schrute  Creed Bratton  Pam  Random Quotes from All Seasons

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