Creed Quotes From The Office
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| Meredith: | Guys, do we have to stay all day? |
| Phyllis: | I mean Michael's gone can't we just go? |
| Creed: | Yeah and I finished my work months ago. |
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| Creed: | In the sixties, I made love to many, many women. Often outdoors. In the mud and the rain. And it's possible a man slipped in. There would be no way of knowing. |
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| Dwight Schrute: | [looking around office to see if anyone notices the smoke] Does anyone smell anything smoky? |
| Angela: | Did you bring your jerky in again? |
| Dwight Schrute: | [clears throat] |
| Pam Beesly: | [points to smoke] Oh, my God! Uh, Oh my God! |
| Phyllis: | What-- |
| Andy Bernard: | Whoa, fire! |
| Dwight Schrute: | Oh, fire! Oh my goodness! What's the procedure? What do we do, people? |
| Pam Beesly: | The phones are dead. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Oh, how did that happen? |
| Kevin: | It's out in the hall. |
| Dwight Schrute: | No, we don't know that. The smoke could be coming through an air duct. |
| Michael Scott: | Oh my God! Okay, it happening. Everybody stay calm. |
| Dwight Schrute: | What's the procedure, everyone? What's the procedure? |
| Michael Scott: | Stay [bleep] calm! |
| Dwight Schrute: | Wait, wait, wait. |
| Michael Scott: | Everyone, now [bleep] calm down! |
| Dwight Schrute: | No! No, Michael! No! Touch the handle. If it's hot, there could be a fire in the hallway. |
| Michael Scott: | What does warm mean? |
| Everyone: | [groaning] Oh my God. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Not a viable option. |
| Pam Beesly: | Try a different door. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Okay, what's next? |
| Michael Scott: | Don't run. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Oh! Here's a door. Check that one out. How's the handle? |
| Andy Bernard: | It-- it's warm. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Well, uh, another option. [everyone chattering at once] |
| Jim Halpert: | Back door. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Back to our options. Jeez! Ok! settle down everyone. No bunching! |
| Phyllis: | Oh! I forgot my purse. |
| Stanley: | Leave it woman! |
| Michael Scott: | Get out of the way! Go, go, go! |
| Dwight Schrute: | Things can be replaced, Phyllis! People, human lives, however, can... |
| Oscar: | Ah! My hand! That's hot! |
| Andy Bernard: | Aah! This one's hot too! |
| Michael Scott: | Okay, we're trapped. Everyone for himself. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Okay, let's go. |
| Everyone: | [shouting] Out of my way! Let's go. Get out of my way! |
| Dwight Schrute: | Calm, please. |
| Andy Bernard: | Get out of the way! |
| Dwight Schrute: | Have you ever seen a burn victim? |
| Andy Bernard: | Move it! |
| Dwight Schrute: | Okay! Procedure, procedure. Exit options. Where do we go folks? Wha-- Use a what to cover the mouth? |
| Angela: | [pulling cat out of filing drawer] It's okay. Shh shhh. |
| Dwight Schrute: | A what? A rag. A damp rag, perhaps. Let's remember those procedures. What are the options? Okay, that's the wrong way. We've already tried that. Remember your exit points. Exit points people. |
| Angela: | Oscar. |
| Dwight Schrute: | What's next? |
| Angela: | Oscar! |
| Oscar: | Stay alive! I'm getting help! |
| Angela: | Pull me up! |
| Oscar: | You're too heavy! |
| Angela: | I only weigh 82 pounds! Uh-- save Bandit! [throws cat into air duct and he falls out through the other side] Oh! |
| Dwight Schrute: | How about 911? Anyone? 911. |
| [Michael throws a chair at the window, Kevin smashes a chair through the vending machine and begins to grab snacks, everyone is shouting.] | |
| Pam Beesly: | What do we do? |
| Dwight Schrute: | Use the surge of fear and adrenaline to sharpen your decision-making. |
| Jim Halpert: | Okay, I am not dying here. Come on. |
| [everyone is coughing from the smoke, Dwight lights some fire crackers and they start popping] | |
| Angela: | What is that? What is that? |
| Andy Bernard: | The fire's shooting at us! |
| Phyllis: | What in the name of God is going on?! |
| [Dwight pulls fire alarm] | |
| Phyllis and Creed: | Ahhhh!!! [Oscar's leg crashes through the ceiling] |
| Andy Bernard: | Go, go, go, go, go!! [Andy and Jim ram the door with the copy machine] |
| Michael Scott: | [throws the projector out the window] Help!! Help!! |
| Stanley: | I'm about to die! |
| Dwight Schrute: | [blowing air horn] Attention everyone! Employees of Dunder Mifflin! This has been a test of our emergency preparedness. There is no fire. It was only a simulation. |
| Jim Halpert: | What?! |
| Dwight Schrute: | Fire not real. This was merely a training exercise. [Oscar drops down from the ceiling] So, what have we learned? [Stanley falls to the floor] Oh come on. It's not real Stanley. Don't have a heart attack. |
| Michael Scott: | No, no, no! You will not die! Stanley! Stanley! You will not die! Stanley! Stanley! Barack is president! You are black, Stanley! I'm gonna give him mouth to mouth. |
| Jim Halpert: | No, no, no! Don't give him mouth to mouth for this! |
| Michael Scott: | He's going to swallow is tongue. |
| Jim Halpert: | No. Michael. Michael. |
| Michael Scott: | Open your mouth. Come on. Don't swallow it. |
| Jim Halpert: | [everyone shouting at once] Michael! Michael! |
| Michael Scott: | Leave me al-- |
| Andy Bernard: | You're choking him! |
| Michael Scott: | Saving him! |
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| Creed: | So hey. I wanna, set you up with my daughter. |
| Jim Halpert: | Oh I'm engaged to Pam. |
| Creed: | I thought you were gay. |
| Jim Halpert: | Then why would you want to set me up with your daughter. |
| Creed: | I don't know. |
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| Angela: | I am proud to announce there is a new addition to the Martin family. She's hypoallergenic, she doesn't struggle when you try to dress her, she's a third generation show-cat, her father was in Meet the Parents. Needless to say she was very, very expensive. |
| Meredith: | How much-- |
| Angela: | Seven thousand dollars. |
| Creed: | For a cat? I could get you a kid for that. |
| Oscar: | Where'd you get that kind of money? |
| Angela: | I sold Andy's engagement ring on eBay. |
| Kevin: | Wait-- you didn't give it back? |
| Angela: | He wouldn't have wanted that. Her name, is Princess Lady! |
| Meredith: | Seven grand! I gotta see that little bitch. |
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| Jim Halpert: | Hey guys. What're we talking about? |
| Creed: | Nothing! Nothin' goin' on. We're talkin' about nothing. Come on gang. |
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| Michael Scott: | If by 'me' you are inferring that I have B.O. then I would say, 'That is a poor choice of words.' |
| Creed: | He wasnt inferring, he was implying. You were inferring. |
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| Michael Scott: | [on his cellphone] No, I'll talk to her. No, nobody talks to my baby that way. Yeah I'll let you know how it goes. Alright. Bye, Pickle. [hangs up and walks into the conference room] Pamela Morgan Beesly you need to apologize to your mother right now. |
| Angela: | I'm sorry, I was told I have the floor. |
| Oscar: | Whoa hold on, hold on. What's going on? |
| Jim Halpert: | Nothing! Nothing at all. "It's all goood." |
| Pam Beesly: | I'm not apologizing to anyone. Michael owes ME an apology. |
| Michael Scott: | For trying to find happiness in the arms of a lover? |
| Pam Beesly: | Don't call my mother your lover! |
| Kevin: | Yes! That's what I'm talking about. |
| Andy: | That is not ok dude! |
| Michael Scott: | Ok, in my defence-- |
| Phyllis: | Disgusting. |
| Creed: | That's messed up man. |
| Pam Beesly: | Yes. Thank you. Welcome to my personal hell! |
| Oscar: | You have no sense of boundaries, Michael. |
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| Stanley: | Michael don't listen to them. |
| Michael Scott: | Thank you Stanley. |
| Stanley: | You just ignore their carping. |
| Michael Scott: | Ok. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Michael. |
| Michael Scott: | Yes. |
| Dwight Schrute: | A carp is both a fish and a term for complaining. They're mocking you with wordplay. |
| Creed: | Hey Boss. Did you "Find Nemo"? |
| Michael Scott: | I could name Pixar movies too. Toy Story! |
| Oscar: | Don't you mean, Coy Story? |
| [everyone laughs] | |
| Phyllis: | And when you fell in, did you Flounder? |
| Dwight Schrute: | Michael, a flounder is both a kind of fish-- |
| Michael Scott: | I know what a flounder is! |
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| Creed: | It's crazy what's going on out there, huh? |
| Jim Halpert: | I know. Yeah. It's... kinda... |
| Creed: | Sometimes it's best just to stay out of it. |
| Jim Halpert: | That's true. That's right, yeah. |
| Creed: | Wanna play a game? |
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| Pam Beesly: | During the course of business, a copier goes through something called normal wear and tear. |
| [cut to Creed depositing coins in the side of the machine] | |
| Oscar: | I think it's seventy-five cents. |
| Creed: | That's a lot. |
| [cut to a Cat gnawing on the power cord] | |
| Angela: | Bandit, no! No, no, no. |
| [cut to Kevin spilling a whole cup of coffee on the copier glass] | |
| Kevin: | Ohh! |