Creed Quotes From The Office

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Teenager in bar: Hey Creed.
Creed: Heyyy, what are you guys up to?
Teenager: You're the man buddy.
[cut to interview]
Creed: I run a small fake-ID company from my car with a laminating machine that I swipped from the sherrif's station.
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[Creed pulls into the parking lot and goes into the office]
Creed: Sorry I'm late, boss. What's going on?
Michael Scott: [accent] Sir, there has been a murder, and you are a suspect.
Creed: OK. Hang on just a second. Let me just settle in and I'll be right back.
Michael Scott: Very good, very good. Now, no one was there in the wine cellar.
[Creed gets in his car and drives away]
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Creed: Nobody steals from Creed Bratton and gets away with it. The last person to do this disappeared. His name? [whispering] Creed Bratton.
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[Angela picks up her phone]
Angela: Extension 128.
Creed: Hiya Pumpkin, it's Creed. So we're gonna ditch this bitch. You in?
Angela: No.
Creed: You out? [Angela hangs up] Pumpkin's out! Let's go gang!
[Creed, Phyllis and Meredith walk out of the office]
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Creed: Creed Bratton has never declared bankruptcy. When Creed Bratton gets in trouble, he transfers his debt to [holds up passport] Williams Charles Schneider.
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Creed: I don't get the big fuss here. I like the site.
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Andy: Does anyone actually know what Sue Grafton looks like? I mean is she hot or?
Creed: She's crazy hot.
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Creed: Two eyes, two ears, a chin, a mouth, ten fingers, two nipples, a butt, two kneecaps, a penis. I have just described to you the Loch Ness Monster. And the reward for its capture? All the riches in Scotland. So I have one question. Why are you here?
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Creed: Okay. Team Building. On this side of the room: Stanley, Phylis, Jim, Ted, Elroy. And this side of the room: Pam, Meredith, Phylis, Creed.
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Michael Scott: I am just a net, that traps all of your crappy subconscious ideas, and adds a little bit of my own childhood memories and whimzy so--
Jim Halpert: Ok, well I, lost a ton of money today and I have a mortgage so I'm a little pissed too.
Michael Scott: Thank you. Jim is with me!
Jim Halpert: Absolutely not. I'm mad at you.
Michael Scott: Well you know what Jim, it is not my fault that you bought a house to impress Pam. That is why carnations exist.
Creed: That's not why.
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Michael Scott: Okay, you know what? I will not donate my winnings to Comic Relief. Since, apparently, it doesn't exist, I am going to donate to Afghanistanis with AIDS.
Jim Halpert: Whoa, I think you mean the Aid to Afghanistan.
Michael Scott: No, I mean Afghanistanis with AIDS.
Phyllis: Afghani.
Michael Scott: What?
Phyllis: Afghani.
Michael Scott: That's a dog.
Pam Beasley: No, that's Afghan.
Michael Scott: That's a shawl.
Dwight Schrute: Wait, canine AIDS?
Michael Scott: No, humans with AIDS.
Creed: Who has AIDS?
Jim Halpert: Guys, the Afghanistanannis.
Michael Scott: Okay, you know what? No, no. AIDS is not funny. Believe me, I have tried.
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