Creed Quotes From The Office
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| Creed: | Hey bra'. I've been meaning to ask you. Can we get some Red Bull for these things? Sometimes a guy's gotta ride the bull. Am I right? Later skater. |
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| Dwight Schrute: | Who's the father? |
| Pam Beesly: | Jim. |
| Dwight Schrute: | How far along? |
| Jim Halpert: | Four months? |
| Creed: | Who's the OB/GYN? |
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| Michael Scott: | Someone complained that the men's room is whites only. Stanley, you know that's not true. |
| Stanley: | I didn't say that. |
| Creed: | Then why is there a picture of a white man on the door? |
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| Creed: | Every week I'm supposed to take four hours and do a quality spot check at the paper mill. And of course the one year I blow it off, this happens. |
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| [from deleted scenes] | |
| Creed: | Back in the '60s, I was with the Grassroots. We toured with Janis Joplin, The Doors, Cream. We had a lot of fun. And now I do quality assurance for a paper company. As you can imagine drugs played a part... They still do... I, uh... My work calls last about 90 seconds and that's about as long as I can concentrate. |
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| Creed: | [coming out of the conference room with Gabe] I'm very relieved to learn it wasn't you. |
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| Robert California | When I was a boy there was an empty house just up the hill from my family’s. It was rumored that a man committed suicide there after being possessed by the Devil. One day a young woman, Lydia, moved into the house with her infant child. That very night Lydia was awakened by a loud, heinous hissing sound, hssss. She walked to the nursery, and there in Baby’s crib there was a snake wrapped around Baby’s neck, squeezing tighter and tighter. |
| Creed Bratton | [aghast] Oh my Goodness! |
| Robert California | The crib was full of dirt, Baby struggled to free itself from underneath, reaching and clawing, gasping for air. Embalmed bodies rose from their sarcophagi, lurching towards Baby… [awkward silence] for they were mummies. |
| Kevin Malone | NO! |
| Robert California | Amongst them was a man. Tall, slim... |
| Meredith Palmer | Jim! Uh! |
| Robert California | Almost instinctively she turned to her husband, ‘Oh, wait,’ she thought, ‘I don’t have a husband.’ For Lydia and her husband had had an argument, one they couldn’t get past. Each night they slept one inch further apart, until one night Lydia left. It was about this time she lost herself in imaginary worlds [Dwight turns off Starcraft]. She had quit the book club, the choir, citing something about their high expectations. Her lips slowly grew together from disuse and every time she wanted to act and didn’t, another part of her face hardened until it was stone. And then the fevered night, she rushed to the nursery, threw open the door. “Baby, are you OK?” Baby sat up slowly, turned to mother and said, “I’m fine, bitch. I’m fine.” |
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| Michael Scott: | [to Meredith] Everyone in this room loves you. But mark my words, we are not going to support your alcoholism anymore. The next time you light yourself on fire, we are not going to help put you out. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Ohhh as fire marshal I would have to. |
| Michael Scott: | Dwight! |
| Dwight Schrute: | She is a hazard to the other people of the office. |
| Michael Scott: | [sighs] |
| Dwight Schrute: | I suppose I could do it if it was a controlled burn in a well ventilated area. |
| Jim Halpert: | Yeah you're going to need a permit for that. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Oh right. That'll take a couple of weeks. |
| Creed: | I could get you one in an hour. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Really? |
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| Pam Beesly: | Hello, this is... the client. |
| Creed: | It's Creed. FYI I'm starting my own paper company, looking to poach some chumps. You in? |
| Pam Beesly: | Yes. |
| Creed: | [laughing] Cool. Let's keep this on the QT, I don't want you to be a dead mama jama. |
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| ["Bring my troops home save and sound, says this little girl..."] | |
| Andy: | Ok, honest feedback time. Oscar? |
| Oscar: | It's pandering. And it makes me think you think I'm stupid. |
| Andy: | But do you think it could be famous? Like in a car commercial or something? |
| Pam Halpert: | Not really? It kinda weird, that a grown man is singing from the point of view of a little girl. |
| Andy: | I feel like I could see someone ice skating to it. You know like in the Olympics. |
| Ryan: | [scratching his head] I don't think they usually, skate to such... bad songs. |
| Andy: | Rude! And not helpful. |
| Creed: | Well I really really really really like it. |
| Andy: | Well that... that really bums me out. |
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| Andy: | [coming out of the conference room with Angela] Where's Dwight? |
| Jim Halpert: | You okay man? |
| Andy: | No. Not at all. Actually. But thanks for asking, appreciate it. You know what, I'd also like to take this opportunity to thank all of you for lying, to m'ah face! And not telling me what's been going on this entire time. |
| Creed: | [with open arms] You're welcome. |
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| [Creed is dressed as a vampire for halloween] | |
| Creed: | I vant to sell you blood! |
| Ryan: | That's really not the trend in vampires right now. |