Creed Quotes From The Office

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Meredith: Guys, do we have to stay all day?
Phyllis: I mean Michael's gone can't we just go?
Creed: Yeah and I finished my work months ago.
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Creed: In the sixties, I made love to many, many women. Often outdoors. In the mud and the rain. And it's possible a man slipped in. There would be no way of knowing.
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Dwight Schrute: [looking around office to see if anyone notices the smoke] Does anyone smell anything smoky?
Angela: Did you bring your jerky in again?
Dwight Schrute: [clears throat]
Pam Beesly: [points to smoke] Oh, my God! Uh, Oh my God!
Phyllis: What--
Andy Bernard: Whoa, fire!
Dwight Schrute: Oh, fire! Oh my goodness! What's the procedure? What do we do, people?
Pam Beesly: The phones are dead.
Dwight Schrute: Oh, how did that happen?
Kevin: It's out in the hall.
Dwight Schrute: No, we don't know that. The smoke could be coming through an air duct.
Michael Scott: Oh my God! Okay, it happening. Everybody stay calm.
Dwight Schrute: What's the procedure, everyone? What's the procedure?
Michael Scott: Stay [bleep] calm!
Dwight Schrute: Wait, wait, wait.
Michael Scott: Everyone, now [bleep] calm down!
Dwight Schrute: No! No, Michael! No! Touch the handle. If it's hot, there could be a fire in the hallway.
Michael Scott: What does warm mean?
Everyone: [groaning] Oh my God.
Dwight Schrute: Not a viable option.
Pam Beesly: Try a different door.
Dwight Schrute: Okay, what's next?
Michael Scott: Don't run.
Dwight Schrute: Oh! Here's a door. Check that one out. How's the handle?
Andy Bernard: It-- it's warm.
Dwight Schrute: Well, uh, another option. [everyone chattering at once]
Jim Halpert: Back door.
Dwight Schrute: Back to our options. Jeez! Ok! settle down everyone. No bunching!
Phyllis: Oh! I forgot my purse.
Stanley: Leave it woman!
Michael Scott: Get out of the way! Go, go, go!
Dwight Schrute: Things can be replaced, Phyllis! People, human lives, however, can...
Oscar: Ah! My hand! That's hot!
Andy Bernard: Aah! This one's hot too!
Michael Scott: Okay, we're trapped. Everyone for himself.
Dwight Schrute: Okay, let's go.
Everyone: [shouting] Out of my way! Let's go. Get out of my way!
Dwight Schrute: Calm, please.
Andy Bernard: Get out of the way!
Dwight Schrute: Have you ever seen a burn victim?
Andy Bernard: Move it!
Dwight Schrute: Okay! Procedure, procedure. Exit options. Where do we go folks? Wha-- Use a what to cover the mouth?
Angela: [pulling cat out of filing drawer] It's okay. Shh shhh.
Dwight Schrute: A what? A rag. A damp rag, perhaps. Let's remember those procedures. What are the options? Okay, that's the wrong way. We've already tried that. Remember your exit points. Exit points people.
Angela: Oscar.
Dwight Schrute: What's next?
Angela: Oscar!
Oscar: Stay alive! I'm getting help!
Angela: Pull me up!
Oscar: You're too heavy!
Angela: I only weigh 82 pounds! Uh-- save Bandit! [throws cat into air duct and he falls out through the other side] Oh!
Dwight Schrute: How about 911? Anyone? 911.
[Michael throws a chair at the window, Kevin smashes a chair through the vending machine and begins to grab snacks, everyone is shouting.]
Pam Beesly: What do we do?
Dwight Schrute: Use the surge of fear and adrenaline to sharpen your decision-making.
Jim Halpert: Okay, I am not dying here. Come on.
[everyone is coughing from the smoke, Dwight lights some fire crackers and they start popping]
Angela: What is that? What is that?
Andy Bernard: The fire's shooting at us!
Phyllis: What in the name of God is going on?!
[Dwight pulls fire alarm]
Phyllis and Creed: Ahhhh!!! [Oscar's leg crashes through the ceiling]
Andy Bernard: Go, go, go, go, go!! [Andy and Jim ram the door with the copy machine]
Michael Scott: [throws the projector out the window] Help!! Help!!
Stanley: I'm about to die!
Dwight Schrute: [blowing air horn] Attention everyone! Employees of Dunder Mifflin! This has been a test of our emergency preparedness. There is no fire. It was only a simulation.
Jim Halpert: What?!
Dwight Schrute: Fire not real. This was merely a training exercise. [Oscar drops down from the ceiling] So, what have we learned? [Stanley falls to the floor] Oh come on. It's not real Stanley. Don't have a heart attack.
Michael Scott: No, no, no! You will not die! Stanley! Stanley! You will not die! Stanley! Stanley! Barack is president! You are black, Stanley! I'm gonna give him mouth to mouth.
Jim Halpert: No, no, no! Don't give him mouth to mouth for this!
Michael Scott: He's going to swallow is tongue.
Jim Halpert: No. Michael. Michael.
Michael Scott: Open your mouth. Come on. Don't swallow it.
Jim Halpert: [everyone shouting at once] Michael! Michael!
Michael Scott: Leave me al--
Andy Bernard: You're choking him!
Michael Scott: Saving him!
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Creed: So hey. I wanna, set you up with my daughter.
Jim Halpert: Oh I'm engaged to Pam.
Creed: I thought you were gay.
Jim Halpert: Then why would you want to set me up with your daughter.
Creed: I don't know.
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Angela: I am proud to announce there is a new addition to the Martin family. She's hypoallergenic, she doesn't struggle when you try to dress her, she's a third generation show-cat, her father was in Meet the Parents. Needless to say she was very, very expensive.
Meredith: How much--
Angela: Seven thousand dollars.
Creed: For a cat? I could get you a kid for that.
Oscar: Where'd you get that kind of money?
Angela: I sold Andy's engagement ring on eBay.
Kevin: Wait-- you didn't give it back?
Angela: He wouldn't have wanted that. Her name, is Princess Lady!
Meredith: Seven grand! I gotta see that little bitch.
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Jim Halpert: Hey guys. What're we talking about?
Creed: Nothing! Nothin' goin' on. We're talkin' about nothing. Come on gang.
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Michael Scott: If by 'me' you are inferring that I have B.O. then I would say, 'That is a poor choice of words.'
Creed: He wasnt inferring, he was implying. You were inferring.
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Michael Scott: [on his cellphone] No, I'll talk to her. No, nobody talks to my baby that way. Yeah I'll let you know how it goes. Alright. Bye, Pickle. [hangs up and walks into the conference room] Pamela Morgan Beesly you need to apologize to your mother right now.
Angela: I'm sorry, I was told I have the floor.
Oscar: Whoa hold on, hold on. What's going on?
Jim Halpert: Nothing! Nothing at all. "It's all goood."
Pam Beesly: I'm not apologizing to anyone. Michael owes ME an apology.
Michael Scott: For trying to find happiness in the arms of a lover?
Pam Beesly: Don't call my mother your lover!
Kevin: Yes! That's what I'm talking about.
Andy: That is not ok dude!
Michael Scott: Ok, in my defence--
Phyllis: Disgusting.
Creed: That's messed up man.
Pam Beesly: Yes. Thank you. Welcome to my personal hell!
Oscar: You have no sense of boundaries, Michael.
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Stanley: Michael don't listen to them.
Michael Scott: Thank you Stanley.
Stanley: You just ignore their carping.
Michael Scott: Ok.
Dwight Schrute: Michael.
Michael Scott: Yes.
Dwight Schrute: A carp is both a fish and a term for complaining. They're mocking you with wordplay.
Creed: Hey Boss. Did you "Find Nemo"?
Michael Scott: I could name Pixar movies too. Toy Story!
Oscar: Don't you mean, Coy Story?
[everyone laughs]
Phyllis: And when you fell in, did you Flounder?
Dwight Schrute: Michael, a flounder is both a kind of fish--
Michael Scott: I know what a flounder is!
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Creed: It's crazy what's going on out there, huh?
Jim Halpert: I know. Yeah. It's... kinda...
Creed: Sometimes it's best just to stay out of it.
Jim Halpert: That's true. That's right, yeah.
Creed: Wanna play a game?
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Pam Beesly: During the course of business, a copier goes through something called normal wear and tear.
[cut to Creed depositing coins in the side of the machine]
Oscar: I think it's seventy-five cents.
Creed: That's a lot.
[cut to a Cat gnawing on the power cord]
Angela: Bandit, no! No, no, no.
[cut to Kevin spilling a whole cup of coffee on the copier glass]
Kevin: Ohh!
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