Creed Quotes From The Office
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| [from deleted scenes] | |
| [Creed walks over to Phyllis' desk] | |
| Stanley: | She's on her honeymoon. She won't be back for six weeks. |
| Creed: | [sits down on her desk] I'll wait. |
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| Robert California | When I was a boy there was an empty house just up the hill from my family’s. It was rumored that a man committed suicide there after being possessed by the Devil. One day a young woman, Lydia, moved into the house with her infant child. That very night Lydia was awakened by a loud, heinous hissing sound, hssss. She walked to the nursery, and there in Baby’s crib there was a snake wrapped around Baby’s neck, squeezing tighter and tighter. |
| Creed Bratton | [aghast] Oh my Goodness! |
| Robert California | The crib was full of dirt, Baby struggled to free itself from underneath, reaching and clawing, gasping for air. Embalmed bodies rose from their sarcophagi, lurching towards Baby… [awkward silence] for they were mummies. |
| Kevin Malone | NO! |
| Robert California | Amongst them was a man. Tall, slim... |
| Meredith Palmer | Jim! Uh! |
| Robert California | Almost instinctively she turned to her husband, ‘Oh, wait,’ she thought, ‘I don’t have a husband.’ For Lydia and her husband had had an argument, one they couldn’t get past. Each night they slept one inch further apart, until one night Lydia left. It was about this time she lost herself in imaginary worlds [Dwight turns off Starcraft]. She had quit the book club, the choir, citing something about their high expectations. Her lips slowly grew together from disuse and every time she wanted to act and didn’t, another part of her face hardened until it was stone. And then the fevered night, she rushed to the nursery, threw open the door. “Baby, are you OK?” Baby sat up slowly, turned to mother and said, “I’m fine, bitch. I’m fine.” |
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| Creed: | [hands Michael a tiny disco ball] This used to hang from my windshield. But it belongs in here. |
| Michael Scott: | Hey thank you Creed. You really get this place! |
| Creed: | No problem. I'll just have no idea who's driving behind me now. |
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| [deleted scenes] | |
| Jim Halpert: | What are you doing? |
| Creed: | [while unbuttoning his shirt] We're not playing Strip-Pong? |
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| Kevin: | Look at that. She's totally flirting with him. |
| Phyllis: | Hmm you don't know that. Some people can't help oozing sexuality. |
| Creed: | You ever notice you can only ooze two things? Sexuality and puss. Man I tell ya. |
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| Creed: | Hey bra'. I've been meaning to ask you. Can we get some Red Bull for these things? Sometimes a guy's gotta ride the bull. Am I right? Later skater. |
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| Creed: | Are you listening to what he's saying? Retraining, new system, youth. I'm telling you, this kid is the grim reaper. You deal with this, or you, me, Sammy, Phyllis, the chick you hit with a car... we're goners. |
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| [the office is gathered around Stanley's computer, all talking at once about Hilary Swank] | |
| Kevin: | Not at all. |
| Creed: | She's cute. |
| Meredith: | She's got mean eyes. |
| Pam Beesly: | [walking over] Have you seen her with her bangs? |
| Kevin: | She looks like a monster. |
| Jim Halpert: | Guys, she is a beautiful movie star. So, maybe we could just, go to work. |
| Meredith: | She is an amazing actress. |
| Kevin: | That's not the question. |
| Phyllis: | She's not hot. |
| Kevin: | Yeah! Thank you Phyllis. |
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| Kelly: | You know what Dwight? You need to go back there and you need to Pretty Woman their asses. |
| Creed: | We should start our own mall! |
| Erin: | Yeah! |
| Jim Halpert: | Wait wait wait actually that's a really good idea Kelly. |
| Kelly: | What did I say. |
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| Jan: | Okay, name please. |
| Creed: | Creed Braton, 75-plus division. |
| Jan: | You're over 75-years-old? |
| Creed: | 82, November first. How much is the prize money? |
| Jan: | There's no prize money. |
| Creed: | What is any of this real? |