Creed Quotes From The Office
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| Creed: | The only difference between me and a homeless man is this job. I will do whatever it takes to survive. Like I did, when I was a homeless man. |
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| Creed: | So there I am, minding my own business, and Darnell offers me three bucks. All I gotta do is walk by Andy and go like this. [makes throat cutting gesture] Darnell's a chump. I would've done it for anything. I've done a lot more for a lot less. |
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| Dwight Schrute: | [looking around office to see if anyone notices the smoke] Does anyone smell anything smoky? |
| Angela: | Did you bring your jerky in again? |
| Dwight Schrute: | [clears throat] |
| Pam Beesly: | [points to smoke] Oh, my God! Uh, Oh my God! |
| Phyllis: | What-- |
| Andy Bernard: | Whoa, fire! |
| Dwight Schrute: | Oh, fire! Oh my goodness! What's the procedure? What do we do, people? |
| Pam Beesly: | The phones are dead. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Oh, how did that happen? |
| Kevin: | It's out in the hall. |
| Dwight Schrute: | No, we don't know that. The smoke could be coming through an air duct. |
| Michael Scott: | Oh my God! Okay, it happening. Everybody stay calm. |
| Dwight Schrute: | What's the procedure, everyone? What's the procedure? |
| Michael Scott: | Stay [bleep] calm! |
| Dwight Schrute: | Wait, wait, wait. |
| Michael Scott: | Everyone, now [bleep] calm down! |
| Dwight Schrute: | No! No, Michael! No! Touch the handle. If it's hot, there could be a fire in the hallway. |
| Michael Scott: | What does warm mean? |
| Everyone: | [groaning] Oh my God. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Not a viable option. |
| Pam Beesly: | Try a different door. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Okay, what's next? |
| Michael Scott: | Don't run. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Oh! Here's a door. Check that one out. How's the handle? |
| Andy Bernard: | It-- it's warm. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Well, uh, another option. [everyone chattering at once] |
| Jim Halpert: | Back door. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Back to our options. Jeez! Ok! settle down everyone. No bunching! |
| Phyllis: | Oh! I forgot my purse. |
| Stanley: | Leave it woman! |
| Michael Scott: | Get out of the way! Go, go, go! |
| Dwight Schrute: | Things can be replaced, Phyllis! People, human lives, however, can... |
| Oscar: | Ah! My hand! That's hot! |
| Andy Bernard: | Aah! This one's hot too! |
| Michael Scott: | Okay, we're trapped. Everyone for himself. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Okay, let's go. |
| Everyone: | [shouting] Out of my way! Let's go. Get out of my way! |
| Dwight Schrute: | Calm, please. |
| Andy Bernard: | Get out of the way! |
| Dwight Schrute: | Have you ever seen a burn victim? |
| Andy Bernard: | Move it! |
| Dwight Schrute: | Okay! Procedure, procedure. Exit options. Where do we go folks? Wha-- Use a what to cover the mouth? |
| Angela: | [pulling cat out of filing drawer] It's okay. Shh shhh. |
| Dwight Schrute: | A what? A rag. A damp rag, perhaps. Let's remember those procedures. What are the options? Okay, that's the wrong way. We've already tried that. Remember your exit points. Exit points people. |
| Angela: | Oscar. |
| Dwight Schrute: | What's next? |
| Angela: | Oscar! |
| Oscar: | Stay alive! I'm getting help! |
| Angela: | Pull me up! |
| Oscar: | You're too heavy! |
| Angela: | I only weigh 82 pounds! Uh-- save Bandit! [throws cat into air duct and he falls out through the other side] Oh! |
| Dwight Schrute: | How about 911? Anyone? 911. |
| [Michael throws a chair at the window, Kevin smashes a chair through the vending machine and begins to grab snacks, everyone is shouting.] | |
| Pam Beesly: | What do we do? |
| Dwight Schrute: | Use the surge of fear and adrenaline to sharpen your decision-making. |
| Jim Halpert: | Okay, I am not dying here. Come on. |
| [everyone is coughing from the smoke, Dwight lights some fire crackers and they start popping] | |
| Angela: | What is that? What is that? |
| Andy Bernard: | The fire's shooting at us! |
| Phyllis: | What in the name of God is going on?! |
| [Dwight pulls fire alarm] | |
| Phyllis and Creed: | Ahhhh!!! [Oscar's leg crashes through the ceiling] |
| Andy Bernard: | Go, go, go, go, go!! [Andy and Jim ram the door with the copy machine] |
| Michael Scott: | [throws the projector out the window] Help!! Help!! |
| Stanley: | I'm about to die! |
| Dwight Schrute: | [blowing air horn] Attention everyone! Employees of Dunder Mifflin! This has been a test of our emergency preparedness. There is no fire. It was only a simulation. |
| Jim Halpert: | What?! |
| Dwight Schrute: | Fire not real. This was merely a training exercise. [Oscar drops down from the ceiling] So, what have we learned? [Stanley falls to the floor] Oh come on. It's not real Stanley. Don't have a heart attack. |
| Michael Scott: | No, no, no! You will not die! Stanley! Stanley! You will not die! Stanley! Stanley! Barack is president! You are black, Stanley! I'm gonna give him mouth to mouth. |
| Jim Halpert: | No, no, no! Don't give him mouth to mouth for this! |
| Michael Scott: | He's going to swallow is tongue. |
| Jim Halpert: | No. Michael. Michael. |
| Michael Scott: | Open your mouth. Come on. Don't swallow it. |
| Jim Halpert: | [everyone shouting at once] Michael! Michael! |
| Michael Scott: | Leave me al-- |
| Andy Bernard: | You're choking him! |
| Michael Scott: | Saving him! |
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| Creed: | Be cool Michael. I saw this guy kill a bunch of people. |
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| Jan: | Okay, name please. |
| Creed: | Creed Braton, 75-plus division. |
| Jan: | You're over 75-years-old? |
| Creed: | 82, November first. How much is the prize money? |
| Jan: | There's no prize money. |
| Creed: | What is any of this real? |
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| Pam Beesly: | Hello, this is... the client. |
| Creed: | It's Creed. FYI I'm starting my own paper company, looking to poach some chumps. You in? |
| Pam Beesly: | Yes. |
| Creed: | [laughing] Cool. Let's keep this on the QT, I don't want you to be a dead mama jama. |
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| Creed: | [translated from Mandarin] To all my friends in China: Hello. |
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| Angela: | What am I supposed to do with two cakes and a pie? |
| Kevin: | Ooh I'll take 'em! |
| Creed: | Well nobody's touching my cobbler. |
| Phyllis: | Hey Michael-- I mean Jim. |
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| Creed: | Andrea's the uh, office bitch. You'll get used to her. |