Creed Quotes From The Office

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Creed: In the sixties, I made love to many, many women. Often outdoors. In the mud and the rain. And it's possible a man slipped in. There would be no way of knowing.
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[Creed is staring at Pam and her new clothes]
Pam Beasley: What?
Creed: I'm just looking.
Pam Beasley: Please go back to your desk.
Creed: In a minute.
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Jim Halpert: I am collecting three dollars for everyone for Kelly's party.
Creed: Oh I'd like to contribute.
Jim Halpert: Oh great.
Creed: [takes out a three dollar bill and gives it to Jim]
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Kelly: I swallowed a tapeworm last night. It's going to grow up to three feet inside of me and then it eats all my food so that I don't get fat. And then, after three months I take some medicine and then I pass it. Creed sold it to me. It's from Mexico.
Creed: That wasn't a tapeworm.
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Kevin: Look at that. She's totally flirting with him.
Phyllis: Hmm you don't know that. Some people can't help oozing sexuality.
Creed: You ever notice you can only ooze two things? Sexuality and puss. Man I tell ya.
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[Angela picks up her phone]
Angela: Extension 128.
Creed: Hiya Pumpkin, it's Creed. So we're gonna ditch this bitch. You in?
Angela: No.
Creed: You out? [Angela hangs up] Pumpkin's out! Let's go gang!
[Creed, Phyllis and Meredith walk out of the office]
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Michael Scott: Phyllis.
Phyllis: Oh no, they're still not done.
Michael Scott: No no no, let me see. [picks up the mostly knitted mittens] Oh Phyllis, nice try. I love 'em. [waves goodbye to her with the mittens] [Michael begins walking out the office, he takes one last look at all his friends to see them working, and Jim looking back, teary eyed]
Creed: [drinking from Michael's World's Best Boss mug] See ya tomorrow boss!
Michael Scott: Later guys. [leaves the office]
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Michael Scott: And another thing about the Indian people, they love sex positions. I present to you the Kama Sutra. I mean look at that. Who's seen that before?
Creed: I have. That's the Union of the Monkey.
Meredith: Ohh, that's what they call it.
Kevin: This is the best meeting we have ever had.
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Meredith: Guys, do we have to stay all day?
Phyllis: I mean Michael's gone can't we just go?
Creed: Yeah and I finished my work months ago.
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Michael Scott: This is Creed, and he is in charge of... something... right?
Creed: That is correct.
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Creed: [phoning in a review of Andy's play] Unfortunately, in this ham-fisted production of Sweeney Todd, the real terror comes from the vocal performances. New paragraph.
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Jim Halpert: He obviously forgot to get me something, and then he went in his closet and dug out this little number [holds up way-too-short sleeves] and then threw it in a bag.
Creed Bratton: [cut to Creed's talking head] Yep. That's exactly what happened.
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