Creed Quotes From The Office
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| Creed: | In the sixties, I made love to many, many women. Often outdoors. In the mud and the rain. And it's possible a man slipped in. There would be no way of knowing. |
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| [trying to repack a box] | |
| Oscar: | Did we try printer first? Shredder at an angle? Fax, cable, then the scanner upside down? |
| Pam Beesly: | Yes. |
| Creed: | Have you tried making everything smaller. |
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| [Michael is making farting noises] | |
| Toby: | Come on Michael. You're interrupting. |
| Michael Scott: | You're kidding me! God! You say radon is silent but deadly and then you expect me not to make farting noises with my mouth? What is this! You know what we're not going to die of radon we're going to die of boredom. |
| [office laughs] | |
| Michael Scott: | Right? And if I had a gun, with two bullets, and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice. |
| [disapproval from everyone] | |
| Dwight Shrute: | You were being really funny, and then you went too far. |
| Michael Scott: | I would kill Bin Laden and then Toby. |
| Dwight Shrute: | No, it's still... |
| Michael Scott: | OK geniuses how would you do it? |
| Creed: | Curve the bullet, like in my favorite James McAvoy film, um, Wanted. |
| Oscar: | All that does is help you shoot around things. When there's Bin Laden-- |
| Ryan: | Is there a curtain rod in the room. |
| Michael Scott: | I donno. |
| Stanley: | How 'bout make believe land has anyyything you want. |
| Jim Halpert: | Stanley please. This is serious. |
| Angela: | Is this the thing where they use an icicle so there's no evidence. |
| Michael Scott: | Yes, we should stab Toby through the heart with an icicle. |
| Dwight Shrute: | Come on, the whole two bullet thing is a red herring. Here's how you do it, you line them all up, you take one bullet shoot them all through the throat at the same time. [stands up] Watch this, Phyllis, you're Hitler, come up here. Toby, you're Toby. Andy, you're Bin Laden. Line up. Throats together. |
| Toby: | I don't wanna do this. |
| Michael Scott: | Toby just do it! God! |
| Dwight Shrute: | [holding his fingers like a gun to Phyllis' throat] Ready? One bullet, and, boom! [shows bullet travelling through Toby and Andy's necks] |
| Michael Scott: | [the office applauds] It works! |
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| Creed: | I've been involved in a number of cults, both as a leader and a follower. You have more fun as a follower. But you make more money as a leader. |
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| Rose: | Ok. You didn't maintain a hundred beats per minute. And the ambulance didn't arrive because no body called 911. So you lost 'em. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Ok. He's dead. Anyone know what we do next? Anybody? Rose? |
| Rose: | I have no idea. |
| Phyllis: | We bury him. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Wrong. Check for an organ donor card. If he has one we only have minutes to harvest. |
| Creed: | He has no wallet, I checked. |
| Michael Scott: | He is an organ donor. |
| Dwight Schrute: | [excitedly] He is? Give me some ice in a Styrofoam bucket. [removes a hunting knife from his ankle and cuts open the dummy] We search for the organs! [digging around inside] Where's the heart? The precious heart. |
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| Creed: | What is wrong with this woman? She's asking about stuff that's nobody's business. 'What do I do?' What do I do, I do here. I should have written it down. 'Qua' something. Quaaa. Quarr. Quab. Quall. Qwer. Quobbity! Quobbity assurance! |
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| Creed: | The only difference between me and a homeless man is this job. I will do whatever it takes to survive. Like I did, when I was a homeless man. |
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| Creed: | [when asked to ID a photo of marijuana] That is Northern Lights, cannabis indica. |
| Dwight Schrute: | [sighs with disappointment] No. It's marijuana. |
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| Kelly: | You know what Dwight? You need to go back there and you need to Pretty Woman their asses. |
| Creed: | We should start our own mall! |
| Erin: | Yeah! |
| Jim Halpert: | Wait wait wait actually that's a really good idea Kelly. |
| Kelly: | What did I say. |
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| Trivia announcer | Alright, first question, everyone: Ray Charles famously had this state on his mind. What is its capital? |
| Andy Bernard | Oh, we got this! |
| Creed | Let's reverse engineer this. You're a black singer. Where do you go? Somewhere where you're a novelty! Alaska? |
| Stanley | Atlanta. |
| Phyllis | Oh, I know you think that because that's where the Olympics were held. |
| Stanley | Keep talkin' all you want. |
| Kevin | How am I supposed to know what was on his mind? Ooh, what do blind people think about? |
| Erin | Ok.. Dogs, canes, signs, manholes, stairs, piano, darkness. |
| Trivia announcer | Ok, time's up. Let's get the boards up. |
| [Everyone holds up their signs. Everyone except Kevin's group gets it right. Kevin wrote: "What is... SEE-attle"] |
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| Erin | Who's Holly, guys? |
| Michael Scott | That is a good question, Erin. How do you describe somebody who is at the same time an old friend, and was a lover, and was a complicated part of my past, and maybe, just maybe, a part of my future? |
| Creed | She's one sassy black lady. |