Creed Quotes From The Office

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Michael Scott: [to Meredith] Everyone in this room loves you. But mark my words, we are not going to support your alcoholism anymore. The next time you light yourself on fire, we are not going to help put you out.
Dwight Schrute: Ohhh as fire marshal I would have to.
Michael Scott: Dwight!
Dwight Schrute: She is a hazard to the other people of the office.
Michael Scott: [sighs]
Dwight Schrute: I suppose I could do it if it was a controlled burn in a well ventilated area.
Jim Halpert: Yeah you're going to need a permit for that.
Dwight Schrute: Oh right. That'll take a couple of weeks.
Creed: I could get you one in an hour.
Dwight Schrute: Really?
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Erin Who's Holly, guys?
Michael Scott That is a good question, Erin. How do you describe somebody who is at the same time an old friend, and was a lover, and was a complicated part of my past, and maybe, just maybe, a part of my future?
Creed She's one sassy black lady.
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Trivia announcer Alright, first question, everyone: Ray Charles famously had this state on his mind. What is its capital?
Andy Bernard Oh, we got this!
Creed Let's reverse engineer this. You're a black singer. Where do you go? Somewhere where you're a novelty! Alaska?
Stanley Atlanta.
Phyllis Oh, I know you think that because that's where the Olympics were held.
Stanley Keep talkin' all you want.
Kevin How am I supposed to know what was on his mind? Ooh, what do blind people think about?
Erin Ok.. Dogs, canes, signs, manholes, stairs, piano, darkness.
Trivia announcer Ok, time's up. Let's get the boards up.
[Everyone holds up their signs. Everyone except Kevin's group gets it right. Kevin wrote: "What is... SEE-attle"]
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Dwight Schrute: Parley, my office, five minutes.
Pam Beesly: Parley?
Creed: Pirate code, he wants to meet.
Pam Beesly: So everyone here knows pirate code?
Creed: I understand it, I can't speak it.
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Creed: [translated from Mandarin] To all my friends in China: Hello.
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Creed: [on the phone with Pam] Yo. Is this his new chair?
Pam Beesley: No. He hasn't picked one yet.
Creed: Gah.
[cut to Creed's talking head]
Creed: When Pam gets Michael's new chair, I get Pam's old chair. Then I'll have two chairs. Only one to go.
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Creed: Baby. You want to play with this?
Karen: You can't give paper clips to a baby. He could swallow it.
Creed: Oh, it's okay. I've got tons of them.
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Creed: Nobody steals from Creed Bratton and gets away with it. The last person to do this disappeared. His name? [whispering] Creed Bratton.
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Michael Scott: What topics, can you use for small talk?
Andy: Golf, stock market, Dave Matthews--
Michael Scott: Yes, what else?
Creed: Small things. Peas, ball bearings, dimes.
Michael Scott: No.
Meredith: The weekend.
Michael Scott: Yeah! That's good! Come on up, Meredith. Come up here. Let's do a little something. [Meredith gets to the front] So Meredith and I just started conversing, and I will say, "so Meredith, how was your weekend? What did you do?"
Meredith: Well I caught my son taking a dump on the upper-part of the toilet... he calls it an "upper decker."
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[in the conference room while police are in the office looking for Toby's drugs]
Creed: Just pretend like we're talking until the cops leave.
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[Creed walks into the office dressed as the Joker]
Oscar: Whoa! Awesome!
Creed: Let's put a smile on that FACE! [walks away]
[Kevin stands up from behind his desk, also dressed as the Joker]
Kevin: Damn it, Creed! I've been up since four!
Send "The Office Theme Song" Ringtone to your Cell
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Creed: [phoning in a review of Andy's play] Unfortunately, in this ham-fisted production of Sweeney Todd, the real terror comes from the vocal performances. New paragraph.
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Quotes from  Michael Scott  Dwight Schrute  Creed Bratton  Pam  Random Quotes from All Seasons