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Michael Scott: I know 'grumble grumble', but you would follow me to the ends of the earth grumblin' all the way. Just like that uh dwarf from Lord of the Rings.
Dwight Schrute: Gimli.
Michael Scott: NERD. That is why you're not on the team.
Phyllis: I could cheerlead.
Michael Scott: Ewwww. That's worse than you playing.
[to Dwight] God, this is so sad, this is the smallest amount of power I've ever seen go to someone's head.
Michael Scott: Let's put together the starting line-up, shall we? Stanley, of course.
Stanley: I'm sorry?
Michael Scott: Um, what do you play? Center?
Stanley: Why 'of course'? What's that supposed to mean?
Michael Scott: I donno... I don't remember saying that.
Jim Halpert: Uh, I heard it.
Michael Scott: Well people hear a lot of things, man.
[of Mexican descent] I can play, if you need any help.
Michael Scott: I will use your talents come baseball season, my friend. Or if we ever decide to box.
Jim Halpert: I'll do it. I'll get the skirt, pigtails, pom poms.
Michael Scott: Yeah, just try not to be too gay on the court!
[Jim raises his eyebrows at the camera]
Michael Scott: I mean that in the 'bad-at-sports' way. I think that goes without saying.
Michael Scott: ...and I'm sinking a few, swish swish swish- nothing but net! And their jaws just drop to the floor. African Americans!
Michael Scott: This is our warehouse, or as I like to call it, the 'whore house.' But don't you call it that. I've earned the right.
Ryan Howard: Fine, don't worry about that.
[takes a shot from half court and misses completely] AAAAH WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME TODAY? Usually get those!
Michael Scott: You know what? Screw corporate. Nobody's coming in tomorrow. You have the day off. Like coming in an extra day is gonna prevent us from being downsized. Have a good weekend.
Ryan Howard: I'm getting paid to skip lunch, right?
Micheal Scott: Threat neutralized!
[to Pam] Trust me. Tip it my way or you're sleeping in the car.
Michael Scott: Pam-Pam-thank-you-ma'am.
[Roy elbows Jim] Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Foul. Naked aggression.