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Kevin: They're making fun of Cookie Monster. I get that. But in a strange way, it feels like they're making fun of me.
Erin: And then, my last job was at a Taco Bell Express. But then it became a full-time Taco Bell and... I donno. I couldn't keep up.
Andy: It's Secretary's Day. And, it is Erin and mine's three week anniversary. So, perfect storm! For a romanic gesture. Wanted the whole office to remember it's Secretary's Day. I sent an email blast, a text blast. A good old fashioned talk blast. I sent a snail mail blast a week ago. And, a stern reminder via fax at seven o'clock this morning. So people better step up. And appreciate the crap out of Erin. I do. If it wasn't for secretaries, I wouldn't have a step-mom.
[Pam sits at her desk and finds her plant dead]
[to Jim, disappointed] Couldn't have watered it?
Jim Halpert: I literally did not know that existed, until this moment.
Dwight Shrute: Well I knew it existed, and I chose to let it die.
Pam Halpert: It's nice to see you again Dwight.
Dwight Shrute: Hello Pam.
[Erin covers her face with her hair]
Michael Scott: What are you doin'? What are you doing.
Erin: In the foster home my hair was my room.
[starts yelling under her hair]
Michael Scott: Ok, ok. You know what? You know what? Everybody's looking at you now.
[yelling] I'll have what she's having!
Pam Halpert: Hey. You know, um, I was engaged before Jim.
Pam Halpert: Yeah. And he worked here, too.
Erin: It was Andy wasn't it.
Pam Halpert: No, no it wasn't Andy. It wasn't. It doesn't matter. It's not about who you've been with. It's about who you end up with. Sometimes the heart doesn't know what it wants until it finds what it wants.
Erin: I hope you find what you're looking for.
[dumbstruck] Thank you.
[Pam clutching her chest in pain]
Jim Halpert: What's up?
Dwight Shrute: Hey milk is coming in she's getting uncomfortable.
Jim Halpert: Dwight don't be gross.
Pam Halpert: No, no he's right.
Dwight Shrute: Same things happens to my cows if I don't tend them frequently enough. You gotta milk 'em. Or else they'll moo like crazy.
Pam Halpert: That's weird my breast pump's missing.
[to Jim] Have you seen my breast pump?
[taking off his suit jacket and pumping hand sanitizer] Ok, this is going to traumatize me a hell of a lot more than you believe me.
Pam Halpert: You know what Dwight? Let me just check the bathroom first. 'K?
Dwight Shrute: Really? Fine. Let your breasts explode. Three squeezes, and I would drain you.
Pam Halpert: Mmmm.
Kevin: 'C' is for Suspension!
Michael Scott: Would you mind if I listened to my book on tape? Kind of a bookworm. It is a novelization of the movie Precious, based on the book Push by Sapphire.
Erin: I, was thinking it would be fun to talk on the way over. What decade would you have chosen to be a teenager?
[thinking] I donno!
Erin: I would choose the 1490's.
Michael Scott: Ah!...
Erin: Because America, was discovered.
Michael Scott: Right...
Erin: My favorite part about being a receptionist is that I get to have my own desk. My foster home never had a desk. So it's like a--I don't mean I don't like my foster home. I did like it I just, didn't have a desk there. Did you have a favorite age? Or, month?
[baffled] An age or month?
Erin: Yeah like a favorite month. Like I like April when I was seven.
[cut to talking head]
Michael Scott: I've been trying. I've been trying to keep it going.
[long pause] Erin is just, weird.
[cut back to lunch]
Erin: How many pillows do you sleep on at night?
[checking the washroom for her breast pump] Meredith!
Meredith: I just like the way it feels!
Pam Halpert: What are you doing!
Pam Halpert: Relax!?
Meredith: This is like the Cadillac of pumps.
Pam Halpert: Give it back to me now!
Meredith: I was just--I was warming it up.
Pam Halpert: That's--it's disgusting!
Meredith: It's not a big deal.
Pam Halpert: It's not sterile!
Meredith: We're both girls who cares.
[imitating Gabe] Uh guys, uh, I'm not going to a-pologize for the mess we're in. Uh, because corporate told me to. [everyone laughs] I just want you to know that I laugh like a crazy person. Ho ho ho!
Gabe: You gotta be able--you gotta be able to laugh at yourself. One of the gang! Yeah.
[imitating Gabe] I have to back to the zoo to the stick insect exhibit.
Kevin: Yeah! Oh, oh "ciao". Ciao. I say ciao because I'm fancy from Tallahassee.
Gabe: Why don't we say ciao to the impressions.
[showing Gabe the Cookie Monster video]
Gabe: This is violent and offensive.
Kevin: Thank you. It really makes me self-concious about my voice.
Gabe: It's awful
[offers Kevin a tissue]
Kevin: I'm not crying.
Gabe: There's some food on your face.
Angela: You embarrassed me earlier.
Erin: Take it up with the chief of police.
Angela: Do you think I want people remembering I had sensual relations with Andy? It's the kind of thing you wish you could have annulled. I want to throw up just thinking about it.
Erin: I want to think about it just thinking about it!
Angela: You are throwing up for the wrong reasons.
[imitating Kevin as Cookie Monster] Hey. Erin. You look delicious--I mean...beautiful!
[watching the video of Kevin as Cookie Monster from Sesame Street]
Dwight Shrute: That is an amusing link. I'd like it sent to me please.
[agreement from the rest of the office]
Kevin: Angela, this is inappropriate.
Angela: This is my favorite day.
[imitating Cookie Monster] My name is Kevin I'm an accountant. See? I did the voice!
Ryan: It's a little derivative.
Kelly: But parody's always derivative.
Ryan: It's not organic. Do you know what I mean?
Michael Scott: You know what, I resent the implication that I would keep that secret. Everyone here knows that I can't and won't keep a secret.
Dwight Shrute: Prideful idiots. Watch how it's done.
[walks up to Gabe] Gabriel. I apologize.
Dwight Shrute: I kneel before you.
[to Jim and Pam walking out] Guys, I would even take a contrite look as an apology.
Dwight Shrute: Humbly taking your hand, upon which I kiss to show my contrition.
Dwight Shrute: Why is everyone clumped around accounting? Break it up you clique!
Ryan: It's Kevin as Cookie Monster from Sesame Street.
Dwight Shrute: Is that the program where all those puppets live in the barrio?
Dwight Shrute: I love that show.
[driving back to the office after Erin freaks out at lunch]
Michael Scott: Did you have a--did you like your lunch? Did you have a good lunch? Did you like that? Did you enjoy your food? It was good. I liked my lunch.
Gabe: I should probably get involved in this but, I think my energy is better spent on the Cookie Monster issue.
Andy: Why would that be something you would talk about on Secretary's Day?
Michael Scott: Andy, she's not the easiest person in the world to have a conversation with. Alright? And besides, who doesn't tell their girlfriend that they were engaged to someone who works four feet away from them? That's like--that's--that's like Mr. and Mrs. Smith crap.