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The Office Season 3 - The Negotiation
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| Toby: | I don't think Michael intended to punish me by putting Ryan back here with Kelly. But, if he did intend that, wow. Genius. |
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| Michael Scott: | There were these huge bins of clothes, and everybody was rifling through them, like crazy, and I grabbed one. And it fit. So I don't think that this is totally just a women's suit. At the very least it's bisexual. |
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| Michael Scott: | A boss's salary isn't just about money. It is about perks. It- for example, every year I get a one hundred dollar gas card. Can't put a price tag on that. |
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| Creed: | I remember it was very late at night, like eleven, eleven-thirty. Big fella comes in, screaming about God knows what. I think maybe Halpert had stolen his car, something like that. So the big fella pulls out a sock filled with nickels, then Schrute, grabs a can of hairspray and a lighter- |
| Angela: | You're useless. |
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| [as voices behind the cubicle] | |
| Kelly: | You are so mean. |
| Ryan: | I don't know what you're talking about. |
| Kelly: | Yes you do, Ryan Bailey Howard. You called me stupid. |
| Ryan: | No I said your idea is stupid. |
| Kelly: | What is so stupid about wanting to name a baby Usher? Usher Jennifer Hudson Kapour. |
| Ryan: | Don't you see why that's insane? |
| Kelly: | Oh, so I'm crazy now? |
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| Jim Halpert: | I guess, all things considered, I was lucky Dwight was there. And Roy was lucky Dwight only used pepper spray. Not the nunchucks or the throwing stars. |
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| Michael Scott: | Okay I want you to be Darryl and ask me for a raise because I need to try out some of these negotiation tactics on you. |
| Jim Halpert: | Where'd you get that? |
| Michael Scott: | Wikipedia. |
| [cut to interview] | |
| Michael Scott: | Wikipedia. Is the best thing ever. Anyone, in the world, can write anything they want about any subject. So you know you are getting the best possible information. |
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| Darryl: | Are you wearing lady clothes? |
| Michael Scott: | What? |
| Darryl: | Are you wearing lady clothes? Those look like lady pants. |
| Michael Scott: | No. This is a power suit. |
| Darryl: | That there's a woman's suit. |
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| Karen: | When I heard Jim and Pam had kissed. My reaction was to have lots of long talks with Jim about our feelings. Roy just attacked him. I'm not sure which one Jim hated more. |
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| Toby: | This may be the first time that a male subordinate has attempted to get a modest, scheduled raise by threatening to withhold sex from a female superior. It will be a groundbreaking case when it inevitably goes to trial. |
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| Andy: | I graduated from anger management the same way I graduated from Cornell. On time. Now I'm back, got a second chance and I'm not gonna blow it. So look out Dunder Mifflin!! [pause] I mean look out in a fun way, you know, not like I'm gonna hurt you. |
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| Kelly: | That is the bravest thing I have ever heard. |
| Ryan: | I can't imagine what I would have done. |
| Kelly: | I can. You would have left me to fend for myself. Like that time we were on the Ferris Wheel, and that kid dropped a milkshake on me, and you just laughed. |
| Ryan: | Well that was funny, that's why. |
| Kelly: | Oh it was? Okay, well the next time that you get scared, that you think a murderer is in your apartment in the middle of the night, and you call me to calm you down-- |
| Ryan: | Okay. You know what I didn't ca-- |
| Kelly: | You can just call somebody else because I'm not going to do it anymore, Ryan. I'm not. |
| Ryan: | Well don't talk to me about calling people in the middle of the night. |
| Toby: | Can you stop-- Alright-- There's a bunch of people back here, maybe-- Guys-- |
| Kelly: | I call you in the middle of the night to tell you I love you! |
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| Darryl: | Haven't been to New York in a long time. Maybe I'll stay overnight. Got a cousin that lives down there. |
| Toby: | How will we get home? |
| Darryl: | You can stay too. He's got a big place. |
| Michael Scott: | Maybe I'll stay. |
| Darryl: | It's not that big. Busses, though, will get you home quick. |
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| Dwight Schrute: | No, don't call me a hero. Do you know who the real heroes are? The guys, who wake up every morning, and go into their normal jobs, and get a distress call from the commissioner, and take off their glasses and change into capes and fly around fighting crime. Those are the real heroes. |
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| Michael Scott: | Okay let's try another one. Um, 'walking out of the room unexpectedly.' |
| Jim Halpert: | And what happens in this one? |
| Michael Scott: | It's a surprise. |
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| Michael Scott: | Negotiation is an art. Back and forth. Give and take. And today, both Darryl, and I, took something. Higher salaries. Win win win. But you know, life is about more than just salary. It's about, perks. Like having sex with Jan- |
| Jan: | Michael! |
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| Michael Scott: | Negotiations are all about controlling things. About being in the driver's seat. And, make one tiny mistake you're dead. I made one tiny mistake. I wore women's clothes. |
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| Jan: | No, Michael, we need an HR rep. So, uh, I think you should just bring Toby. |
| Michael Scott: | Hey, uh, I'd rather kill myself. [talking over Jan] No, Toby is terrible. Toby is the worst human being I've ever known. |
| Jan: | Either Toby comes with you or we don't do it. |
| Michael Scott: | [long pause] Fiine. |
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| Michael Scott: | Come on, let's go. |
| Toby: | Where? |
| Michael Scott: | 'Where?' I'm gonna smack you in the head with a hammer, come on let's go. |
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| Jim Halpert: | [under his breath] Sex. Steve Martin. Teri Hatcher. |
| Michael Scott: | What? |
| Jim Halpert: | What? |
| Michael Scott: | What'd you say? |
| Jim Halpert: | I didn't say anything, I was waiting to see what happened. |
| Michael Scott: | It sounded interesting, what you were gonna... |
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| Michael Scott: | I'm going to give you a piece of paper. I want you to write down how much you want, and I want you to slide it back across the desk to me. |
| Darryl: | Why can't I just tell you. |
| Michael Scott: | Because that is the way these things are done. In, films. |
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