Dwight Schrute Quotes From The Office

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Dwight Schrute: Let me tell you about me like him. (Ryan) he comes over and you're like 'Hey baby, let me light a candle' and you pull out this one- half used. And he's like 'Who else is she seeing? I better lock her down fast'.
Kelly: You can take my Hellen Fielding collection.
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Dwight Schrute: Yes. I have decided to shun Andy Bernard for the next three years. Which I'm looking forward to. It's an Amish technique. It's like slapping someone with silence. I was shunned from the age four until my sixth birthday for not saving the excess oil from a can of tuna.
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[Dwight is playing the recorder for Michael]
Michael Scott: Stop it. Stop! What is that?
Dwight Schrute: It's 'For The Longest Time' by William Joel. It's your favorite song.
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Rose: Ok. You didn't maintain a hundred beats per minute. And the ambulance didn't arrive because no body called 911. So you lost 'em.
Dwight Schrute: Ok. He's dead. Anyone know what we do next? Anybody? Rose?
Rose: I have no idea.
Phyllis: We bury him.
Dwight Schrute: Wrong. Check for an organ donor card. If he has one we only have minutes to harvest.
Creed: He has no wallet, I checked.
Michael Scott: He is an organ donor.
Dwight Schrute: [excitedly] He is? Give me some ice in a Styrofoam bucket. [removes a hunting knife from his ankle and cuts open the dummy] We search for the organs! [digging around inside] Where's the heart? The precious heart.
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[car swerves]
Dwight Schrute: Hey! You're making me spray!
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Jim Halpert: So, how do you guys know each other?
Dwight's Babysitter: I was his babysitter.
Pam Beesly: And now you guys are, dating?
Dwight Schrute: Purely carnal. That's all you need to know.
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Michael Scott: [picking up cell phone] What do you want?
Dwight Schrute: Michael I know you're swamped, I just thought you should know that everyone in the office has left, except for Angela and I. Do not worry though, I have taken down their names and I have docked them a personal day.
Michael Scott: Who cares? I'm not there, Jim's not there, why should they have to be there.
Dwight Schrute: [pause] So, what else is up?
[Michael hangs up]
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Meredith: [condescendingly] You don't take my clients away and give them to a secretary. [to Jim] No offense, Jim, I think she's very pretty.
Dwight Schrute: Her face is okay, but-
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Dwight Schrute: Michael, why do you keep looking at the front door.
Michael Scott: No reason.
Dwight Schrute: Is somebody after you?
Oscar: Why do you always go to that? Has anyone ever been after anyone in this office.
Dwight Schrute: Hey! It just takes one.
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[reading Michael's screenplay]
Dwight Schrute: Sam, get my luggage.
Ryan: I forget it, brotha.
Dwight Schrute: Samuel, you are such an idiot. You are the worst assistant ever. And you're disgusting, Dwigt. Wait who's 'Dwigt'?
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Gabe C.E.O. to C.O.O. ...what a difference a letter makes.
Dwight Schrute Still an important position... Still a chief.
Send "The Office Theme Song" Ringtone to your Cell
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Andy: And then I will say something positive like, 'kudos!' Or 'job well done!'
Jim Halpert: Or zippity do da.
Andy: I can't tell if he's mocking me.
Dwight Schrute: Just ignore him.
Andy: I can't do that. It's really hard for me to let things go.
Jim Halpert: I was, mocking you.
Andy: Thank you.
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Quotes from  Michael Scott  Dwight Schrute  Creed Bratton  Pam  Random Quotes from All Seasons