Dwight Schrute Quotes From The Office
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| Dwight Schrute: | I don't understand why would you buy a policy? |
| Michael Scott: | It's just the cost of a cup of coffee an hour. |
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| Dwight Schrute: | [after being promoted, looking around the conference room] So I guess... this'll just be my office. |
| Michael Scott: | No. No. Title change only. |
| Dwight Schrute: | I'll have Pam send out a memo. |
| Michael Scott: | No, no. Three month probationary period, let's just not... tell, anybody, about this right now. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Just a formality? |
| Michael Scott: | Absolutely. But not really. |
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| Dwight Schrute: | I lied to Michael. I said that I would leave him alone but I will not. I will remain close by to provide unseen moral support. But I will never help him. I will let harm befall him. I will even, let him die. But I will never let him lose his dignity. |
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| Dwight Schrute: | 'Don't sleep with your boss.' Do you think this is about you boning Jan? |
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| Dwight Schrute: | Listen, temp, I am conducting a little investigation, so I am no longer going to be able to head up spring cleaning. Do you think you can handle it? |
| Ryan: | Yeah, I think I can handle it. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Do you think, or do you know? |
| Ryan: | I think. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Oh God, here. |
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| Dwight Schrute: | You gotta learn Jim, you are second in command but that does not put you above the law. |
| Jim Halpert: | Oh I understand. And I also have lots of questions. Like, what does a demerit mean? |
| Dwight Schrute: | Let's put it this way, you do not want to receive three of those. |
| Jim Halpert: | Lay it on me. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Three demerits and you'll receive a citation. |
| Jim Halpert: | Now, that sounds serious. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Oh it is serious. Five citations and you're looking at a violation. Four of those and you'll receive a verbal warning. Keep it up, and you're looking at a written warning. Two of those, that'll land you in world of hurt. In the form of a disciplinary review, written up by me, and placed on the desk of my immediate superior. |
| Jim Halpert: | Which would be me. |
| Dwight Schrute: | That is correct. |
| Jim Halpert: | Okay. I want a copy on my desk by the end of the day or you will receive a full disagulation. |
| Dwight Schrute: | What's a dis- What's that? |
| Jim Halpert: | Oh you don't wanna know. |
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| Dwight Schrute: | It's gonna be okay. |
| Angela: | How is it going to be okay Dwight? Everyone will know our business. |
| Dwight Schrute: | That's not the worst thing in the world. I'll just stand up in front of the office and reveal our true love. It's won't be that bad. Look at Kelly and Ryan. |
| Angela: | I hate those two people more than anything in the entire world. |
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| Dwight Schrute: | [Ryan arrives at the party, he yells loudly] Master Ryan Howard! |
| [cut to talking head of Jim back at the office] | |
| Jim Halpert: | [Reading his book] "Chapter 2: Announcing guests as they enter is the height of decorum. The more volume displayed, the more honor is bestowed upon everyone present." |
| Dwight Schrute: | [Jim, Pam and Cece arrive] James, Pamela, and Pee Pee Halpert! |
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| Dwight Schrute: | [to Michael's costume head] QUIET YOU! |
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| Dwight Schrute: | I am fast. To give you a reference point, I'm somewhere between a snake and a mongoose. And a panther. |
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| Oscar: | Guys, I drive an SUV. Does that mean I'm in the mob? |
| Dwight Schrute: | No, not that by itself but look at all the facts. He seems like a mobster. |
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| Dwight Schrute: | We'll start our own paper company. The Shrute Bernard Lapin-Vance... Stanley Paper Company. |
| Michael Scott: | I love it. I love this idea and I fully support you. As a matter of fact I am going to give you some seed money. [throws a crumpled bill at Phyllis' head] There you go, there's some seed money for you! And you can take it, no hard feelings, but if you stay I want an apology and I want a big one. |
| Stanley: | You want us to apologize to you? |
| Michael Scott: | Yes I do. |
| Andy: | That's, completely backwards. |
| Michael Scott: | It's completely frontwards. |
| Phyllis: | Michael you thought you were attacking corporate but we were the ones who got hurt, you should be apologizing to us. |
| Dwight, Andy and Stanely: | That's right. |
| Phyllis: | Michael, you always said we were a family. Then you went after us. |