Dwight Schrute Quotes From The Office
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| Dwight Schrute: | What are you doing? I am in the fight of my life against this computer and every sale counts. |
| Kelly: | But you get to put the paper in this little shopping cart and then it says, 'Thanks for shopping with Dunder Mifflin!' |
| Dwight Schrute: | Damn it Kelly, it knows! It knows what you did! |
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| [from deleted scenes] | |
| Michael Scott: | [to Ryan] You had a rough night tonight, but your life is very good, my friend. You've got a great job, you... You can have any woman you want. You're good looking, you know... |
| Dwight Schrute: | You're friends with a hobbit. |
| Michael Scott: | Yes, you're friends with a hobbit and... Look where you live. I mean, ... Yeah. You got it all. |
| Ryan: | New York is great. |
| Michael Scott: | No, I mean this apartment building. It's fantastic. |
| Ryan: | This is not my apartment. This is the Metropolitan Museum of Art. |
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| Dwight Schrute: | [to phone] Phillip, if you're hearing this memo, that can only mean one thing, I'm dead. You are the rightful heir to Schrute Farms. Please, you must do one thing. Kill Mose before he kills you. [presses button] Mose, hey, it's Dwight. Listen, yeah, I just want to give you a heads-up. |
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| Dwight Schrute: | You know, we really don't, announce, out loud, our sales that much? |
| Michael Scott: | Why not? It's part of the sales experience. |
| Dwight Schrute: | It's not really 1992 anymore. |
| [sales staff laugh] |
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| Dwight Schrute: | Second Life is not a game. It is a multi-user, virtual environment. It doesn't have points, or scores, it doesn't have winners or losers. |
| Jim Halpert: | Oh it has losers. |
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| Dwight Schrute: | You guys should use a hand truck. |
| Kevin: | Do we have one? |
| Dwight Schrute: | No. |
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| [during presentation on famous Indians] | |
| Michael Scott: | M. Night Shyamalan. The Village, Unbreakable, Sixth Sense-- |
| Dwight Schrute: | I see dead people. |
| Michael Scott: | Okay. Spoiler alert. |
| Dwight Schrute: | He was dead the whole time. |
| Michael Scott: | Just stop it. |
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| Dwight Schrute: | Last night, I dreamed that the number two was the most valued number in the world. The vice-president had all the power, athletes fought for silver medals, women were considered the best gender, and stadiums of fans shouted, "we're number two!" As with all my dreams, I'm guessing it was about my fear of immigrants. |
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| Dwight Schrute: | You know what? You knock fifteen hundred dollars off the price right now and I'll take it off your hands. It's gotta be now. Seal the deal. Let's do this thing. Three, two, one. Five, four, three, two, one. Now! Now! Now! Say it! Do it! Now! Do it now! Do it! Shake my hand! You will sell me this car. Shake my hand. |
| Andy: | Yeah! Alright! |
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| Dwight Schrute: | I am not a bad person. When I left Staples, I took some of their leads with me but I never intended to use them. What did I intend to do with them? Who knows. Maybe keep them as a souvenir. Maybe use them. |
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| Dwight Schrute: | Ahem. May I have your attention, please. This will only take a moment of your time. [takes out note and begins reading] 'Although I love this company more than almost anything in the world, I have decided to step down from my post and spend more time with my family. I do not fear the unknown. I will meet my new challenges head on and I will succeed. And I will laugh in the face of those who doubt me. It's been a pleasure working with some of you and I will not forget those of you soon. But remember, while today it is me, we all shall fall.' In other words I'm quitting. |
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| [touring Dwight's daycare] | |
| Dwight Schrute: | Here is the language skills and cognitive development area. These are English, uh, letters. I see you found our magical toy box, Jim. |
| Jim Halpert: | These are actually forks and knives from the break room. |
| Dwight Schrute: | [chuckles] Jim. To you and me maybe, but come on. To a child's imagination that's Mr. Fork and Lieutenant Knife and Ms. Fork. |
| Pam Halpert: | And a soy sauce packet. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Oh. [picks it up] That shouldn't have been in there. I'm embarrassed. |