Dwight Schrute Quotes From The Office
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| Dwight Schrute: | In the Schrute family, we have a tradition where when the male has sex with another woman, he is rewarded with a bag of wild oats left on his doorstep by his parents. You can use those oats to make oatmeal, bread, whatever you want, I don't care. They're your oats. |
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| Michael Scott: | I need you, to arrange a meeting between me and the sales staff without Ryan and Pam knowing. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Gasp. Are you talking about a secret meeting? |
| Michael Scott: | Whatever you guys did earlier. |
| Dwight Schrute: | I don't know the first thing about secret meetings. |
| Michael Scott: | Just do it. Ok? Get 'em there. Get 'em there-- |
| Dwight Schrute: | I'll do the best I can, Michael. |
| Michael Scott: | Are you kidding me? |
| Dwight Schrute: | Deceit does not come easy to me. |
| Michael Scott: | Ok ok ok ok! |
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| Creed: | [when asked to ID a photo of marijuana] That is Northern Lights, cannabis indica. |
| Dwight Schrute: | [sighs with disappointment] No. It's marijuana. |
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| Phyllis: | Wanna talk about it? |
| Dwight Schrute: | About what. |
| Phyllis: | You know I know. You know they know. [looks at camera] |
| Dwight Schrute: | I know none of that. And if I did, you'd be the last to know. |
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| Dwight Schrute | I can't use Phyllis! Are you kidding me? The moment she steps off this bar I'll be launched into space! God, you're so insensitive. |
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| Pam Beesly: | [giving Dwight a hug] Thanks so much for helping the company, Dwight. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Ohh Pam. |
| Creed: | Good work, kid. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Thanks old man! |
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| Dwight Schrute | Surrounded by shrubbery. Like a squirrel's office. |
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| Jim Halpert: | Oh my God. Now she's up and she's trying to describe how to correctly butcher a goose, but she's having trouble coming up with it. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Ok. Cindy. Yo! Cindy, Cindy! Hold its neck back, insert the knife beneath the jaw, bring it all the way around. There's gonna be a good amount of blood. But don't let that bother you. Have a bucket there. For the blood, and the innards and the feathers. |
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| Mrs. Allen: | I don't care. It was disgusting. Cartoon characters having sex?! |
| Dwight Schrute: | May I point out that the sex appeared to be consensual, both animals were smiling. |
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| Michael Scott: | Any message you want me to relay to Jim? |
| Pam Beasley: | Um... |
| Michael Scott: | 'Um...' okay, 'um.' |
| Dwight Schrute: | 'Um...' |
| Michael Scott: | [to Dwight] You got that? Write it down... |
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| [Darryl is doing bench presses] | |
| Dwight Schrute: | You're nothing! You are so weak! You call yourself a man! Huh? |
| Darryl: | This doesn't help me, I don't respond to that kind of strategy. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Ok fine. Finish your set on your own and never come back to my gym again. [walks away] |
| Darryl: | [starts struggling with the bar] Dwight come back and spot me. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Alright. I'll help you. But first, you gotta tell me what your goal is. What do you want? |
| Darryl: | To push this bar up. |
| Dwight Schrute: | No! Because if that was the case the bar would be up by now. What is your goal? |
| Darryl: | Help me! |
| Dwight Schrute: | WHAT DO YOU WANT! |
| Darryl: | To look good! For Val. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Val Kilmer? I don't buy it! That doesn't make any sense! |
| [Darryl finishes lifting the bar] | |
| Dwight Schrute: | Wow. We figured out your goal. I am gonna make you the buffest dude Val Kilmer has ever seen. |
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| Dwight Schrute: | Wash your hands Kevin. |