Dwight Schrute Quotes From The Office

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Ryan Howard: Dwight! How's the beet farm?! [turning to his friend] This guy has his very own beet farm. It's awesome!
Dwight Schrute: Well, it's weeble season...
Ryan Howard: I don't know what that means but it sounds awesome!
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Dwight Schrute: Hi, Linda. Dwight Schrute, Assistant Regional Manager. You might remember testing my urine a few years back when I was applying to be a volunteer sheriff's deputy.
Linda: We test a lot of urine.
Dwight Schrute: Mine was green.
Linda: Oh, right. How are you?
Dwight Schrute: I'm all better.
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Dwight Schrute Kids, don't try planking, it's dangerous. Especially with me around.
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Dwight Schrute: One of my life goals was to die right in my desk chair. And today, that dream shattered.
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Dwight Schrute: Don't tell Michael.
Jim Halpert: I won't. But you will wash and buff our car.
Dwight Schrute: Punishment fits the crime, I accept.
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Dwight Schrute: Last time I checked, the American workday ends at 5:00 pm. You will all stay at your desks until that time or you will suffer the consequences.
Phyllis Lapin: What consequences?
Dwight Schrute: I will tell on you.
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Dwight Schrute: When my mother was pregnant with me, they did an ultrasound and found she was having twins, and they did another ultrasound a few weeks later, they discovered that I had resorbed the other fetus. Do I regret this? No. I believe his tissues made me stronger. I now have the strength of a grown man and a little baby.
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Dwight Schrute: [Ryan arrives at the party, he yells loudly] Master Ryan Howard!
[cut to talking head of Jim back at the office]
Jim Halpert: [Reading his book] "Chapter 2: Announcing guests as they enter is the height of decorum. The more volume displayed, the more honor is bestowed upon everyone present."
Dwight Schrute: [Jim, Pam and Cece arrive] James, Pamela, and Pee Pee Halpert!
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Jim Halpert: Before me stands your co-worker, Dwight Kurt Schrute. Dwight show 'em all sides, turn around. Now today we need your help turning Dwight into a gentleman.
Andy: A gentleman, who is a rich snob, who will go into shopping malls and drop huge amounts of cash on clothes.
Stanley: Is he still doing this boycott?
Jim Halpert: No this is instead of the boycott.
Kelly: Your shirt and tie are disgusto-barfo.
Jim Halpert: Agreed.
Dwight Schrute: Really?
Oscar: Maybe something not so monochromatic. Not so matching.
Dwight Schrute: Wait less matching to appear more rich?
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Dwight Schrute: Ah ha!
Kelly: Oh my God, what is wrong with you?
Dwight Schrute: Gotcha! Why are you late?
Kelly: It's none of your business actually. It's very medical and personal.
Dwight Schrute: Alright. You stop me when I've reached the diseased area.
[Points to her feet and then slowly up to her stomach and stops, waiting for her to say something]
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[Jim walks out to the stalled elevator]
Jim Halpert: Pam?
Pam Halpert: Oh hey Jim! Some prankster switched the elevator buttons on Dwight.
Jim Halpert: I did not do this.
Pam Halpert: I know. [smiles] Yeah! And it was going really great at first. I got video [tosses her cell phone]
Jim Halpert: This is impressive.
Pam Halpert: Well you know, they don't call me the Bart Simpson of Scranton for nothing.
Jim Halpert: Do they call you that?
Pam Halpert: They do call me that.
Jim Halpert: Come on, give me your hand I'll help you down.
Pam Halpert: Nope! Scared of getting cut in half. Also there's pee on the floor.
Jim Halpert: Oh! Of course there is. Hey. Chinese tonight?
Pam Halpert: Yeah.
Jim Halpert: Alright.
[Dwight kneels down]
Dwight Schrute: How you doing?
Jim Halpert: Pretty good. You must be almost out of water.
Pam Halpert: Stop drinking the water! Stop!
Send "The Office Theme Song" Ringtone to your Cell
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Phyllis: Why can't we bother Luke, he deserves it.
Michael Scott: Because I don't want it getting back to Sabre that we're yelling at assistants it would reflect poorly on us.
Dwight Schrute: [jokingly] Who's gonna tell on us? Gabe?
[everyone laughs]
Gabe: That'd be hilarious. "Jo they're creating a hostile work environment stop them!"
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Quotes from  Michael Scott  Dwight Schrute  Creed Bratton  Pam  Random Quotes from All Seasons