Dwight Schrute Quotes From The Office

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Dwight Schrute: Pam. You can draw, kind of. Why don't you work with phallus on drawing a picture of the exposer that I can post around the community.
Pam Beesly: 'Phallus'?
Dwight Schrute: Phyllis. Sorry. I've got penises on the brain.
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Dwight Schrute: I come from a long line of fighters, my maternal grandfather was the toughest guy I ever knew. World War II veteran. He killed twenty men and then spent the rest of the war in an Allied prison camp... My father battled blood pressure and obesity all his life... different kind of fight.
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Dwight Schrute: How would I describe myself? Three words: hard working, alpha male, jack hammer. Merciless. Insatiable.
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Dwight Schrute: So I called my buddy at the station... to do a little background check on Josh Porter... see if there's any aliases or anything...
Michael Scott: Mm, hmm?
Dwight Schrute: He wasn't volunteering today.
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Dwight Schrute: I'm gonna intimidate him, ok? Watch this.
[Jim follows Dwight around the corner]
Dwight Schrute: [loudly] So anyways she said that is the biggest penis I have ever scene [Danny looks shocked] and I said I know! That's why I brought you to the penis museum, where tickets are a "thousand" dollars. Oh hello Danny.
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[car swerves]
Dwight Schrute: Hey! You're making me spray!
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Dwight Schrute: [walking into the conference room eating beef jurkey] Brownies is it? Hmph. Pastry cubes made of sugar and fat. No thank you, I'll stick with my jurkey.
Jim Halpert: So why'd you come in here?
Dwight Schrute: To socialize. And inform.
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Dwight Schrute: I think I cut my penis on the lid!
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Dwight Schrute: Where are we going?
Jim Halpert: Get inside.
Dwight Schrute: Where are we going?
Jim Halpert: We're going to Chuck E. Cheese.
Michael Scott: Chuck E. Cheese? Oh god, I'm so sick of Chuck E. Cheese.
Jim Halpert: We're going to the hospital, Michael.
Michael Scott: I know, just saying.
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Michael Scott: Hey everybody! I just invited Jim to suck it! And I am cordgially inviting all of you to a special convention. A lonely hearts convention this afternoon. Singles only--
Dwight Schrute: Yeah! Deal with it Pam!
Michael Scott: So we may not, have someone in our lives that we love but we do have each other.
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Jim Halpert: This came out really well. There you go. [hands Dwight his new ID]
Dwight Schrute: This is humongous, I am not a security threat. And my middle name is Kurt, not Fart.
Jim Halpert: What did I write?
Send "The Office Theme Song" Ringtone to your Cell
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Dwight Schrute: So, uh, how do you think we're gonna do against Penn this year? Nathan Ford's arm looks pretty strong.
Andy: He's had a pretty good season so far...-- Stop saying "we." You did not go to Cornell, ok? You're just doing this so screw with me.
Dwight Schrute: Not so, Cornell is an excellent school. Without its agricultural we probably wouldn't have cabbage. At least not modern cabbage.
Andy: I know it's an excellent school, Dwight. I went there. My blood runs Big Red.
Dwight Schrute: Some day we'll get together in Comstock Hall and just laugh about all this. [taps his water bottle with Andy's coffee mug]
[Andy pours his coffee into the sink
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