Dwight Schrute Quotes From The Office

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David Wallace: [over speakerphone] Now what I'm curious about is how you were able to go an entire week without knowing a member of your staff was there.
Michael Scott: I did not want to go back to the annex, because that is where Holly worked, whom I loved.
Dwight Schrute: Also, it's icky back there.
Michael Scott: That is true, people say it's icky.
David Wallace: [pause] Ok, I have to go.
Michael Scott: David, wait.
David Wallace: Nope.
Michael Scott: Is there any way we can get rid of him?
David Wallace: Not without cause, Michael!
Michael Scott: I have cause. It is be-"cause" I hate him.
David Wallace: You have to get along with Toby.
Michael Scott: No.
David Wallace: Yep.
Michael Scott: I don't.
David Wallace: Goodbye, Michael.
Michael Scott: [mouths] Damn.
Dwight Schrute: [walks over and starts massaging Michael Scott's shoulders]
Michael Scott: Don't do that.
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Angela: Please and thank you go a long way.
Dwight Schrute: Copy. [doubles back] Thank you.
Angela: Thank YOU.
Dwight Schrute: [smiles] Please.
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Dwight Schrute: I'm a deer hunter. I go all the time with my dad. One thing about deer: they have very good vision. One thing about me: I'm better at hiding, than they are at vision.
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Dwight Schrute: Wash your hands Kevin.
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Jim Halpert: This is literally how they built the pyramids.
Dwight Schrute: Well, they whipped people, which was helpful.
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Dwight Schrute: The new IT guy. Nick.
Ryan: Nick.
Dwight Schrute: I think he is the key. He is very trusting, he's looking for friends. He's been given an awesome amount of power and does not know how to wield it.
Ryan: Like Frodo.
Dwight Schrute: Why don't you just let me handle the Tolkien references. OK, Dumb Jock?
Ryan: Well I think he can be corrupted. Like Gollum.
Dwight Schrute: Smeagle, was corrupted and became Gollum.
[cut to talking head]
Dwight Schrute: I might start a diabolical plot against him after this one.
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Andy: You like a big-- you're like a Sasquatch, you live in a--
Dwight Schrute: Sasquatches are the strongest animal on the planet so fine call me a Sasquatch!
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Dwight Schrute: My resolution is: [writes on board] Meet a loose woman.
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Dwight Schrute Okay, you know what? This isn't working because uh, I'm not nervous in front of them, they're my subordinates.
Jim Halpert: Uh, no we're not.
Dwight Schrute: Ah, yes you are, I am assistant regional manger.
Jim Halpert: Which means absolutely nothing.
Dwight Schrute: Michael can you explain?
Michael Scott: Well, it's mostly made up.. so..
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Dwight Schrute: Michael wants us to bond so we need topics for conversation.
Jim Halpert: Ponies.
Dwight Schrute: No.
Ryan: How about rainbows?
Dwight Schrute: No.
Jim Halpert: Flowers?
Dwight Schrute: No.
Ryan: Makeup?
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Dwight Schrute: I will never be happier than I am right now. I will also never be less happy. I will be at my current level of happiness for the rest of my life. Because I am Manager of the Scranton branch of Dunder Mifflin... Acting Manager.
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Dwight Schrute: Yes I have acted before. I was in a production of Oklahoma in the seventh grade. I played the part of Mutey, the mailman. They had too many kids so they made up roles like that... I was good.
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