Dwight Schrute Quotes From The Office

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Michael Scott: I need you to get the prices that you're charging Ed's Tires so I can undercut Dunder Mifflin.
Dwight Schrute: I don't know that I can do that now. You know, something's come up.
Michael Scott: Oh n-- is it Mose? Did you put the cover on that well?
Dwight Schrute: No, Mose is fine, I roped it off.
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Dwight Schrute Dwight Schrute for Robert California!
Secretary Oh, hello, Mr. Schrute. I'll tell him you're here. Can I get you anything at all?
Dwight Schrute I'm not here to be given anything. I'm here to take what is mine.
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Dwight Schrute: Now watch, let me take you from behind.
Kelly: What!?
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Dwight Schrute: Why tip someone for a job I'm capable of doing myself? I can deliver food. I can drive a taxi. I can, and do, cut my own hair. I did, however, tip my urologist. Because, I am unable to pulverize my own kidney stones.
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Dwight Schrute: Those must be painful memories. If it'll help, I could hit you in the brain stem with this candle stick.
Nellie: Thank you... no.
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Dwight Schrute: [referring to Michael] I think he wants you all to come out to the parking lot and watch him die.
Stanley: Is it nice outside?
Dwight Schrute: It's gorgeous. Let's go.
Stanley: Do I need my jacket?
Dwight Schrute: No really. It's very nice. C'mon!
Ryan: Will I be to warm in a long sleeve T?
Dwight Schrute: Everyone's gonna be fine in exactly what they're wearing. C'mon! Let's go!
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Michael Scott: They used props, they used visual aids and they just made us look like dopes.
Dwight Schrute: Idiots! God, what are we going to do?!
Michael Scott: I don't know. I dunno! Because you know what our killer is? Depressi--
Dwight Schrute: --Wolves.
Michael Scott: Depression.
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Michael Scott: Oh my God Dwight! This room is a pit!
Dwight Schrute: Really? Hadn't noticed. Too busy knockin' boots.
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Andy: You like a big-- you're like a Sasquatch, you live in a--
Dwight Schrute: Sasquatches are the strongest animal on the planet so fine call me a Sasquatch!
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Dwight Schrute: Listen, temp, I am conducting a little investigation, so I am no longer going to be able to head up spring cleaning. Do you think you can handle it?
Ryan: Yeah, I think I can handle it.
Dwight Schrute: Do you think, or do you know?
Ryan: I think.
Dwight Schrute: Oh God, here.
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Dwight Schrute Yeah, at first I was really disappointed. But I've got a great daily routine going right now. I've up'ed my karate to eight times a week. I added boxing, lunches in on weekends, I do kick-boxing three times a week, Krav Maga four times a week, an hour of meditation in the morning at sunrise and again at sunset. So yeah! I'm doin' great.
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[as Michael is seuducing a woman at the bar]
Dwight Schrute: Michael, drop this one. Abort.
Michael Scott: Why?
Dwight Schrute: I found twins.
Michael Scott: Oh my God. [to the woman] Twins! I'm sorry, you understand. Nice to meet you!
[cut to Michael and Dwight staring across the room]
Dwight Schrute: Aren't they magnificent?
Michael Scott: They're men Dwight.
Dwight Schrute: I love finding a good set of twins.
Michael Scott: Something's wrongg with you.
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