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Dwight Schrute Quotes from The Office
Dinkin flicka. To vote, login or join the TheOfficeQuotes.com community!
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| Dwight Schrute: | I am not a bad person. When I left Staples, I took some of their leads with me but I never intended to use them. What did I intend to do with them? Who knows. Maybe keep them as a souvenir. Maybe use them. |
Dinkin flicka. To vote, login or join the TheOfficeQuotes.com community!
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| [as Dwight is moaning] | |
| Jim Halpert: | Did I ever tell you why I left Scranton? |
| Dwight Schrute: | [incoherent mumbling] No you didn't. |
| Jim Halpert: | Yeah, I didn't think I had. Well, it was all about Pam. |
| Dwight Schrute: | [more incoherent mumbling] |
| Jim Halpert: | Yeah, she was with Roy, and, uh, I just couldn't take it. I mean, I lost it, Dwight. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't concentrate on anything. Even weird stuff, like food had no taste. So my solution was to move away. It was awful. It was something that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, and that includes you. |
| Dwight Schrute: | [sobs and reaches out for Jim, who has already walked away] |
Dinkin flicka. To vote, login or join the TheOfficeQuotes.com community!
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| Dwight Schrute: | If a vampire-bat was in the U.S. It would make sense for it to come to a 'sylvania.' Like Pennsylvania. Now that doesn't mean that Jim's gonna become a vampire, only that he carries that vampiric germ. |
Dinkin flicka. To vote, login or join the TheOfficeQuotes.com community!
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| Dwight Schrute: | If my head ever comes off, I would like you to put it on ice. |
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| Dwight Schrute: | [on renting Michael's spare bedroom] Question. My grandparents left me a large number of armoires. |
Dinkin flicka. To vote, login or join the TheOfficeQuotes.com community!
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| Dwight Schrute: | I am very excited. Ryan hasn't made a sale yet. But more importantly, he hasn't made an ally. Is he gonna be a slacker, loser wise-ass like Jim was? Or is he gonna join the Dwight army of champions? |
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| Michael Scott: | [picking up cell phone] What do you want? |
| Dwight Schrute: | Michael I know you're swamped, I just thought you should know that everyone in the office has left, except for Angela and I. Do not worry though, I have taken down their names and I have docked them a personal day. |
| Michael Scott: | Who cares? I'm not there, Jim's not there, why should they have to be there. |
| Dwight Schrute: | [pause] So, what else is up? |
| [Michael hangs up] |
Dinkin flicka. To vote, login or join the TheOfficeQuotes.com community!
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| Dwight Schrute: | I didn't know that you were at a party on Saturday night. |
| Ryan: | I go to... a lot of parties. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Ok, I'm going to need to search your car. Give me your keys. |
| Ryan: | I am not giving you my keys. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Don't make me do this the hard way. |
| Ryan: | What's the hard way? |
| Dwight Schrute: | I go down to the police station on my lunch break. I tell a police officer - I know several - what I suspect you may have in your car. He requests a hearing from a judge and obtains a search warrant. Once he has said warrant, he will drive over here and make you give him the keys to your car, and you will have to obey him. |
| Ryan: | Yeah, let's do it that way. |
Dinkin flicka. To vote, login or join the TheOfficeQuotes.com community!
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| Dwight Schrute: | First rule in road-side beet sales, put the most attractive beets on top. The ones that make you pull the car over and go, 'Wow. I need this beet right now.' Those are the money beets. |
Dinkin flicka. To vote, login or join the TheOfficeQuotes.com community!
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| Dwight Schrute: | That suit is amazing. |
| Michael Scott: | Thank you very much, it is from Italy-- actually [checks inside of blazer] no, Bulgaria. |
Dinkin flicka. To vote, login or join the TheOfficeQuotes.com community!
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| Dwight Schrute: | Yes. I have decided to shun Andy Bernard for the next three years. Which I'm looking forward to. It's an Amish technique. It's like slapping someone with silence. I was shunned from the age four until my sixth birthday for not saving the excess oil from a can of tuna. |
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| Dwight Schrute: | Fact, I am older, I am wiser. Do not mess with me. |
| Jim Halpert: | [staring at Dwight's forehead] Okay. Sounds good. |
| Dwight Schrute: | What are you doing? |
| Jim Halpert: | I don't know what you're talking about. |
| Diwght Schrute: | Do I have sweat on my forehead? |
| Jim Halpert: | No. Nothing. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Why are you looking at my forehead? |
| Jim Halpert: | I'm not. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Meet my eyeline, Jim. |
| Jim Halpert: | I am. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Stop acting like an idiot. |
| Jim Halpert: | Okay. |
Dinkin flicka. To vote, login or join the TheOfficeQuotes.com community!
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| Dwight Schrute: | Uh, knock please. Please knock. This is an office. |
| Jim Halpert: | [points to sign] It says 'workspace'. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Same thing. |
| Jim Halpert: | If it's the same thing then why'd you write 'workspace'? |
| Dwight Schrute: | [pauses] Just knock, please. Okay? A sign of respect for a superior. |
| Jim Halpert: | You are not my superior. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Oh gee, then why do I have an office? |
| Jim Halpert: | I thought it was a workspace. |
Dinkin flicka. To vote, login or join the TheOfficeQuotes.com community!
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| Dwight Schrute: | A thirty year mortgage at Michael's age essentially means that he's buying a coffin. If I were buying my coffin, I would get one with thicker walls... so you couldn't hear the other dead people. |
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| [Dwight comes in dressed as Jim] | |
| Pam Beesly: | Hey Dwight. You look really nice today. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Pssh. I look like an idiot. Hey Karen. |
| Karen: | Hey, Dwight. Lookin' sharp. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Yeah that's because I'm your boyfriend Jim Halpert. Hey Karen, wanna get together later and sexual intercourse 'cuz you're my girlfriend. |
| Jim Halpert: | Do you? |
| Karen: | No. I'm good, thanks. |
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