Dwight Schrute Quotes From The Office

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Dwight Schrute: Phyllis, someone let the air out of your tires. Come quick.
Phyllis: Oh dear.
[cut to shot of Phyllis' deflated tires]
Dwight Schrute: I had to get your attention, this is an emergency.
Phyllis: Why couldn't have just said it, why did you actually do it?
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Michael Scott: There's only one place to get authentic New York style sushi.
Dwight Schrute: Tokyo?
Michael Scott: New York.
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Angela: What is that?
Dwight Schrute: It's a feral barn cat. I trapped him last night and I am giving him to you as a replacement cat for the one I destroyed.
Angela: Her name was Sprinkles.
Dwight Schrute: And his name is... Garbage. Moses calls him Garbage because he likes to eat garbage. Don't you Garbage?
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Dwight Schrute: Vudu Mama Juju, explain your dalliance with the dark arts.
Angela: Not my fault. I was exposed to Harry Potter.
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[Darryl is doing bench presses]
Dwight Schrute: You're nothing! You are so weak! You call yourself a man! Huh?
Darryl: This doesn't help me, I don't respond to that kind of strategy.
Dwight Schrute: Ok fine. Finish your set on your own and never come back to my gym again. [walks away]
Darryl: [starts struggling with the bar] Dwight come back and spot me.
Dwight Schrute: Alright. I'll help you. But first, you gotta tell me what your goal is. What do you want?
Darryl: To push this bar up.
Dwight Schrute: No! Because if that was the case the bar would be up by now. What is your goal?
Darryl: Help me!
Dwight Schrute: WHAT DO YOU WANT!
Darryl: To look good! For Val.
Dwight Schrute: Val Kilmer? I don't buy it! That doesn't make any sense!
[Darryl finishes lifting the bar]
Dwight Schrute: Wow. We figured out your goal. I am gonna make you the buffest dude Val Kilmer has ever seen.
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Michael Scott: It's after midnight! You're married!
Dwight Schrute: He's married!!
Jim Halpert: That's not how that works.
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Dwight Schrute: Babies are one of my many areas of expertise. Growing up, I performed my own circumcision.
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Ryan: Good luck, Michael.
Michael Scott: We don't need luck.
Dwight Schrute: Yeah.
Michael Scott: But thank you. That was really nice to say.
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Dwight Schrute: I've trained my major blood vessels to retract into my body on command. Also, I can retract my penis up into itself.
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Dwight Schrute: [Staring intensely at Ryan, smiling] So, you excited?
Ryan Howard: [Nodding while keeping eyes on the computer] Yeah.
Dwight Schrute: [Still smiling intensely] Very excited?
Ryan Howard: [With direct eye contact, smiling] Yes, I'm very excited.
Dwight Schrute: [Smiling to an almost explosive intensity level] EXTREMELY excited?
Ryan Howard: [Ceasing his smile and visibly peeved]
Dwight Schrute: [Also ceasing smile and showing deep interest] Just very? That's cool.
Ryan Howard: [Camera cuts to an annoyed Ryan]
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Dwight Schrute What side of the list am I on?
Jim Halpert [checks] Left.
Dwight Schrute YES!
Jim Halpert Why are you-- how do you know--?
Send "The Office Theme Song" Ringtone to your Cell
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Dwight Schrute: This is what I'm gonna do. I'm going to randomly select three names, and these three people will get liposuction. Ughhhh. Stanley, Phyllis, Kevin. And you will be responsible for your own medical bills.
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