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The Office Quotes (NBC) | Dwight Schrute Quotes

Dwight Schrute Quotes From The Office

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Jim Halpert: Well, I'm not asking for a raise, I'm actually asking for a pay decrease.
Dwight Schrute: Uh, that is so stupid. What if he gives it to you?
Jim Halpert: Then I win.
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[over the phone]
Dwight Schrute: Dwight Schrute.
Jim Halpert: How old's Kelly?
Dwight Schrute: Who is this?
Jim Halpert: It's Mose. Who do you think it is?
Dwight Schrute: Mose doesn't know how to use a phone so joke's on you.
Jim Halpert: Look I'm at the supermarket and they only have numbered candles. How old is she?
Dwight Schrute: Uhh, twenty-four. Thirty-seven.
Jim Halpert: Do you think I'm calling you for your best approximation??
Dwight Schrute: I'll call you back.
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Dwight Schrute: A thirty year mortgage at Michael's age essentially means that he's buying a coffin. If I were buying my coffin, I would get one with thicker walls... so you couldn't hear the other dead people.
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Dwight Schrute: Captain jack delegates. He let me steer the ship for an hour.
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Dwight Schrute: [shooting paintball gun] Take that Saddam!
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Michael Scott: Oh my God, what happened?
Jim Halpert: We were robbed last night.
Dwight Schrute: Bravo, Watson. [to Michael] Looks like a classic seven man job. Ok, security tapes were stolen. Motives: Financial or possibly HP vintage computer collectors. Hank down at security had clocked out, and that's all we have.
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Dwight Schrute: You can all have jobs at Schrute Farms as human scarecrows. Although it doesn't pay much, and you can't uniounize.
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Dwight Schrute: Which is higher, Assistant Regional Manager or Regional Director in charge of sales?
Michael Scott: I told you the titles were irrelevant. They just relate to payscale.
Dwight Schrute: Okay, so who gets paid more. Me or Andy?
Michael Scott: It is not a matter of more or less, your pay is just different.
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Ryan Howard: Dwight! How's the beet farm?! [turning to his friend] This guy has his very own beet farm. It's awesome!
Dwight Schrute: Well, it's weeble season...
Ryan Howard: I don't know what that means but it sounds awesome!
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Dwight Schrute: [referring to Michael] I think he wants you all to come out to the parking lot and watch him die.
Stanley: Is it nice outside?
Dwight Schrute: It's gorgeous. Let's go.
Stanley: Do I need my jacket?
Dwight Schrute: No really. It's very nice. C'mon!
Ryan: Will I be to warm in a long sleeve T?
Dwight Schrute: Everyone's gonna be fine in exactly what they're wearing. C'mon! Let's go!
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Dwight Schrute: You have to write my suggestions down too.
Jim Halpert: I'm not writing "horse hunt." I don't even know what that means.
Dwight Schrute: It's in the name!
Jim Halpert: Ok. So far, our ideal party consists of beer, fights to the death, cupcakes, blood pudding, touch football, mating, raids, and yes, horse hunting.
Dwight Schrute: You're right, forget horse hunting it's stupid.
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Dwight Schrute: If Michael organizes some sort of group hug, stand next to me.
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