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The Office Quotes (NBC) | Dwight Schrute Quotes

Dwight Schrute Quotes From The Office

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Angela: How many gods do you have?
Kelly: Like hundreds I think, maybe more than that.
Angela: [points to poster on the wall] And that blue, busty gal? What's her story?
Kevin: She looks like Pam from the neck down.
Dwight Schrute: [scoffs] Pam wishes.
[Pam shakes her head in disbelief at the camera]
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Michael Scott: It's after midnight! You're married!
Dwight Schrute: He's married!!
Jim Halpert: That's not how that works.
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Dwight Schrute: This remedy has been passed down in my family for generations and it always works. My grandfather was told that Diamond Dancer would never race again. They were wrong. He came in ninth in the apple creek derby. And his jerky came in third the following year. A majestic beast. So fast. So tender.
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[reading Michael's screenplay]
Dwight Schrute: Sam, get my luggage.
Ryan: I forget it, brotha.
Dwight Schrute: Samuel, you are such an idiot. You are the worst assistant ever. And you're disgusting, Dwigt. Wait who's 'Dwigt'?
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Intern: Is there anything else I can do?
Dwight Schrute: Yes, um... [looking around the office] See those files behind Kevin's desk?
Intern: Mm-hmm?
Dwight Schrute: Go put them in random order.
Intern: Ok...
Dwight Schrute: Then come back here for your next assignment, concerning their order.
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Pam Beesly: What do I want, what do I want... Oh! A pencil cup.
Dwight Schrute: Oh no no no no. That's my pencil cup.
Pam Beesly: I don't think so, I just bought it.
Dwight Schrute: Uh, I think so, and you're gonna hand it over to me.
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Dwight Schrute: The desk is a replica of Uday Hussein's desk. I saw a picture in Newsweek.
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Dwight Schrute: [talking about their plans at Prince Family Paper] Then we meet at the Denny's and we compare notes.
Michael Scott: No. No, I never said Denny's. IHOP.
Dwight Schrute: No. I said Denny's you know how I feel about IHOP
Michael Scott: Ohh don't start--
Dwight Schrute: Socialist.
Michael Scott: I don't-- I don't want to get into this debate again--
Dwight Schrute: Ok...
Michael Scott: I enjoy IHOP.
Dwight Schrute: ...I'll have a cup of coffee.
Michael Scott: You will have pancakes and you'll like it.
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Dwight Schrute: Now that I own the building I'm looking for new sources of revenue. And a daycare center...? Muahahahahahahahaha... [pause] Well I guess it's not an evil idea it's just a regular idea but, there's no good laugh for a regular idea.
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Michael Scott: Ryan? Ryan, we're gonna take your clothes off.
Ryan: No! [sits up] Guys. I think my friend Troy might have a drug problem. What do I do?
Dwight Schrute: I think his species might have a higher tolerance than ours.
Michael Scott: Shh. Just-- stop. Here's what you do. You tell him, that you're his friend and that you're going to help him and that everything's going to be alright. [pause] And then you put a wire on him, and you find out who's selling him, drugs, and then, you get that and you flip him. Turn him into a snitch. You follow that guy, to people really, really bad.
[Ryan lies back down]
Michael Scott: [to camera] Been watching The Wire recently. I don't understand a word of it.
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Meredith: Pam failed art school.
Dwight Schrute: Pfft. Well. Doesn't surprise me.
Jim Halpert: Excuse me?
Dwight Schrute: Have you seen her painting, Jim? The building? There are shadows coming from two directions. What!? Are there two suns? Uhh, last I checked that's not an office building in the Andromeda galaxy. It's totally unrealistic! There's no lines in the parking lot.
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