Warning: session_start(): open(/home/office/public_html/tmp/sess_72988dfdfb66cd1632709f99f8f00794, O_RDWR) failed: Permission denied (13) in /home/office/public_html/index.php on line 9
The Office Quotes (NBC) | Dwight Schrute Quotes

Dwight Schrute Quotes From The Office

Dinkin flicka. To vote, login or join the TheOfficeQuotes.com community
8
likes
Angela: Hello Dwight. I've been thinking about, things. And I wanted to know if you would have dinner with me, tonight.
Dwight Schrute: Really?
Angela: Yes.
Dwight Schrute: I'll make a reservation. No, no. Let me cook for you. Cauliflower and noodles. Baked potato on the side.
Angela: I would prefer, a private place. See you after work.
[Dwight gives a sigh of relief]
Dinkin flicka. To vote, login or join the TheOfficeQuotes.com community
16
likes
[aiming a rifle at Michael]
Dwight Schrute: Nothing to worry about, just using the scope. Safety is... [clicks safety] on!
Dinkin flicka. To vote, login or join the TheOfficeQuotes.com community
14
likes
Dwight Schrute: Trust me, you are going to want to heeeeeat, my words.
[cut to talking head]
Dwight Schrute: When held over heat, the invisible ink will reveal that everyone should meet at the warehouse immediately. Do not ask me where I got the invisible ink. [proudly] Urine. It was urine.
Dinkin flicka. To vote, login or join the TheOfficeQuotes.com community
5
likes
Michael Scott: Just live and let live.
Dwight Schrute: What?
Michael Scott: Live and let live.
Dwight Schrute: I'm not familiar with that expression.
Michael Scott: It's the James Bon--
Dwight Schrute: It doesn't make any sense. Of course, I'm alive...
Dinkin flicka. To vote, login or join the TheOfficeQuotes.com community
12
likes
Michael Scott: Ryan? Ryan, we're gonna take your clothes off.
Ryan: No! [sits up] Guys. I think my friend Troy might have a drug problem. What do I do?
Dwight Schrute: I think his species might have a higher tolerance than ours.
Michael Scott: Shh. Just-- stop. Here's what you do. You tell him, that you're his friend and that you're going to help him and that everything's going to be alright. [pause] And then you put a wire on him, and you find out who's selling him, drugs, and then, you get that and you flip him. Turn him into a snitch. You follow that guy, to people really, really bad.
[Ryan lies back down]
Michael Scott: [to camera] Been watching The Wire recently. I don't understand a word of it.
Dinkin flicka. To vote, login or join the TheOfficeQuotes.com community
12
likes
[deleted scene]
Dwight Schrute: It's good to be paranoid. People need to be more paranoid. Case in point, JFK. If I had been JFK, I would've seen all three gunmen. I would've pulled out my concealed Luger and fired first. Man in book depository, boom! Grassy knoll, boom! Fake Jakie, boom! Then is shoot myslef, so I don't change history and create a paradox, boom! But right at the last minute I twist out of the way of the bullet. Nice try, history. Better luck next year.
Dinkin flicka. To vote, login or join the TheOfficeQuotes.com community
6
likes
Dwight Schrute: [yelling at Kelly] What did you learn in there? I bet you learned things, huh. Like how to fashion a shiv. Hmm?
Jim Halpert: Hey, what the hell's going on?
Dwight Schrute: Why don't you tell Jim where you were from age fourteen to fifteen.
Kelly: I was kickin' it.
Dwight Schrute: In juvie.
Jim Halpert: What?
Dwight Schrute: Juvie. Nile. Detention center. Where they send teenagers!
Jim Halpert: Yep.
Dwight Schrute: For re--
Jim Halpert: Got it.
Dwight Schrute: [to Kelly] What did you do?
Jim Halpert: Dwight? Sounds like she was fourteen so maybe you wanna go a little easy.
Dwight Schrute: If she's old enough to get married, she's old enough to follow the law. What did you do!
Kelly: My boyfriend dumped me. So I stole his boat. I mean he told me it was his boat it was actually his father's. I just thought it would be really romantic, like Thelma and Louise, but with like a boat. And it was, the worst year of my life and I can't believe that you guys are making me talk about this on my birthday!
Dwight Schrute: I thought you said yesterday was your birthday!
Jim Halpert: Hey! You know what? I... got you a cake!
Kelly: [happy all of a sudden] You did? I wanna see the cake.
Dinkin flicka. To vote, login or join the TheOfficeQuotes.com community
9
likes
Dwight Schrute: I lied to Michael. I said that I would leave him alone but I will not. I will remain close by to provide unseen moral support. But I will never help him. I will let harm befall him. I will even, let him die. But I will never let him lose his dignity.
Dinkin flicka. To vote, login or join the TheOfficeQuotes.com community
9
likes
Angela: Oscar is off sick.
Dwight Schrute: That's unacceptable.
Angela: I agree, that is unnacceptable.
[they stare at each other]
Kevin: ...What are you guys doing?
Dinkin flicka. To vote, login or join the TheOfficeQuotes.com community
9
likes
Dwight Schrute: 'A real man makes his own luck,' Billy Zane, Titanic.
Dinkin flicka. To vote, login or join the TheOfficeQuotes.com community
3
likes
Dwight Schrute: [looking around office to see if anyone notices the smoke] Does anyone smell anything smoky?
Angela: Did you bring your jerky in again?
Dwight Schrute: [clears throat]
Pam Beesly: [points to smoke] Oh, my God! Uh, Oh my God!
Phyllis: What--
Andy Bernard: Whoa, fire!
Dwight Schrute: Oh, fire! Oh my goodness! What's the procedure? What do we do, people?
Pam Beesly: The phones are dead.
Dwight Schrute: Oh, how did that happen?
Kevin: It's out in the hall.
Dwight Schrute: No, we don't know that. The smoke could be coming through an air duct.
Michael Scott: Oh my God! Okay, it happening. Everybody stay calm.
Dwight Schrute: What's the procedure, everyone? What's the procedure?
Michael Scott: Stay [bleep] calm!
Dwight Schrute: Wait, wait, wait.
Michael Scott: Everyone, now [bleep] calm down!
Dwight Schrute: No! No, Michael! No! Touch the handle. If it's hot, there could be a fire in the hallway.
Michael Scott: What does warm mean?
Everyone: [groaning] Oh my God.
Dwight Schrute: Not a viable option.
Pam Beesly: Try a different door.
Dwight Schrute: Okay, what's next?
Michael Scott: Don't run.
Dwight Schrute: Oh! Here's a door. Check that one out. How's the handle?
Andy Bernard: It-- it's warm.
Dwight Schrute: Well, uh, another option. [everyone chattering at once]
Jim Halpert: Back door.
Dwight Schrute: Back to our options. Jeez! Ok! settle down everyone. No bunching!
Phyllis: Oh! I forgot my purse.
Stanley: Leave it woman!
Michael Scott: Get out of the way! Go, go, go!
Dwight Schrute: Things can be replaced, Phyllis! People, human lives, however, can...
Oscar: Ah! My hand! That's hot!
Andy Bernard: Aah! This one's hot too!
Michael Scott: Okay, we're trapped. Everyone for himself.
Dwight Schrute: Okay, let's go.
Everyone: [shouting] Out of my way! Let's go. Get out of my way!
Dwight Schrute: Calm, please.
Andy Bernard: Get out of the way!
Dwight Schrute: Have you ever seen a burn victim?
Andy Bernard: Move it!
Dwight Schrute: Okay! Procedure, procedure. Exit options. Where do we go folks? Wha-- Use a what to cover the mouth?
Angela: [pulling cat out of filing drawer] It's okay. Shh shhh.
Dwight Schrute: A what? A rag. A damp rag, perhaps. Let's remember those procedures. What are the options? Okay, that's the wrong way. We've already tried that. Remember your exit points. Exit points people.
Angela: Oscar.
Dwight Schrute: What's next?
Angela: Oscar!
Oscar: Stay alive! I'm getting help!
Angela: Pull me up!
Oscar: You're too heavy!
Angela: I only weigh 82 pounds! Uh-- save Bandit! [throws cat into air duct and he falls out through the other side] Oh!
Dwight Schrute: How about 911? Anyone? 911.
[Michael throws a chair at the window, Kevin smashes a chair through the vending machine and begins to grab snacks, everyone is shouting.]
Pam Beesly: What do we do?
Dwight Schrute: Use the surge of fear and adrenaline to sharpen your decision-making.
Jim Halpert: Okay, I am not dying here. Come on.
[everyone is coughing from the smoke, Dwight lights some fire crackers and they start popping]
Angela: What is that? What is that?
Andy Bernard: The fire's shooting at us!
Phyllis: What in the name of God is going on?!
[Dwight pulls fire alarm]
Phyllis and Creed: Ahhhh!!! [Oscar's leg crashes through the ceiling]
Andy Bernard: Go, go, go, go, go!! [Andy and Jim ram the door with the copy machine]
Michael Scott: [throws the projector out the window] Help!! Help!!
Stanley: I'm about to die!
Dwight Schrute: [blowing air horn] Attention everyone! Employees of Dunder Mifflin! This has been a test of our emergency preparedness. There is no fire. It was only a simulation.
Jim Halpert: What?!
Dwight Schrute: Fire not real. This was merely a training exercise. [Oscar drops down from the ceiling] So, what have we learned? [Stanley falls to the floor] Oh come on. It's not real Stanley. Don't have a heart attack.
Michael Scott: No, no, no! You will not die! Stanley! Stanley! You will not die! Stanley! Stanley! Barack is president! You are black, Stanley! I'm gonna give him mouth to mouth.
Jim Halpert: No, no, no! Don't give him mouth to mouth for this!
Michael Scott: He's going to swallow is tongue.
Jim Halpert: No. Michael. Michael.
Michael Scott: Open your mouth. Come on. Don't swallow it.
Jim Halpert: [everyone shouting at once] Michael! Michael!
Michael Scott: Leave me al--
Andy Bernard: You're choking him!
Michael Scott: Saving him!
Next Page of Dwight Schrute quotes
Quotes from  Michael Scott  Dwight Schrute  Creed Bratton  Pam  Random Quotes from All Seasons

Warning: Unknown: open(/home/office/public_html/tmp/sess_72988dfdfb66cd1632709f99f8f00794, O_RDWR) failed: Permission denied (13) in Unknown on line 0

Warning: Unknown: Failed to write session data (files). Please verify that the current setting of session.save_path is correct (/home/office/public_html/tmp) in Unknown on line 0