Dwight Schrute Quotes From The Office

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Dwight Schrute: Thank God. It was nice of him to offer, but I live in a nine bedroom farmhouse. I have my own crossbow range. It's the perfect situation for me. Although two bathrooms would have been nice. We just have the one... and it's under the porch.
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Dwight Schrute: Ralph is my best friend. We met in a shoe store. I heard him asking for a shoe that could increase his speed, and not leave any tracks.
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Dwight Schrute: Why would the architect design stairs this wide? Was there an obese family in here before you?
Rachel Wallace: I don't know. I'm sure the architect passed away many years ago. So...
Dwight Schrute: How convenient.
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Dwight Schrute: Fact, I am older, I am wiser. Do not mess with me.
Jim Halpert: [staring at Dwight's forehead] Okay. Sounds good.
Dwight Schrute: What are you doing?
Jim Halpert: I don't know what you're talking about.
Diwght Schrute: Do I have sweat on my forehead?
Jim Halpert: No. Nothing.
Dwight Schrute: Why are you looking at my forehead?
Jim Halpert: I'm not.
Dwight Schrute: Meet my eyeline, Jim.
Jim Halpert: I am.
Dwight Schrute: Stop acting like an idiot.
Jim Halpert: Okay.
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Dwight Schrute [after power outage] Everyone, follow me to the shelter. We've got enough food for 14 days. After that, we have a difficult conversation.
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Dwight Schrute [voice-over as people are seen sneezing on Dwight] The principle is sound: To avoid illness, expose yourself to germs enabling your immune system to develop antibodies. I don't know why everyone doesn't do this... Maybe they have something against living forever.
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Angela: Come on, Dwight.
Dwight Schrute: Why are you dressed like a seed catalog model?
Angela: These are just my dirty old gardening clothes. They were all that I had in my car.
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Dwight Schrute: Hey.
Michael Scott: Hey.
Dwight Schrute: You wanted to see me?
Michael Scott: Uh, yeah. What do you know about Meredith?
Dwight Schrute: I don't think she'd be missed.
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Michael Scott: Here's what we brought. We brought uniforms from the warehouse. I brought Silly String, Dwight brought gasoline and chunks of rubber to make stink bombs.
Dwight Schrute: Or real bombs.
Michael Scott: No, no. Not real bombs.
Dwight Schrute: Yeah come on it would be so badass.
Michael Scott: Mmm maybe. I donno. I donno. Would be badass.
Jim Halpert: No.
Dwight Schrute: Yeah! It will.
Jim Halpert: Absolutely we're not doing this.
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Dwight Schrute: Whenever I'm about to do something, I think, 'Would an idiot do that?' And if they would, I do not do that thing.
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Dwight Schrute: Since when have you known Darryl to rush to do anything, other than to come up here for birthday cake? [lowers voice] "Y'all havin' birthday cake?"
Toby: That's not a very good Darryl.
Send "The Office Theme Song" Ringtone to your Cell
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Dwight Schrute: How would I describe myself? Three words: hard working, alpha male, jack hammer. Merciless. Insatiable.
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