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The Office Quotes (NBC) | Dwight Schrute Quotes

Dwight Schrute Quotes From The Office

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[touring Dwight's daycare]
Dwight Schrute: Here is the language skills and cognitive development area. These are English, uh, letters. I see you found our magical toy box, Jim.
Jim Halpert: These are actually forks and knives from the break room.
Dwight Schrute: [chuckles] Jim. To you and me maybe, but come on. To a child's imagination that's Mr. Fork and Lieutenant Knife and Ms. Fork.
Pam Halpert: And a soy sauce packet.
Dwight Schrute: Oh. [picks it up] That shouldn't have been in there. I'm embarrassed.
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Dwight Schrute Kids, don't try planking, it's dangerous. Especially with me around.
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Dwight Schrute: The eyes, are the groin of the head.
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Dwight Schrute: Someone forged medical information, and that's a felony.
Jim Halpert: OK, Whoa, alright 'cause that's a pretty intense accusation. How do you know that they're fake?
Dwight Schrute: Uh, Leprosy? Flesh Eating Bacteria. Hot Dog Fingers. Government Created Killer Nano Robot Infection?
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Pam Beesly: What do I want, what do I want... Oh! A pencil cup.
Dwight Schrute: Oh no no no no. That's my pencil cup.
Pam Beesly: I don't think so, I just bought it.
Dwight Schrute: Uh, I think so, and you're gonna hand it over to me.
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Dwight Schrute (On slack-lining) This is a stupid activity. I would be embarrassed to be good at it.
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Jim Halpert: Seriously? You're going to sit in the back?
Dwight Schrute: Uh yeah! That's the safest part of a car. In the event of a crash, the driver always protects his side first.
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Dwight Schrute: 'Don't sleep with your boss.' Do you think this is about you boning Jan?
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Jim Halpert: We just want to make it up to you, what can we do?
Kelly: I guess my only wish, would be that nothing so terrible would ever happen to anyone else ever again.
Dwight Schrute: [to Jim] Oh God.
Jim Halpert: [to Kelly] Ok.
Kelly: In a way, it's good that it happened to me because at least I can bare it--
Dwight Schrute: What kind of cake do you want, imbecile.
Kelly: Ice cream.
[Jim and Dwight walk away without a word]
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Dwight Schrute: Singles only! Singles only. Also three is unlucky... curse of three.
Michael Scott: Sorry, Andy, cannot take any chances on curses, not tonight!
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Dwight Schrute Here's how I'm going to help out from now on: I'm going to not care, and I'm going to sit around quietly waiting for Andy's inevitable demise.
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Dwight Schrute [to kid, standing on hay bales] Hey, those are show bales, not play bales!
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Quotes from  Michael Scott  Dwight Schrute  Creed Bratton  Pam  Random Quotes from All Seasons

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