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The Office Quotes (NBC) | Dwight Schrute Quotes

Dwight Schrute Quotes From The Office

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Dwight Schrute: Morning announcements! There's been a problem with some people sharing copier codes. Your copier code is a distinct 21-digit number that is unique to you, and you only, okay? Don't share it.
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Dwight Schrute: Are we idiots? What right, does Jim have to claim authority? Is he as good a salesman as I? Is he as matronly as Phyllis? There are moments where we can affect change. For a few seconds every decade... We exist. These are those seconds! Let us storm his castle. Come on! (Tick.) Let's get him. (Tock.) Let's get Jim! (Tick.) And drag Jim out of his office. (Tock.) Take his keys away from him! (Tick!) That's a clock! The time is getting very close. It's now or never. [screams] What say you!
Phyllis: I say no.
Dwight Schrute: No I mean, what do you say to my plan.
[mass indifference amongst the office]
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Dwight Schrute: Michael's gonna wipe the floor with us!
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Dwight Schrute: The Schrutes consider children very valuable. In the olden days, the women would bear many children. So we would have enough laborers to work the fields. And if it was an especially cold winter, and there weren't enough grains for vegetables. They would get the weakest of the brood. [laughs] No, they didn't eat the children... It never came to that.
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Dwight Schrute: I thought your vagina was removed during your hysterectomy.
Meredith: A uterus is different from a vagina. I still have a vagina.
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[Michael walks into the break room where the rest of the office is]
Michael Scott: [sighs] How can he still not know?
Jim Halpert: We can't figure that out.
Michael Scott: I can't take it anymore.
Dwight Schrute: Wait. What? You can't take what?
Michael Scott: I am telling Andy.
Dwight Schrute: Noo. You can't do that. It shouldn't come from you.
Michael Scott: Who should it come from then.
Everyone: Angela.
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Dwight Schrute: Michael, what's wrong?
Michael Scott: Everything is wrong, Dwight. The stress of my modern office has made me depressed.
Dwight Schrute: Depressed? Isn't that just a fancy word for feeling, 'bummed down?'
Michael Scott: Dwight, you ignorant slut!
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Dwight Schrute: Every year I do research to determine which toy will be the most popular of the Christmas season. This year, it's a doll: half girl, half unicorn. Catch phrase: [reading box] "my horn can pierce the sky." Pathetic. [scoffs] I bought out every store in the area over the past couple of weeks, and, as lazy parents become more desperate, I will sell them, at an enormous profit. Isn't that right, princess?
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Bartender: Here you go.
Dwight Schrute: Wait a minute what is this? I didn't order this.
Bartender: For you. [points to basketball players] From them.
Dwight Schrute: Oh. [pours out the drink]
Ryan's friend: What are you doing man?
Dwight Schrute: Not safe. Anything could've been in there. [to the girls] Nice try!
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Dwight Schrute: This is my gym, my rules. You do exactly as I say, no questions asked.
Darryl: Yeah I might ask questions and I might not do what you say.
Dwight Schrute: First thing, we're gonna stretch the pelvic bowl. Ready? Get down on the floor.
Darryl: Ok I'm not doing that.
Dwight Schrute: Really? Too embarrassing for you? Huh? Do you wish every exercise was struttin' around the gym like the Fonz? Well how do you think the Fonz got so cool? He stretched his pelvic bowl.
Gabe: I didn't know Darryl joined.
Darryl: Looks that way.
Gabe: [seeing Dwight] Nice pelvic bowl. Deep.
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Dwight Schrute: When I was in the 6th grade I was a finalist in our school spelling bee. It was me against Raj Patel. I mispelled, in front of the entire school, the word 'failure.'
Send "The Office Theme Song" Ringtone to your Cell
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Michael Scott: [drops Dwight's watermelon baby] Ohh God! Wow! What was on that?
Dwight Schrute: Butter! Newborns are slippery.
Michael Scott: Nice touch. Good. Let's try that again!
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