Dwight Schrute Quotes From The Office
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| Dwight Schrute: | I don't understand why would you buy a policy? |
| Michael Scott: | It's just the cost of a cup of coffee an hour. |
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| Michael Scott: | We think a lot alike. Sometimes you will think something, and I will say what you're thinking-- |
| Dwight Schrute: | Ok what am I thinking right now? |
| Michael Scott: | Um... nacho chips. |
| Dwight Schrute: | No! I was thinking about how skin is the largest organ of the body. |
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| Jim Halpert: | We, have, a lot to do, and, you are... putting up a very effeminate sign. Is that what you've been doing? Making a sign? |
| Dwight Schrute: | It's not effeminate. It's festive. |
| Jim Halpert: | You been making that sign, for something we could just announce to the whole office. [still staring at Dwight] Hey everybody, the party's now at three! |
| Stanley: | I know I just read it on the sign. |
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| Dwight Schrute: | [to firefighters] Hey guys, great response time. Listen up, I got some theories... |
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| [Dwight comes in dressed as Jim] | |
| Pam Beesly: | Hey Dwight. You look really nice today. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Pssh. I look like an idiot. Hey Karen. |
| Karen: | Hey, Dwight. Lookin' sharp. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Yeah that's because I'm your boyfriend Jim Halpert. Hey Karen, wanna get together later and sexual intercourse 'cuz you're my girlfriend. |
| Jim Halpert: | Do you? |
| Karen: | No. I'm good, thanks. |
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| Dwight Schrute: | "From the desk of Andrew Bernard." [scoffs] A note! Pathetic. "Dear Dwight, by now you have received my note, how are you? I am well. You are no doubt wondering why I have left this note. It has come to my attention that any physical match with you I would surely be bested." True. "The soft underbelly of my refined upbringing is my underbelly." |
| Kelly: | [watching Dwight outside from inside the conference room] There's Andy! He's in his car. You guys what is he doing? |
| Phyllis: | Why isn't Dwight turning around? |
| Oscar: | The Prius is silent if he keeps it under 5 miles per hour. He deserves the win. |
| [Pam and Stanley enter the conference room] | |
| Pam Beesly: | Oh my God! |
| Stanley: | What's happening? |
| Phyllis: | Andy's running over Dwight with his car. |
| [collective scream from the office] |
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| Dwight Schrute: | [on the phone] Cumberland Mills? And how did you get my resume? Oh no no, I''m flattered, don't get me wrong. I''m just not sure it's my official resume, or if its just something a satisfied customer posted online. What does it say under martial arts training? Oh... okay, I''m going to have to supplement that. What''s your fax number? |
| [later] | |
| Dwight Schrute: | So you got the fax? So why didn't you add it to the resume? What do you mean? Of course martial arts training is relevant. Uh excuse me, I know about a billion Asians who would beg to differ! Uh yeah, I get a little frustrated when I''m dealing with incompetence! Well you know what? You can go to hell too, and I''ll see you there. BURNING. FINE. Oh wait, so you'll let me know when you made a decision? [other end hangs up] |
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| Dwight Schrute: | What are you doing? I am in the fight of my life against this computer and every sale counts. |
| Kelly: | But you get to put the paper in this little shopping cart and then it says, 'Thanks for shopping with Dunder Mifflin!' |
| Dwight Schrute: | Damn it Kelly, it knows! It knows what you did! |
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| Michael Scott: | [bringing in steaks] Who wants some man meat? |
| Dwight Schrute: | I do. I want some man meat. |
| Jim Halpert: | Michael, Dwight would like your man meat. |
| Michael Scott: | Well then my man meat, he shall have. |
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| Dwight Schrute: | What does it say under martial arts experience? Okay, I'm going to have to supplement that. |
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| Michael Scott: | Alright you know what? That's it. Conference room, five minutes. Women's appreciation. |
| Jim Halpert: | Wait a second, how are you qualified for that? |
| Michael Scott: | Oh, I donno, James, did I come from a women? Have I slept with a woman? More than one? |
| Dwight Schrute: | Less than three. |
| Michael Scott: | That is not current. |
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| [Dwight is in the conference room hanging up un-inflated balloons] | |
| Jim Halpert: | Are you kidding? |
| Dwight Schrute: | Well I'm not done yet. |
| Jim Halpert: | Dwight, this, fits in the palm of my hand. You haven't blown them up enough. Why have you chosen brown and gray balloons? |
| Dwight Schrute: | They match the carpet. |
| Jim Halpert: | What is that? [points to Dwight's banner] "It is your birthday" period. |
| Dwight Schrute: | It's a statement of fact. |
| Jim Halpert: | Not even an exclamation point? |
| Dwight Schrute: | This is more professional! It's not like she discovered a cure for cancer! |
