Dwight Schrute Quotes From The Office

Dinkin flicka. To vote, login or join the TheOfficeQuotes.com community
17
likes
Dwight Schrute: I say we fill Michael's office with bees. My apiarist owes me a favor.
Jim Halpert: Really. Does he do, good work?
Dwight Schrute: [scoffs] No, Jim, I use a bad apiarist.
Dinkin flicka. To vote, login or join the TheOfficeQuotes.com community
10
likes
Dwight Schrute: The chimney's in decent shape. Not great. I found some termite damage in a crawl space, and some structual flaws in the foundation, so, all-in-all, it was a pretty fun cocktail party.
Dinkin flicka. To vote, login or join the TheOfficeQuotes.com community
16
likes
Bartender: Here you go.
Dwight Schrute: Wait a minute what is this? I didn't order this.
Bartender: For you. [points to basketball players] From them.
Dwight Schrute: Oh. [pours out the drink]
Ryan's friend: What are you doing man?
Dwight Schrute: Not safe. Anything could've been in there. [to the girls] Nice try!
Dinkin flicka. To vote, login or join the TheOfficeQuotes.com community
12
likes
Dwight Schrute: You snubbed her.
Jim Halpert: Dwight please.
Dwight Schrute: Let me handle this Jim. [aggressively] Drop the act, Cordrea. Ok? [Pam walks in behind Dwight] We all know, that you probably thought, that Pam was too, "Meh." Or "too thin without being toned." But I wanna tell you something. She is one of the plain, hearty women of Scranton that make this city great. And so what if she doesn't wear makeup! [Pam mouths "I wear makeup..."] We like her better that way! And you steal clients, don't you. Don't you! [gets in Danny's face]
Danny: That's different.
Dwight Schrute: Ohh that's different. Is it? Ok. Thief! Better check your things people--In fact where are my keys? [checks pocket] Oh. They're in my pocket. False alarm.
Dinkin flicka. To vote, login or join the TheOfficeQuotes.com community
6
likes
[determining how to demonstrate depression]
Dwight Schrute: Visual aids.
Michael Scott: Yes.
Dwight Schrute: A quilt. A depression quilt.
Michael Scott: No time to sew a quilt.
Dinkin flicka. To vote, login or join the TheOfficeQuotes.com community
6
likes
Dwight Schrute: I have here, Kelly Kapoor's personal and confidential file. Allow me to share. Kelly Kapoor spent April 1995 to December 1996 at Berk's County Youth Center. Juvie. According to past employers, "it in no way affects her job performance--" Blah blah blah.
Dinkin flicka. To vote, login or join the TheOfficeQuotes.com community
5
likes
Jim Halpert: Ah it's cause I'm more of a player.
Charles Miner: Oh yeah?
Jim Halpert: You bet.
Dwight Schrute: Really, Jim. I had no idea you played soccer. Cause you never /ever/ talk about it.
Jim Halpert: Well I do. I play.
Dwight Schrute: You can be so modest sometimes.
Jim Halpert: Well maybe we should get back to work.
Dwight Schrute: Maybe you and Charles should kick the soccer ball around.
Jim Halpert: Maybe we will someday.
Dwight Schrute: Maybe you will tonight after work, whaddaya say?
Charles Miner: It's a great idea, Dwight!
Dwight Schrute: Oh ideas are just part, of what I bring, to the table. I don't try to be anything that I'm not.
Charles Miner: Whaddaya, Jim? Huh, you wanna play some soccer? Hey hey anybody else?
Dwight Schrute: Game on!
Charles Miner: See you on the field there bro. Ha ha can't waittt!
Dinkin flicka. To vote, login or join the TheOfficeQuotes.com community
16
likes
Dwight Schrute: I'm gonna intimidate him, ok? Watch this.
[Jim follows Dwight around the corner]
Dwight Schrute: [loudly] So anyways she said that is the biggest penis I have ever scene [Danny looks shocked] and I said I know! That's why I brought you to the penis museum, where tickets are a "thousand" dollars. Oh hello Danny.
Dinkin flicka. To vote, login or join the TheOfficeQuotes.com community
0
likes
Kelly: And the guys are saying, "Chug chug chug!" but I'm so small, and all I'd eaten that day was one of those Auntie Ann pretzels from the food court. So I said, "Is it ok if I sip it?" and they said "No". But Ryan seemed cool either way.
Dwight Schrute: [Slams fist on table] Stop! This is not Kelly Kapoor story hour. Illegal drugs were consumed on company property. Okay! Your ass is on the line Mister. My ass is on the line. Now I'm going to ask you again, what time did you go home last night?
Kelly: Six.
Dinkin flicka. To vote, login or join the TheOfficeQuotes.com community
12
likes
Dwight Schrute: One word, two syllables: Demarcation.
Dinkin flicka. To vote, login or join the TheOfficeQuotes.com community
10
likes
Kelly: Why is there a Chiclet on my cake?
Jim Halpert: That's the best part. That represents a pillow, or a television.
Dwight Schrute: Our theme, if you will,--
Jim Halpert: Because the fun part is you get to decide on an hour of television or an hour of napping.
Dwight Schrute: That's our theme!
Kelly: [smiling] Cool.
Jim Halpert: Yeah?
Kelly: I love it.
[Dwight and Jim high-five]
Dwight Schrute: Yes! Ok, so what's it gonna be Kapoor?
Kevin: Ooh! Can she pick a half hour of each?
Jim and Dwight: No.
Kevin: Oh. Then pick tv.
Meredith: Take a nap.
Kevin: Watching tv at work is really cool.
Stanley: Take a nap. Nothing good is on right now.
Creed: Bonnie Hunt is on.
Kelly: I have been watching tv all week, I choose nap.
Dwight Schrute: Ok nap it is! Everyone out! Get out! We're going to be eating cake at our desks! Go go go go go go.
Next Page of Dwight Schrute quotes
Quotes from  Michael Scott  Dwight Schrute  Creed Bratton  Pam  Random Quotes from All Seasons