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Dwight Schrute: That's a terrible idea.
Jim Halpert: What is?
Dwight Schrute: Them, in there all together. If they stay in there too long, they're gonna get on the same cycle. Wreak havoc on our plumbing.
Dwight Schrute: Michael wants us to bond so we need topics for conversation.
Jim Halpert: Ponies.
Dwight Schrute: No.
Ryan: How about rainbows?
Dwight Schrute: No.
Jim Halpert: Flowers?
Dwight Schrute: No.
Michael Scott: You may look around and see two groups here: white collar and blue collar. But I don't see it that way. You know why not? Because I'm 'collarblind'.
Michael Scott: Why can't boys play with dolls? Why does society force us to use urinals when sitting down is far more comfortable?
Roy: I hate it when girls insist on taking them out to good restaurants every weekend night and then they're like, 'when are we gonna go on a date-date?'
Dwight Schrute: Yeah! And then they make you drive them to church the next morning! Like gas ain't free!
Michael Scott: Everyone, guys. Circle up, please. Come on over. Bring your chairs. Toby, come on over. You're a guy... too. Sort of.
Kelly: What about 'second base'? Like, if Michael said he got to second base with you, does that mean, like, you closed a deal?
Jan: Excuse me?
Kelly: I mean that's a baseball term, right?
Jan: I don't know what Michael was talking about.
Michael Scott: Pizza. Great equalizer. Rich people love pizza, poor people love pizza, white people love pizza, black people love pizza... do black people like pizza?
Kevin: I bet Roy heard about you liking Pam. I bet he'll try to beat you up.
Jim Halpert: Thanks for the heads-up, Kev.
Kevin: I got your back if he does.
[long pause] But I'll try to stay out of it.
Angela: I'm not gaining anything from this seminar. I'm a professional woman, the head of accounting. I'm in the healthiest relationship of my life. I just think it's insulting that Jan thinks we need this. And apparently, judging from her outfit, Jan aspires to be a whore.
Michael Scott: This is Darryl, one of our warehouse staff... Darryl, what is your biggest fear?
Darryl: My biggest fear is that someone will distract us from getting these shipments out on time.
Kelly: I'll tell you one thing, I am not going to be one of those women shlepping her kids around in a minivan.
Jan: Great, uh-huh?
Kelly: I want an SUV... with three rows of seats.
Jan: Why don't we go around the table and all say something that we know we're good at. I am good at public speaking.
Meredith: Hi, I'm Meredith, and I'm an al-- good at supplier relations.
Dwight Schrute: Remember on Lost, when they met the others?
Jim Halpert: So you're not doing it.
Pam Beesly: How did you know?
Jim Halpert: Why not?
Pam Beesly: Just, like, no big reason. Just a bunch of little reasons. Roy's right there's no guarantee it's going to lead to anything anyway.
Jim Halpert: Roy said that.
Pam Beesly: What. You have something you wanna say?
Jim Halpert: You gotta take a chance on something sometime Pam. I mean do you wanna be a receptionist here always?
Pam Beesly: Oh excuse me! I'm fine with my choices!
Jim Halpert: You are?
Pam Beesly: Yeah.
Michael Scott: ...We'll get someone to clean that up.
Darryl: We're the ones that gotta clean that up!
Michael Scott: Oh I think this is gonna work out great, because managing the warehouse is a very important part of my job and I haven't been there in months.
[writes '13579 / 8724' on the blackboard] Just in case there's somebody down here who shouldn't be. A little Good Will Hunting situation.
Meredith: In five years, I'd like to be five years sober.
Jan: That is an excellent goal.
Meredith: Four and a half.
[with shirt half unbuttoned] What is our beef as human men?
Lonny: You know, that's a good question, Hasselhoff.
Michael Scott: What is more important than quality? Equality.
Michael Scott: I feel ya dog.
Darryl: No you don't.
Dwight Schrute: Well, not literally.
Michael Scott: Sometimes Jan can be such a bitch.
[loud vocal agreement from the other employees]
Michael Scott: Hey watch it. We have a relationship.
Michael Scott: So Roy is actually going to be marrying Pam sometime this summer. And uh, she's our receptionist. Sort of a 'Brangelina' thing.
Michael Scott: Brangelina is the Brad Pitt and Angelina...
Roy: I don't understand.
Michael Scott: Roy... Roy and Pam. It's a 'Ram'. It's a Ram thing!
Darryl: This isn't over, Michael!!
Kelly: How can someone so beautiful be so sad?
Jan: There are always a million reasons not to do something.
Michael Scott: You know what? Darryl is actually the foreman here, and not Roy. Which is cool...
Jan: 'Below par' means worse. Wait, that should mean better-- that doesn't make sense.