The Office Season 3 Quotes - Diwali

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  • Conference Room (7 Comments)
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18
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Kelly's mom: So you're saving money now to start a family and home?
Ryan: Oh, um, or travel. And, um, buy an Xbox.
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16
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Michael Scott: So, um, tell me, is your marriage the kind of thing where when you die, she has to throw herself on a fire? No? Okay. It's still very cool.
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15
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Michael Scott: Tonight, one of our most ethnic co-workers, Kelly, has invited us all to a Diwali celebration put on by her community. What is Diwali, you may ask. Well, to have Kelly explain it, ' well, it's, blah blah blah, it's so super, fun, and it's gonna be great!' Lot of gods with unpronouncable names, twenty minutes later, you find out that it is essentially a Hindu Halloween.
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14
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Michael Scott: Indians do not eat monkey brains. And if they do... sign me up. Because I am sure that they are very tasty and nutritional.
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12
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Michael Scott: Now a lot of people say that Kelly is one in a million. And that's true, but it's also not true. Because frankly there are literally billions of people just like Kelly in the world. Here are some famous Indians...
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12
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Dwight Schrute: Kelly, I'll take this one. Diwaili is a celebration of the coronation of the god king Rama after his epic battle with Ravana, the demon king of Lanka. It symbolizes the battle between good and evil--
Michael Scott: Alright, alright, alright, this isn't Lord of the Rings.
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12
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Angela: How many gods do you have?
Kelly: Like hundreds I think, maybe more than that.
Angela: [points to poster on the wall] And that blue, busty gal? What's her story?
Kevin: She looks like Pam from the neck down.
Dwight Schrute: [scoffs] Pam wishes.
[Pam shakes her head in disbelief at the camera]
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11
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Michael Scott: And another thing about the Indian people, they love sex positions. I present to you the Kama Sutra. I mean look at that. Who's seen that before?
Creed: I have. That's the Union of the Monkey.
Meredith: Ohh, that's what they call it.
Kevin: This is the best meeting we have ever had.
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10
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Michael Scott: This is just like that show, Taxi Cab Confessions--
Pam Beasley: If you say one more word I'm stopping the car.
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9
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Kelly: Um, Diwali is awesome. And there's food and there's gonna be dancing, and oh I got the raddest outfit, it has um sparkles--
Michael Scott: Kelly, um, why don't you tell us a little bit about the origins of the holiday?
Kelly: Oh, um, I donno it's really old, I think.
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9
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Michael Scott: It's important this company celebrates its diversity. And you know what, Stanley, come Kwanzaa time, I've got you covered baby.
Stanley: I don't celebrate Kwanzaa.
Michael Scott: Wha- really? You should. It's fun.
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8
likes
Jim Halpert: I started biking to work. Josh does it and he lives a lot farther away than I do. And also it saves gas money, keeps me in shape, helps the environment, and now I know it makes me really sweaty for work.
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8
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[during presentation on famous Indians]
Michael Scott: M. Night Shyamalan. The Village, Unbreakable, Sixth Sense--
Dwight Schrute: I see dead people.
Michael Scott: Okay. Spoiler alert.
Dwight Schrute: He was dead the whole time.
Michael Scott: Just stop it.
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8
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Michael Scott: My Indian cultural seminar was going great until Toby decided that he was too immature to deal with culturally explicit images. It's just sex, people. Everybody does it. I'm doing it. With Carol. Probably tonight.
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8
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Michael Scott: Can I have a ride home?
Pam Beasley: If you sit in the back.
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8
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Michael Scott: I don't really get it. 'Cause we're not doing that bad. And our numbers are going to come up.
Jan Levinson: Well it's not all about numbers, Michael. It's about talent.
Michael Scott: Oh, you gotta be...Josh??
Jan Levinson: Our CFO believes that Josh is going to play an important role in our company's future.
Michael Scott: Oh really? What role is that? The king of the stupid universe?
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7
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Pam Beasley: I decided to come. Um, I feel a little underdressed, but at least I'm not dressed like a slutty cheerleader, right? Is that mean?
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6
likes
Andy Bernard: We have such a roller coaster thing, Karen and I.
Jim Halpert: Excuse me?
Andy Bernard: Roller coastery friendship. Hot, cold, on-again, off-again, sexual tension-filled type of deal. It's very Sam and Diane.
Jim Halpert: Wow.
Andy Bernard: From Cheers.
Jim Halpert: Yep.
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5
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Pam Beasley: What are you doing?
Michael Scott: What are you doing?
Pam Beasley: I'm rejeting your kiss.
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3
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Michael Scott: I love the people here. And if there was one thing I don't really care for is that they can be terribly, terribly ignorant about other cultures. And I don't want them embarassing me in front of my girlfriend, Carol.
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2
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Michael Scott: (End credits, Michael is singing) Everybody looks so jolly. But it's not Christmas, it's Diwali. The goddess of destruction Kali stopped by to celebrate Diwali. Don't invite any zombies to a celebration of Diwali. Along came Polly to have some fun at Diwali. If you're Indian and you love to party, have a happy, happy, happy, happy Diwali. Happy Diwali!
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1
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Pam Beasley: It's hot in there. [long pause] How's the naan?
Angela: Dry. You look like you were having fun.
Pam Beasley: I am. You should come dance with us.
Angela: I have to watch our shoes so they don't get stolen. [two kids are seen playing with everyone's shoes] Who are you texting?
Pam Beasley: No one.
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1
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Karen: Hey dummy, get in the car.
Jim Halpert: I'm a drunk driver.
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0
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Pam Beasley: What are you doing?
Michael Scott: What are you doing?
Pam Beasley: I'm--
Michael Scott: I was just--
Pam Beasley: I'm rejecting your kiss.
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0
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Angela Martin: I'm a vegetarian. What can I eat?
Server: It's all vegetarian.
Angela Martin: I'll just have a piece of bread. (Server hands it to her) Uhh... you used your hands.
7 Comments in the Conference Room
Quotes from  Michael Scott  Dwight Schrute  Creed Bratton  Pam  Random Quotes from All Seasons