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The Office Quotes (NBC) | Season 3 - Product Recall

The Office Season 3 Quotes - Product Recall

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  • Conference Room (20 Comments)
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429
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Jim Halpert: Question. What kind of bear is best?
Dwight Schrute: That's a ridiculous question.
Jim Halpert: False. Black bear.
Dwight Schrute: That's debatable. There are basically two schools of thought--
Jim Halpert: Fact. Bears eat beets. Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica.
Dwight Schrute: Bears do not... What is going on?! What are you doing?!
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47
likes
Dwight Schrute: You know what, immitation is the most sincere form of flattery, so I thank you. [Jim places bobblehead on desk] Identity theft is not a joke, Jim! Millions of families suffer every year!
Jim Halpert: Michael!
Dwight Schrute: Oh that's funny. Michael!
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38
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Andy: Beer me!
Jim Halpert: What's that?
Andy: Hand me that water. I always say, 'beer me.' It gets a laugh like a quarter of the time.
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38
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Jim Halpert: Lord, beer me strength.
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36
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Jim Halpert: Yeah, I'm definitely going to go alone.
Michael Scott: No, no, I need two men on this-- That's what she said-- No time!-- But she did-- No time!
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35
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Creed: The only difference between me and a homeless man is this job. I will do whatever it takes to survive. Like I did, when I was a homeless man.
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34
likes
Michael Scott: Everybody in here stat. No time to lose. CRIMAN Squa F and C double time.
Dwight Schrute: CRIMAN Squa?
Michael Scott: Crisis management squad.
Ryan: F and C, double time?
Michael Scott: Front and center, twice as fast as you would normally go. Any other questions?
Jim Halpert: One more. Why are you talking like that?
Michael Scott: To save time, Jim.
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30
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[Dwight's immitating Jim]
Dwight Schrute: I'm Jim Halpert.
Jim Halpert: Spot on.
Dwight Schrute: Yuhh, little comment, mmmh.
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27
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Dwight Schrute: First rule in road-side beet sales, put the most attractive beets on top. The ones that make you pull the car over and go, 'Wow. I need this beet right now.' Those are the money beets.
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27
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[Dwight comes in dressed as Jim]
Pam Beesly: Hey Dwight. You look really nice today.
Dwight Schrute: Pssh. I look like an idiot. Hey Karen.
Karen: Hey, Dwight. Lookin' sharp.
Dwight Schrute: Yeah that's because I'm your boyfriend Jim Halpert. Hey Karen, wanna get together later and sexual intercourse 'cuz you're my girlfriend.
Jim Halpert: Do you?
Karen: No. I'm good, thanks.
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26
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[interview with Kelly]
Kelly: This day is bananas, b-a-n-a-n-a-s! This day is bananas, b-a-n-a--
[cut to Angela]
Angela: [taking aspirin] I don't have a headache. I'm just preparing.
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25
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Dwight Schrute: I grew up on a farm. I have seen animals having sex in every position imaginable. Goat on chicken, chicken on goat, couple of chickes doing a goat, couple of pigs watching. Whoever drew this got it exactly right.
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19
likes
Jim Halpert: [dressed as Dwight] Last week I was in a drug store and I saw these glasses. Uh, four dollars. And it only cost me seven dollars to recreate the rest of the ensemble and that's a grand total of [calculates on watch] eleven dollars.
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19
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Kelly: Or, if you're bored, you can just make up a name. Like one time, I said I was Mrs. Jones and [in British accent] I talked like this for the whole conversation.
Kevin: Oooh Can I be Australian, mate?
Kelly: [still in British accent] Absolutely.
Kevin: [in Australian accent] Hello... mate.
Kelly: I like ice cream. I need a boyfriend.
Kevin: I like ice cream too, mate. Alligators. Dingo babies!
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18
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Michael Scott: If I could leave you with one thought, remember, it wasn't me. They're trying to make me an escape goat. If I am fired, I swear to God that every single piece of copier paper in this town is going to have the F-word on it. The F-word. You have one day.
Pam Beesly: One day for what?
Michael Scott: That's-- they always give a ultimatum.
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17
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Creed: Every week I'm supposed to take four hours and do a quality spot check at the paper mill. And of course the one year I blow it off, this happens.
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13
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[about Andy's highschool girlfriend]
Andy: I had no idea.
Jim Halpert: Well. That's not going to hold up in court.
Andy: Heh. We didn't do anything illegal. 'Cept knock over a mailbox with her friends.
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13
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Mrs. Allen: I don't care. It was disgusting. Cartoon characters having sex?!
Dwight Schrute: May I point out that the sex appeared to be consensual, both animals were smiling.
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12
likes
Andy: I wanna take an ad in your yearbook. Full-page, two words...
Jim Halpert: 'Good luck'.
Andy: That's not what I had in mind.
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11
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Michael Scott: Here is your headline: Scranton Area Paper Company, Dunder Mifflin, Apologizes to Valued Client; Some Companies Still Know How Business is Done. Okay?
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11
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Oscar: I wonder how many phone calls you're missing while you're teaching us to answer calls.
Kelly: I know, right? Probably a lot.
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11
likes
Michael Scott: Mrs. Allen is our most important client. Because, every client is our most important client. Even though she's a pretty unimportant client, really.
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9
likes
Principal: The issue with the watermark is very serious.
Jim Halpert: Absolutely.
Principal: We teach our students that character counts.
Jim Halpert: And you should--
Andy: Pfft. You don't teach it well enough. One of your students is a Bitch.
Jim Halpert: Andy, is having a real rough day today.
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9
likes
Creed: I feel terrible about Debbie Brown. She got fired 'cuz of Dwight. So I thought I'd pass around a goodbye card, maybe everyone could put in a couple of bucks to help her through these difficult times. Why do bad things always happen to the good people? It's tragic. It's just tragic .[Creed pockets money and throws out card]
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8
likes
Andy: So how's what's her name?
Jim Halpert: You know her name.
Andy: Who, Karen? Yeah, she's only one of my oldest friends.
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8
likes
Andy: Oh my god!
Jim Halpert: Oh MY god.
Andy: I had no idea!
Jim Halpert: Well. That's not going to hold up in court.
Andy: We didn't do anything illegal-- Except knock over that mail box with her friends...
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7
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Kelly: Look, I know the reason that you guys became accountants is because you're not good at interacting with people. But guess what! From now on you guys are no longer losers! So give yourselves a round of applause.
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7
likes
Andy: So Tuna when we get in there let's do a really good job okay?
Jim Halpert: Did that really need to be said?
Andy: Well not everything a guy says needs to be said. Sometimes it's just about the music of a conversation.
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7
likes
Michael Scott: We gotta do something. This is spinning out of control, Pam. This is just, not--
Pam Beesly: It's just the Scranton Times...
Michael Scott: Noo.. Then Newsweek picks it up and then CNN does a story about it and then YouTube gets a hold of it.
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4
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Michael Scott: Here's the thing. When a company screws up, best thing to do is call a press conference. Alert the media and then you control the story. Wait for them to find out, and the story controls you. That's what happened to O.J.
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3
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Michael Scott: We have a crisis. Apparently a disgruntled employee at the paper mill decided that it'd be funny to put an obscene watermark on our 24 pound, cream letter stock. 500 boxes has gone out with the image of a beloved cartoon duck performing unspeakable acts upon a certain cartoon mouse that a lot of people like. I've never been a fan.
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2
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Creed: [talking to someone on the phone] Yes, hello. Creed Bratton, Quality Assurance, Dunder Mifflin Scranton. I was supposed to meet with one of your floor managers last week for a quality inspection, and he or she wasn't there. And I'm trying to remember who it was. Mm-hmm. Who wasn't there last week? Debbie Brown. And which day was that? Wednesday, the eleventh. Perfect.
20 Comments in the Conference Room
Quotes from  Michael Scott  Dwight Schrute  Creed Bratton  Pam  Random Quotes from All Seasons

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