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I grew up on a farm. I have seen animals having sex in every position imaginable. Goat on chicken, chicken on goat, couple of chickes doing a goat, couple of pigs watching. Whoever drew this got it exactly right.
[dressed as Dwight] Last week I was in a drug store and I saw these glasses. Uh, four dollars. And it only cost me seven dollars to recreate the rest of the ensemble and that's a grand total of [calculates on watch] eleven dollars.
If I could leave you with one thought, remember, it wasn't me. They're trying to make me an escape goat. If I am fired, I swear to God that every single piece of copier paper in this town is going to have the F-word on it. The F-word. You have one day.
I feel terrible about Debbie Brown. She got fired 'cuz of Dwight. So I thought I'd pass around a goodbye card, maybe everyone could put in a couple of bucks to help her through these difficult times. Why do bad things always happen to the good people? It's tragic. It's just tragic .[Creed pockets money and throws out card]
Look, I know the reason that you guys became accountants is because you're not good at interacting with people. But guess what! From now on you guys are no longer losers! So give yourselves a round of applause.
Here's the thing. When a company screws up, best thing to do is call a press conference. Alert the media and then you control the story. Wait for them to find out, and the story controls you. That's what happened to O.J.
We have a crisis. Apparently a disgruntled employee at the paper mill decided that it'd be funny to put an obscene watermark on our 24 pound, cream letter stock. 500 boxes has gone out with the image of a beloved cartoon duck performing unspeakable acts upon a certain cartoon mouse that a lot of people like. I've never been a fan.
[talking to someone on the phone] Yes, hello. Creed Bratton, Quality Assurance, Dunder Mifflin Scranton. I was supposed to meet with one of your floor managers last week for a quality inspection, and he or she wasn't there. And I'm trying to remember who it was. Mm-hmm. Who wasn't there last week? Debbie Brown. And which day was that? Wednesday, the eleventh. Perfect.
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