Michael Scott Quotes From The Office

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[during safety training]
Michael Scott: Seasonal Defective Disorder. A depression that includes weight gain, fatigue, irritability brought on by the low light of winter.
Darryl: Thank God we only had a bailer to deal with.
Lonny: Yeah. That dim light is a bitch, ain't it?
Michael Scott: Okay, guys, you know what. I didn't interrupt when you were having your presentation.
Darryl: Actually you did.
Michael Scott: Yes. Okay.
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David Wallace: Michael, David Wallance. What is this about dismissing the ad people?
Michael Scott: Yeah, I'm glad you called. Ryan is being a little bitch again.
Ryan Howard: I'm on, Michael.
Michael Scott: What's up my brotha?
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Michael Scott: Ohhhh. I do not have much time... car's all the way over there... to tell you what I have to tell you, and just bear in mind that when, I say, say these things, that, are bad things, that you hear, in your ears... This is something that I, if I were you, I wouldn't want to hear--
Andy: You're not making any sense.
Michael Scott: Well, no I'm not. So I'm, I'm not very articulate today so I'll just leave it for another time. Another day.
Andy: Alrighty.
Michael Scott: Which will be fine. [getting into his car] I am off!
Andy: Have a good meeting!
Michael Scott: Thank you! [closes car door]
Andy: Kick Wallace's ass!
Michael Scott: [through the car window] Ok, I will! [starts engine] Dwight and Angela are having an affair, so.
Andy: I can't hear you! Through the glass.
Michael Scott: Dwight and Angela are having an affair. They've been sleeping with each other for some time. That was the news. Just wanted to let you know. [starts reversing out of his parking spot] Alright! See ya later.
Andy: Are you serious?
Michael Scott: Yep! [drives off]
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Michael Scott: Dwight, I want you to look at Holly right now. Everybody I want you to look at Holly right now. And maybe if you look at her deeply enough you will see what I see in her. And that is that we are all very lucky to have her here. Holly is the best thing that has happened to this company since World War II! Fifty years. She is the best!
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Michael Scott: Dwight is a wuss. When we rented Armageddon, he cried at the end of it.
Dwight Schrute: That was because it was New Year's Eve and it started to snow at exactly midnight.
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Michael Scott: Oh no, everybody, Oscar's gone crazy. What other ghost stories do you have for us? That I'm a robot? I will destroy, everything, in my path, [makes robot sounds] oil can, Tin Man.
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Michael Scott: I swore to myself if I ever got to walk around the room as manager, people would laugh as they saw me coming, and they'd applaud as I walked away.
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Michael Scott: Pam you want to rub butter on my foot?
Pam Beasley: No.
Michael Scott: Pam, please. I have Country Crock.
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Michael Scott: You may be asking yourself, 'what am i doing on a trampoline?' Well, I thought I'd bounce here for a while, relieve some stress and then move on with my day... Not! Here's the plan: Dwight is going to gather all of the office workers and all of the warehouse guys and we're going to have another safety seminar, only this time, where's Michael? Oh my God, he is on the roof! Now I have got their attention. I tell them about the cold, hard facts of depression and then I say, 'hey, you've ever seen a suicide?'. And I jump and they freak out and they get to see the dangers of depression with their own eyes. Nice side note, they might think 'hey, I should have been nicer to Michael', but that's not why I'm doing this. Then I land on the trampoline and take a couple extra bounces for fun, I climb off, walk around the corner, ta-freaking-da.
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Michael Scott: In my opinion the third date is traditionally the one where.. you have sex. Does Holly feel that way? I don't know. I will probably find out tonight. If she starts having sex with me I'll know for sure.
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Michael Scott This is just not the way a Dunder Mifflin manager should go, I'm sorry. Alone, out of the blue, not even have his own head to comfort him.
Send "The Office Theme Song" Ringtone to your Cell
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Realtor: Are we ready to sign some papers?
Dwight Schrute: Actually, no. We have a couple of questions, uh, about the neighborhood?
Bill: It's, it's very safe, it's very clean. Also, it's very accepting of all lifestyles.
Realtor: It's a very gay friendly neighborhood.
Michael Scott: Oh. Good. That's good. It's good to be accommodating of... that.
Dwight Schrute: [to Michael] Let's go check out the master bedroom.
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