Michael Scott Quotes From The Office

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Michael Scott: In like the last 10 years, I've dated almost 4 women, and you are so far above them, it is stupid.
Holly: Michael, no, don't make it harder than it has to be.
Michael Scott: Fine. [whispering] That's what she said.
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Michael Scott: [during his International Business Customs conference] Did you know that in Morocco, it is common to exchange a small gift when meeting somebody for the first time? In Japan, you must always commit suicide to avoid embarrassment. In Italy, you must always wash your hands after going to the bathroom. This is considered to be polite.
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Michael Scott: What is more important than quality? Equality.
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Michael Scott: As I watched Pam's big strong hand coming toward my face I saw my entire life flash before my eyes. And guess what? I have four kids. And I have a hover car and a hover house. And my wife is a runner and it shows. And Pam and Jim are my best friends and our kids play together. And... I'm happy and I'm rich and I never die. That doesn't sound like much, but it's enough for me.
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Dwight Schrute: So I called my buddy at the station... to do a little background check on Josh Porter... see if there's any aliases or anything...
Michael Scott: Mm, hmm?
Dwight Schrute: He wasn't volunteering today.
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Michael Scott: I love inside jokes. Love to be a part of one someday.
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Michael Scott [reading] "This morning, I found a bloody glove in my desk drawer and Jim Halpert tried to convince me I committed murder. I think he may be the real murderer." [flips to another paper] "Jim Halpert said there was an abandoned infant in the woman's room. When I went to save the child, I saw Meredith on the can." Gah. "This morning, I knocked myself in the head with the phone."
Jim Halpert [cuts to camera] That actually took a while. I had to put, uh, more and more nickels into his handset, till he got used to the weight, and then I just... took 'em all out.
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Andy: Big idea. Double wedding. Me, Angela, you, Holly.
Michael Scott: No, we would never do that, and if we did it would be with Jim and Pam.
Jim Halpert: Yeah, we'd never do that.
Michael Scott: Yeah, so there you go.
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Michael Scott: You've been on the road a long time, and you've been an outdoor cat. And now you have to be an indoor cat, so you can't be peeing all over the walls.
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Michael Scott: Man what a day, huh? How could it get any worse? The computer crashes, with the porn. And then Meredith with the accident. And then, Sprinkle. God. That's three things. I'll tell you what's going on. This office is cursed. And we have to do something.
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Pam Beesly: Can I turn on the radio?
Michael Scott: No, I need silence or Sam Kinison to prepare.
Pam Beesly: But then you fall asleep and there's nothing for me to do.
Michael Scott: Then listen to your iPod, Pam.
Pam Beesly: That's dangerous.
Michael Scott: Well then-- Hey, let's just talk.
Pam Beesly: That's ok-- I can-- I'm fine. I'll just, play a song in my head. [starts humming]
Send "The Office Theme Song" Ringtone to your Cell
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Jan: There is, uh, there is one more thing you can do for me.
Michael Scott: Ok.
Jan: Don't date Holly.
Michael Scott: W-Wha-- that's-- I hate her. Wh--God... Why would you even ask me to-- I- I mean not that it matters because I don't but w-- Okay! Alright. Fine.
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