Michael Scott Quotes From The Office

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Michael Scott: If you don't like it Stanley, you can go to the back of the bus.
Stanley: Excuse me?
Michael Scott: Or the front of the bus, or drive the bus.
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Michael Scott: It's my sumo suit. I just didn't inflate it all the way. I am so glad that I bought instead of rented.
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Michael Scott: Would you mind if I listened to my book on tape? Kind of a bookworm. It is a novelization of the movie Precious, based on the book Push by Sapphire.
Erin: I, was thinking it would be fun to talk on the way over. What decade would you have chosen to be a teenager?
Michael Scott: [thinking] I donno!
Erin: I would choose the 1490's.
Michael Scott: Ah!...
Erin: Because America, was discovered.
Michael Scott: Right...
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Michael Scott: Let’s get our shower on! Conference room. Choppity chip chop.
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[from deleted scenes]
Michael Scott: You know what Brenda, could we have a moment alone?
Brenda: Jan said if you asked me that I was supposed to say no.
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Deangelo: How do you usually start the meetings? Do you start with some chit chat or do you just dive right in?
Michael Scott: I start with some jokes... you might want to develop a few characters.
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Michael Scott: This is a place that I like to go to be alone with my thoughts. I've never taken anybody there before.
Donna: Who took the photo?
Michael Scott: Ryan.
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Michael Scott: When I needed salespeople for my new paper company, everyone here turned their back on me. Am I going to ask them to beg for forgiveness, no. Am I going to ask for a big, crying, apology? No. Am I going to ask them to slit their wrists for me? [smiling] No! I just want a tiny microscopic version of that.
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Michael Scott: [singing] I got a big box yes I do! I got a big box how 'bout you!
Erin: I got a big box yes I do, I got a big box how 'bout you! [to Oscar]
Oscar: I think you don't know what you're saying.
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Meredith: I don't mind telling you I have an addiction. I do. To porn.
[collective sighs from everyone in the office]
Michael Scott: Alright, no no no. No. That is-- the image, I think we can all agree, is very disgusting but you know what? Meredith, you lit your hair on fire today. What about tomorrow? What is going to happen when you come into work and you're dead?
Dwight Schrute: I stab her in the brain with a wooden stick.
[cut to talking head]
Dwight Schrute: There are several ways to kill a zombie. But the most satisfying one, is to stab it in the brain, with a wooden stick.
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Jo Bennett: Ok now educate me why you won't fire the boy.
Michael Scott: You don't have all the facts.
Jo Bennett: Which are?
Michael Scott: I love him.
Jo Bennett: [Jo sighs] How far has it gone.
Michael Scott: ... No, no. He's my nephew.
Send "The Office Theme Song" Ringtone to your Cell
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Michael Scott [to camera] If this was Russia, then yeah, sure, everyone would go to one Santa, and there would be a line around the block. And once you sat on her lap and she asked you what you wanted, you would probably say freedom, at which point the KGB would arrest you and send you to Serbia... It's a good thing Russia doesn't exist anymore.
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