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The Office Quotes (NBC) | Michael Scott Quotes

Michael Scott Quotes From The Office

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Michael Scott: My golden ticket idea? Ok. Why would anyone think, that this is my golden ticket idea? There's a one in thirteen chance that this could be anyone's golden ticket idea. That--....
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Michael Scott: Alan Grant, the CEO, of the company--if title's important to you--has personally invited moi, to go to New York, to the shareholders meeting. And sit up on the stage with the board of directors and at some point they are going to introduce me as... the most successful branch manager that have had. And then Michael Scott turns and waves to the crowd. And the crowd goes wild.
Andy: [doing an accurate announcer's voice] Ladies and Gentlemen, from Scranton Pennsylvania, please welcome, Michael, the Machine, Scott!
[Michael waves and sits down with a spin]
[Dwight sighs]
Pam Beesly: Don't do the twirl.
Phyllis: Lose the twril.
Dwight Shrute: Twirl sucks!
Kevin: Michael, I hated the twirl.
Andy: [still doing the voice] Hate the twirl!
Michael Scott: Ok obviously I'm not going to do the twirl I only did it because I nailed the wave.
Phyllis: Yeah, good. Don't do it.
[cut to talking head]
Michael Scott: I am not going to "do" the "twirl," alright? It's not even a twirl, it's a spin. [pause] I might do the spin.
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Michael Scott: I also built this table.
Jim Halpert: What is that? Chestnut?
Michael Scott: No I think that is either pine or nortic cheery.
Jan: Pine.
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Michael Scott: That photo is my personal property and if you are telling me that you went on my computer and stole that photo then I am gonna call the cops.
Toby: Michael, nine different people emailed me that photo, including my ex-wife and.. we don't talk.
Michael Scott: Well. Then this is probably the ice breaker you need.
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Michael Scott: Man I would love to burn your candles!
Jan: You burn it you buy it!
Michael Scott: Oh good! I'll be your first customer!
Jan: You're hardly my first.
Michael Scott: THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!!
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New employee: Hey, why doesn't your car have a flat tire?
Michael Scott: Why? I will tell you why, because they saved the worst for me. They put a hate note under my windshield wiper. Check this out. It's so hateful. 'You guys suck! You can never pull together as well as one and revenge us. That is why you suck!'
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Michael Scott: And I just want to tell you... please, please, do not drink and drive, because you may hit a bump, and spill the drink.
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Michael Scott: You didn't actually think that I was gonna spend 60 bucks on pizza.
Oscar: [in the background] It's not pizza!
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Michael Scott It's going to take a lot more than a bullet to the brain, lungs, heart, back and balls to kill Michael Scarn!
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Jim Halpert: What happened to you?
Michael Scott: Captain jack has a problem with authority.
Jim Halpert: Oh, right, 'cause you announced that his ship was sinking.
Michael Scott: He just totally lost it. If you ask me he caused the panic.
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Ryan: Michael. What are you doing here?
Michael Scott: Well, you know, just taking you up on your offer to party so tada.
Ryan: That is so awesome man! [hugs Michael] And you brought this guy! [gives Dwight a big hug]
Michael Scott: Ryan it's Michael and Dwight.
Ryan: I know it's you guys! I am so psyched you're here! Woooo!
Send "The Office Theme Song" Ringtone to your Cell
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Michael Scott: If I step on a mine in Scranton, Pennsylvania and die, you can have my job, okay?
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