Michael Scott Quotes From The Office
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| Pam Beesley: | So what is your gift? |
| Michael Scott: | My gift's forthcoming, Pam. |
| Pam Beesley: | What is it? |
| Michael Scott: | I am going to give Toby... |
| Pam Beesley: | Your watch? |
| Michael Scott: | Yes. I am. How would you know that? |
| Pam Beesley: | I just knew. |
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| [having blood taken] | |
| Michael Scott: | Wow. I feel like a human juice box. Hawaiian blood punch. |
| Woman: | [laughing] Oh that's gross. |
| Michael Scott: | Type Oooocean Spray. |
| Woman: | [still laughing] God, stop. Stop it. |
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| Michael Scott: | I'm going to give you a piece of paper. I want you to write down how much you want, and I want you to slide it back across the desk to me. |
| Darryl: | Why can't I just tell you. |
| Michael Scott: | Because that is the way these things are done. In, films. |
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| David Wallace: | I am calling to see if you would come down and interview for a job we have opening up in corporate. |
| Michael Scott: | Really? |
| David Wallace: | A week from today. Bring your first quarter stats and your recommendation for who'd take over the Scranton branch. |
| Michael Scott: | Wow. I wish I had prepared something to say-- |
| David Wallace: | That's not necessary-- |
| Michael Scott: | May God guide you in your quest. |
| David Wallace: | Yes.. |
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| Michael Scott: | I need you, to arrange a meeting between me and the sales staff without Ryan and Pam knowing. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Gasp. Are you talking about a secret meeting? |
| Michael Scott: | Whatever you guys did earlier. |
| Dwight Schrute: | I don't know the first thing about secret meetings. |
| Michael Scott: | Just do it. Ok? Get 'em there. Get 'em there-- |
| Dwight Schrute: | I'll do the best I can, Michael. |
| Michael Scott: | Are you kidding me? |
| Dwight Schrute: | Deceit does not come easy to me. |
| Michael Scott: | Ok ok ok ok! |
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| Michael Scott: | You know what they say the best medicine is. |
| Kevin: | Well the doctor said a combination of interferon and dacarbazine. |
| Michael Scott: | And... laughter, also. |
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| Michael Scott: | So when, uh, when did you set up shop. |
| Business owner: | Ah I opened this place after I came back from Vietnam. |
| Michael Scott: | Ooh, Vietnam. I hear it's lovely. |
| Business owner: | [long pause] Mmm-hmm. |
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| Michael Scott: | Okay. Wendy. "Hot and juicy redhead." I'll give this a try. [dials number] |
| Woman: | Wendy. |
| Michael Scott: | Hello, Wendy. This is Kevin's friend, Michael. |
| Woman: | This.. isn't Wendy. |
| Michael Scott: | Oh I'm sorry could you put her on please. |
| Woman: | Dude, this is a Wendy's resturant. |
| Michael Scott: | Okay.. Okay. Could I just have a Frosty and a baked potato please. |
| Woman: | You have to come to the resturant to order food. |
| Michael Scott: | Well I'll send somebody to pick it up. Just have it ready. |
| Woman: | It's ready now. |
| Michael Scott: | Well put it aside. [hangs up phone] |
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| Michael Scott: | You know what would help is a pros and cons list for our options. Jim don't take this the wrong way. Are you going to take this the wrong way? |
| Jim Halpert: | It's hard to tell so far. |
| Michael Scott: | You use your brain too much. |
| Jim Halpert: | I'm sorry are you advocating that I use it less? |
| Michael Scott: | Sometimes the smartest people don't think at all. |
| Jim Halpert: | You just came up with that. |
| Michael Scott: | As I was saying it. |
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| Michael Scott: | Here we go! You know what this is? This is the Amazing Race. [points to Ryan and Stanley] And you guys are the retired marines. [points to Phyllis and Karen] And you guys are the mother/daughter. [points to Jim and Dwight] And you guys are the gay couple. [turns to Andy] And we are the fire fighter heros. |
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| Michael Scott: | [after robbery] So much for sex without consequences. |
