Michael Scott Quotes From The Office
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| Michael Scott: | Hi I'm Date Mike. Nice to meet me. How do you like your eggs in the morning. [awkwardly winks] |
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| Car Navigation System: | Make the next right turn. |
| Michael Scott: | How do they know? How does this know when to turn? That is very impressive. |
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| Michael Scott: | I did not go to business school. You know who else didn't go to business school? LeBron James, Tracy McGrady, Kobe Bryant. They went right from high school to the NBA so... [pause] So, it's not the same thing at all. |
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| Michael Scott: | Ryan? Ryan, we're gonna take your clothes off. |
| Ryan: | No! [sits up] Guys. I think my friend Troy might have a drug problem. What do I do? |
| Dwight Schrute: | I think his species might have a higher tolerance than ours. |
| Michael Scott: | Shh. Just-- stop. Here's what you do. You tell him, that you're his friend and that you're going to help him and that everything's going to be alright. [pause] And then you put a wire on him, and you find out who's selling him, drugs, and then, you get that and you flip him. Turn him into a snitch. You follow that guy, to people really, really bad. |
| [Ryan lies back down] | |
| Michael Scott: | [to camera] Been watching The Wire recently. I don't understand a word of it. |
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| Michael Scott: | There we go! Our town car awaits! |
| Meredith: | It's just a van. |
| Michael Scott: | It's not just a van. |
| Meredith: | Look, I know my way around a van. That, is not a van. |
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| Michael Scott: | We'll ask PowerPoint..... |
| Oscar: | Michael, this is a presentation tool. |
| Michael Scott: | You're a presentation tool! |
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| Michael Scott: | In an office when you are ranking people manager outranks captain. On a boat, who knows? It's nebulose. |
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| Dwight Schrute: | I can't do this. |
| Michael Scott: | That's because you're incapable of doing it. Because you don't know how. Because you have no skills. Dwight, there's no way I can possibly teach you what you need to know about public speaking by speech time. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Okay. |
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| Jim Halpert: | I really, really think Michael is better at being a manager. For so many reasons. |
| Michael Scott: | Mmmm no. I think I would be bad. I would, sleep, in my office. And I would sexually harass people. |
| Jim Halpert: | Why would you do that. |
| Michael Scott: | I'm turning myself in right now! |
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| Dwight Schrute: | Michael, you forgot to mention the herpes. |
| Michael Scott: | It didn't come out organically. |
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| Michael Scott: | Kevin has an enormous heart. Literally he has an elephant heart, he had a transplant. |
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| Michael Scott | Okay, moving backwards, our IT guys have been Glasses, Turban, Ear Hair, Fatty 3, Shorts, Fatty 2, Lozenge, and Fatso. |