Michael Scott Quotes From The Office

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Michael Scott: Well. [sits down] That was a waste, of a text. Let's get down to brass tacks. I think that we might be in trouble. We don't seem to have a plan, so I'm thinking I go down there maybe rattle off a few jokes. The Congressman could follow?
CEO: He's our best manager? Where's the off button on this moron?
Michael Scott: Uhh. I'm not a moron. Time after time, my branch, leads in sales. I have personally won over seventeen Dundie awards so I am not a moron. And, I'm just trying to help, you know? So... you're the moron.
[long, terrible pause]
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Michael Scott: People have said I have very pretty eyes... I haven't heard the same about you.
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Toby: We wanna go home.
Michael Scott: Well you don't even have anyone to come home to, Toby, so.
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David Wallace: Michael, you have to take responsibility here. One of your employees had a heart attack. He could have died because of the way you're allowing your office to run. Do you want that on your conscience?
Michael Scott: [to Dwight] Do you?
David Wallace: Michael?
Michael Scott: You're talking to me?
David Wallace: Yeah.
Michael Scott: What?
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Michael Scott: Just-in time.
Justin: Hi.
Michael Scott: Just-in case. What's your last name?
Justin: Paulsnake.
Michael Scott: This just-in! Justin Paulsnake!
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Michael Scott: I think if I was allergic to dairy I'd kill myself.
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Michael Scott: Listen, I like kids. But this is not a kid's environment, this is like HBO. No limits. Who knows what I'm going to say? Crazy stuff. And it is R-rated. It is not rated G. I am like Eddie Murphy in Raw, and they are trying to make me into Eddie Murphy in Daddy Day Care. Both great movies, but still.
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Michael Scott: Erin, do we have any of those clips that hold paper together?
Erin: Staples?
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Michael Scott: What did we learn this week? Well, one, thanks to me, my team is much, much faster at coming to decisions than I thought they would be. Number two, never buy a fur coat with a credit card until you absolutely have the money to pay for it. And three, [camera pans out revealing a big red stain on Michael's fur coat] you should know that some people think it's cool to throw buckets of fake blood on you as you are walking out of Burlington Coat Factory.
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Michael Scott: [hanging up Pam's painting] It is a message. It is an inspiration. It is a source of beauty. And without paper, it could not have happened... Unless, you had a camera.
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Dwight Schrute: I'll do your laundry for a month! For a year!
Michael Scott: I have a laundry machine!
Send "The Office Theme Song" Ringtone to your Cell
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Michael Scott: [to Karen] Wow, you are very exotic looking. Was your dad a G.I., or...?
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