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The Office Quotes (NBC) | Michael Scott Quotes

Michael Scott Quotes From The Office

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Toby: We're not all gonna sit in a circle Indian style, are we?
Michael Scott: Get out. No this is not a joke. It was offensive and lame, so double offensive. This is an environment of welcoming and you should just get the hell out of here.
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CEO: Well ok, we're gonna take a fifteen minute break and then, we're gonna answer more questions.
Shareholder 1: You haven't said anything yet and we're headed for bankruptcy! [loud agreement from the crowd]
Michael Scott: Yeah well that's not gonna happen. That's not gonna happen. We'll be back with some answers.
Shareholder 2: What? What answers?
Michael Scott: I-- ok-- I know, that you're made at me and you're mad at all of them.
Shareholder 3: How are you going to fix the company! [loud cheers of agreement from the shareholders]
Michael Scott: Alright. We are gonna-- we are gonna go out there, during this break, and we are gonna come back with a plan. We're gonna come back with a plan for you. It's a forty-five day plan. Forty-five days! To get us back, on track. [some claps in the audience] Forty-five points! It's a forty-five day, forty-five point; one point per day. We get forty-five points, we're back in business! [walks away to loud cheers from the shareholders]
Michael Scott: [returns to the mic] And you can take that to the bank! [more cheering] And limo lady! We are going completely carbon-neutral! [the room erupts] I love you New York! [walks off-stage then runs back for an encore, enthusiastically pointing to the audience] You! You!
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Michael Scott: Toby has been cruisin' for a bruisin' for twelve years. And I am now his cruise director. And my name is Captain Bruisin'.
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Michael Scott: [during a relaxaxtion exercise] It is a beautiful, sunny day, as we walk through the meadow. It is very spiritual and relaxation and there are flowers and it is sunny and beautiful. Now, up ahead, a castle, in the distance. And you walk up, toward the castle. And inside the castle are four men. And each of them-- none of the have shoes. And they give you a funny cigarette and you feel even more relaxed. And then you want ice cream. You want a big bowl of ice cream. So what kind of ice cream do you want? Yell it out.
Meredith: Chunky Monkey!
Michael Scott: Too expensive.
Stanley: Chocolate.
Michael Scott: Racism is dead, Stanley. You can have any kind of ice cream you want.
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Michael Scott: [leaving bathroom] Crazy world, lotta smells.
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Dwight Schrute: Your heart is a wonderful thing, Michael, but it makes some terrible decisions.
Michael Scott: That's true. That's true. It has gone down the path many, many times. Jan, Ryan...
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Michael Scott: Well so far, I think it is killing. I thought it'd either be an A or an A+, but I completely forgot that there's an A++.
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Michael Scott: That is a perfectly good mini-tree, Kevin, and we are going to sell that to charity. That's what Christmas is all about.
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Michael Scott: Quit Pam-M-S-ing!
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[in David Wallace's hottub]
David Wallace: I wanna tell you about a business idea I have.
Michael Scott: Ok.
David Wallace: You know how kids leave their toys everywhere? Ok. So this is a vacuum. It's like a Shop Vac type of thing. Vroop! Teaches kids how to pick up their own toys. Right? Baseball gloves, uh, hacky sacks, drum sticks. Vroop! Picks it up.
Michael Scott: So the kid's making the noise to pick it up?
David Wallace: No. No, no, no, that's the vacuum noise. You don't like it.
Michael Scott: No, I think it's...
David Wallace: No, no it's ok. Another guy form Dunder Mifflin, Arnie from Research. He's gonna draw up the prototype. And uh... It's like a Shop Vac. Vroop! Did I, say that?
Michael Scott: Yep.
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[doing surveillance in Michael's car]
Michael Scott: And there's clouds. There's clouds in the sky. I think it's gonna rain. Bad for business.
Dwight Schrute: Well it would if they were altocumulus, not cirrostratus.
Michael Scott: [frustrated] Why do you?-- ah ok.
Dwight Schrute: Get your clouds right.
Michael Scott: Shut up.
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Michael Scott: So, I need a little treat for the gang. Something to win their affections back.
Ryan: Back? Why is that, Michael?
Michael Scott: Well, I ran down Meredith in my car.
Ryan: Ohhhh. Did you do this on purpose?
Michael Scott: No. I was being negligent.
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