Michael Scott Quotes From The Office

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Pam Beesley: So what is your gift?
Michael Scott: My gift's forthcoming, Pam.
Pam Beesley: What is it?
Michael Scott: I am going to give Toby...
Pam Beesley: Your watch?
Michael Scott: Yes. I am. How would you know that?
Pam Beesley: I just knew.
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[having blood taken]
Michael Scott: Wow. I feel like a human juice box. Hawaiian blood punch.
Woman: [laughing] Oh that's gross.
Michael Scott: Type Oooocean Spray.
Woman: [still laughing] God, stop. Stop it.
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Michael Scott: Let's all clap at Phyllis.
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Michael Scott: I'm going to give you a piece of paper. I want you to write down how much you want, and I want you to slide it back across the desk to me.
Darryl: Why can't I just tell you.
Michael Scott: Because that is the way these things are done. In, films.
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David Wallace: I am calling to see if you would come down and interview for a job we have opening up in corporate.
Michael Scott: Really?
David Wallace: A week from today. Bring your first quarter stats and your recommendation for who'd take over the Scranton branch.
Michael Scott: Wow. I wish I had prepared something to say--
David Wallace: That's not necessary--
Michael Scott: May God guide you in your quest.
David Wallace: Yes..
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Michael Scott: I need you, to arrange a meeting between me and the sales staff without Ryan and Pam knowing.
Dwight Schrute: Gasp. Are you talking about a secret meeting?
Michael Scott: Whatever you guys did earlier.
Dwight Schrute: I don't know the first thing about secret meetings.
Michael Scott: Just do it. Ok? Get 'em there. Get 'em there--
Dwight Schrute: I'll do the best I can, Michael.
Michael Scott: Are you kidding me?
Dwight Schrute: Deceit does not come easy to me.
Michael Scott: Ok ok ok ok!
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Michael Scott: You know what they say the best medicine is.
Kevin: Well the doctor said a combination of interferon and dacarbazine.
Michael Scott: And... laughter, also.
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Michael Scott: So when, uh, when did you set up shop.
Business owner: Ah I opened this place after I came back from Vietnam.
Michael Scott: Ooh, Vietnam. I hear it's lovely.
Business owner: [long pause] Mmm-hmm.
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Michael Scott: Okay. Wendy. "Hot and juicy redhead." I'll give this a try. [dials number]
Woman: Wendy.
Michael Scott: Hello, Wendy. This is Kevin's friend, Michael.
Woman: This.. isn't Wendy.
Michael Scott: Oh I'm sorry could you put her on please.
Woman: Dude, this is a Wendy's resturant.
Michael Scott: Okay.. Okay. Could I just have a Frosty and a baked potato please.
Woman: You have to come to the resturant to order food.
Michael Scott: Well I'll send somebody to pick it up. Just have it ready.
Woman: It's ready now.
Michael Scott: Well put it aside. [hangs up phone]
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Michael Scott: You know what would help is a pros and cons list for our options. Jim don't take this the wrong way. Are you going to take this the wrong way?
Jim Halpert: It's hard to tell so far.
Michael Scott: You use your brain too much.
Jim Halpert: I'm sorry are you advocating that I use it less?
Michael Scott: Sometimes the smartest people don't think at all.
Jim Halpert: You just came up with that.
Michael Scott: As I was saying it.
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Michael Scott: Here we go! You know what this is? This is the Amazing Race. [points to Ryan and Stanley] And you guys are the retired marines. [points to Phyllis and Karen] And you guys are the mother/daughter. [points to Jim and Dwight] And you guys are the gay couple. [turns to Andy] And we are the fire fighter heros.
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Michael Scott: [after robbery] So much for sex without consequences.