Michael Scott Quotes From The Office
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| Michael Scott | [pouring gasoline] Hey, Pam! |
| Pam Beesly | Hey, Michael. I just came out to see what you were doing and to maybe stop you. |
| Michael Scott | It looks like I'm running out of gas. You know what, do you have a siphon? |
| Pam Beesly | Gas for what? |
| Michael Scott | I'm asking Holly a question in fire. |
| Pam Beesly | [excited] Michael, are you proposing? |
| Michael Scott | Yup... My hands and shoes are covered in gas. Do you think you could light this for me? [hands Pam gas can and matches] |
| Pam Beesly | Sure... [walks away] |
| Michael Scott | Hey! Are you going to light this or not? |
| Pam Beesly | Michael... you had two ideas today, and one of them was great. The other was terrible. |
| Michael Scott | I don't have time for riddles, Pam! |
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| Jim Halpert: | Several times a day, Michael says words that are Way beyond my vocabulary-- |
| Michael Scott: | I know where this is going! |
| Jim Halpert: | Do ya? |
| Michael Scott: | No. |
| Jim Halpert: | Ok. Remember spiderface? |
| Michael Scott: | No. |
| Jim Halpert: | Ok because the quote was, "cut off her nose to spiderface." |
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| Michael Scott: | You and I are going to sneak inside, pretend that we are warehouse workers and we will Silly String the bejesus out of the place. |
| Dwight Schrute: | And if we have to defend ourselves, I will stab the security guard in the eye, with the jumbo chalk. |
| Jim Halpert: | No! No you won't do that. Nope. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Then I'll grind up the jumbo chalk and blow it in his eyes. |
| Jim Halpert: | Dwight, nothing with the eyes. Please? |
| Dwight Schrute: | Okay Jim. |
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| Jim Halpert: | Does that include 'that's what she said'? |
| Michael Scott: | Mmhh, yes. |
| Jim Halpert: | Wow that is really hard. You really think you can go all day long? Well, you always left me satisfied and smiling. |
| Michael Scott: | Mmmm... THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID! |
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| Michael Scott: | He's finished work, he's on his way home, WHAM, his cappa is detated from his head! |
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| Michael Scott | Today will either be the best or the worst day of my life. Holly gave AJ an ultimatum. He either proposes by New Year's or they break up. Now, if she's engaged, I'm gonna go crazy, and I'm gonna start attacking people. If she's not engaged, in all honesty, I may just burn this whole place to the ground out of happiness. Either way, I am going to need some talking down. And nobody talks me down like myself in a video talking me down. |
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| Michael Scott: | You know when they say, "it's so crazy it just might work"? Well I don't believe that. I say go for the airtight plan. And that is why I am having Andy wheel me into the conference room inside a make-shift cheese cart. It is just... elegant. |
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| Jan Levinson-Gould: | You already had a party on May fifth for no reason-- |
| Michael Scott: | No reason? It was the 05/05/05 party, it happens once every billion years. |
| Jan Levinson-Gould: | --and a tsunami relief fundraiser which somehow lost a lot of money. |
| Michael Scott: | No that was a fun raiser, I think I made that very clear in the flyers. |
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| Michael Scott: | Because, well, Jim. Where I'm from, two types of folk: those who ain't, and those who are knee-high on a grasshopper. Which type ain't you ain't? Ya'll come back now. |
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| Jim Halpert: | You'll never guess. I just got a message from my landlord. Apparently my apartment flooded. Something with the sprinklers. |
| Jan: | Oh no! |
| Jim Halpert: | Pam we should probably get going to see the damage. |
| Michael Scott: | Well you don't know two of you to do that. |
| Jim Halpert: | [pause] That's... true, um. [pause] Dinner sounded delicious. Pam, see you at home? Thank you so much. |
| Pam Beesly: | Oh Jim I don't think you're going to abandon this party here all by itself. |
| Jim Halpert: | No, 'cause everything I own is there. |
| Pam Beesly: | You can buy new stuff but you can't buy a new party! |
| Michael Scott: | That's true! That is a great point. Come on down here. Sit down, on the couch. We're your friends and we're not going to let you think about all your stuff being destroyed alright? |
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| Michael Scott: | I used to think that she was the one. Or at least a the one. |
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| Michael Scott: | What is wrong with these people? They have no willpower. I went-- I once went twenty-eight years without having sex. And then again for seven years. |