Michael Scott Quotes From The Office

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Michael Scott: Yeah, whatever. No big deal. The hottest girl in the world loves me.
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Michael Scott: Here's the thing. When a company screws up, best thing to do is call a press conference. Alert the media and then you control the story. Wait for them to find out, and the story controls you. That's what happened to O.J.
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Michael Scott: I'm going to start my own paper company.
Jim Halpert: You're starting your own paper company!
Michael Scott: Yeah!
Jim Halpert: Why?
Michael Scott: Can you believe it? 'Cause I know paper. I know everything there is to know about paper.
Jim Halpert: Do you know that the industry is in decline?
Michael Scott: Yeah! Oh God I practically invented decline, right?
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Michael Scott: They asked for cash but, you know, I give them cash every week. So, how much cash does a person need? I have taken it on myself to do something a little more special. I have painted a portrait of the two of them, from memory. And I have another one of them in the nude. But that one is for me.
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Michael Scott: It's after midnight! You're married!
Dwight Schrute: He's married!!
Jim Halpert: That's not how that works.
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Michael Scott: Hey, Schneider, real quick. What do you call a buttload of lawyers driving off a cliff.
Jan's lawyer: A good start. And I think it's busload.
Michael Scott: Yeah. A bunch of rich lawyers took the bus. [to Jan] Where'd you find this guy?
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Michael Scott: Like I said it's not about the horniness it's about the loneliness. And how can I be lonely with my boys? Like a famous person once said, boys on the side. But I don't. I disagree. I say, let's hear it for the boys.
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Michael Scott: I have come here today to talk to Mr. David Wallace about this whole thing going on with Sabre. He will know exactly what to do. He is not a fan of me dropping by unannounced. But then again, who is?
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Toby: Actually, I didn't think it was appropriate to invite children since it's, uh, you know. There's gambling and alcohol... And it's in our dangerous warehouse. And it's a school night. And, you know, Hooters is catering. You know. Is that- is that enough? Should I keep going?
Michael Scott: Why are you the way that you are? Honestly, every time I try to do something fun or exciting, you make it not that way. I hate so much about the things that you choose to be.
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Michael Scott: So, Eric, you mentioned before that you are in Tool and Die repair. Meredith recently had a total hysterectomy so that's sort of a repair. [awkward silence] Alright I'll let you guys talk.
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Michael Scott: I always thought Michael got a bad rap. He's a good guy and he's super funny. Yeah, maybe I should tell him before he goes. He's all the way over there...
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