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The Office Quotes (NBC) | Michael Scott Quotes

Michael Scott Quotes From The Office

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Michael Scott: Here is a Kelly complaint: "Ryan never returns my calls". Ugh, join the club.
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Michael Scott: I was out on a very, very hot date last night with a girl from H.R., Dwight!
Dwight Schrute: Really? We don't have any girls from H.R.
Michael Scott: No, that... for the sake of the story. And things were getting hot and heavy, and I was about to take her bra off, when she hand me fill out six hours of paper work.
Dwight Schrute: Like an AIDS test?
Michael Scott: No. God.
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[doing surveillance in Michael's car]
Michael Scott: And there's clouds. There's clouds in the sky. I think it's gonna rain. Bad for business.
Dwight Schrute: Well it would if they were altocumulus, not cirrostratus.
Michael Scott: [frustrated] Why do you?-- ah ok.
Dwight Schrute: Get your clouds right.
Michael Scott: Shut up.
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David Wallace: How could you possibly think that the appropriate way to announce a branch closing was at a compant picinic?
Michael Scott: Well, I didnt know that they didnt know.
David Wallace: What about the fact that they're here today? What about that? That didn't throw up any alarms? No, Michael needed a little but for his comedy sketch and he thought 'Oh hey, this'll be really funny'.
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Michael Scott: [comes into Jim's office using accent] Deb, what in the world - do you have the vapors?
Jim Halpert: Michael, not now.
Michael Scott: Can't wait, we have to get you to our witch doctor right now. Come on. Come on.
Pam Beasley: I should just go. [accent] Where to now Caleb?
Michael Scott: To Mama Juju Boo Boo.
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Doctor: Does the skin look red and swollen?
Dwight Schrute: That's what she said.
Michael Scott: That's my joke, damn it Dwight.
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Michael Scott: A guy goes to a $5 lady of the night, and he gets crabs. So the next day he goes back to complain and the woman says, 'Hey, it was only $5, what did you expect... lobster?'
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Erin: Uh, David Wallace called.
Michael Scott: Oh he did, what did he say?
Erin: He heard you made a big splash, at the meeting, oh my God that was so mean what I just said and I didn't mean it. It was Kevin and Meredith that put me up to it.
Kevin: I'm gonna kill you.
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Michael Scott: I'm looking for the toy drive box.
Pam Beesley: It's behind you.
Michael Scott: Okay, well, I need to put this bike in there. I hope it will fit with all these little knick knacks.
Jim Halpert: Wow. What kind of bike is that?
Michael Scott: Um, I dunno. Average kind.
Kevin: The tires look pretty worn.
Michael Scott: Well that is probably from the test drive.
Jim Halpert: But the paints chipping. Is that your old bike Michael?
Michael Scott: No...
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Toby: Anybody need sunblock? I've got SPF 30.
Michael Scott: Oh. You know what? You're not going.
Toby: It's Beach Day.
Michael Scott: Yeah, I know. I'm sorry, Toby. We, um, somebody has to say here.
[cut to interview]
Michael Scott: I want today to be a beautiful memory, that the staff and I share after I have passed on, to New York. And if Toby's apart of it, then it'll suck.
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Erin: Do I still have a job here?
Michael Scott: Not important.
[eruption of disagreement from the office]
Michael Scott: Ok. Alllright. Yes. Yes, you have a job. Frankly you have a job because Ryan and Pam, are starting with us as salesmen.
Dwight Schrute: Wait. What!
Stanley: How is that going to work?
Michael Scott: It is going to work very smoothly because Pam and Ryan are bringing over a ton of clients, from Michael Scott Paper Company and you're n--
Phyllis: You mean the clients you stole from us.
Dwight Schrute: Aren't we getting those clients back?
Michael Scott: No you lost-- those clients.
Andy: I call foul sir!
Dwight Schrute: You were bought out, so the company then bought out all of the stolen clients.
Michael Scott: Dwight, let me explain something to you. I set the rules and you follow them. Blindly. Ok? And if you have a problem, [picks up a trash container] with that, then you can talk to our complaint department. It's a trash can!
Send "The Office Theme Song" Ringtone to your Cell
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Michael Scott: You're not going to be able to talk back.
Dwight Schrute: You'll have Pam to answer to.
Michael Scott: She'll be sitting at home saying, Jimm take the baby to the zoo cause I want to sit at home and eat bonbons. And clip my toenails!
Dwight Schrute: Jimm, hey why don't you braid my hair? I wanna watch tv.
Michael Scott: No you sound like Kermit.
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