Michael Scott Quotes From The Office

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Ryan: And you got a goatee.
Michael Scott: I did!
Ryan: Did you get that after you helped me move and you saw mine?
Michael Scott: Yess. Goooo tee!
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Michael Scott: Scotch and Splenda: Tastes like Splenda, gets you drunk like scotch!
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Andy: What if we changed our outgoing answering machine message so it just has a little more zing and a little more pep.
Michael Scott: Zing and pep. See that's- those are the kind of words we're looking for. Yes Jim.
Jim Halpert: What about if we did an even newer voicemail message that had even more zing and pep.
Michael Scott: Now we're thinking. I like this.
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[deleted scenes]
Michael Scott: Can I take a quick break? I need to change the panty liners in my armpits.
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Michael Scott: Like I said it's not about the horniness it's about the loneliness. And how can I be lonely with my boys? Like a famous person once said, boys on the side. But I don't. I disagree. I say, let's hear it for the boys.
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Michael Scott [filming video] Michael, I know what you're thinking. Holly's engaged to another man, and you want to kill yourself. It may seem like a good idea, but it's not.
Erin [giggles] Snot. Sorry, it sounded like you said it's snot. I am so sorry.
Michael Scott Okay, so killing yourself... [laughs] I was just thinking about snot.
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Michael Scott: I tried. I tried! I tried to talk to Toby and be his friend... But that is like trying to be friends with an evil... snail. I feel like I'm dying inside. I feel like Neve Campbell in Scream 2. She thinks she can go off to college and be happy... And then, the murderer comes back. Starts killing off all of her friends. Learned a lot of lessons from that movie. This is just one of them.
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Dwight Shrute: What kind of mileage does this baby get?
Erin: It's like what high school kids take to prom on tv shows.
Oscar: So typical of management to spend money on this. Ugh, bunch of boobs.
Michael Scott: Hate to break it to you Oscar, but some of us like boobs.
Dwight Shrute: Calves. [raises hand] Calves all the way.
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Michael Scott: There is no such thing as an appropriate joke. That's why it's a joke.
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Michael Scott: I love the people here. And if there was one thing I don't really care for is that they can be terribly, terribly ignorant about other cultures. And I don't want them embarassing me in front of my girlfriend, Carol.
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Michael Scott: I want to go and find out something about myself. I want to get out of here. All the cliques and the... office politics. Fluorescent lighting. Asbestos.
Jim Halpert: I thought we had that looked at.
Send "The Office Theme Song" Ringtone to your Cell
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Michael Scott: It's a booze cruise!
Meredith: ALRIGHT!
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