Michael Scott Quotes From The Office

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[during presentation on famous Indians]
Michael Scott: M. Night Shyamalan. The Village, Unbreakable, Sixth Sense--
Dwight Schrute: I see dead people.
Michael Scott: Okay. Spoiler alert.
Dwight Schrute: He was dead the whole time.
Michael Scott: Just stop it.
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Michael Scott: You know Dwight there was a time when you'd be pinching yourself to have the opportunity to, look through a dump with me.
Dwight Shrute: Yeah well, the acorn becomes the oak.
Michael Scott: Yeah. But sometimes the acorn just stays an acorn. You don't believe me look in my gutters.
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Michael Scott: And then, I think I am going to go to the garlic festival.
Jim Halpert: Wow.
Michael Scott: Sounds like fun. You guys would love it. They have a TCBY booth! Same stuff you get downtown. Do you like TCBY?
Jim Halpert: Who doesn't?
Michael Scott: "I can't believe it's... I can't believe it's yogurt."
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Michael Scott: I have an idea for a fancy men's shoe store called Shoe La La. And... it's just mens shoes for the special occasions in a man's life. Like the day that you get married, or the day your wife has a baby, or for just lounging around the house.
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Doctor: Does the skin look red and swollen?
Dwight Schrute: That's what she said.
Michael Scott: That's my joke, damn it Dwight.
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Michael Scott: You cannot learn from a book [starts tearing out pages from textbook] Replace these pages with life lessons, and then you will have a book that's worth it's weight in gold. I know these are expensive, but the lesson is priceless.
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Michael Scott: Having Luke here is a pretty big deal for me. Because his mother, who also happens to be my half sister, kind of cut me off from that side of the family fifteen years ago--fourteen. The last time I saw Luke, was the opening day of Ace Ventura 2. And that was '95. So yes, fifteen years on the dot. [long pause] Anyway, I lost him in a forest.
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David Wallace: How could you possibly think that the appropriate way to announce a branch closing was at a compant picinic?
Michael Scott: Well, I didnt know that they didnt know.
David Wallace: What about the fact that they're here today? What about that? That didn't throw up any alarms? No, Michael needed a little but for his comedy sketch and he thought 'Oh hey, this'll be really funny'.
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Michael Scott: Alright, since I am the boss I will drive as well. Who wants shotgun?
Oscar: You can't be serious. You ran a woman over this morning.
Michael Scott: Everybody inside the car was fine, Stanley.
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Michael Scott: My goal is to make this office as peaceful a place for Stanley Hudson as I can. I think sounds have a lot to do with that. Here are some downloaded peaceful sounds. [plays a song off his computer] That one makes me think... of death... It's kinda nice.
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Michael Scott: I need my entourage. Jim! Dwight! Ryan! Common we're going to Asian Hooters.
Ryan: Oh man I can't.
Michael Scott: Why not?
Ryan: I'm not feeling so well. I've got a ton of work to do here. MSG allergy. Peanut allergy. I just ate there last night.
Michael Scott: Ok. Feel better. Common Jim, let's go.
Jim Halpert: Wow. Thanks for taking all the excuses, dude.
Ryan: Doctor appointment, car trouble, plantar warts, granddad fought in World War II. Use your head, man. I keep mine in here. Look alive, Halpert. Welcome back.
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Michael Scott: You said you were leaving and you made liars out of all of us.
Toby: I did leave.
Michael Scott: Yes. You did. And then you came back. Which makes you the biggest liar of the history.
Toby: I don't see it that way.
Michael Scott: You wanna hear a lie?
Toby: What?
Michael Scott: I... think you're great. You're my best friend.
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