Michael Scott Quotes From The Office

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[in the conference room with two phones on the table]
Michael Scott: Now Jim is going to be the client, Dwight you are going to have to sell to him without being [reading Dwight's performance review] aggressive, hostile or difficult. Let's go!
Dwight Schrute: Alright. Fine. [picks up phone] Brring, bring.
Jim Halpert: [picks up] Hello?
Dwight Schrute: Hello this is Dwight Schrute from the Dunder Mifflin Paper Company.
Jim Halpert: Well that's great because I need paper.
Dwight Schrute: Excellent then you are in luck because we a limited time offer only on everything!
Jim Halpert: Wow this is my lucky day.
Michael Scott: [whispering to Dwight] Ask him his name.
Dwight Schrute: What is your name, sir?
Jim Halpert: I am Bill Butlicker.
Dwight Schrute: Really, that's your real name?
Jim Halpert: How dare you? My family built this country by the way!
Michael Scott: Be respectful, Dwight. Please.
Dwight Schrute: Yes, Michael.
Jim Halpert: Could you hold on one second that's my other line. Hello? [laughing] Yeah I'm just on the phone with this stupid salesman. He's so dumb. Probably just gonna keep him on the line forever and not buy anything.
Michael Scott: [after Dwight looks over at him] It's up to you to change his mind.
Jim Halpert: Sorry that was a.. family emergency.
Dwight Schrute: Oh no, what's wrong.
Jim Halpert: You know what? That's private.
Michael Scott: Boundaries, Dwight! Come on!
Dwight Schrute: I'm sorry Mr. Butlicker. As I was saying, we are having--
Jim Halpert: I'm sorry you're going to have to speak up a little bit louder I'm hard of hearing.
Michael Scott: He's hard of-- He's an old man.
Dwight Schrute: As I was saying, right now--
Jim Halpert: You're gonna have talk louder.
Dwight Schrute: Ok. Our prices have never been lower--
Jim Halpert: Son you have to talk louder.
Dwight Schrute: Never been lower!--
Jim Halpert: LOUDER, SON!
Dwight Schrute: BUTLICKER! OUR PRICES HAVE NEVER BEEN LOWER!--
Michael Scott: Stop it! [whispering] That is totally inappropriate! You never yell at the client! You never yell at the client.
Jim Halpert: Now you listen to me, sir.
Michael Scott: Here we go.
Jim Halpert: The three words I would describe you as is aggressive, hostile and definitely difficult! I'm irate right now!
Dwight Schrute: Mr. Butlicker!-- I have to put you on with my boss.
Michael Scott: Hello this is Michael Scott, regional manager.
Jim Halpert: Well this is William M. Butlicker.
Michael Scott: Hello Mr. Butlicker, how may we help you?
Jim Halpert: Michael I like the sound of your voice. You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to buy one million dollars worth of paper products today.
Michael Scott: [covering mic] See how it's done? Thank you very much sir I don't think you'll regret it.
Dwight Schrute: You are the master!
Jim Halpert: There is one condition, Michael. You have to fire the salesman that treated me so terribly.
Dwight Schrute: Don't do it Michael.
Michael Scott: It's a million dollar sale...
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Michael Scott: How do you tell someone, that you care about, deeply, I told you so. Gently? With a rose? In a funny way? Like it's a hilarious joke? Or do you just let it go. Because saying it would just make it worse. [...] Probably the funny way.
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Michael Scott: ...some burritos or some colored greens or some pad thai.
Stanley: It's collard greens.
Michael Scott: What?
Stanley: It's collard greens.
Michael Scott: That doesn't make sense. You don't call them 'collard people'... that's offensive.
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Michael Scott: When you work for Sabre only one thing matters. And I don't care if you're a loser, orrr you practice bestiality. If Joe likes you, you are in. And I, am in.
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Michael Scott: Yes, I forgot about Ryan's presentation. And yes, it would have been nice to do well at the first presentation that he'd given me. But you know what else would've been nice? Winning the lottery.
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Kelly: That's from Ryan? Does it mention if he's seeing anybody?
Michael Scott: No. It doesn't. I'll find out tonight.
Stanley: Yes please let us know.
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Michael Scott: I wish the windows weren't tinted so people could see us in here.
Andy: Hey you guys do you think anyone might have had sex in here?
Michael and Dwight together: Definitely, definitely! / Smells like it!
Michael Scott: Look! They got pillows. [points to bench seat] That! That's bigger than my bed.
[driver starts closing partition]
Michael Scott: Who's playing with the button?
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Michael Scott: If somebody doesn't tell me I'm going to start screaming.
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[hearing monster sounds coming out of Michael's office from his computer]
Jim Halpert: It's MonsteR dot com. Singular.
Michael Scott: Thank you!
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Michael Scott: Did I mess up my career today? My future prospects at Sabre, I donno, there is a chance, yes. I'll tell you what I love my job. But Jo, wants me to put on a show for her and pretend to work late? I spent all day trying to make her like me that I forgot to ask myself something, do I even like her! As the Irish poet Bobby McFerrin said, don't worry be happy.
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Michael Scott: I enjoy having breakfast in bed. I like waking up to the smell of bacon- sue me- and since I don''t have a butler, I have to do it myself. So most nights before I go to bed I will lay six strips of bacon out on my George Foreman Grill. Then I go to sleep. When I wake up, I plug in the grill. I go back to sleep again. Then I wake up to the smell of crackling bacon. It is delicious. It''s good for me. It's the perfect way to start the day. Today I got up, I stepped onto the grill and it clamped down on my foot. That''s it. I don't see what's so hard to believe about that
Send "The Office Theme Song" Ringtone to your Cell
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Jan: Do you remember Michael Scott, from Scranton branch?
David Wallace: Of course I do. How are you, Michael?
Michael Scott: Jan and I are lovers. It feels so good to finally say that out loud.
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