Michael Scott Quotes From The Office

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[determining how to demonstrate depression]
Dwight Schrute: Visual aids.
Michael Scott: Yes.
Dwight Schrute: A quilt. A depression quilt.
Michael Scott: No time to sew a quilt.
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Assistant: You have a call from Eddie Murphy.
Ryan: Hello.
Michael Scott: Shrek! I'm a donkey! I'm a donkey Shrek!
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Michael Scott: Just about everybody in this office is single right now. Including me. And everyone is experiencing an incredible amount of emotional pain. Especially me, because of my great capacity for emotion. And... it is my first Valentines Day since Holly. So, I think that I am well qualified to understand that these people need to be protected from having love SHOVED into thier faces.
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Kelly: Who's Bob Hope?
Michael Scott: God! He's a- he's a comedian.
Kelly: Oh like Amanda Bynes.
Michael Scott: Who's Amanda Bynes?
Kelly: She's from 'What a Girl Wants'.
Michael Scott: Oh! I love that movie.
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Michael & Jim: [Michael and Jim singing at the karaoke] ... Divided together uh-huh... Making love with each other, uh-huh [Jim smiling at Pam]
Michael Scott: [Cheerfully] We're making love!
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Michael Scott: What sort of movie would Rudy have been if he had just stopped and given up after two rejections. Would've been a less shorter. Probably been a lot funnier. But it would have ultimately been a disappointment. I still would have seen it. But, that's not... the point.
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Michael Scott: Why is my office black?
Dwight Schrute: To intimidate my subordinates.
Michael Scott: That's stupid.
Dwight Schrute: It was Andy's idea.
Michael Scott: You shouldn't have taken it. Bad management! Good thing I'm baaaaaack.
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Michael Scott: Pam you want to rub butter on my foot?
Pam Beasley: No.
Michael Scott: Pam, please. I have Country Crock.
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Michael Scott: Can you tell who's gay and who's not?
Dwight Schrute: Of course.
Michael Scott: What about Oscar?
Dwight Schrute: Absolutely not.
Michael Scott: Well, he is.
Dwight Schrute: Well, he's not dressed in women's clothes, so...
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Michael Scott: Ok. Ok. Hold on. Hold on. Tye, I would like you to crunch those numbers again.
Accountant: It's a program there's no such thing as--
Michael Scott: Just crunch 'em. Just crunch 'em please.
Accountant: [presses 'enter'] Crunch.
Pam Beesly: Did it help.
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Michael Scott: Who's ahead in points?
Pam Beesly: I think they're even. At various times you gave Jim, 10 points, Dwight, a gold star and Stanley, a thumbs-up. And I don't really know how to compare those units.
Michael Scott: Well check to see if there's a conversion chart in that notebook.
Pam Beesly: I really doubt it Michael.
Michael Scott: Please just check.
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Michael Scott: I did not go to business school. You know who else didn't go to business school? LeBron James, Tracy McGrady, Kobe Bryant. They went right from high school to the NBA so... [pause] So, it's not the same thing at all.
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