Michael Scott Quotes From The Office

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Michael Scott: What's happening?
Pam Beesly: Oh, some guy exposed himself to Phyllis in the parking lot.
Michael Scott: Really? Is she okay?
Pam Beesly: Yeah, Bob Vance took her for a walk to calm down.
Michael Scott: Okay. [deep breath] Phyllis, you say? [snorts] Hmm. [suppressed laugher]
Angela: What is so funny?
Michael Scott: Um... I mean did he even see Pam? Or, uh... Karen from behind?
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[taking post-it note from Pam]
Michael Scott: Ahh, this is a very important client. But, I have the most important client sitting right in front of me, my boss, so I will call him back--
Ryan: Oh no no no no. Customer service is obviously priority one, you can take the call.
Michael Scott: N-no. Money's not everything, Ryan, and you're my friend and I don't wanna be rude--
Ryan: Take the call friend.
Michael Scott: I refuse. No. My house my rules. I insist.
Ryan: I insist you take your work calls.
Michael Scott: Ahhhh. Ok. Alright, Pam would you put the call through?
[Pam presses some buttons]
Michael Scott: Hiya buddy.
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Andy: What if we changed our outgoing answering machine message so it just has a little more zing and a little more pep.
Michael Scott: Zing and pep. See that's- those are the kind of words we're looking for. Yes Jim.
Jim Halpert: What about if we did an even newer voicemail message that had even more zing and pep.
Michael Scott: Now we're thinking. I like this.
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Pam Beesly: Hey! I wanna say something. I've been trying to be more honest lately, and I just wanna say a few things. I did the coal walk! Just, I did it. Michael, you couldn't even do that. Maybe I should be your boss. Wow I feel really good right now. [pause] Why didn't any of you come to my art show? I invited all of you. That really sucked. It's like sometimes some of you act like I don't even exist. Jim, I called off my wedding because of you. And now we're not even friends. And things are just like weird between us. And that sucks. And I miss you. You were my best friend before you went to Stamford. And I really miss you. I shouldn't have been with Roy, and there were a lot of reasons to call of my wedding. But the truth is, I didn't care about any of those reasons until I met you. And now you're with someone else. And that's fine. It's, whatever, it's not what I'm- I'm not- Okay my feet really hurt. The thing that I'm just trying to say to you Jim, and to everyone else in the circle, I guess, is that I miss having fun with you. Just you, not everyone in the circle. Okay. I am gonna go walk in the water now. Yep. It's a good day. [she runs away]
Michael Scott: Pam! That was amazing! ...But I am still looking for someone with a sales background.
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Michael Scott: Jimbo. [talking outside of the Mens room) Did you see Holly's butt?
Jim Halpert: Nope, I didn't. You know why?
Michael Scott: Why?
Jim Halpert: Because most of the time, friends don't talk about other friends butts.
Michael Scott: Yeah, I know.
Jim Halpert: But what have you learned about her?
Michael Scott: I learned that she broke her left leg twice in one year. I learned that she's allergic to sesame seeds. I learned that she has read Beds and three times. And I have learned that her butt refuses to quit!
Jim Halpert: Well, I tried. [walks into bathroom, Michael follows]
Michael Scott: [from inside the bathroom] You have to agree. It's insane. Insane!
Jim Halpert: [walking out of bathroom] I'll just go later.
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Michael Scott: [Leaving Jan a voicemail] Hey, Jan. It's me, Michael. I'm just calling to say that I think we need a little break... permanently. And, uh, I know everybody says this, but I-I wanna remain friends. Or at least business associates who get along. Oh, just so you know, it's not me, it's you. [Jan walks in] Okay, buddy. Somebody just walked in. I have to go. Um, so I'll talk to you later.
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Michael Scott: Hi I'm Michael Scott, this is Jan Levinson Gould.
Jan: Just Jan Levinson.
Michael Scott: No Gould?
Jan: No. Thank you very much for meeting with us, have you been waiting long?
Christian: No, not long.
Michael Scott: Uh, Jan what happened?
Jan: Michael!
Michael Scott: Is Gould dead?
Jan: Michael, we got divorced, okay?
Michael Scott: Whoa, you're kidding me! Do you wanna talk about it?
Jan: Michael! [to a waiter] Could we have a table for three please?
Michael Scott: When did this happen?
Jan: We're in a meeting.
Michael Scott: Okay, after you. [mouths to camera] Wow!
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Michael Scott: I just don't want my employees thinking that their jobs depend performance. I mean, what sort of place is that to call home? And Meredith needs this job, it's her only source of money.
Holly: Well that's very sweet, but we have to follow the protocol. Those are the rules.
Michael Scott: OK new idea, we don't report her at all. We just punish her.
Holly: We punish her?
Michael Scott: Tell her, can't have sex for 6 months.
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Michael Scott: [bringing in steaks] Who wants some man meat?
Dwight Schrute: I do. I want some man meat.
Jim Halpert: Michael, Dwight would like your man meat.
Michael Scott: Well then my man meat, he shall have.
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Kevin: Michael, did you just throw-up in there?
Michael Scott: Nah. Just poopin'. You know how I be.
Kevin: It smells like throw-up in here.
Michael Scott: Crazy world. Lot of smells.
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[standing outside of Michael's car decorated with "GOING TO A WEDDING"]
Michael Scott: Well, what do you think? Spent all morning doing it.
Jim Halpert: It is really special.
Pam Beesly: Yeah, but, aren't you supposed to do that to our-- [Jim shakes his head] No, it's great!
Michael Scott: It's just a really important day for me.
Jim Halpert: Well congrats. [shakes Michael's hand]
Michael Scott: Thanks.
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Michael Scott: Remember when people used to say "boss" when they were describing something really cool. Like, "those shoulder pads are really boss man." "Look at that perm, that perm is so boss!" It's what made me want to become a boss. And I looked so good in a perm and shoulder pads. But now, boss is just slang, for jerk in charge.
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