Michael Scott Quotes From The Office

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Michael Scott: The one true rumor--and this is going to ruin this person's life--is that--
Jim Halpert: Is that Pam's pregnant!
Kevin: I knew it! Her breasts were a tiny bit bigger. At first, I thought, oh she has a new bra with padding, but then I thought, Pam doesn't neeed padding. It just didn't add up, Jim.
Jim Halpert: Ok. Thank you.
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Michael Scott: There were these huge bins of clothes, and everybody was rifling through them, like crazy, and I grabbed one. And it fit. So I don't think that this is totally just a women's suit. At the very least it's bisexual.
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Todd Packer: I really thought I was becoming too much of a womanizer. I realized I had shirts at five different woman's houses.
Michael Scott: Still not seeing the problem.
Todd Packer: Alright. Truth is, I got a couple love bumps on my ding dong, so I was like oh, game over.
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Michael Scott: I have egg in my Crocs!
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Michael Scott: You know what the only thing I want for Christmas? I want Meredith to get better. That's my only wish. But you know what my wishes never come true. So I'm not going to wish that on her. I... a watch would be nice.
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Michael Scott: Why are you helping her? You're not even dating her. She's my friend, and ultimately, my strategy is to merge this into a relationship without her even knowing.
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Michael Scott: So Roy is actually going to be marrying Pam sometime this summer. And uh, she's our receptionist. Sort of a 'Brangelina' thing.
Roy: Why?
Michael Scott: Brangelina is the Brad Pitt and Angelina...
Roy: I don't understand.
Michael Scott: Roy... Roy and Pam. It's a 'Ram'. It's a Ram thing!
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Michael Scott: [to Jan] They just don't get very much work done when I'm not here. That's not true. I know how to delegate, and they do more work when I''m not here. Not more... the same amount of work is done whether I am here or not... [to the office] Alright. Ciao. [points to Oscar] Adios!
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Michael Scott: Birthday lunch. Birthday lunch, there is no better medicine than birthday lunch. It'll cure all of your "Gee I don't know if Michael should be dating my mother." And fixes all occurrences of "I don't really see them together." So, open wide, Pam, and take a big ol' spoonful of birthday lunch medicine... Take with food.
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[Michael is making farting noises]
Toby: Come on Michael. You're interrupting.
Michael Scott: You're kidding me! God! You say radon is silent but deadly and then you expect me not to make farting noises with my mouth? What is this! You know what we're not going to die of radon we're going to die of boredom.
[office laughs]
Michael Scott: Right? And if I had a gun, with two bullets, and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice.
[disapproval from everyone]
Dwight Shrute: You were being really funny, and then you went too far.
Michael Scott: I would kill Bin Laden and then Toby.
Dwight Shrute: No, it's still...
Michael Scott: OK geniuses how would you do it?
Creed: Curve the bullet, like in my favorite James McAvoy film, um, Wanted.
Oscar: All that does is help you shoot around things. When there's Bin Laden--
Ryan: Is there a curtain rod in the room.
Michael Scott: I donno.
Stanley: How 'bout make believe land has anyyything you want.
Jim Halpert: Stanley please. This is serious.
Angela: Is this the thing where they use an icicle so there's no evidence.
Michael Scott: Yes, we should stab Toby through the heart with an icicle.
Dwight Shrute: Come on, the whole two bullet thing is a red herring. Here's how you do it, you line them all up, you take one bullet shoot them all through the throat at the same time. [stands up] Watch this, Phyllis, you're Hitler, come up here. Toby, you're Toby. Andy, you're Bin Laden. Line up. Throats together.
Toby: I don't wanna do this.
Michael Scott: Toby just do it! God!
Dwight Shrute: [holding his fingers like a gun to Phyllis' throat] Ready? One bullet, and, boom! [shows bullet travelling through Toby and Andy's necks]
Michael Scott: [the office applauds] It works!
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Michael Scott: ...and I'm sinking a few, swish swish swish- nothing but net! And their jaws just drop to the floor. African Americans!
Send "The Office Theme Song" Ringtone to your Cell
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Michael Scott: Do you know any girl in New York you might... wanna hook me up with? That might be interested in a guy like me?
Ryan: No. Sorry man.
Michael Scott: Ah you tried.
Ryan: But seriously, you should see the girls I meet at clubs in the city.
Michael Scott: Yeah.
Ryan: Unreal.
Michael Scott: They sound great.
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