Michael Scott Quotes From The Office

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Woman: Cool.
Michael Scott: I think so. Yeah I have fun.
Woman: I'm, just gonna use the powder room.
Michael Scott: Alright.
Woman: So I'll see you soon.
Michael Scott: Very perfect. [bows to the camera]
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Michael Scott: Yeah, whatever. No big deal. The hottest girl in the world loves me.
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Michael Scott: Did I mess up my career today? My future prospects at Sabre, I donno, there is a chance, yes. I'll tell you what I love my job. But Jo, wants me to put on a show for her and pretend to work late? I spent all day trying to make her like me that I forgot to ask myself something, do I even like her! As the Irish poet Bobby McFerrin said, don't worry be happy.
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Michael Scott: If you are lying to me, right now, Pam, your baby is going to come out a liar. That's how it works. They inherit things through the breast milk.
Pam Beesly: Please don't talk about my breast milk.
Michael Scott: I just don't want you to lie to me. I don't want you to ever lie to me. Have I ever lied to you?
Pam Beesly: Yeah?
Michael Scott: I just don't want you to.
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Dwight Schrute: Hey.
Michael Scott: Hey.
Dwight Schrute: You wanted to see me?
Michael Scott: Uh, yeah. What do you know about Meredith?
Dwight Schrute: I don't think she'd be missed.
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Michael Scott: You and I are going to sneak inside, pretend that we are warehouse workers and we will Silly String the bejesus out of the place.
Dwight Schrute: And if we have to defend ourselves, I will stab the security guard in the eye, with the jumbo chalk.
Jim Halpert: No! No you won't do that. Nope.
Dwight Schrute: Then I'll grind up the jumbo chalk and blow it in his eyes.
Jim Halpert: Dwight, nothing with the eyes. Please?
Dwight Schrute: Okay Jim.
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Michael Scott: Did I ever tell you about the day that Steve Martin died?
Pam Beesly: Steve Martin's not dead, Michael.
Michael Scott: I know. But I always thought, that the day that he died would be the worst day of my life and I was wrong. It's this.
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Jim Halpert: [under his breath] Sex. Steve Martin. Teri Hatcher.
Michael Scott: What?
Jim Halpert: What?
Michael Scott: What'd you say?
Jim Halpert: I didn't say anything, I was waiting to see what happened.
Michael Scott: It sounded interesting, what you were gonna...
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Michael Scott: I'm going in for a procedure today.
Oscar: Is everything ok?
Michael Scott: Yeah. It's routine. I'm just a little bit scared.
Oscar: I'm sure everything will be fine. What's the procedure if you don't mind my asking?
Michael Scott: It is a colonoscopy.
Oscar: Ok.
Michael Scott: In your experience, what should I be expecting, in terms of sensation. Or, emotions. [pause] Is there anything I can do to make it more pleasurable for me or for Dr. Shandri. My main concern is should I have a safe word?
Oscar: Yeah. [walks out of the office]
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Michael Scott: Wow, uh... I am never going to forget today. Not a chance. I don't think I could ever give back to you what you have given me today. Who here has done something stupid in their lives? Like skipped out on study hall or mix up the difference between A gym and B gym, that sort of thing. Show of hands, anybody? Yes! A bunch of you. Well me too, I have done something stupid. Which I would like to share. Um--
[school bell rings]
Michael Scott: Should we go?
Principal: No, no, we're okay. It's a double period.
Michael Scott: Ah. Alright. I came here today because I promised you tuition. And tuition is very valuable. But, you know what's invaluable? Is intuition. You know what that is? That is the ability to know when something is about to happen. Does anybody out there have intution? And know what's going to happen, next? Nobody? Ok. You're gonna make me say it. Alright. I am so proud of all of you. Derrick, and Lefevre. And, and Ben and Ianna and Mikyla. And Nikki and Jason and... Sorry I'm sort of spacing on your name...
Zyan: I'm Zyan. I'm Mikyla's younger brother.
Michael Scott: Well Zyan I am not going to be paying for your tuition.
[sportive laughter from the room]
Michael Scott: Which brings me to my main point. And that is that I will not be able to pay for anybody's tuition. I'm so sorry.
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Michael Scott: Can you tell who's gay and who's not?
Dwight Schrute: Of course.
Michael Scott: What about Oscar?
Dwight Schrute: Absolutely not.
Michael Scott: Well, he is.
Dwight Schrute: Well, he's not dressed in women's clothes, so...
Send "The Office Theme Song" Ringtone to your Cell
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Michael Scott: Every year my sweet, sweet grandmother sends me a check on my birthday for fifty dollars. And lately she has been sending me like nine or 10 checks a year, uh, as Nana starts to... but I knew I should be saving it for something, I just didn't know what I should be saving it for. And then I had an awakening. Michael, buy a motorcycle. I put the money in my shoe, and then I forgot about it until now.
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