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Michael. Do you remember you specifically told me to bring one sheet of paper. You said it only takes one sheet to make a difference. I said, 'are you sure Michael?' And you said, 'Pam! Pam! Pam!' And then you sneezed in my tea and then you said, 'don't worry it's just allergies.' Do you remember that?
Today, I am meeting a potential client on the golf course because, Ryan put me on probation. You remember Ryan he was the temp here. Yeah. And, uh, it is not a good time for me to lose my job. Since I have some pretty big long term plans in my personal life with Pam that I'd like her parents to be psyched about. So, I am about to do something very bold in this job that I've never done before: Try.
I want you, to meet my family. Come on. Oscar Martinez, accountant extraordinare, this is Justin. This is Darryl Philbin. Isn't he big? And you already met her, Pam Beesly, office hottie. She will do you. [chuckling as Pam has a look of disgust] No, but she has already dated two guys in the office-- that we know of. So, this could be number three. You never kn-- [Pam walks off]
[picking up a microphone] If you can hear me, I would like you to look around at all these companies, and know, that none of them are good enough for you. H&R Block? Come on. I mean I don't even know what they do. Frank Regan Funeral Home? Too much formaldehyde! The Air Force? [Air Force staffer stares at Michael] Air Force is cool. The refreshments? Bush league, you know! That's not what you want! Dunder-- that-- ok I see security is coming so I just wanna say come to Dunder Mifflin. Dunder Mifflin, a great place to work! Anybody? Show of hands, anybody want to intern at Dunder Mifflin. We do not offer college credit, we can not give you any sort of pay, but it is a really fun work environment. Anybody? Show of hands? Damn- it. Ok. I'm gonna wrap it up here. Thank you, for your time. And drive safe!
[to high school student] Hey. How you doin'? Listen, I think that a handsome, funny, smart, funny lookin' kid like you shouldn't limit himself. You can do whatever you wanna do. You can be a classy janitor or a cashier with dignity. Or a... migraine worker. Maybe for you paper should be more of a hobby.
Michael I know you're swamped, I just thought you should know that everyone in the office has left, except for Angela and I. Do not worry though, I have taken down their names and I have docked them a personal day.
Who cares? I'm not there, Jim's not there, why should they have to be there.
Excuse me, people. It has come to my attention that some of you have forgotten who is in charge here. When Michael is gone [pause] Jim is in charge. When Jim is gone, Andy and I are in charge. When Andy is gone, you answer to me. Okay?
You know, it's a tough thing, seeing a grown man take six shots to get out of a sand trap, but I have to give Phil credit for not quitting. Which is what I told him. I also told him that I don't quit either, and I'd call him every single day until he gave me his business. Which he did, after fifteen minutes of me blocking his car. So I am now his paper supplier! And I shot a 102 today so I'm feeling pretty good.
Justin is the ugly girl in the movie who takes off her glasses and she's hot. And you realize she was always hot she was just wearing glasses. And that you were the blind one. [pause] He's the most important thing in my life right now.
Today I did something stupid. I questioned myself, and I will never do that again. Because I look at somebody like Jim Halpert and I think, that guy can do anything he wants to do. He could, do anything. And he choses to work here, selling paper, just like me.
I should let you know right away this is just an entry level job. It's really basic. We're looking for like a self starter, someone who could meet deadlines, and just pretty much just go the extra mile, I guess.
I can do that.
Great. And uh, obviously we're looking for someone who knows Photoshop. And Dreamweaver, uh, Corel Paint or Illustrator, After Effects. All the basics.
Okay here's what we're going to do. I'm going to instruct the kids about management and sales. Oscar will be in charge of accounting. Pam will be eye candy. No... uh, also, because that is your alma mater. Darryl will hire some kids for the warehouse. We don't have to worry about internships with them, because they definitely ain't going to college.
[to Mr. Maguire] OHHH NO!! No no no no. My grandfather would be spinning in his urn, if he knew that I was out with a Dartmouth boy. Take that shirt off right now or I will take it off for you, sir....I am totally and completely kidding!
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