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The Office Quotes (NBC) | Season 2 - Conflict Resolution

The Office Season 2 Quotes - Conflict Resolution

  • Quotes
  • Conference Room (5 Comments)
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Jim Halpert: Dwight tried to kiss me.
Michael Scott: What?
Jim Halpert: And I didn't tell anyone because I'm not really sure how I feel about it.
Dwight Schrute: That is not true. Redact it. Redact it!
Jim Halpert: Well, I'm not actually making a formal complaint. I just really think we should talk about it.
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Dwight Schrute: ID badges are long overdue. Security in this office park is a joke. Last year, I came to work with my spud gun in a duffel bag. I sat at my desk all day with a rifle that shoots potatoes at sixty pounds per square inch. Can you imagine if I was deranged?
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Jim Halpert: This came out really well. There you go. [hands Dwight his new ID]
Dwight Schrute: This is humongous, I am not a security threat. And my middle name is Kurt, not Fart.
Jim Halpert: What did I write?
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Michael Scott: Ok, Ryan, you told Toby that Creed has a distinct old man smell.
[cut to interview]
Creed: I know exactly what he's talking about. I sprout mung beans on a damp paper towel in my desk drawer. Very nutritious, but they smell like death.
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Michael Scott: Someone complained that the men's room is whites only. Stanley, you know that's not true.
Stanley: I didn't say that.
Creed: Then why is there a picture of a white man on the door?
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Michael Scott: Cage matches? Yeah, they work. How could they not work? If they didn't work, everybody would still be in the cage.
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Michael Scott [reading] "This morning, I found a bloody glove in my desk drawer and Jim Halpert tried to convince me I committed murder. I think he may be the real murderer." [flips to another paper] "Jim Halpert said there was an abandoned infant in the woman's room. When I went to save the child, I saw Meredith on the can." Gah. "This morning, I knocked myself in the head with the phone."
Jim Halpert [cuts to camera] That actually took a while. I had to put, uh, more and more nickels into his handset, till he got used to the weight, and then I just... took 'em all out.
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Michael Scott [reading] "Every time I typed my name, it said 'Diapers'."
Jim Halpert [cut to camera] Just a simple macro. You know, these actually don't sound that funny one after another. But he does deserve it, though.
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Michael Scott [reads] "By the end of the day, my desk was about two feet closer to the copier."
Jim Halpert [cut to talking head] Yeah, I just moved it an inch every time he went to the bathroom. And that's how I spent my entire day that day.
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Michael Scott Okay, so Dwight, in your own words - [reads from complaint paper] "Someone replaced all my pens and pencils with crayons. I suspect Jim Halpert." [flips to another paper] "Everyone has called me 'Dwayne' all day. I think Jim Halpert paid them to."
Jim Halpert [cuts to camera] Yes! Five bucks each and it was totally worth it.
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Michael Scott: Here is a Kelly complaint: "Ryan never returns my calls". Ugh, join the club.
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Angela: You already did me.
Michae Scott: [Camera pans to Jim mouthing Michael's words] That's what she said.
5 Comments in the Conference Room
Quotes from  Michael Scott  Dwight Schrute  Creed Bratton  Pam  Random Quotes from All Seasons

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