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Alan Grant, the CEO, of the company--if title's important to you--has personally invited moi, to go to New York, to the shareholders meeting. And sit up on the stage with the board of directors and at some point they are going to introduce me as... the most successful branch manager that have had. And then Michael Scott turns and waves to the crowd. And the crowd goes wild.
[doing an accurate announcer's voice] Ladies and Gentlemen, from Scranton Pennsylvania, please welcome, Michael, the Machine, Scott!
[Michael waves and sits down with a spin]
Don't do the twirl.
Lose the twril.
Michael, I hated the twirl.
[still doing the voice] Hate the twirl!
Ok obviously I'm not going to do the twirl I only did it because I nailed the wave.
Yeah, good. Don't do it.
[cut to talking head]
I am not going to "do" the "twirl," alright? It's not even a twirl, it's a spin. [pause] I might do the spin.
The gentleman in the, uh, glasses [motions to Dwight at microphone]
Dwight Schrute, Scranton branch. I just wanted to say that I have been standing in this line all day. And if this line, is any indication of how this company is being run, then we are in BIG trouble! [loud applause from the shareholders] Thank you! Right, I know! And I just want to say that I believe there are options out there! A take a number option, like they have in a deli. [clapping stops] What about line varieties? Like an express line, for quick comments, ten words or less. They could move, MUCH more efficiently. [silence] What about ropes, along the lines that you can hold on to?
The Dunder Mifflin stock symbol is D.M.I. Do you know what that stands for? Dummies, Morons, and Idiots because that's what you'd have to be to own it. And as one of those idiots, I believe the board owes me answers.
I've always been the guy who can rally other people to rebel. In high school, I organized a walk out over standardized testing. Got over 500 students to just skip the SATs. At the last second I chickened out, took it anyway got a twelve twenty. Always regretted it... I feel lachrymose.
Well ok, we're gonna take a fifteen minute break and then, we're gonna answer more questions.
You haven't said anything yet and we're headed for bankruptcy! [loud agreement from the crowd]
Yeah well that's not gonna happen. That's not gonna happen. We'll be back with some answers.
What? What answers?
I-- ok-- I know, that you're made at me and you're mad at all of them.
How are you going to fix the company! [loud cheers of agreement from the shareholders]
Alright. We are gonna-- we are gonna go out there, during this break, and we are gonna come back with a plan. We're gonna come back with a plan for you. It's a forty-five day plan. Forty-five days! To get us back, on track. [some claps in the audience] Forty-five points! It's a forty-five day, forty-five point; one point per day. We get forty-five points, we're back in business! [walks away to loud cheers from the shareholders]
[returns to the mic] And you can take that to the bank! [more cheering] And limo lady! We are going completely carbon-neutral! [the room erupts] I love you New York! [walks off-stage then runs back for an encore, enthusiastically pointing to the audience] You! You!
Well. [sits down] That was a waste, of a text. Let's get down to brass tacks. I think that we might be in trouble. We don't seem to have a plan, so I'm thinking I go down there maybe rattle off a few jokes. The Congressman could follow?
He's our best manager? Where's the off button on this moron?
Uhh. I'm not a moron. Time after time, my branch, leads in sales. I have personally won over seventeen Dundie awards so I am not a moron. And, I'm just trying to help, you know? So... you're the moron.
[voiceover to shots of Michael running out of the building] Yes it is a thrill, to be honored, by one's company. To have the people that you work for stop for a minute and say, wow, great job. That's what it's about.
[cut to the meeting] HE can take the bus. He's HAD his limo ride.
[voiceover] That is what it is all about. Not the perks. The perks, I could take or leave the perks. But, limos, are for people who make the company money, not lose millions and have no plan. So we're leaving early.
[jumping in the limo] Go go go go!
[voiceover] After all, we are the only ones with anything to celebrate.
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