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The Office Quotes (NBC) | Season 4 - The Deposition

The Office Season 4 Quotes - The Deposition

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  • Conference Room (6 Comments)
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111
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Jan's lawyer: How long have you known Ms. Levinson?
Michael Scott: Six years and two months.
Jan's lawyer: And you were directly under her the entire time?
Michael Scott: That's what she said.
Jan's lawyer: Excuse me?
Michael Scott: [slowly] That's what she said.
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42
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Lawyer: Mr. Scott, who's this other woman, Ryan. Who you refer to here as, 'just as hot as Jan but in a different way.'
Michael Scott: Not a woman, just a cool, great-looking best friend--
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Kelly: I don't talk trash, I talk smack. They're totally different. Trash talk is all hypothetical like, your momma's so fat she could eat the internet. But smack talk is happening like right now. Like, you're ugly and I know it for a fact 'cause I got the evidence right there.
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Court reporter: Mr. Scott, do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.
Michael Scott: Yesh...
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Jan's lawyer: Did Ms. Levinson ever say why she thought she was being fired?
Michael Scott: She thought it had to do with the twins. That's what, I call them.
Jan's lawyer: Can you be more specific. Who are the twins?
Michael Scott: Um, to be delicate, they hang off milady's chest. They make milk.
Jan's lawyer: You don't have to go any further.
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Pam Beesly: The warehouse got a ping pong table last week. Now Jim comes down to play with Darryl. Sometimes I bring him juice. My boyfriend is twelve.
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Jan: If I may, he was just telling a joke before, so can we move on to a different question?
Jan's lawyer: Are you sure?
Jan: Uh, yes.
Jan's lawyer: Can you go back to where this digression began?
Court reporter: [reading] Mr. Schneider. And you were directly under her the entire time? Mr. Scott. That's what she said.
Michael Scott: Well. Delivery's all wrong. She's butchering it.
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Michael Scott: You expect to get screwed by your company, but you never expect to get screwed by your girlfriend.
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21
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Michael Scott: Hi-- No. No. Absolutely not. What is he doing here? Are you renewing your divorce vows before my deposition?
Toby: Michael I'm your HR rep. I'm on your side.
Michael Scott: Never. I want him gone. I don't talk until he leaves.
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Court reporter: [reading transcript] Mr. Scott do you realize you just contradicted yourself. I did? Yes you did. Can I go to the bathroom? No. I really have to I've been drinking lots of water. You went five minutes ago. That wasn't to go to the bathroom that was to get out of a question. You still have to answer it. First can I go to the bathroom. No.
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Dwight Schrute: Wait a minute. Darryl is the client? No no no... he works here dumbass.
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Jan's lawyer: [reading from Michael's journal] I quote from an entry dated January four of this past year. 'Just got back from Jamaica. Tan almost everywhere. Jan almost everywhere. Hee hee. Oh diary, what a week. I had sex with my boss. I don't know if it's going to go anywhere. Jan was very specific that this is not going anywhere, that it was a one-time mistake. But we had sex six times so you tell me. I am definitely feeling very eerie.'
Michael Scott: Irie.
Jan's lawyer: Irie, sorry. 'More tomorrow. XOXO, Michael.'
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16
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Pam Beesly: Every time Michael's in a meeting, he makes me come in and give him a Post-it note telling him who's on the phone. I did it once and he freaked out. He loved it so much. The thing is he doesn't get that many calls. So he has me make them up every ten minutes.
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16
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Lawyer: Are you telling me that your relationship began two years ago and not in February as you previously testified to here?
Michael Scott: Line.
Lawyer: I'm sorry, what?
Executive: He asked for a line, like in a play.
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Executive: Let's make ten copies of this diary.
Toby: Um, could you make it eleven?
Executive: Eleven, sure. And we'll break for lunch so everyone can have a look.
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11
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[taking post-it note from Pam]
Michael Scott: Ahh, this is a very important client. But, I have the most important client sitting right in front of me, my boss, so I will call him back--
Ryan: Oh no no no no. Customer service is obviously priority one, you can take the call.
Michael Scott: N-no. Money's not everything, Ryan, and you're my friend and I don't wanna be rude--
Ryan: Take the call friend.
Michael Scott: I refuse. No. My house my rules. I insist.
Ryan: I insist you take your work calls.
Michael Scott: Ahhhh. Ok. Alright, Pam would you put the call through?
[Pam presses some buttons]
Michael Scott: Hiya buddy.
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11
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Michael Scott: Hey, Schneider, real quick. What do you call a buttload of lawyers driving off a cliff.
Jan's lawyer: A good start. And I think it's busload.
Michael Scott: Yeah. A bunch of rich lawyers took the bus. [to Jan] Where'd you find this guy?
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Dwight Schrute: All of my heroes, are table tennis players. Zoran Primorac, Jan-Ove Waldner, Wang Tao, Jorg Rosskopf and of course Ashraf Helmy. I even have a life-size poster of Hugo Hoyama on my wall. And the first time I left Pennsylvania, was to go to the hall of fame induction ceremony of Andrzej Grubba.
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Kelly: Were Jim's parents first cousins that were also bad at ping pong?
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9
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Jan's lawyer: How long have you known the plantiff?
Michael Scott: I haven't actually seen it. But I have seen The Firm and I am planning on renting The Pelican Brief.
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8
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Michael Scott: Pat-turn. Pat. Turn. My friend, Pat, took a turn. That's how I remember that.
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8
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Kelly: Your boyfriend is so weak, he needs steroids just to watch baseball.
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8
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Jan: People underestimate Michael. There are plenty of things that he is well above average at. Like... ice skating. He is a very good ice skater.
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8
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Pam Beesly: Hey Kevin. Jim needs to see you.
Kevin: About what?
Pam Beesly: He needs help, uh, balancing some travel receipts.
Kevin: Are you sure he wants me? Because I have Oscar balance my travel receipts.
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6
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Jim Halpert: Spin serve!
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6
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Kelly: [singing] Hey! Hey! You! You! I don't like your boyfriend! 'Cause! 'Cause! 'Cause! 'Cause! 'Cause he sucks at ping pong!
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5
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Jan: He just going to tell the truth. The truth is very, you know, complicated so we went over it carefully and just so that we wouldn't leave anything up to chance, or Michael's judgement.
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4
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Pam Beesly: Kelly's trash talking me because Darryl's beating you.
Jim Halpert: What? Seriously? What's she saying.
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4
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[deleted scenes]
Jim Halpert: What are you doing?
Creed: [while unbuttoning his shirt] We're not playing Strip-Pong?
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3
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Michael Scott: Tell 'em how much you're gonna get if you win.
Jan: Uh. Come on Michael that's tacky.
Michael Scott: A million dollars!
Jan: Four, million.
Michael Scott: Four million dollars! Man! That a lot a guacamole! Lot of the green. Lot a green.
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2
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Jim Halpert: Do you wanna go play on the table upstairs?
Darryl: Yes.
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Ryan: You have to know how to work this. There is no excuse for this.
Michael Scott: Yep.
Ryan: I can get you a tutor if you need--
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Kelly: Jim couldn't hit a ping pong ball if it was the size of the moon.
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Jan's lawyer: Now Mr. Scott, what did you say Ms. Levinson said, regarding your employment status, with respect to her corporate position?
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Jim Halpert: Good game Meredith.
Meredith: Don't patronize me.
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[Deleted scene]
Lawyer: Two years ago, when you quote "kissed and fondled in the Chili's parking lot" [Jan sighs and shakes her head], were you aware of company guidelines specifically discouraging that behavior?
Michael Scott: [with nervously awkward hesitance] Neh--nooo, nas.
Lawyer: I'm sorry. That's not a word.
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0
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[deleted scenes]
Michael Scott: Can I take a quick break? I need to change the panty liners in my armpits.
6 Comments in the Conference Room
Quotes from  Michael Scott  Dwight Schrute  Creed Bratton  Pam  Random Quotes from All Seasons

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