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The Office Quotes (NBC) | Season 7 - China

The Office Season 7 Quotes - China

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  • Conference Room (6 Comments)
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14
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Michael Scott: [to camera] My whole life, I believed that America was #1; that was the saying. Not "America is #2", England is #2, and China should be like 8.
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14
likes
Stanley Dwight, why is the toilet paper only half a ply?
Dwight Schrute Oh, I'm sorry. Is that good enough for your anus? Don't get me started on how coddled the modern anus is.
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12
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Jim Halpert Which is you.
Dwight Schrute "Which is you" is not a sentence.
Jim Halpert I disagree with.
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11
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Erin [to everyone] What if we all get together, and help each other hire a new guy and we all kill him, but first we take out like a hundred thousand dollar life insurance policy on him. I bet you guys like that idea, don't you?
Erin [to camera] I think that's what they're doing to me. I can't prove it, but I wanted to see their faces when I said it... I learned nothing.
Michael Scott I don't know what the f*** that was.
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9
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Michael Scott: You know, a lot of people say that if you dig long enough and hard enough, you will get to China, and that may be true. But what they don't tell you is that if you dig long enough and hard enough in a conversation, you get to a friend.
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9
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Michael Scott Ok everyone, I want you all to imagine a world in which America is not the number one superpower. Where forks are irrelevant. And where every man, woman, and child is expected to learn how to play the cello. Now open your eyes.
Angela You never told us to close our eyes.
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8
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Darryl: [to camera] There was a time when the only people who texted you were people you wanted to text you: Girls. And they'd all say the same thing: "I'm comin' over, baby". And I would text back, "BTB". Bring That Booty.
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8
likes
Pam Beesly Does anyone want to know where I've been for the last two hours?
Jim Halpert Oh my God, I've been playing Zombie Soccer for two hours?
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8
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Dwight Schrute Moving is one the most stressful things you can do in your life. You'll probably take it out on your kid. Jim will turn to the drink. The family will fall apart. And twenty years from now, Cece will be famous. For stripping.
Pam Beesly That's a sad story. I have another one. We move, the other tenants follow. The bank takes the building, takes your farm, takes your car, and beats the crap out of you. Penniless, you die, and my daughter dances on your grave. Fully clothed.
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5
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Michael Scott That's what the United States was bult on, big ideas, blue jeans, the Grand Canyon. Come, come up with some big ideas.
Pam Beesly Bigger than the Grand Canyon?
Kevin Ooh, an antacid that you take once a week!
Michael Scott Okay, once-a-week antacid is the thing to beat!
Kevin An antacid you take once every six months!
Stanley Why not go for the whole year?
Kevin That would be too big a pill to swallow.
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5
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Kelly Is this nail place Koreans or Whites?
Pam Beesly ...Koreans?
Kelly Good, and the dry cleaners?
Pam Beesly Whites.
Kelly Good.
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5
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Michael Scott To be safe, I should learn every thing about everything, but I don't have time. Okay, okay,, I'll just learn about China and science and geography and math and literary.
Jim Halpert No politics?
Michael Scott I'm pretty good with politics... [impersonates Arnold Schwarzenegger] "California is bankrupt. And California, California."
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5
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Dwight Schrure There's no building. That can only mean one thing.
Nate The building's underground.
Dwight Schrute ...She's lying.
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4
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Dwight Schrute: Parley, my office, five minutes.
Pam Beesly: Parley?
Creed: Pirate code, he wants to meet.
Pam Beesly: So everyone here knows pirate code?
Creed: I understand it, I can't speak it.
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4
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Nate: [riding in car, looking for new office] Ten thousand seven hundred and six.
Dwight Schrute: Here it is, right here, pull over. Oh my God. No way. Man, look at that.
Nate: Yeah.
Dwight Schrute: There's no building. This could only mean one thing.
Nate: The building's underground?
Dwight Schrute: She was lying. Oh, Pam, Pam...
Dwight and Nate: Pam, Pam, Pam, Pam.
Passer-by Yeah?
Nate: Pam. Pam?
Dwight Schrute: What?
Passer-by I'm Pam.
Dwight Schrute: Oh.
Nate: No you're not.
Dwight Schrute: I'm sorry. We have a colleague with the same name.
Passer-by: Oh, that's fine.
Dwight Schrute: So, okay. You're not a liar too are you?
Passer-by: I've been known to bend the truth.
Dwight Schrute: Damn it, Pam! Get out! Right now! Leave it, I mean it! Get the hell out of here! Go!
Passer-by: Okay.
Dwight Schrute: I can't wait to do to Pam, what I just did... to Pam.
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2
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Dwight Schrute [to camera] Owning a building is a war between the landlord and the tenant. Not a literal war unfortunately, but I'm using the same tactics: I've surrounded the enemy and I'm slowly starving them. To save on electricity, I've installed a timer and motion sensors on the lights. It's all a part of my "Green Intitiative". And by green, I mean money.
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2
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Dwight Schrute: They say the best vampires don't bleed their victims dry, but give them the strength so that they can bounce back only to be fed on again. I spared Pam, and I may feast off of her profits for years to come. I let Pam win. Haha, oh. I was not motivated by compassion. I have no compassion. Make sure you got that. Not motivated by compassion.
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2
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Pam Beesly: I lied about some aspects of the building.
Jim Halpert: It's still on a bike path though right?
Pam Beesly: There's no building... it doesn't exist.
Jim Halpert: What does that mean?
Pam Beesly: I needed leverage so I pulled those pictures off the internet. It's just this Office Administrator thing. I don't wanna...
Jim Halpert: What?
Pam Beesly: Fail. I don't want to fail... again.
Jim Halpert: But you didn't fail.
Pam Beesly: And that's what you said about Art School, and that's what you said about sales.
Jim Halpert: And you didn't fail those things either.
Pam Beesly: Well, I'm not an artist, and I'm not a salesman. So what would you call it?
Jim Halpert: Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. [hugs]
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2
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Dwight Schrute: [picks up pencil between his toes]
Jim Halpert: Why?
Dwight Schrute: Twenty minutes a day Jim, that's all it takes. Twenty minutes a day, all feet, no hands and I'll have the pedi-dexterity of a chimp, and you'll be sitting there like an idiot. [attempts to place pencil in pencil sharpener] Okay. Here we go. Ah, yes. [accidentally kicks items from his desk onto Pam's]
Pam Beesly: Do you mind?
Dwight Schrute: I'm sorry Pam, allow me to write you an apology letter.
Pam Beesly: You don't have to do that.
Dwight Schrute: [typing with his toes] D-E-A. Oop, backspace. A. Dear.
Jim Halpert: [whistling, places cup of coffee onto Dwight's desk] Ahh, Thank you hands. Nothing else in the universe can do what you do.
Dwight Schrute: [lifts cup up with toes]
Jim Halpert: Oh, don't worry about it. Dwight, its okay. You were wrong.
Dwight Schrute: [spills hot coffee on himself] Uhh, aah!
Jim Halpert: Well, A for effort right?
Dwight Schrute: [taps Jim's hand with his foot]
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2
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Stanley: Are you just gonna sit there, Office Administrator, or are you going to do something?
Pam Beesly: Dwight, can we talk about these cutbacks.
Dwight Schrute: Pam, when I'm sitting at this desk, I'm a salesman. If you wanna talk to the new building owner, you should call Nate and schedule and appointment.
Pam Beesly: I'm not going to do that.
Dwight Schrute: Well then you're not going to talk to the new building owner. Which is a shame, because I hear he's a very reasonable guy.
Nate: [on the phone] Y'ello.
Pam Beesly: Hi Nate. It's Pam Halpert.
Nate: Oh, hey Pam.
Dwight Schrute: Hey, I would just love to schedule a meeting today with Dwight.
Nate: Let me put you on hold for just one 'eensy sec.
Pam Beesly: Sure.
Dwight Schrute: [answers phone] Dwight Schrute. Mhm. Tell her I'm busy. I don't know, make something up.
Nate: Hey Pam. Dwight's being questioned by the police in connection with a string of dog-nappings that ha...
Pam Beesly: [hangs up phone] Dwight. Dwight. Can you please tell new building owner that he is screwing over all the people he works with, people he's worked with for years. His friends.
Dwight Schrute: You know what Pam? You're right. This isn't just a business. This is a home, and I would much rather see a smile from Kevin than save hundreds on plumbing and electricity.
[Kevin smiles]
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2
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Darryl: [reads text] Come to parking lot. Crazy pigeon action?
[in the parking lot]
Andy: Shhh. You're gonna scare 'em away. [two pigeons are eating out of a soft serve cone]
Darryl: [laughs] That's a text. [high fives Andy]
Andy: Yeah. Right.
Darryl: That's your new standard.
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1
like
Michael Scott: [to Oscar] Wait! You're forgetting something...
Oscar: What?
Michael Scott: This chat. Two men. One White, one Latina. A boss and a money cruncher. I could fire you.
Erin: Fire him! [Oscar gives her a bad look] No, show mercy.
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[in the kitchen, Angela is making herself a cup of tea] [lights turn off]
Angela: Really? [jumps to try and activate motion sensor, Kevin walks through the door setting it off, and the lights come back on]
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1
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Dwight Schrute: Pam, I am not an unreasonable man. If you guys stay, I will stop watering down the soap.
Pam Beesly: You've been watering down the soap?
Dwight Schrute: Why do you even need soap? Are you that bad at going to the bathroom?
Pam Beesly: We need everything back the way it was.
Dwight Schrute: You don't wanna move. Moving is one of the most stressful things you can do in life. You'll probably just take it out on your kid. Jim will turn to the drink. The family will fall apart, and twenty five years from now, Cece will become world famous... for stripping.
Pam Beesly: That's a sad story. I have another one. We move, the other tenants follow, the bank takes the building, takes your farm, takes your car and beats the crap out of you. Penniless, you die, and my daughter Cece dances on your grave... fully clothed. [lights turn off, Pam and Dwight begin to wave their arms to alert the sensor]
6 Comments in the Conference Room
Quotes from  Michael Scott  Dwight Schrute  Creed Bratton  Pam  Random Quotes from All Seasons

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