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The Office Quotes (NBC) | Season 1 - Pilot

The Office Season 1 Quotes - Pilot

  • Quotes
  • Conference Room (10 Comments)
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60
likes
Michael Scott: Am I going to tell them? No, I don't see the point of that. As a doctor, you would not tell a patient if they had cancer.
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42
likes
Michael Scott: Thank you very much sir! You are a gentleman and a scholar. ...Oh. I'm sorry. Okay. I'm sorry. My mistake. ...That was a woman I was talking to. She has a very low voice. Probably a smoker.
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40
likes
Dwight Schrute: You can't do that
Jim Halpert: Why not?
Dwight Schrute: Safety violation. I could fall and pierce... an organ.
Jim Halpert: [crosses fingers] We'll see.
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35
likes
Michael Scott: People I respect... heroes of mine would be, Bob Hope. Umm, Abraham Lincoln definitely. Bono... and probably God would be the fourth one. And I just think, all those people helped, the world in so many ways that it's umm really beyond words. It's incalcucable.
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31
likes
Michael Scott: My proudest moment here was not when I increased profits by 17%, or cut expenditure without losing a single member of staff. No, no no. It was a young Guatamalan guy, first job in the country, hardly spoke a word of English, but he came to me, and said, 'Mr. Scott, will you be, the Godfather to my child?' Wow... wow. Didn't work out in the end. We had to let him go. He sucked.
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30
likes
Michael Scott: People say I'm the best boss. They go, 'God, we've never worked in a place like this. You're hilarious, and you get the best out of us.' [lifts up 'World's Best Boss' coffee mug] Um, I think that pretty much sums it up. [pauses] I found it at Spencer Gifts.
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30
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Jim Halpert: [after Dwight's stapler was put in Jello] Dwight, I'm sorry because, I've always been your biggest flan.
Michael Scott: [laughing] Oh! Nice! See, that's the way it is around here. It just kinda goes round and round.
Ryan: You, uh, you should have put him in custardy.
Michael Scott: Oh! HEY! HEY! YES! NEW GUY! AND HE SCORES!
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28
likes
Dwight Schrute: I've been recommending downsizing since I got here. I even brought it up in my interview.
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17
likes
Michael Scott: I guess the atmosphere that I've tried to create here is that I'm a friend first and a boss second, and probably an entertainer third.
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17
likes
Michael Scott: [phone rings during meeting] Oh, Todd Packer, terrific rep. Mind if I take it? [answers with speakerphone] Pac-Man.
Todd Packer: Hey you big queen. Is old Godzillary coming in today?
Michael Scott: I don't, uh--
Todd Packer: Look I've been meaning to ask her one question... does the carpet match the drapes?
Michael Scott: [hangs up] Oh my God. Oh that's horrifying. Horrible, horrible person.
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15
likes
Michael Scott: Waaaaazzuuuuupppp!!!
Jim Halpert: Waazuup. I still love that, after seven years.
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14
likes
Dwight Schrute: Are you gonna discipline him or not?
Michael Scott: Oooh, discipline! Kinky!
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13
likes
Michael Scott: Any messages?
Pam Beesly: Yeah, just a fax.
Michael Scott: Pam, this is from corporate.
Pam Beesly: I know.
Michael Scott: How many times have I told you there's a special filing cabinet for things from corporate?
Pam Beesly: You haven't told me--
Michael Scott: It's called the waste paper basket!
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12
likes
Michael Scott: This is our receptionist, Pam. If you think she's cute now, you should have seen her a couple years ago.
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12
likes
Michael Scott: I call her 'Hillary Rodham Clinton'... not to her face. Well not because I'm scared of her. Because I'm not. But yeah...
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12
likes
Dwight Schrute: One word, two syllables: Demarcation.
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12
likes
Michael Scott: I don't know about you, Jan, but downsizing is a bitch! It is a real bitch!
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8
likes
Pam Beesly: I don't think it would be the worst thing if they let me go. Because then I might- I just- I don't think it's many little girls' dream to be a receptionist. Um. I like to do illustrations. Mostly watercolor, a few oil pencil. Um, Jim thinks they're good!
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3
likes
Michael Scott: [Talking to Pam]As you know, there is going to be downsizing. And you have made my life so much easier, in that, I am going to have to let you go first.
Pam Beesly: What? Why?
Michael Scott: Why? Well, theft, and stealing.
Pam Beesly: Stealing? Um...what am I supposed to have stolen?
Micheal Scott: Post-it notes.
Pam Beesly: Post-it notes? What are those 50 cents?
Michael Scott: Yeah, well, you steal a thousand Post-it notes at 50 cents a piece, and, you know, you've made a profit... margin, you're going to run us out of business Pam.
Pam Beesly: Are you serious?
Michael Scott: Yeah, I am.
Pam Beesly: Um...I can't believe this. I mean, I've never even stolen a paperclip and now you're firing me.
Michael Scott: The best thing about this is that, we're not going to have to give you any severance pay. Because... that is... gross miss conduct and uh, just clean out your desk. Sorry. [Pam starts crying] [After a long pause] You've been X-Punked! Surprise! It's a joke. We were joking around! See? Okay, he was in on it, he was my accomplice. [Ryan shaking his head] And it was kind of a moral booster thing. And we were showing the new guy around, and, kinda giving him the feel of the place.
Pam Beesly: You're a jerk!
Michael Scott: I don't know about that.
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2
likes
Michael Scott: [deleted scene] Office romance. For example, Pam and I are dating, do we have to disclose that?
Pam Beesly: We're not dating.
Michael Scott: No, but I'm saying hypothetically if we were dating...
Pam Beesly: We're not dating. I'm engaged.
Michael Scott: Well, Roy is dead and I ask you out.
Pam Beesly: I would say no.
Michael Scott: And you said yes, and we go out.
Pam Beesly: I'd drown myself.
Michael Scott: And now Roy and Pam are dead, and we have your stupid rules to blame, Toby.
10 Comments in the Conference Room
Quotes from  Michael Scott  Dwight Schrute  Creed Bratton  Pam  Random Quotes from All Seasons

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